tumblr i want you to know that this is not how i wanted to do it

I’m afraid to tell you that I miss you because I know you won’t say it back.
—  💜
  • Cheryl: Every girl wants a prince who treats her like a princess
  • Betty: Why would I want to be a princess when I have I king who treats me like the queen I am?
  • Bughead: *high fives*
  • Archie: Why can't we be like that?
  • Veronica: Because you're a peasant
100 Days Challenge for Langblrs

Since the langblr community seems dead and studyblrs have this challenge that seems very productive, i thought i should try to make a langblr version.

Rules:

  • There are 100 activities and you have to finish 1 task daily. 
  • There’s no particular order for these tasks. You choose what you feel like doing that day.
  • The tag for the challenge is #100daysoflanguages. In this way i can see how your studies are going and other people can get motivated knowing that someone else is doing the same challenge.
  • If you have time, write in your post what words/idioms you learned, what you’ve read/watched etc.
  • You can do this challenge for 1 or more languages.
  • Where i didn’t mention, there’s still a 95% chance that you still need to use your target language. [yes, i stopped writing “in your target language” at some point]
  • You don’t have to post about the challenge if you don’t want to, but i’ll be glad to see your progress or a post after you’ve finished the tasks. ^^

Tasks:

  • also, these tasks don’t really work for sign languages, at least not all of them
  1. Learn 5 new words.
  2. Learn 10 new words
  3. Learn 2 idioms.
  4. Sing a Disney song for 3 times.
  5. Translate a song.
  6. Memorize a poem.
  7. Read 1 article online about something that interests you.
  8. Name every thing that’s in the room for 5 minutes. Write down new words.
  9. Try 2 tongue twisters.
  10. Learn 15 words.
  11. Learn 4 idioms.
  12. Watch a movie/episode from a serie subbed or dubbed in your target language.
  13. Learn 1 new grammatical concept/make a post and explain a grammatical concept if you learned everything related to grammar.
  14. Write about your day in 3-5 lines.
  15. Send a motivational message to another langblr. (in your target language of course) [it can be only a “don’t give up”, it still counts]
  16. Find 3 new songs in your target language and learn 5 new words from each.
  17. Learn 30 words.
  18. Learn 5 idioms.
  19. Write about your goals/dreams in 5-7 lines.
  20. Read 1 page from a book, any book.
  21. Write a dialogue between 2 people about anything; person A and B having each 10 lines.
  22. Learn 1 new grammatical concept/make a post and explain a grammatical concept if you learned everything related to grammar.
  23. Write about your passions in 5-7 lines.
  24. Learn 5 words related to pets. [e.g. fur, claws, whiskers, paws, tail]
  25. Translate a short poem or song.
  26. Learn 1 Disney song. (you don’t need to learn it perfectly, if you know 3-5 lines without looking for the lyrics, that’s great)
  27. Try to talk for 3-5 minutes with someone and if you don’t have natives to talk to, write a mini dialogue about why you like languages.
  28. Choose a vocab list from tumblr, learn 10 new words/structures from there. [yes, it’s time for us to use those vocab lists]
  29. Read 2 articles about something that you like.
  30. Change your phone’s settings to your target language for 1 day.
  31. Learn 20 words.
  32. Learn 3 idioms.
  33. Watch a movie/youtube video subbed or dubbed in your target language.
  34. Write 5-7 lines about your favourite movie, serie, drama, anime, cartoon, youtuber.
  35. Talk to yourself for 5 minutes. [even if you don’t know a word, look it up, or change the entire sentence; just think in your target language]
  36. Learn 1 new grammatical concept/make a post and explain a grammatical concept if you learned everything related to grammar.
  37. Read 3 pages from a book/comic/magazine.
  38. Translate 1 song.
  39. Translate 1 paragraph from a book in your target language. [if you don’t have a book, tell me the language and i’ll find you a pdf]
  40. Watch 2 videos on youtube in your target language or about your target language.
  41. Translate 1 paragraph from English/your native language to your target one.
  42. Translate 1 song from English/your native language to your target language.
  43. Write a motivational message in your target language to 2 other people.
  44. Write in 5 lines some things that you dislike.
  45. Learn 15 words.
  46. Talk to someone for 5 minutes/write a dialogue about anything.
  47. Write in 3-5 lines what you like about your target language(s).
  48. Learn 1 new grammatical concept/make a post and explain a grammatical concept if you learned everything related to grammar.
  49. Read 2 pages from a book in your target language.
  50. How was your day? Tell me in your target language.
  51. What do you want to become? Why? Tell me in your target language.
  52. Tell me in your target language how you decided to learn your target language.
  53. Sing 1 Disney song.
  54. Learn 15 words.
  55. Make a vocab list of at least 10 words. You choose the theme. [if you want one; you could just choose random words]
  56. Try 2 tongue twister.
  57. Think in your target language for 10 minutes.
  58. Talk about your favourite animals in 3 lines.
  59. Learn 10 words related to school.
  60. Learn 1 new grammatical concept/make a post and explain a grammatical concept if you learned everything related to grammar.
  61. Talk about your favourite sweets. [no limit]
  62. Talk about yourself. [no limit]
  63. Talk to someone in your target language for 10 minutes/write a dialogue/text.
  64. Learn 2 idioms.
  65. Read 1 article and talk about it a bit.
  66. Translate 1 paragraph from English to your target language.
  67. Translate your favourite quote to your target language.
  68. Summarize 1 page from a book, in your target language.
  69. Sing a song.
  70. Talk about your favourite celebrity. [no limit]
  71. Learn 15 words.
  72. Talk about your favourite book. [no limit]
  73. Watch a movie/episode from a serie/youtube video subbed or dubbed.
  74. Talk about a friend of yours/langblr that you like.
  75. Learn/Revise 1 new grammatical concept/make a post and explain a grammatical concept if you learned everything related to grammar.
  76. Talk about a happy moment from your life. [no limit]
  77. Give in your target language 3 tips for learning a language.
  78. Translate 2 quotes that you like in your target language.
  79. Write in 5-10 lines anything. You choose the topic.
  80. Talk about your fears in 3-5 lines.
  81. Read 5 pages from a book.
  82. Learn 10 words.
  83. Write in your target language a sentence with the following words: earring, nightmare, bracelet, seahorse and jar. You can use the plural of these words.
  84. Talk about a pokemon. [no limit]
  85. Learn/Revise 1 new grammatical concept/make a post and explain a grammatical concept if you learned everything related to grammar.
  86. Write a motivational message in your target language to 2 other people.
  87. Write an advice.
  88. Read 1 article.
  89. Sing a song.
  90. Learn some lines from a poem.
  91. Summarize a story in few lines. [it can be a story from your life or a fairytale]
  92. Learn 10 words related to hobbies.
  93. Learn 3 swear words in your target language.
  94. Read 1 page from a book.
  95. Translate 1 paragraph from a book.
  96. Talk about a book you like.
  97. Translate 3 quotes that you like.
  98. Sing a disney song.
  99. Describe your room.
  100. Talk about what motivates you.

