tumescent

A radical DC Rebirth endgame theory

So while I’d personally rather take things in a different direction, it’s pretty clear that some manner of final showdown is coming between the heroes of the DC Universe and Dr. Manhattan. And while his power is considerable, one would have to imagine the collective might of the entire DCU would be able to rout him. They can, y’know, punch him and laser-blast him until he stops doing evil. That tends to work out pretty well for them.

So how? How will that final fight work? What does even Dr. Manhattan have that could possibly stand up to the collective might of the DC Universe - 52 of it, in the likely event this turns into a multiversal Crisis? For that matter, how could he have wreaked such havoc on the DCU in the first place? How were the Spectre, the Monitors, the angels of the Pax Dei, the imps of the fifth dimension, all those beings of unbridled cosmic power unable to stop him, when it was clear even back in Watchmen that there were some hard limits to his abilities? What does he have that they don’t?

Funny you should ask.

Dr. Manhattan has a penis. And that makes him unstoppable.

After all, no one can actually appear on-panel to stop him. The all-ages, hilariously mischievous Mxyzptlk show up in the same comic as a naked man, even to save the DC Universe? Not gonna happen. Unless it’s in a Young Animal joint where you can swear in front of him without repercussions, no plan on Batman’s part is going to be able to do anything when he can’t reach the threat: sure, the Comedian too could easily banish Bruce Wayne from his presence by saying “fuck”, but the very existence of a glowing blue dick is Kryptonite to the sheer concept of corporate-mandated superhero comics. Oh, you thought Jon Osterman walked about in the nude because he needed no protection from the elements and had grown beyond human social conventions, but he’s always been able to see the future. He knew this day was coming, and set the continuity wheels in motion within the safe confines of a stand-alone mature readers project, ensuring a bulletproof shield once he set foot in the DCU proper. Why do you think he hasn’t shown up yet? He may have restructured the entirety of reality, but he’s saving his real trump card for the final act.

Imagine it: the final curtain is falling on reality as we know it, as Manhattan unleashes his ultimate scheme to annihilate love and faith and hope and all that jazz, and the Justice League and company are there to stop it, but there’s nothing they can do! The best they can handle is being seen with him for moments at a time when he’s in the foreground facing them and can only pull off a butt-shot, but even that’s leaving them in agonizing pain. We hit the point where it’s like the end of Animal Man as the heroes realize the presence of the panel borders separating them from their foe; only Batman can even be heard by their enemy through the conceptual gap, but his words fall on deaf ears. As Manhattan tinkers with the doomsday weapon in the panel on the right, the heroes pound away at the edges of the panel on the left, attempting to break through to save the world, but not even their combined strength is enough: Superman can no more appear on-panel with a tumescent neon cock than I could beat the sky to death with my bare hands. 80 years of content control and mass media franchising stay their hands. Who - who?! - can save the day now?

The boys and girls of Vertigo and Wildstorm, that’s who can save the day! John Constantine! The WildC.A.T.s! Swamp Thing! The Authority! Animal Man, except as a cult leader or something! Mr. Majestic! Kid Eternity, Gen13, Black Orchid, Voodoo, Timothy Hunter and Grifter! Pandora’s desperate plan to unite them with the mainstream DC Universe yields fruit at last, for only they, with both powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men AND permission to cuss and screw, can confront the destroyer of heroes on his own terms! So, at last unleashed, utilizing every ounce of prestige-format power and narrative sophistication at their fingertips, they punch him and laser-blast him until he stops doing evil. And then Midnighter kicks Dr. Manhattan’s head off and says something fucking awesome, and Midnighter and Apollo under Steve Orlando and company rightly gets a 50-issue run. Truly, as their friend Jenny might say, a finer world.

Through a Glass, Darkly.

ShuAke one-shot. Dissociation, touch-starved angst. Or, Akechi’s sitting in Leblanc and Akira notices something’s wrong.

Because apparently the only way I can write something is if I have a mini nervous breakdown beforehand.


“You don’t look so good. How’re you feeling?”

Akechi watches his hand lower his coffee cup back to its saucer. The resulting sound is delicate, gentle, like stepping on a piece of glass and dragging it across concrete. He stays silent, but there are words in his head, words and words, fragments of larger thoughts he has to tear out of the heap to make any sense of.

