Listen, I couldn’t get this into words and this has taken me a while, but I just needed to talk about this at least this one time. I know this is long, but please take a minute of your time to read this. Thank you.
I spend way too much time in my own home, locked into my room, watching YouTube or Netflix or more commonly scrolling through my dashboard. By myself. To put it lightly, I am not a person with “a social life”. I hate crowds. I hate social events. I don’t make plans. And if I do, one of my two friends is coming round to my house, and we go online, read fics to each other or play games. That is my social life. At best, we go to the park across the road but quickly leave because somebody is there.
I do not got invited to parties, but I see the picture uploads. I do not get asked to come and stay the night but I hear about the jokes they all shared. I don’t even get asked round for dinner but I know exactly what they had to eat that night. I do not have friends.
I have Tumblr. I have YouTube. I have things, people even, that I know I can’t really see.
And I hate myself for that.
In real life, I only talk about YouTube with one person. You know why? Nobody else wants to know. I’ve had people that have straight up told me they dont care. And even the person I talk with about my passion for these things thinks that I “go too far”. Her words, not mine.
I have friends on here who, unlike so many other people, actually care. Who talk to me, and not because they were crammed into the same classroom as me. Becuase they want to know how I am. Who I am. Everyday, these people choose to talk to me. People on here like the same things as me, actually want to talk about the same things as me. They care about what I care about.
We can relate to things.
I do not encourage being alone. I am not romanticizing social anxiety. I, am by no means, telling you that you should be like me. I am telling you something that you need to hear.
Even across the other side of the fucking world, somebody loves and cares about you. Chances are, they dont know you, but look forward to talking with you every single day. Somebody cares. Feeling like nobody cares, feeling lonely, that is a terrible, hollow feeling. But look, there will always be a beautiful stranger on your dash, that loves you.
So please, never ever tell me or anybody else that I “need to get outside” or that I should “get off the internet”. Because I know that. I also know something else.