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I want to find more black tumblrs so please reblog and follow everyone so I can follow back and holla at y'all ✊🏾

dear girl i miss calling my own;

i am sorry for loving you so roughly
i am sorry for trying to force my heart down your throat
i am sorry for wasting tears on you for two years

you were an opportunity i snatched up
& i loved every moment
i swam in your veins & found myself locked in your chest
a minefield of what ifs & indecisiveness & fear
a crystallized museum of scars from past lovers
& future dreams washed down with salt

you were a sky full of mystic stardust &
i was a dimmed lantern trudging through winter’s harshest blizzard
you engulfed me & cradled me & built me a home in the cosmos
(of your eyes)
you gave me a purpose to breathe, to love, to feel whole
to spare my life & give it to you, so we could’ve had a happily ever after

i am sorry i was not the one for you
i am sorry that you are the one for me
i am sorry for every bad poem i’ve written about you
i am sorry for trying to heal from your knife in my stomach
i am sorry to be such an inconvenience in your life
i am sorry for not being the person of your dreams
i am sorry i smashed your chest in with my hammers
i am sorry i carved your soul into a tomb for you to die in

you were the light of my life & i was the darkness shrouding yours
our yin & yang symbol shattered when worlds collided
& everything went to hell & i screamed for you but you screamed for another
i died looking at you with someone else’s arms around your waist
i died trying to be that person
i died trying
i died

couldn’t muster up the courage to leave
so i let you love them while i loved you in the closet
watching you two make love on a Saturday night
while your annoying tv blocked the sounds of your noise
but i knew what you sounded like
and i prayed you thought of me while they were going down on you

i am sorry for thinking terrible thoughts about you
i am sorry for prying my ribs apart in your name
i am sorry for my thighs bleeding every night you stayed away
i am sorry for hurting you like you hurt me
i am sorry for entering your life

i got lost in your black hair-strands & chocolate eyes
your silky voice through the phone
your breathy moans against my ear
your skin on my skin
i miss you, i miss us, i miss who i was with you
& i’m sorry we ruined it with love

twelve step program / making amends / letter nine

“When a heart breaks, what sound does it make?”

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. There is a silence, because when a heart breaks, the person becomes the definition of emptiness. Even when their world crumbles and falls apart in their hands, it is silent. There’s a cruel realization in heartbreak, and it’s that you know you’re about to live where the sun no longer shines; where you can’t even see that your clouds have gone to grey.

—  excerpt from a book I’ll never write #41 // @loveactivist

This week’s episode in a nutshell 

‘What is it like to be in love?’

'It’s like being lost at sea for decades, when no one has come out looking for you, but suddenly someone showed up in the similar life raft as you.

And even though, you still may be lost at sea. You feel like you’ve finally come home.“

—  excerpt from a book I’ll never write #30 // @loveactivist