Since i made this challenge, you have for sure 1 partner if you decide to do it. We can motivate each other! ^^ I hope that many langblrs will try it. Good luck!

Meet the JSE community official prompt list!

Hey there friends! Earlier this week I made a little post brain dumping for a little activity the community can do!

As someone who has gone on to really talk to and connect with people on tumblr through meeting them within the community, it’s made me realise that people are SO much more than their avatars and screen names, and I really want to get to know you guys!!

So I’d like to start a meme similar to “Meet the Artist”, where I list a bunch of questions you have to answer, with some space for creativity in there if you want to illustrate it or make your list stylised and have that #aesthetic.

This will be open for as long as you guys want to do them, but at the end of the weekend, I’ll post a little collage of everyone’s submissions!!

To help me find them, please tag it #meetjsecommunity, @ me and spam my inbox because I am the WORST at finding these things. Also, if you could reblog this post to share it around so other people can find it and join in, that would be awesome!!!


So, here we have the official list! Please keep in mind, these are prompts, and you all have creative freedom to not answer these questions, or add your own!! Some of these questions have a focus on Jack, but I really want to focus on YOU guys and who YOU are so the majority are personal :)

1. Name, Age, Country? (I always like seeing country Cus it’s incredible how widespread the community is sometimes)
2. Appearance? (For all you artists you can draw some pictures of yourselves!!)
3. Hobbies?
4. What is your dream job?
5. What kind of shit would we find in your bag?
6. How would you describe your personality?
7. When did you find Jack’s channel?
8. Put in order your top 3 favourite Egos!
9. Favourite/ most nostalgic video/series of Jack’s to watch? (Multiple answers are fine, I know I’ll find it hard to answer)
10. Would you describe yourself as an active member or a quiet member of the community?
If you’re an active member, what is your favourite part of what you do? Do you write fanfiction? Fanart? Theories? Or do you just enjoy chatting with others?


Feel free to skip or add your own questions!! I’ve tried to make it so that these questions are easy to draw accompanying illustrations because I know how much you guys love to draw!!


Have fun guys! I can’t wait to get to know you all a bit better!
#meetjsecommunity

because you’re a different person.
because you don’t feel the same way anymore.
because we’re growing apart more every day.
because i’m scared to tell you how i feel.
because i think you’re only staying since it’d be easier than leaving because you tell me you love me but i don’t feel the same want and warmth now.
because i cried and begged and poured my heart out– left everything out on the table and you ignored all of it so easily.
because i think i’m being crazy and insecure and imagining things, but am i?

how did we go from laying in bed with my face buried in the nook of your arm, crying while you held me and told me things would be different this time. that it would be hard but you wanted me and us and a future together. that you loved me and we were partners and we would grow through life.

now i’m laying here wondering why i even told you what was bothering me. you brushed it off, made me feel like i was overreacting or being the crazy girlfriend. we didn’t even talk today. we don’t talk much anymore. maybe it is my fault. i didn’t see it happen, things were good and slowly we just stopped having things to say to each other.

how else do you react when you feel like you’re losing someone that’s supposed to be your person? i fought for him and our relationship– so he stayed. except i keep thinking back on everything i said and the silence i got in return. and it hurts and it scares me that he feels distant now. so i tell myself i am overreacting, i’m asking for too much. but he used to love that, he used to tell me he loved it when i texted him constantly, tell me sweet things throughout the day. i loved it. i miss it.

the moment i begin to feel insecure and doubt the other persons’ feelings, that’s when all hell breaks loose. thoughts race in my mind, jumping from conclusion to conclusion without a break.

i never had to question it before, that’s why i’m so terrified now. i thought telling him would make me feel better, but his reaction wasn’t what i’d expected.

he used to want to know what was going on in my mind, reassure me of my doubts. things aren’t the same anymore. i’m scared that it won’t be again. i’m not sure how to fix this. i love him more than anything and as much as i can’t stay with someone who doesn’t love me, i can’t bear to leave.

—  aftertheam 
How To Perfect The Tone In A Piece Of Writing

The tone in writing is one of the most important characteristics of a piece of writing. Books, poetry, songs, articles, any writing whatsoever; the tone is everything. That being said, there are a lot of ways in which writers can either mess it up or completely forget to set the tone. Below is a guide to setting the tone to come across exactly how you want it to.

Some Things To Note

  • Tone is the character or attitude of a text that invokes emotion in the reader
  • There are two things you want to ask yourself when reading a text and studying the tone:

How does the text make you feel?

and

How is the text designed to make you feel?

Things That Create Tone

There are several different elements in writing that create the tone. Here are a few:

Body Language

How your characters act, interact, and speak all play a large role in how your readers perceive your story. If your characters are speaking cryptically, fidgeting, and the tensions are high, your readers will feel the suspense.