Keep reading

6

[previous]

Abiding by Roy’s instructions, Douglas drove home from the airport without saying a single word. It was nearly 11 pm when they arrived, and no lights were on inside the house. Douglas parked the car and went inside still without saying anything, leaving Roy on the porch to fend off Honey and Pepper, with no idea where he was supposed to be sleeping. He gave Doug’s retreating back the finger then grabbed a beer from the kitchen. There was a packet of cigarettes on the benchtop and after he’d finished his beer he took one and smoked it by the pool, the smell of chlorine mingling in the breeze with the scents of hay and manure and freshly mown grass. By the time he took his last drag he’d decided to crash in the guest house. The doors were locked but it wasn’t too much trouble to prise open a window and slither through. He stood up and found a light switch and looked around, pleased with himself. The guest house was where he used to enjoy trysts as a 16 year old with their nubile, 23 year old, big-breasted housekeeper Saoirse, until Bunty found out and sent Saoirse home in disgrace. For a few gloriously tumescent seconds he was transported back to those miraculous, lust-filled yet strangely innocent times, until his gaze landed on a heart-shaped locket on top of the mini-fridge. He recognised it as belonging to Georgina, and quickly crossed the room to open the bedroom door. The bed was empty, thank Christ, which meant Georgina must have left the necklace behind the last time she stayed here. Which probably would have been the time he nearly caught her with Joël. Suddenly he had no desire to sleep in that bed at all, and his bad mood had returned even darker than before. He spent an uncomfortable night curled up on the very small, dog-hair covered couch.

4

Okay as idk how to use this sh*t…let’s try it for the first time…

Look at JK lips on the first pic, and then at the second, a non smile too…
The upper lip is totally tumescent and red, the down lip is swollen and pouty, and it tends to happen whenever you kiss…or when you are allergic to anything…but as we know till now, JK is not allergic to Jimin…I mean…any food…

The same goes to JM his lips are swollen and in a dark red(probably bites), different from the one that he’s on the helicopter. And to those who may say “it’s his lipstick/lip balm/whatever’s” look the third one…there he is using something on his lips…(how do you know?We all know how the boys always are with a lip balm in hand, those shining glow lips are not that pretty out of miracle only)
You don’t need to believe me…just take your own conclusion…

6

Sterek Romantic Comedy Fic Recs

Disclaimer: My edits only, none of these amazing stories belong to me.

(click for full size)

Easy Alpha by interropunct (4k)

Wherein, Derek Hale is the high school hussy, Jackson and Scott really need to learn to use their inside voices. And, contrary to popular belief, everyone is still a virgin.

He’s Just Knot That Into You by aggybird (3k)

Stiles doesn’t have much luck finding Mr. Right, and Derek the bartender hears all about it.

I See Your Face Before Me by jezziejay (9k)

While Stiles was studying in New York, Scott moved to LA and found a new co-bestie. Stiles can’t wait to meet him. The feeling, however, is far from mutual.

tumescent by kellifer_fic (9k)

“I would have to want to date Derek for your plan to work,” Stiles points out, secure in the knowledge that his logic is infallible and yes, he’s had a pointless and soul-destroying crush on Derek for as long as he can remember but nobody knows that.

Seriously, it’s like you’re photoshopped. by nevermetawolf (8k)

“Oh my god,” Stiles squeaks out again, “You’re unbelievable." 

Hot Bar Guy bobs his head agreeably. "I’ve been told that before, though usually people are more out of breath and less clothed when they say it.”

We Pick Ourselves Undone by themistymountainsong (24k)

Derek Hale has been cursed with a wolf-like face since birth, which he can only be cured of by marrying a fellow high-society blue blood. Derek has little hope of ever finding someone who he can stand, or who can stand his face, until he meets Stiles, and his carefully-maintainted isolation is completely upset.

Me vero primum dulces ante omnia Musae,
quarum sacra fero ingenti percussus amore,
accipiant caelique vias et sidera monstrent,
defectus solis varios lunaeque labores;
unde tremor terris, qua vi maria alta tumescant
obicibus ruptis rursusque in se ipsa residant,
quid tantum Oceano properent se tinguere soles
hiberni, vel quae tardis mora noctibus obstet.
Sin, has ne possim naturae accedere partis,
frigidus obstiterit circum praecordia sanguis:
rura mihi et rigui placeant in vallibus amnes,
flumina amem silvasque inglorius.
-
Me first, truly, may the Muses, sweet before all things,
whose sacraments I bear, by boundless love transfixed,
accept, and instruct in the paths of sky and stars,
eclipses of the sun and changing labors of the moon;
from where lands tremble, by which force deep seas swell,
their bars broken, and settle back against themselves,
why winter suns hurry so to tinge themselves with Ocean,
or what hindrance slows late nights.
But if from nearing these realms of nature
the chilly blood around my breast prevents,
may the countryside gladden me, and streams in valleys brimming,
may I love rivers and woods, inglorious.
—  Vergil, Georgics 2.475-86
Ugly

Exists
under the skin

in the blood flow
of the tumescent

have you washed
your feet, dear?

god is watching
the tides crash
against a window
sewn to its bones
in cancer –

ugly sits with its legs
crossed taunting the devil
with piety

selling the womb
to vagrants painting
the walls of her chapel
the color of her mother’s
hands.

anonymous asked:

Hi.. Any movie au + abo?

