To the little boy who dreamed of flying away with Peter Pan, to the little girl who never failed to wish upon a star, I am sorry the world shattered those dreams and carelessly labelled them ‘growing up’ instead of comforting you. Your innocence deserved better.
It has been awhile since I spoke to a friend. I spend most days at home reading books. Just writing all my sorrows away. And it gets dull after awhile. Spending most of my time alone in the dark. Missing the feeling of what it’s like to have a social life.
But the sad thing is…. I am anxious with the slightest social interaction because I feel like I’m ugly and awkward and boring. And I use thought as an excuse for me not to participate in life because I am afraid to live.
And the truth is…. I want to die. But I am afraid of pain. And I use fear as an excuse to continue my existence because I am also afraid to die.
i crave everything about you so much. your eyes oh god. your eyes, one magical black universe full of cute little stars, make sure you don’t get lost. only i understand the meaning of its atoms. your smile, i can’t say anything more than that you could cure broken hearts with it. your voice, it’s nothing compared to that one melody of your favorite song, it makes you grow wings and let you fly away with him to a world only we know about.
can i skip life till i am finally tangled up with you in bed.
I know a secret
place that i can go
where fear cannot hide
and all of me I show
it is only here
I can reveal my blue
bring every sadness
and make in new
in this secret garden
I plant each sorrow
then water with tears
joyful blooms of tomorrow
I’ve learned something since I became acquainted with the word love.
Even if thousands of people will stab my heart, the feeling of love inside my heart will never fade. I got hurt - a lot, but love kept me alive. Even if my hopes kept going up and down, even if my life keeps on going round and round like a carousel, even if I keep on getting upset and my heart is like a broken glass, I will always choose to love. I will always follow the beat of my heart even if loving means allowing myself to get broken again. Even if loving means giving others the chance to hurt me, I will always choose to love and be loved.
Even if I’m too broken, or too damaged. Even if I’m not worthy of it, I will always believe in love. Leave first before they leave you, my thoughts taunt. I have long believed on it, that I have taken residence to the security my mind offers and hid myself there. I trapped myself in a prison I created for myself, afraid of getting hurt again. It enclosed me in darkness. But I know that there’s love. That there’s a slit of hope somewhere in between these broken pieces, that someone will love me the way I wanted to be loved.
Because love changes. It grows, it stretches, it expands. Love hurts, but love also heals. Love leaves - but it will always return. It will always find you, in places you never expect. Because underneath that shattered heart, love resides. So love. Even if it’s hard, even if it hurts. Because the moment you forget how to love, is the moment you forget how to live.