Volume (Dialogue Tags)

How loud people say things is a big indicator of how they mean for it to come across to whomever they’re talking to. It’s the same this with dialogue. While it’s important not to overdo it with the dialogue tags, you must also use them to your advantage. It’s kind of when you’re writing a script and you sometimes feel the need to add a note for the actor to say something a certain way in order for them to portray what you envision. Use specific dialogue tags sparingly, but use them well.

Context

The context of the situation is everything. If your reader doesn’t know what’s going on and your main character is super relaxed all of a sudden when they thought they were in the middle of a very stressful situation, it’s going to give them very weird vibes. Knowing where the character is, how they feel, and having some idea of what’s about to go down is imperative to creating the right tone.

WORD CHOICE

Word choice is the main way you can set the tone in your story. You must be clear, intentional, natural, and consistent with the way you choose how you phrase things in your story. We all have certain associations with specific words and using those associations will bode well for you.

Clear Word Choice…

Be clear before anything else when setting the tone. Portray what you need to in order to create the scene itself and put the reader in the story. Then change what words you’re using in order to make the reader feel a certain way. However, never sacrifice clarity in exchange for the use of a fancy word. If your read doesn’t know what you’re saying, what good does it do anyway?

Intentional Word Choice…

Be intentional when you’re deciding where to switch out words and where you decide to really hit the reader with a huge wave of tone. Don’t just fling words anywhere there’s a gap in the hopes that it will accomplish the same thing as intentionally injecting words where it will pierce the reader’s soul. See what I mean?

Natural Word Choice

While it’s important to choose words that fit the tone, they must flow naturally with the dialogue and descriptions. Don’t just slap your reader in the face with “OMG Becky did you hear what that brat Jessica said about you and your bae? She’s such a vacuous shrew!” because that’s not exactly natural is it? 

I have a whole post called Improving Flow In Writing that expands on this quite a bit.

Consistent Word Choice…

Be consistent in your word choice. Don’t use the same words over and over again, but don’t go from calling dogs to “canis lupus familiaris”. Well.. unless it’s absolutely necessary.

Examples Of Tones

Some of you might be a little fuzzy on what I mean by tone in the first place, so here are a few examples of tone:

  • Comedic
  • Suspenseful
  • Enticing
  • Desperate
  • Terrifying
  • Happy
  • Dramatic
  • Romantic

Etc.. You get the picture.


Request a prompt list/writing advice/playlist/study help post here

November Horoscopes

SCORPIO: You can remember every terrible thing that’s ever put its hands on you but recalling a small act of kindness can bring you trembling to your knees. Sometimes you have to fight back against your brain, against the voice that’s telling you that all you’ve ever gotten from the world is heartbreak and devastation. There comes a moment when you have to choose what to forget and what to remember, and that time is on the horizon. You’re running out of space in yourself for newer, softer memories. Don’t cast them away for those things that don’t deserve it.

SAGITTARIUS: Devote time to yourself this month. I know that sometimes every positive thing that leaves your lips feels like a lie and the people that surround you don’t always tell you that you matter, but you’re still whole. Nobody can take that away from you. Do you remember the last time you laughed so hard that your belly ached? I know that it often feels like you’re never going to reach that feeling of joy again, but you will. Don’t be afraid to cut out the people that bring you down. Your heart is not a toy or something to prod and subject to experiments. Act tenderly.

CAPRICORN: Lately everything that’s graced your tongue has been tinged with bitterness, which says more about your taste buds than it does about what you’ve been pressing to your mouth. It’s not always that the object or the person or the situation itself that’s bathed in sourness: sometimes it’s the way you’re consuming it. You have the tendency to take a perfectly sweet environment and turn it into something difficult to swallow, because whenever life comes easily to you a cloud of suspicion engulfs it. Give yourself a break from making things more difficult than they need to be.

AQUARIUS: Have you ever thought that maybe ghost stories fascinate you so much because of your inclination to play dead? It’s so much easier to be a spirit than to have one, to hide under beds and sneak around the issues: but what are you avoiding by doing this? Who are you hurting? I know that this is easy to forget when you’ve been not quite a person for so long, but everyone would much rather embrace your physical form than whisper disjointed fragments to an invisible, intangible body. Existence looks beautiful on you. You were made for color.

PISCES: You have maps with red pen marks littering your bedroom floor because you’ve only ever dreamt of being in a house that isn’t this one. That could be because you love traveling, but it could also be because you’ve never found a place you could comfortably call ‘home.’ I suppose this is a cliche that you’ve seen before, perhaps on a poster in a doctor’s office, but you have to become comfortable with yourself before attempting to navigate landscapes or else every location you visit will feel like a movie set. You’ll find your place eventually. Give it time to grow for you.

ARIES: It’s easier to make people laugh than it is to tell them how you’re feeling, and at this point you could be a stand-up comedian with all the practice you’ve had. I’m sorry that you’ve so often felt the need to hide behind a mask in order to make everyone around you comfortable. I want you to know that you’re allowed to be vocal about the things that make you happy, or the things that upset you. You don’t have to be afraid of asking for help, if you feel that you’re slipping off of the edge. There are so many hands outstretched, ready to lift you up.

TAURUS: You know more than anyone else how exhausting it is to tend to people that don’t deserve it but, for some reason, you keep doing it anyways. Perhaps it’s all become routine, or you’re comfortable with the familiar, however that doesn’t change that your average level of happiness is set on a sliding scale dependent on another’s attention. You define happiness with instagram likes and unremarkable moments: this has become commonplace. It shouldn’t be, but I think that you already know that. So, why are you refusing to believe that which you know is true? For what purpose?

GEMINI: Every dream that you have is short-lived because nobody’s ever told you that it’s okay to linger within a state of indecision. Not knowing what you want from the world has become a dirty secret that you bury in your laundry basket, praying it’ll magically clean itself. The hard truth is that it won’t magically become manageable, but it’s still okay to close your eyes, exhale, and contemplate your personal definition of desire. Stop taking into account the feelings of others when doing this: determine what you wish you could be, apart from any social influences.