What a great idea! I can’t wait to read some of these. - Anastasia

Originally posted by retropopcult

Curly Top by themagnificent_ME

(2/? I 2,476 I Not Rated I Sterek I Curly Top)

When omega Stiles Stilinski’s parents die in a car crash, and the state takes away his younger brother, Isaac. Stiles is willing to do anything to stay with him. Including working as a drudge at the orphanage. Until one day a wealthy benefactor adopts both Isaac and him. Now he finds himself living under the care of their mysterious benefactors attorney, one Alpha Derek Hale and his uncle another Alpha, Peter Hale.

Safe Haven by FanGirl18

(1/1 I 6,104 I Mature I Sterek I Safe Haven)

Stiles is running from his abusive ex-boyfriend back home to his father with his new best friend Cora. What did Scott do to make Stiles hate him? Will Stiles open himself up to the equally damaged Derek? Will he find love? 

The lost city by UrbaneSunset

(2/? I 8,466 I General I Sterek I Atlantis)

Stiles is a lonely Omega who had dedicated his life to proving his late grandpa right. When the mysterious Mr. Parrish offers him just that, Stiles jumps at the chance. Who knows what he’ll find.

tumescent by kellifer_fic

(1/1 I 9,316 I Teen I Sterek I 10 Things I Hate About You)

“I would have to want to date Derek for your plan to work,” Stiles points out, secure in the knowledge that his logic is infallible and yes, he’s had a pointless and soul-destroying crush on Derek for as long as he can remember but nobody knows that.

Waterworld by SuperfluousEmi, Winchesterek

(2/? I 10,952 I Explicit I Sterek I Waterworld)

In the future, the polar ice caps have melted and covered the earth with water. Dry land is a myth that people tell their children about when they put them to sleep. People live on floating communities called atolls and merchant ships.

Over centuries, mutations have evolved from the human race to allow for their survival in this post-apocalyptic world. Stiles is a mutation, an omega, living in this world. But Stiles has a secret. He knows where dry land is. Or, at least, he might know where dry land is. He’s not sure if it’s real, but he knows that’s where he comes from and that his father is supposed to be there waiting for him. And he has a map that’s supposed to tell him exactly where it is.

Enter Derek Hale, an Alpha mutation that has adapted to life fully on the water.

Stiles and Derek set out on a lifetime journey to find mythical dry land and dammit, Stiles can’t help but be attracted to Derek and his intoxicating scent.

An Alpha Worth Fighting For by amazingpages

(3/? I 15,940 I Teen I Sterek I Mulan)

After totally screwing up in his mating ceremony, Stiles thinks finding a mate is the worst of his problems. As the Stilinski omega, it is his duty to carry on their bloodline, no matter how much he rebels against societal conventions and pack norms. But as news of the Alpha Pack invading California spreads, secrets and problems from the past begin to resurface, causing chaos within the districts. Stiles’ troubles increase ten-fold when his father enlists to fight, despite his injured heart. So, Stiles decides to take matters into his own hands and take his father’s place. By joining the war, he’ll prove to his father and everyone else that omegas are useful for more than just mating and breeding. It’s the perfect plan.

Something in my heart told me I must have you by bohemian

(14/14 I 20,893 I Teen I Sterek I Breakfast at Tiffany’s)

Stiles is the omega never meant to be caged.

Derek loved him when he kept playing the same song in his guitar, loved him when he was another alpha’s mate, loved him when he abandoned his life over and over again, and loved him when he tried to abandon the alpha as well.

To See With Eyes Unclouded by mikkimouse

(17/17 I 47,770 I Explicit I Sterek I Princess Mononoke)

Cursed by a dying god, Derek seeks help from the great wolf Satomi. She lifts the curse with a Bite, but Derek can never leave the forest, lest the curse return.

