tuna diary

Tonight’s Dinner: Poké Bowls from Pokéworks in Manhattan, NYC

Behold, the latest food trend that has traveled its way from the west coast to the east! Of course upon hearing of this, my friends and I just had to try it. To describe it simply, think of a chipotle for sushi/seafood. You could go for a bowl, burrito, or salad and then fill it with anything you want. If you like sushi then you should give this a try. I highly recommend lotus chips on top!

Eat well my friends.

Ollie

okay so apparently my gf had some family issues that she never told me about and now she just wrote it on tumblr

partly im upset for her because what shes talking about is deep shit and i wanna help, but im also upset because…idk she could have told me??? idk maybe i have some misconception about this kind of things but arent partners supposed to share these things? or does she not trust me enough?

maybe its my fault for spilling all my secrets and being an open book, talking about my issues? i mean i would understand that she doesnt want to talk about it, but she just always writes it on tumblr and i dont want to find out about her personal life after she posts it on her blog

idk im probably being too attached and possesive but still i wish i would now sooner, especially because she hinted something like that a long time ago, way back before we started dating (same like her self-harm problem) but since then never mentioned anything, and just wrote it on tumblr later

way to drop the bomb dear

so yeah i finally got some days off that sync up with my gf‘s days off and i wanted to go visit her but she says she will come to my place instead bcs she doesnt want to be home with her father. i respect that, her dad is not the most pleasant person on earth, probably has a drinking problem and apparently doesnt like people staying over

except i dont think i have it in me to spend a few whole days with my roommate. we may have exiled him to the next room but the walls only dampen so much noise, and to make it a little bearable the door must be closed at all times

which means (beside the fact i cant really interact with my cat as much asi want to) its awfully cold in here, because the heater in this room doesnt work and our building is old and not isolated, not to mention my part of the room has two outside walls

i dont really know what to do, it makes me feel like shit but idk its too much just thinking about it makes me feel like hurting myself or something i dont know i dont want this but i dont want to be a dick about it either i mean if i can live with him for so long whats one more weekend right

except i would kill for a weekend without him, which is impossible, he brought his sewing machine here so he never leaves, even now as im writing it-at three am-hes up and talking to his friends on skype, and hes loud too idk this all makes me see red, but being angry is tiring, so in the end im just sad and exhausted

he made me hate my days off, always being there, i cant really do anything since hes present most of the time, being loud and annoying and everything, why cant he just leave me alone or at least shut the fuck up for a while

im getting desperate, i mean hes going to leave soon (whether he wants to or not) but its too far away still just ugh

but i dont think my gf gets it, she thinks hes annoying and stupid but she doesnt understand the dread of being with him all the time, months, sometimes days in a row just why. i want to scream loud enough to only hear myself and not him

im done now

its the roommate thing again. like wow i dont actually want to be mean to him or anything, but the way he acts is just insufferable. does he really think that the fact he pays the rent (sometimes?) is enough to give him the right to act as he pleases and annoy everyone around here, my cat included?

like he brought nothing into the flat, the only exception being cloth!!! wardrobes. which the cat immediately tore apart (you can say all you want but i told him that if he wants to bring furniture, it should be wooden or it will get ruined. fucking. idiot.) and probably some chopsticks and a knife and fork. all.

and yet he cant even wash the fucking dishes. does he even realize that most of the things in this flat belong actually to me because they’re from my old room or, were kindly bought by my financially slightly more secure parents??? he uses everything as if it belongs to him, but he does absolutely nothing. i buy cleaning supplies. i buy cat food. i buy food even for him. i do the cleaning. i wash clothes. my roommate who also brought some stuff also does chores. we both have jobs that take up most of our time. he goes to school just a few times a week and he does absolutely nothing while we run around and try to keep this place at least a little functional

the day they brought new boiler? it was me and my roomate (also a girl) who brought that monster up to the fourth floor (no elevator, of course). washing machine? i and the delivery guy carried it just the same.

im not even talking about the fact he forced himself into our room, he was supposed to stay in the other, but no, he has to sleep here. he also tends to lounge on my bed as he pleases, bothers me all the time, and im not even talking about the disgusting sounds and noises he keeps making

and he thinks that when me and my roomate move to another flat (if that happens), he’s gonna come with us. that arrogance is ridiculous. and the best thing yet is that he knows he’s annoying and that we’re really bothered by his sole presence, yet, he does absolutely nothing to improve the situation. im really fucking pissed.

honestly, i need my calm. i guess that one day ill just snap and yell all these things to his fucking face, because i cant take this much longer.

okay so. im really getting fucking angry with the way things are now.

first, the owner of the flat we are currently renting. he rented us the flat, knowing the gas powered devices were old, not cleaned or revised (they should be once per year at least and according to the technicians it’s never been done in the past eight years), and now we had to get them all repaired plus, one has to be replaced completely as it is beyond repair, or the repair would probably cost as much as the new device.