CANCER: The smoke alarm has been ringing for days and you haven’t bothered yet to turn it off. There’s something incredibly intimidating about confronting your noisiest problems, and lately your solution to this has consisted of hiding under the covers with tattered photo albums and headphones. I’m not saying that you have to immediately tackle every issue that wanders into your life, but a plan of action is always a good thing to have. Set manageable goals for yourself and try your best to stick to them. I promise, progress will make you feel better.

LEO: So, another person let you down and you’re busy feeling sorry for yourself. You’ve fallen in love with how tragic your reflection becomes once you’ve cried every night for a week straight. Adopting unhealthy habits has become a game, like how quickly can you ruin your life before anybody asks how you’re doing. Maybe there’s something thrilling about being reckless, but trust me when I say that there’s nothing exciting about actively wrecking your chances for happiness. Allow yourself to heal. Stop punishing yourself for being alive.

VIRGO: Your to-do lists are all written in permanent ink which says a lot about how confident you are in your ability to get things done; this is to say that your list keeps growing at an incredible rate and you’re angry that you can’t keep up with it. It’s easy to blame it on your situation, and that definitely pulls some weight. But I think that a lot of this overactivity stems back to you and the way you hold yourself back whenever you get close to something you could love. Buy some pencils. Prioritize. Stop pretending that you need to save the world.

LIBRA: Spring cleaning has been over for months now but that doesn’t mean you can’t start a little later than usual this year. There are so many dust-covered boxes surrounding your bed that it’s making your allergies worse than ever before; you can’t remember the last time you slept through the night without waking up in a coughing fit because of what you refuse to throw out. I think you need to acknowledge that things are always going to be changing, both the good and the bad, despite how much you dig your heels into the ground. It won’t ever be the same. And that’s okay.

WRITTEN BY: CAITLIN CONLON

you left anyway. i wasn’t into you at the beginning. you know that. but eventually you made me look at you with new eyes. and i fell. i was so young and innocent, my heart was big and my soul was pure. you touched me with dirty hands like i was just another victim. how could you do that for someone who would die for you? how could you change my mind about how life is beautiful and leave with no remorse? you made me fall just so you could break another heart. you were never intentioned to stay but you made me believe i was the one you wanted to spend your life with. and i did. i believed in you. i believed in every single word that came out of your mouth. i didn’t know people could lie so easily without feeling guilty. but i know now. and i honestly hope you really fall in love for once. and i hope they break your heart in one million pieces so you can never put it together. i hope you lose your purpose in life and never find it again. you turned me into this heartless monster and i want you to suffer like i did. because you didn’t care. you left anyway.

i know i need to let you go.

in fact i’m beginning to hate myself for not doing so.

i say nothing because your name is the only thing that slips off of my tongue and no one wants to hear me vocalize you running circles around my mind anymore.

i wonder how you interpret the songs that you showed me so long ago. do you think of me or does another girl belong to them?

i’m constantly checking your social media accounts because i still want to know what you’re thinking of even if i know it’s not me.

despite needing to let go of you

i don’t want to.

v.m

MY SECRET SESSION STORY:

it all began when taylor nation followed me on tumblr on october 11th. they then messaged me on tumblr on saturday night. i’m not going to go into detail about the message because it’s *confidential*. 👀 they then called me the next day and told me i was invited to a secret event in nashville and asked if i’d like to attend, i wasn’t sure if i’d be able to make it on such short notice but my mom told me accept the invite and that we’d figure a way to get there. we dropped everything and started driving to nashville on tuesday morning and got to nashville on wednesday.

i arrived to the secret location and got checked in and met so many people including bree!! it was honestly so surreal and everything felt FAKE. we got onto the bus and the driver drove us to taylor’s parents house and we could see TAYLOR’S HAND THROUGH THE BLINDS TAKING PICTURES OF THE BUS ARRIVING. I HONESTLY WAS SO SHOOK.

we then went into the pool area and ate food and i got to talk to a bunch of amazing people. THEN TAYLOR’S PARENTS CAME OUT. i got to talk to them but i obviously can’t talk about what they said because that’s *confidential* 👀 but let’s just say, THEY KNEW WHO I WAS.

i then had to use the bathroom so the security let me inside the house to use the bathroom and when i came out taylor’s entire team was waiting for me, they told me to wait and one of them was like “niko, this is going to be very exciting” AND MY POOR LITTLE HEART STARTED BEATING SO FAST. they then took me into the room where the secret session was going to be held and told me that i could CHOOSE WHEREVER I WANTED TO SIT BEFORE THEY LET ANYONE IN THE HOUSE. i obviously picked the floor pillows that was TWO INCHES AWAY FROM THE CHAIR TAYLOR WOULD BE SITTING IN.

everyone then came in the room and sat on the floor cushions. we had to wait about 20 minutes before TAYLOR SWIFT WALKED IN THE ROOM WITH ABIGAIL. i didn’t get to hear what she said as she walked in because everyone was screaming, including myself. she looked so GENUINELY HAPPY AND EXCITED. she then pointed to abigail and said “SHE JUST GOT MARRIED” and abigail started flaunting her ring. IT WAS LITERALLY SO ICONIC.

taylor then walked to her chair and sat down and instantly locked her EYES ON ME. SHE HAD THE BIGGEST SMILE ON HER FACE AND SAID “oh, hi there niko!!!” AND PUT HER HAND OUT SO SHE COULD HOLD MY HAND. YOUR BOY WAS VERY SHOOK.

she then started playing the album but that’s all *CONFIDENTIAL* 👀

taylor literally talked to me during the actual secret session. she kept grabbing my hands and dancing with me. *shook*

before she played LWYMMD she told us all to GET UP and DANCE WITH HER. as soon as i got up TAYLOR LITERALLY GRABBED MY WATER BOTTLE AND THREW IT ON HER CHAIR AND GRABBED MY HANDS AND STARTED DANCING WITH ME WHILE SCREAMING THE SONG IN MY FACE. SHE EVEN MADE ME TWIRL HER. BEST DANCE OF MY LIFE.