Taken in by Satomi’s small pack, Derek finds himself learning more about the forest and navigating an antagonistic relationship with Stiles, Satomi’s only human child.

But darkness encroaches at their borders as the humans of Irontown delve deeper into the forest in their quest for iron, and the bad blood between the wolves and the humans threatens to breach the point of no return.

And Derek may well be the only one who can pull them back from the brink.

Sink My Teeth Into You by groffiction

(25/? I 69,393 I Explicit I Sterek I Cutting Edge)

Derek Hale is one of the sexiest Alpha’s to be in the Werewolf Olympics, held every four years. Unfortunately after this last Olympics, getting only the silver medal, his partner bails on him. In need of a partner, and being a total stubborn Sourwolf about the whole prospect, his coach and uncle, Peter Hale decides to go in search of one by himself. He finds Stiles Stilinski, an Omega who just so happens to work as a Stripper at one of the best gay bars around town and gives the boy an offer he can’t refuse. Peter figures that the mouthy exotic dancer would be good for his nephew. However, what he didn’t intend were for both of the wolves to not only start hating eachother, but to also have enough sexual tension in their ire to melt the whole planet’s ice rinks.

War Crimes by loserchic

(69/69 I 81,240 I Mature I Sterek I GI Jane)

In a fantastical military state, Stiles, an orphaned nobody, street smart omega was rescued as a child by war hero alpha, Commander Derek Hale. Six years later, Stiles still maintains an obsession with taking care of himself and a blatant mistrust of alphas. Stiles becomes the first omega to be accepted into elite training with the Black Wolves, the military’s special operations force. Derek has always intended to mate with Stiles and is furious at the idea of him entering training. However, Stiles’ guardians only agree to allow Derek to mate with Stiles if he allows Stiles to attempt Black Wolves’ training. Derek becomes Stiles’ commanding officer and the war between them begins. Also a lot of fraternization.

for everyone following my quest to write the most dickjoke of literary analyses on a poem about a rooster, I’m done! the final paper, appropriately named ‘glorifying the cock: innuendo and male pride’ is three pages long and includes (but is not limited to) the following phrases:

  • despite the suspicions aroused by the title
  • the poem’s most effective tool
  • serves to rhythmically thrust the subject
  • the author clearly had a firm grasp of innuendo
  • the poet, a master bait-and-switcher, erects a facade
  • the tumescence of his prose
  • he works long and hard to associate his cock with…
  • the cherry on top is the climax of the poem
  • would meet stiff resistance

thank you for coming with me on this magical journey

anonymous asked:

How do you think that keith is in bed like apart from amazing

So Keith is (mostly) described as a great lover, even by himself (rat lol).

“Mick Jagger was quite sexy. But Keith Richards was even better. He was my best lover. He knows women and he knows exactly what they want.”
-Uschi Obermaier

“The best night of my life? The one I spent with Keith Richards. Even now it just stands out.”
-Marianne Faithfull

“If you’re gonna be a band, you can’t sit in the studio the whole time… I’d like to do more the only thing I can do really well, apart from screwing.”
-Keith

So it does look like he knows a thing or two about fucking…
It is said that Keith is extremely good with his fingers and mouth. A groupie in 1966 described Keith as ‘shy and a lovable guy’, who also happened to be one of the greatest bed artists of all time: ‘That tongue!’
Also the lyrics of his song “Coming Down Again” ruin ovaries. “Slipped my tongue into someone else’s pie / tasting better every time”
Yes daddy😪
And Keith is a guitarist and he also plays bass, so I think it’s safe to presume that his he is VERY skilled at fingering as well. Fuck💦💦😩

There is plenty of evidence that the rat actually knows the anatomy of women very well and he knows how to satisfy their every need, like a certain song suggests.

“Mick is the most charming man in the world, but Keith is the better lover. He just knows the anatomy of women…”
-Uschi Obermaier (aka Our Lord and Saviour)

“The same guys (guys who don’t respect women) they never seem to learn anything about women. Y'know, they’d be hard pushed to tell you where the clitoris is. Now if a guy doesn’t know where that is situated, then he’s got a big problem ‘cos he ain’t gonna satisfy any woman. (…) I’m not going to spend my time drawing maps for guys who haven’t learned to find their way around. All I can say is that I haven’t had any complaints. I never left a woman feeling pissed off. I never had any woman chase me and tell me I’d let her down. There’s an art to that and it’s an art that has to be learned.”
-Keith

Looks like he doesn’t leave women unsatisfied..
So he’s excellent with his fingers and tongue, and he can actually find the clit! Not a bad combination, huh ;)
I’ll leave the rest to your imagination..