second. my flatmate is a fucking idiot. he is so annoying and childlish and idk if he could just stop being loud all the time, that would be great. like, is that so hard for him to understand that i dont, in fact, care about his problems that are his fault only, nor do i want to listen to his stupid shit after ten hours of hard work. also he came in here knowing we had a cat. and now he’s surprised with how annoying the cat is, well. your problem you fucking idiot, nobody wanted you here anyways, you just pushed yourself in. (and ok that is my fault, i should have never allowed this to happen.). also using headphones would be a really great idea when someone is in the flat u know goddamit.

im fucking sick of this, i just want a decent flat, and possibly, normal roommates. well, i wanna live with my gf, but since she’s studying and living in another city, it’s not gonna work for a while. hhh. 

like alone these things probably wouldnt be all that bad, but combined, along with how short on staff we are at work and my ten hour and possibly longer shifts, it’s killing me.

yet again im finding out shes not well from tumblr like???

she left a few hours ago and already this? like yeah i know i write all my feelings here instead of talking about it, but then again, this is mostly unimportant stuff plus nobody knows about it, its more like a diary than telling people

but she always writes it on her tumblr and idk how to feel about it, shell rather tell a hundred people instead of talking to me about her problems

it hurts a lot but i dont even mind im just worried

my problem is that whenever i dont like something i just have to express it somehow instead of keeping my mouth shut and bearing with it, but whenever i say or do something, it comes out rude and hurtful and in the end she ends up sad and im just here like nono i didnt mean it like that and im sad and also angry at myself why and idk i just feel so in love but also not good enough for that why is this

so apparently my gf had some troubles at work, broke down and cut herself and idk what im supposed to do i mean not so long ago i used to do the same every day so i kind of understand but on the other hand i dont want her to hurt herself, or hurt at all but idk how to show support even though ive been there too

i dont even know how to approach her about that uh well im gonna see her soon so maybe we can talk about it but knowing me ill fuck up even more

i guess im an even shittier partner than i thought…well…c:

there is a dilemma when i dont know whether im being too pushy or rightfully sad like sometimes my gf acts like im not even an option like yeah i know i cant fill all blanks in her life but i want to and it hurts so much when she doesn’t even consider me

i know it might also be my fault for not writing first for not saying something but i thought she was at work and turns out she probably wasn’t and idk it’s so weird why do i have to fuck up so badly everytime

btw i have a hard time saying things like this on my main blog like not even being specific just generally saying im bothered since first shed probably react and id have to explain and also i would feel bad since ive been so much much worse just a few months ago it feels like nothing compared to that

hhhh ive just come back from a nightshift that i had with the woman that doesn’t like me and man it was terrible…could have been worse, but honestly i feel so done now i want to quit just so that i wouldnt have to see her again uh

but since shes above me i cant do anything but endure whatever shit she throws at me :/

and i cant even tell her how i feel bcs she’d feel bad for me feeling bad because i cant do anything why is this so complicated omg c:

its bad tho since she really helped me get better she keeps me motivated i have something to look forward to and i feel really terrible for not being able to do the same for her

today i cried at work, like during my break and afterwards and i had to hold back tears almost half of the time

first of all, the one woman, that is coincidentally my trainer seems to really dislike me, she’s rude to me sometimes and even seems to mess up my work on purpose so that id have to redo it

and the worse part, i should have had a regular shift, but apparently they didnt think so, and they had me stay for ten hours instead of eight fifteen, and when i asked them (because in the paper for employees where the shifts are written, there was a regular shift, but they had-in their papers only they have in their office-a ten hours long shift), the manager told me she didn’t write it and that i should ask the girl that has- except she wasnt at work at all, and the manager of the shift simply didn’t even bother to look if there wasnt some kind of scheduling error like zero fucks given. and then she went home. wow, great.

i told some other people, but nobody even tried to help me, not even with and advice. wow great. and this was already the second time they changed my shift time without even telling me. once more and im gonna search for something new, im not gonna let them mess with me like this. hell, i might start searching now, maybe ill find something where they treat their employees as people :/

i really like my job so far, even though many people would deem it shitty, it’s good for me and i want to keep it

what i dislike though is that i often get scolded for not keeping certain rules (dont get me wrong, im well aware that im not doing things exactly as they should be but-)while everyone else does it just the same way, even my ‘superiors’. sometimes, i just want to tell them that me being alone in there most of the time is also not according to the rules-because whenever i do something slightly differently, it’s to make it easier because it would be impossible to do it right with no one to help. /and im not even talking about the things nobody told me about that i still get scolded for even though i couldnt know/

i cant wait to finish my training and stop having to listen to their bullshit this is really annoying sometimes

i feel so much better already and i have been working till just an hour ago, and with people too, and i havent even slept properly yet

i wonder why i was so devastated at home, i love that place i dont want to be afraid of going there