((the album is so good btw y’all are going to be wigless on november 10th))

once the album was over we all got in line to meet her and someone from taylor nation called my name and two other people because SHE WANTED TO MEET US IMMEDIATELY.

as i walked down the stairs taylor has the biggest smile on her face and opened her arms and said “NIKO!!!” and she HUGGED ME. she then hugged my mom and started telling my mom how i’m the sweetest person in this fandom and how everyone loves me and i’m the peace keeper. she even said i was the key to this community. (it took everything in me not to ugly cry in front of her)

she then looked at me and complimented my outfit by saying “YOU LOOK SO SHARP” and i thanked her and said “really? i picked out this outfit last minute!”

i then told her how much i loved the new album and at one point of the conversation i started chanting “GRAMMYS GRAMMYS GRAMMYS” and she started jumping up and down laughing and said “YEAHHHHH!!!” and then gave me a high five. (best high five i’ve ever received)

i was then able to tell her how i was born profoundly deaf and how grateful i am to hear her music and she was holding my hands the entire time while looking directly into my eyes. she looked so caring and loving.

i also thanked her for giving us a platform to make friends. i told her that i don’t have any friends but because of her i was able to meet my two best friends, kylee and makenna aka @justreputatixn and @this-luv

she was like “what are you talking about you have no friends??? EVERYONE LOVES YOU” and then i was like “OK BUT I DON’T HAVE REAL LIFE FRIENDS” and then she just hugged me so tightly. my mom then chimed in and told her how me, kylee and makenna met and went to see ed at the divide tour and she just smiled and said “good kids, good kids” she then told me to say hi to kylee and makenna for her and i told her she should definitely follow them on tumblr and she said she would once she stalked me. a WOMAN™

she then asked what poses i wanted to do and i asked for just a hugging picture and one with my mom. we took our picture and i asked if i could hold the grammy in the picture with my mom and she said “wouldn’t you rather hold a moonman? this is the one that got stolen” and she started laughing and my mouth literally DROPPED. so i obviously took that one while my mom took the grammy.

i then turned to her and was like “ok. you need to perform all you had to do was stay in houston because i’m still mad that you cut it off the setlist” and she started laughing and said “I ALWAYS SEE YOU BEING MAD AT ME FOR THAT” AND WE BOTH STARTED LAUGHING. THEN SHE GRABBED MY FACE AND SAID “NIKO YOU’RE SO CUTE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. WHY AREN’T WE BEST FRIENDS?” THEN I WAS LIKE “MAKE IT HAPPEN.” so, if taylor performs it in houston, y’all know who to thank.

i then hugged her again and told her that i loved her so much and it was honestly the best hug ever.

as i started getting ready to leave, i said “don’t become a stranger. i’ll see you on the internet” then she did something that i can’t mention yet because it’s *confidential* 👀

i then got in the bus and i was so very shook. i got to sit across from bree and we talked about what had just happened and we were both in shock about everything that just had happened.

i then went back to my hotel and ate mcdonald’s and fell asleep with the biggest smile on my face. ❤️🍔🍟❤️

i have never felt so special in my life and i honestly cannot thank taylor enough for inviting me to her parents house so i could listen to her album 15 days early and for being so amazing and kindhearted towards me. i will NEVER forget these memories.

long live october 25th 2017 ❣️

msdistress said: I saw that civilized werewolves being super competitive when it comes to other packs, and now I can only imagine an AU where (adult) Stiles and Scott are renting a house together, and Derek moves in the same area. And while the McCall pack and the entire Hale pack (Talia, Laura, etc.) are on civilized terms, Scott and Derek just can’t help themselves. And maybe a part of the showing off is actually a way to impress (court) Stiles, as in “My lawn ornaments are much nicer than his!”

So this is kind of that, but kind of not? This is pretty silly :) Happy Halloween!


“You’re not dead,” Stiles says as Scott bangs open the door and shucks off his shoes in the next movement. They hit the wall and then bounce into an ungainly pile in the middle of the hallway that Liam will no doubt trip over when he gets home.

“Nope,” Scott says. He looks confused by that part.

“So… That’s good?” Stiles has pumpkin guts all over his hands, but offers Scott a fist bump anyway.

Scott follows Stiles back into the kitchen and then plops down across from Stiles’s half-finished jack-o-lanterns at the counter. He’s a couple weeks early, but Halloween has to be taken seriously. These are practice pumpkins.

Scott says, “It was weird. I think they’re all models. They force-fed me pie.”

Stiles arches a skeptical eyebrow.

“I mean, the pie was great,” Scott says, face screwed up. “I think they were happy I ate the whole thing?”

Werewolf metabolism, Stiles thinks sourly. He’s getting to that age where he has to watch his beer and pizza intake. It sucks. He says, “I’ll make them brownies,” and then apparently it becomes a thing.

*

Stiles doesn’t know if the Hale pack are actually all models, but they’re definitely taking the supernaturally hot thing to a whole other level.

Scott’s betas are reasonably attractive, sure, but Liam’s the size of a cave troll and Mason’s on this whole hippie-chic kick that makes him look like a train hobo.

Stiles holds out the plate of brownies and tries not to stare at Erica’s boobs. Boyd has the bulging chest of a roman gladiator and Stiles could cut his hands on Isaac’s cheekbones, it’s insane.

Stiles says, “Nice to meet you guys,” and Erica’s lip curls up and her hands hover around the plastic-wrapped plate like it’s made of poison and-or possibly oatmeal. He waggles the plate back and forth. “Promise they’re wolfsbane free.”

And then Jackson fucking Whittmore comes swanning down the staircase and Stiles says, “You’ve got to be shitting me. Jackson?”

“Stilinski,” Jackson says with a scowl.

“Lydia told us you got eaten by a giant lizard.”

Jackson scowls harder. “Fuck off.”

Stiles would like to say that the addition of Jackson makes the pack less appealing, but despite having the personality of a canned ham, Jackson still looks like he was carved out of marble. Balls.