“But, y'know, some guys don’t want to go all night. They’re happy with something a little quicker. As for myself, I’ll keep going until I run out of steam.”
-Keith

Although he probably likes to quickly fuck a groupie backstage like any other rock star, it would appear that Keith could keep fucking you for a good long while. Let’s not forget he literally fucked Uschi so fucking hard she accidentally ripped off his earring. And it is said that they spent several days in bed just fucking and stuff.. Wow😳

When we start talking about BDSM or dominace/submission things or whatever, it’s quite unclear that does Keith prefer to be top or bottom.

“‘She’s in bed with a chick,’ he told Keith.
‘Don’t worry man,’ Keith guffawed. ‘Anita’s been like that for years. You want to get in there with them and teach ‘em a lesson’”

-Up and Down with the Rolling Stones

“Like we got into trouble over the posters for the Black And Blue album - with all these chicks tied up. Well, I know a lot of chicks who like to be tied up.”
-Keith

So it seems that Keith does have some dominant tendecies. So if you want Keith to discipline you or “teach you a lesson” you might want to fool around with another lady. It would also appear that he’s down for tieing you up😋
We also know that Anita had whips that she used on Brian. Mmmhhh maye she used them on Keith too..😈
Who knows ;)
So after all Keith’s preferences are kind of a mystery. We can assume that he swings both ways. Early 60s Keith is a pure and innocent mouse that is probably very easily dominated, but in 68 something happened and he turned daddy, so he might have started to act that way and start having his way with all these girls that wanted him…😪 and in his True Daddy™ era in the 80s he looks like he could just pin you against a wall and ruin you :/

“I don’t think anybody realized it, because Bill Wyman usually grabbed the honors in this department, but Keith was the member of the Rolling Stones who was particularly well endowed. He was impressive to say the least. Oh my God! He had a hard-on parallel to his knee for a solid twenty minutes. (…)
“Many men are incapable of achieving even the slightest tumescence under the influence of drugs – that’s one of its many curses. Keith clearly had no such problems.”

-Bebe Buell

Clearly Had No Such Problems. And yes, it would appear that Keith’s manhood is quite impressive. In 1972 he wore those fucking jeans all the time that showed the outline on his dick and it looks very nice indeed😍😩 And we have been blessed with many photos where you can see his bulge and there are even some pictures where you can actually see his cock.😛 So he could fuck you hard with his big cock or make you gag on it tbh 💦

“I’ve never been able to go to bed with a woman just for sex. I’ve no interest in that. I want to hug you and kiss you and make you feel good and protect you. And get a nice note the next day, stay in touch.“
-Keith

Keith is also said to be extremly romantic and he has many times said that sometimes he goes to bed with a woman just to cuddle with her awwwwwwww *needs a moment*
So he can be very gentle and sweet.
Also a girl who slept with him in the sixties that after they spent the night together, in the morning he cooked for her and played her a guitar :3 she didn’t forget to mention that he was a great fuck :3

“Are you kidding, man? I’m a fucking expert when it comes to wanking. Bloody hell. Quick ones. Slow ones. In-between ones.”
-Keith Richards, world champion in wanking 1955-1963

So if I took that correctly, he might actually wank in-between you fucking. Why is that hot. And I’m sure since he’s such a wanker, he’d gladly jerk off to you masturbating :/

There is no direct evidence that Keith is into kn*feplay, but this nerd has such a kinfe fetish not to mention his fucking knife collection. And according to Pamela Des Barres Keith had tied a switchblade with a leatherband to the neck of a groupie named Flo. No offense but I bet my ass that the rat is into knifeplay. I could see him gliding a knife across a girl’s chest and cutting her strings with it… Hot
(Also I should mention that he also loves dem shooters. Maybe into gunplay as well😈)

“Oh, I do like the odd fetish. Lingerie is particularly nice to look at. It’s even nicer to take off. I can’t say the same for my own lingerie. But a chick’s stuff - that’s made to be taken off. It’s part of the courting dance.”
-Keith

So yeah, if you wanna get Keith really hard you should wear a sexy lingerie and he’ll probably be dying to tear it off you💦 tbh he always said that in the early sixties girls threw their panties at him and that he kept them all. And he was such a wanker.. Mmmmh I wonder what he did with them👀

And also let’s not forget that he probably enjoys biting. Everybody knows the pic Andy Warhol took of him, where he is biting a chick. So he might leave your thighs and neck full of bitemarks ;)

Also if we think about his physical qualities, he is kinda a skinny rat (which I find attractive???fight me?) but you can see that he’s fucking strong. His fucking shoulder and back muscles god… Those are made to pin you down of hold your hands above your head💦😛 and in the (daddy) 80s he started working out and his hands were like muscular af so he could slap your face hard (if you are into that idk). Also his tummy is hot. I just had to mention that. And don’t forget his guitarist fingers!!!!

So we might come to a conclusion that Keith is a blast in bed. And he seems very considerate on what you want to do. He can cuddle and make sweet love to you just as he can treat you like a whore and make you choke on his big cock. I also bet he could keep you on the edge of cumming for hours with his tongue and fingers… Yeah I’ll stop *blushes*

Updated the high school fic list ‘cause high school au’s are the best! I know I say this a lot but 'Fly a Little Faster’ is AMAZING. If you haven’t checked it out. Go. Now. Also I think a mountain to climb should be on this list but… I haven’t finished it yet. Anyways, happy reading!

A Thousand Fiery Suns of Angst - Just Press Play | 20,934

All Stiles wants from life is to learn to control his magic, keep his grades up, and not die horribly while saving Beacon Hills from supernatural threats. It’s all going pretty well until Derek Hale, werewolf extraordinaire, has to go and ask him on a date. That asshole.

Accidentally in Love | 9,351

Derek has spent his summer vacation crushing on the Sheriff’s son Stiles Stilinski, mostly from afar, but then when school starts suddenly Stiles is sitting next to him in Chemistry and inviting him around to his place after school.

Derek’s not sure what gives but he’s certain that Laura’s behind it.

Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon | 21,317

Being a teenager sucks. Being a werewolf teenager sucks even more. With a life full of holding back who he really is, not having any privacy whatsoever, and the seemingly sudden appearance of one Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale’s life just got a whole lot harder.

Binomial Coefficients | 20,783 | ♡ |

In which brainy freshman Stiles Stilinski wants star quarterback Derek Hale to join the math team, AKA math nerds in love.

But Then What… | 24,343

Senior year is almost over, and all Stiles needs to do is keep his head down to survive. A teacher calls in a favor, leaving him stuck tutoring Derek Hale, one of the most popular jocks in school and a member of a group of douchecanoes who have bullied Stiles for years. He’s someone Stiles totally hates. Totally. Like, doesn’t like him even a little bit. DEFINITELY isn’t attracted to him.

Except that is a total lie. Fuck his life, seriously.

C'mon Now Sugar | 39,983

Stiles helps his father out with his private investigation agency while trying to survive high school. But when murders that might be connected to the death of his best friend Laura start occurring, he is forced to team up with her brother Derek to get to the bottom of it.

Driver’s Education | 9,220

This is the moment he realizes he can never have Derek Hale – that he was stupid to ever think he could. Maybe their moms made them hang out when they were little and maybe they’ve managed to get along these past few weeks, but they’re too different. Derek’s cool, he plays a million sports, he drives a Camaro, he’s friends with Jackson. Stiles doesn’t fit into the equation and he never will.

Dude, Werewolves | 29,623

Stiles gets partnered with Cora for a history project, and they become bros. Also, he kind of falls in love with her older brother, Derek.

Easy Alpha | 4,602

Easy A/Teen Wolf AU. Wherein, Derek Hale is the high school slut, Jackson and Scott really need to learn to use their inside voices. And, contrary to popular belief, everyone is still a virgin.

Fly a Little Faster | 32,052 | ♡ ♡ |

Everyone knows when you go back in time, you shouldn’t step on an ant, just in case you accidentally kill your own grandparent or something. But what happens when you go back in time and, uh, accidentally interrupt the one event that apparently made the Grumpiest Alpha in Town into a ball of mindless manpain?

Well, if Marty McFly can do it, so can Stiles Stilinski. All he has to do is get Derek and Paige to fall in love before he gets pulled back to his own time. And before he makes anything worse. That’s easy as pie, right? Right?

Have My Heart | 3,278

Whatever Laura says, Derek doesn’t stalk Stiles. He doesn’t. Yes, his sketchbook might contain studies of Stiles’ hands, the subtle muscle definition in his forearms, but that means nothing; he’s good at art, it’s life drawing, nothing else.

I Hate Dates | 4,366

Stiles just wants to ask Derek to the Valentine’s Day dance. Is that so much ask? Apparently, it is.