And then someone says, “Do I smell chocolate?” from behind Stiles and he definitely does not jump three feet into the air, but it’s a close call.

He flinches and spins around and says, “Fuck my life.”

The hottest mountain man Stiles has ever seen is frowning at him and Stiles wants to bury his entire body in his beard. He wants to weasel his way under that soft-looking Henley and lick his collarbones. Stiles is ninety-nine percent sure this is Alpha Derek Hale, even though Scott had failed to prepare him for the way Derek’s eyes are eating Stiles’s soul.

Stiles wordlessly holds out the plate of brownies.

Derek takes them with a resigned silence. No one else is saying anything either, and the back of Stiles’s neck is starting to prickle with unease. Are they going to eat him now? They’d moved into town so Liam and Mason could go to the local college, expecting some kind of resistance, territorial posturing, possible brawl for dominance, but Scott had been tirelessly optimistic—even more so since the pie eating thing.

Stiles slinks around Derek, hands up. He says, “I’ll just, uh… leave now,” and backs down the sidewalk so he can see any kind of attack coming. He’s got a taser in his back pocket and he’s not afraid to use it.

The Hale pack all watch him with narrow, calculating eyes and Jackson gives him the finger.

Stiles thinks that if this is the way they react to brownies, he’s going to bake them a motherfucking cake.

Keep reading

hi everyone! i’ve been dealing with depression since may 2017. though everyone here on the studyblr community seems to be well intentioned when it comes to advise on mental health, i noticed that a lot of people feel uncomfortable, knowing that a significant part of them may not have ever experienced any kind of mental illness – note that i used the term ‘uncomfortable’, not ‘angry’. sure drinking water is important, but how is that going to help me, mentally? 

you see, i got no other knowledge about the subject than my own experiences, conversations with doctors and basic research. i can’t guarantee any of this will be helpful to you, but i can share what i’ve been passing through and try to reach a more equal level to those who are also dealing with mental illness and school. here are some things to note:

settling a time for taking medicine

  • this one can sound just as silly as drinking water, though it’s very important to the right functioning of the medicine you’re taking. it’s simple chemistry and you’ll find better results by doing that. your doctor will advise you to do so, then listen to all of their reccomendations
  • ok, so you’re taking medicine and has settled a time for doing it, great! now, you should turn it into a task. write it down on your journal, programme a phone alarm, or even find an app for this, so you won’t skip the correct time for doing it
  • however, you’re probably going to skip time for one day or another, and it’s absolutely ok, since it doesn’t become something frequent!

sleeping

  • well, sleeping is a quite complicated one: apparenty, depression can make you wether sleep too much or not sleep at all, and that’s s my case. i would wake up every night and spend 40-50 min awake. it took me 5 different pills until i found the one that made my sleep enough and regenerating again
  • report your sleeping problems to your doctor. sleeping medicine can lead your mind to some weird dreams, as it’s done to me, and your doctor will know how to handle this

doing stuff you like

  • depression is well known for making people uncapable of doing all the things they once were passionate about. i know. however, you have to keep in mind that you’re now starting a new phase, the getting better phase, now that you’ve been taking medicine and seeing the doctor. in time, maybe the day you start taking medicine or maybe not so early, you’ll return to do what gives you pleasure
  • make sure that your hobby doesn’t feel like an obligation and happens spontaneously 
  • maybe you don’t have a hobby, a hobby that feels like the stereotypical ones, like drawing, singing or playing tennis, and that’s alright: find something you do without any blame and stick to it 

studying for exams

  • this can be a great oportunity for you to try new studying methods. depression injuries your academic productivity, and by the end of the semester the only you wish is your school year to be over; then all you want is your notes to be efective
  • there are tons of study tips for your here on tumblr. don’t be afraid of trying a new note taking system or doing those vocabulary things that are so popular here
  • i know it doesn’t feel like the correct time for experimenting; you have to make it to the next year and shouldn’t get too excited planning what you’re gonna do, and then end up in a mess bigger than before. i have this thoughts frequently. but, during my last exams seasion, i was just so tired!!! i didn’t read every book, didn’t take revision notes that covered up everything in detail, but what i did felt effective
  • trust me, neither you nor these people on studyblr community can study everything to their 100%, even if they are mentally healthy. that’s impossible, so don’t push yourself too hard

receiving exams results

  • well, you can probably guess that this is about receiving bad results. good grades need no preparation for, in contrast to bad ones… erm, but we have to cover them up: your effort may not work. you may fail some subjects. it is a possibility, and it doesn’t mean that you should’ve done more or that it’s just a big picture that represents how you were never able to develop studying skills – sorry! i have these thoughts
  • you can always work on prevention. prevention from failing and prevention from feeling completely helpless if you do

letting your school know

  • you should consider letting your school teachers and headmaster know about your condition. this way, they’ll get to understand your lack of motivation and the occurrent classes that you’ve been skipping or simply away from
  • you can also get the chance to take tests at home or separately from the others, if that’s how you wish to

getting a legal absence

  • you can get a legal absence from school, if you understand that you’ll feel better at home. i decided it was the best for me to do and had my parents, doctors and school supporting my decision. if this is something that often cross your mind, make sure you have thought it through, then you’ll have to deal with all the bureaucracy, but hopefully it won’t take too long

final considerations

keeping a journal

  • the day i started taking medicine, i decided i would start a journal to monitor my feelings and simply write down moments or things i’d like to remember later on. both my psychologist and psychiatrist supported my idea. maybe you could enjoy doing so, or going for the things i did well today challenge

treating yourself

  • it can be a hobby. we all know how life is busy. if you just can find an hour when you can enjoy your body lotions, do some skin care or simply wash your hair, then lucky you are
  • though depression can depravate your want to do some of the self caring, you could find a way to reanimate these habits, when you do it only in order to take care of your well-being

starting a studyblr, studygram or a studytube

hobbies during bad days

  • i’m so glad i’ve got my hobbies to use them in my favour! they can feel pretty productive when i can’t function to the productivity patterns. my psychiatrist recommended me not to pin them to my weekly activities, so i wouldn’t have to worry about them. maybe this strategy suits you as well

i believe this is pretty much everything for now. ahhhh please let me know if any of this sounds helpful and thank you very much for reading!!! 

wishing you the very best on earth!!!