I stopped believing in happy endings | 6,667

Derek was prepared to have his heart broken for just one evening with Stiles. He knew what he was getting himself into

(He had no idea what he was getting himself into)

If you asked me if I love him, I’d lie | 37,306

Derek has already typed the entire report out and even got all of the stuff prepared for the poster that Stiles and him will have to present. Derek found that he actually didn’t mind doing all the work when it was Stiles he was doing it for, but he wasn’t going to let Stiles get away completely. He was going to get Stiles to come over and help with the poster, so help him god.

In My Veins | 37,759

It is the beginning of his Senior Year and Derek is so ready for High School to just end already so he can get out of the stifling town. But his new fascination with one Stiles Stilinski makes him rethink everything about his perfect life. The Hale family are total meddlers in said fascination and Stiles flails quite a lot.

It’s Always Been You, Dumbass | 11,028 | ♡ |

“Alright, cool, we should go,” Stiles says breezily, dusting off his hands as he stands.

“We should?”

“Yeah!”

“But… Do you even care about photography?”

“Not as much as I should,” Stiles plants both his hands on the table, bracketing Derek in, “You’ll have to correct my miscreant ways.”

it’s gonna take a superman | 14,184

Derek figured the Children of Villains support group would at least be full of outcasts like him. How wrong could he be?

John Hughes Did Not Direct My Life | 48,666

Stiles and Derek are childhood friends who drifted apart. When Stiles joins the lacrosse team against his will, the universe (with a little help from Laura and Lydia) chooses to push them back together.

Moved on from Whispers | 5,346 | ♡ |

He’s not dumb. Out of everyone in the school, Derek is second in grades only to Lydia Martin, and the only reason Stiles is third is because he’s taking more APs than Derek, so his grades are suffering the slightest bit. That’s why Derek knows, when Stiles arches an eyebrow at him, why what he said was so incredibly dumb.

Stiles didn’t break into Lydia Martin’s upstairs bathroom to take a piss. He broke into Lydia Martin’s upstairs bathroom while Derek was in it, because—because of reasons.

Multidisciplinary Studies | 37,578 | WIP | ♡ |

Stiles is a slightly-older-and-very-sexy librarian and Derek has a thirst for knowledge.

Noteworthy Observations | 3,776

In which Derek recieves complimentary notes in his locker from a secret admirer, and though it turns out they weren’t actually for him, things turn out pretty well in the end.

Of Witches and Werewolves | 3,718

“I need you to have sex with Derek Hale like yesterday,” Lydia says, slamming her bag down on the table with more force than strictly necessary, mouth a tight line of displeasure. Stiles chokes on his boxed apple juice, sputtering, limbs flailing.

“Say it louder,” Stiles hisses, leaning forward so they can talk in low tones. “I don’t think they heard you in the back.”

seems to me it’s chemistry | 4,153

Awkward Nerd Derek has been crushing on Handsome Jock Stiles since forever—so getting paired with him on a Chemistry project is definitely the best/worst thing that’s ever happened to him.

So Shed Your Skin and Lets Get Started | 21,801

He’s sixteen and in the woods on the wrong side of the town-line and he’s so fucking fucked.

He knows he’s not supposed to run, they teach that to you in preschool (don’t run from a Were, back away slowly and walk with care), but they never told you how it would feel, standing alone in the dark with your heart beating in your throat as those glowing eyes tracked you from the shadows.

The Lawn Ranger | 33,496

In which Derek is an adolescent werewolf with a penchant for chocolate bunnies, and instead of the dream summer of lazing around the house playing video games and nibbling on his hoarded supply of easter candy his mother makes him get a job.

In which Stiles is a showoff jock with a broken arm and an embarrassing crush who can no longer push the lawn mower around the yard.

the lunch table configuration | 16,667

When Isaac makes Derek switch lunch tables, the last thing Derek expected was to fall for Stiles.

The Scheming Rhymes of Romance | 23,986

A story in which Derek writes copious amounts of poetry, Stiles is very appreciative of said poetry as well as Derek’s smile, and all of their friends are oddly and extremely invested in seeing these two get their act together.

This Might Be Irony | 38,340

Stiles and Derek have been close friends since the Hale siblings moved in next door after their parents’ death. But Derek’s in the popular group, he’s a star baseball player, and he dates popular Pep Squad captain Jennifer Blake. Stiles doesn’t have any of that, just his skateboard and a hopeless crush on Derek (oh yeah, and his Vote Lydia Martin Prom Queen button). As prom and the baseball state championship grow closer, Stiles and Derek start rekindling their friendship.