If you identify with Dan, don’t feel bad about wanting to talk about how you identify with Dan. You’re not making his story about you if the video made you want to talk about it; you’re doing exactly what he wanted, and keeping the conversation going. 

If you identify with Phil because someone you love is depressed, don’t feel bad about wanting to talk about how you identify with Phil or being curious about his side of it. You’re also doing exactly what Dan wanted, because depression impacts more than just the person who has it. 

If you find yourself trying to incorporate this new information about him into what you know of him as a person, you can do that. I think it’s a very natural response most people are having. I do think it’s important to keep in mind that Dan is not a different person today than he was a week ago - it’s just that we know something now we didn’t know then. And Dan is a public figure whose life we, as fans, follow. (Same for Phil, because this has also been a part of Phil’s life for the past eight years.) This should not change how anyone treats Dan but I think it is perfectly natural to do some introspection about what this might have meant to him at different points in his life. Dan did not make this video so no one would talk about it, or him. 

And finally: if you feel like you have feelings about this you need to process and you want to do it through writing meta posts on your own blog, through posting to a shared space, through drawing art, through writing fic, through interpretive basket weaving - do it. I can tell from my twitter feed and my tumblr dash and everywhere else I’m active online that this is hitting a lot of people deeply and personally. People work through emotions and inner turmoil in different ways. I have artist friends that say their art is therapy. I definitely know that writing is therapy for me. Don’t let anyone try to write off your method of emotional release just because it has to do with someone else’s life. 

Be respectful. Be considerate. Romanticizing mental illness is bad. Flat out, I will say that again: romanticizing mental illness is bad.  But creating something to express how you feel about a topic that is moving you emotionally is not inherently romanticizing. It’s okay to be inspired by someone else’s story. It can be done respectfully and this fandom is full of people who will do it respectfully, now in this immediate aftermath and for years to come. 

Hey guys! I’ve told you before that I’m a writer so this is a hella long post because it’s track-by-track. Unapologetically so. Hope you guys enjoy x 

TRACK 1: “… READY FOR IT?

 This song is a battlecry. The thumping bass brings to mind the heavy thud of wolves paws as they race towards their prey, seeking the trail left by a girl who used to leave her heart open and on her sleeve, ready to be snatched at any moment in a snap of their jaws. But no more. From the moment she clears her throat, we learn this battle will be on Taylor’s terms. It is her fight to win.

This is the first love song she’s released and had complete artistic ownership of in three years. It is no coincidence then that there’s reference to the tortured passions of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. They were a couple hopelessly and dangerously in love with many scars carved on their hearts by the other’s knife. This reference is a throwaway to the long list of ex lovers the girl who bathes in diamonds has had but also a reference to the flickers of hope Taylor feels for longevity no matter what with Joe. Their road may be complicated at times but they will get  there because the game is hers. The constant question of ready for it and in response baby let the games begin is so obviously a call of warning to Joe for what lies ahead but perhaps more subtly it is the call of Taylor’s inner voices and heart to her razor sharp self awareness. Is she ready for the games to begin? Is she ready to open her heart and give Joe a chance to be a better man?

TRACK 2: “END GAME” ft. Ed Sheeran & Future:

This song starts off with Taylor’s declaration that she wants to find a forever. It sounds sincere, gentle, wearied, the tone of the too often heartbroken. But then it shifts, it’s like the rose coloured glasses have come off and she’s reminded of her reputation. Then it’s all tongue in cheek sarcastic satire to keep the smile in place so that we don’t see how much it hurts. She has to weigh up every interaction in the context of her reputation. The addition of Ed & Future speaks volumes; one is a time trusted friend who has finally found a bright love of his own but that was not without heartbreak and the other gives her an edgier attitude that makes her self awareness all the more powerful.

There has been a further loss of innocence in this sharpening of her self awareness, gone are the wistful days of “say you’ll remember me”, that’s all I want. Now it’s all “I don’t wanna touch you, I don’t wanna be just another ex love you don’t wanna see.” She can see the fall right from the start but this time she opts out and says unless I’m your end game… because I don’t want to pick up any more pieces of my broken heart.

Also: Shoutout to Ed for his Cherry inspired verse. It made me feel many emotions too. SWEERAN THRIVES.

TRACK 3: “I DID SOMETHING BAD.”

The girl with the long list of ex lovers is back. However with the casually explicit twist, this narrative seems layered with perceptions and recognition of self-worth, “If a man talks shit, I owe him nothing.” This is drip-feeding the media exactly what they want, she’s stoking the fire herself. But in feeding the fire herself, she’s sending the burning embers back at them. Did you really think the girl who you used as an international rod for slut shaming would stay quiet forever? Nope. She doesn’t care if you burn her like a witch at the stake because she’s already done it. She’s burnt away all of the misplaced guilt and is now revelling in how good they felt in the moment. In fact, watch out she’s blazing with all the fire of a phoenix reborn and you might just get turned to ash.

TRACK 4: “DON’T BLAME ME.”

This & “I Did Something Bad” sound like sister tracks. The girl who jetsets around the world collecting men isn’t quite finished with her tale yet. She reminds us that defining her relationships by their headlines and paparazzi shots is a foolish move because those things are  one-dimensional. Taylor believes in love and this is her way of reminding us that there was love in every escapade of her heart up until now, at least at some point. She’s talking about the heady rushes head spinning intoxication of first glances and hands on skin and it doesn’t matter what the media says about the way she handles relationships because they forget love and that makes you crazy. Maybe in their minds the drug she refers to is not a singular identity but a collective “baby” and to them love will always be something she “uses”. But the heart wants what it wants and Taylor knows that so it doesn’t really matter.