And it all begins with two white boards. .

tumescent | 9,316

“I would have to want to date Derek for your plan to work,” Stiles points out, secure in the knowledge that his logic is infallible and yes, he’s had a pointless and soul- destroying crush on Derek for as long as he can remember but nobody knows that.

What I Go To School For | 5,509

Derek is having a hard time with chemistry. Stiles is one of the best students in the class.

This couldn’t possibly go wrong.

Why don’t you say so? | 8,079 | ♡ |

Talia Hale has a plan. Derek will go to the Winter Formal and he will ask the Stilinski boy to dance, and they will finally get their heads out of their asses and her son will stop moping around the house in his underwear.

Spoiler: Derek doesn’t ask Stiles to dance.

You’ve Got Notes | 14,817

Stiles Stilinski has wanted star basketball player Derek Hale forever, but what are the odds of that ever happening? A love story of letters, prom, and the healing power of milkshakes.

This has to do with coffee. 

I promise. 

Just bear with me. 

*deep breath*

I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE THAT WE ARE HAVING TO HAVE THE NATIONAL CONVERSATION THAT IS CURRENTLY HAPPENING!

Stop. Full. fucking. STOP! entertaining the notion that Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are equally noxious candidates. 

I fucking get it. Clinton doesn’t mark every box on your absurd checklist of ideological purity. She thinks every world problem has an american solution. She’s got money and she’s got friends with money. She’s an unapologetic capitalist. She’s a master at making political sausage and all the ugliness that tends to go with it. 

So fucking what? 

DONALD GODDAMNED TRUMP, Fuckface von Clownstick himself, is her opponent. This dude carries endorsements from actual nazis and the muthafuckin KKK. He’s got goddamned animatronic fuckwaffles at his rallies assaulting black people and threatening the media. 

This bloviating turd storm is threatening to jail his political rival and use the power of the government to litigate against his detractors. If he loses? The election was rigged by his crooked opponent and well, theres some second amendment solutions to that. 

This is an authoritarian wet dream.

But hey man, Clintons just as bad because she deleted emails?

Fuck you.

I aint even tryin to be polite about this anymore. If your heads were any farther up your asses, we’d need to replace your abs with a window so you could see where you were going. 

Clinton is a talented, capable, intelligent and experienced politician. She’s thoughtful and patient. And if nothing else, her emails (if you actually read them) point to a woman who genuinely cares about doing whats right for this country and its citizens. Does her vision of whats right differ from yours? Sure. But she’s provided ample evidence that she’ll listen to, consider and consult with experts when your vision and her vision come to odds. 

Trump? That tumescent, bilious vomit sack (and the people he would empower and validate should he win) poses a real and present danger to everyone in this country who isnt a white christian male. And he doesn’t fucking care. 

So spare us the goddamned pity party and/or the smug appeal to political reductionism. 

“but you said this was about coffee!”

I lied. But hey, global warming is going to destroy the coffee supply and Trump still thinks its a hoax perpetuated by the Chinese to ruin our economy. So there’s that. 

So get off your ass and vote Clinton. 

Because if you dont, when Trump has folks goose stepping on the whitehouse lawn, you dont get to a part of my super cool underground resistance movement. 

We’ll have sweet leather jackets. 

And coffee. 

[Fanfic][NSFW]How to Say Good Morning by Fey Effervesence

Fandom:  Final Fantasy XIII + Final Fantasy XV (Versus XIII)
Pairing:  Noctis x Lightning
Genre:  Romance
Warning:  N/A
Rating:  M, NSFW
Author’s Note:  This is essentially a practice piece.  It takes between chapters 13 and the upcoming chapter 14 of Chosen.  I wanted to get back into writing form so thought I’d try to quickly throw something together.  This is my first time writing a lemon for this pairing, so I guess I’ll know how it goes based on feedback.  It wouldn’t fit the thematics of the main story hence it being separate.  I may do more practice pieces, though not necessarily smut related, and I may keep these exclusive to my tumblr and deviant art pages.

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Romantic fiction

Karkri fanfic
For black-quadrant

“It swiftly becomes scintillating, the slow and sensuous slick slide of hand against flesh.”

There was something very wrong with this picture.

“Tension mounting, Hulhio straddles the tumescent member, eagerly licking his lips.”

Karkat kneaded his knuckles against his forehead, his face red and heated, and attempting to disappear into the puffy collar of his turtleneck apparently. His eyes sent endless daggers of loathing at his sardonic partner as pristine celibate lips parted to detail sordid page after page.

He had no right.

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