TRACK 5: “DELICATE.”

This is the kind of song that happens when you cut the cord that is the boy crazy perception of yourself. You step back into the shadows and disappear so that they can’t find you. You close your heart, lock your doors and rebuild. And then he shows up. This is a cautionary songpp because Taylor can obviously feel sparks but… she’s just started to rebuild and if they find out the wolf hunt begins again. With delicate disbelieving vocals, we see Taylor start to realise that he can’t possibly want to gain anything from her reputation because it’s so bad… The wheels turn in her head. I imagine the realisation, “Wait so he must like me for me?” With the beat drop comes hope. Details are slowly given and then he stays. He doesn’t run so Taylor gives him pieces of herself; confessions thoughts and then her brain catches up with her mouth and the wheels come to a grinding halt: Her inner monologue screams it was too much too fast. We’ve all been there. It’s too delicate. No going back now. It’ll break and I’ll be left alone. Maybe one day I’ll find someone who doesn’t walk away, one day too.

TRACK 6: “LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO.”

The world tore a girl to shreds, made her play the fool on tilted stages. She retreated and rebuilt. Now the fool is dead. From here on out, she only trusts her army. With high heeled boots, red lips and words as sharp as daggers, she’s cutting herself a path. She is taking no prisoners and she’s accompanied by a savage snake because she and her army will always be better at the game. When she’s finished hunting down your asses, she’ll sit back on her throne with a high pitched giggle and say, “oh look what you made me do.”

TRACK 7:  “SO IT GOES…”

When people are watching, you have to be careful. Cover your tracks. Taylor doesn’t leave her heart open or on display anymore. But then they leave. The door shuts. You lock it with a key and the crashing chemistry you’ve been trying to deny slams into your ribs, knocking the breath out of you. It’s stolen kisses, careless touches, reckless chasing of the high. Body language is a fluency all its own. But a quick reminder before you unlock the door and venture out again; wash the lipstick off your face. *clears throat* you got a little caught up in the moment and you don’t want to blow your cover!

TRACK 8: “GORGEOUS.”

 The childish proclamation of the title to begin this next glimpse into Reputation  is hinting at the satirical inner monologue that this song is , reminiscent of the times you write your crush’s  last name instead of your own to see how it fits. It’s all giggles and late night phone calls, the kind Taylor most likely had with Abigail where they talked real slow because it was late and their mamas didn’t know (: However, it could also serve as a projection of the runaway daydream that fills Taylor’s mind from that very first night when she stumbles home alone to her cats, of what a possible future might look like (with kids one day) The lazy liquor loosened rhythms of Taylor’s thoughts tell us things she hasn’t admitted fully yet but will soon on nights at 4am staring at her reflection  in the bathroom mirror, telling herself the bravest thing she ever did was run - that this gorgeous  swoonworthy British boy with his careless touches and drawling accent has awakened the possibility of something better. This realisation rattles Taylor as she contemplates the gaps in her current relationship. *cue wistful sighs of frustration and enchantment, set to the dialogue of every teenage movie where the girl thinks the boy is just too good looking, how unfair is that?

TRACK 9: “GETAWAY CAR.”

The thing about any movie that has a getaway car scene is that they inevitably crash…. And that’s exactly what happens here. Except, the carnage is human hearts. She was running. There was a person she crashed into. It gets all blurred and tangled, she thinks she’s free but the thing about those movies is that the thing you ran from in the getaway car catches up to you particularly if there’s a track you can follow. Oceans of distance weren’t enough, darling. You needed to disappear. And I think she realises that  but she tries to pretend innocence and will the sunset closer. Unfortunately  the only real  way to untangle yourself is to disappear crying in the back of a getaway car in the dead of night. Without a word. That must have hurt a lot.

TRACK 10: “KING OF MY HEART.”

This song happens in tandem with Delicate. She’d sworn off love. Joe turned up. The British boy with the heart of gold who made his American queen believe. He made behind closed doors a paradise of rooftop nights. Before she knows it, he is every love story Taylor has ever daydreamed of. The line “is this the end to all the endings” made my heart swell because it’s clear Taylor hopes he’s the one. Please let there be no more heartbreak.

TRACK 11: “DANCING WITH OUR HANDS TIED.”

Dancing is supposed to be a joyous thing and maybe it was in the beginning. You can reassure with every beat. Sometimes your gut instinct shouldn’t be ignored though  because it does raise red flags. The door only needs to be fractionally ajar for the hunters to find a way in and set your paradise aflame. It sometimes doesn’t matter how much you dance to escape the flames, they will catch you. You will get tired. Dancing is a bliss that is euphoria swimmimg through your veins if the beat enters your bloodstream in the right moment; you feel like you could live forever. And in the end no matter how much it might hurt to walk away again, you would still dance for just another kick of that rush.

TRACK 12: “DRESS.”

Taylor’s caught up in the chemical rush. Every syllable drips with lust and the glory of the high when your hearts crash into each other, slamming the breath from between your ribs. It’s hands in hair and I don’t care what they think. It’s seeing the worst (hi bleachella) and still wanting. It’s realising you made mistakes before this and why didn’t you just do this from the beginning because it feels so good now you can’t ever have imagined wanting anything else. But every mistake is a marker in the roadmap and you woke up just in time to find where you needed to be.

TRACK 13: “THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS.”

I think everyone’s been in this situation, right? Someone burns you and it hurts but in the fun of a party, you click and connect again and it all starts to feel like water under the bridge. Maybe there was over-reacting happening. You throw them a second chance. Redemption. You’re the nice girl and you make excuses. But then they do it again, maybe it takes a couple of things and suddenly it’s too much. You lock the gate for your own safety. But they still expect you not to care. To flash a smile and forgive. I’m sorry. That’s not happening. You get hurt when I push back. I guess I should forgive you because we both threw stones. But… that would require me to mean it. Whoops, *laughs manaically* I can’t even say it with a straight face!!!

PS: It’s not too obvious I have personal experience with this song is it? Thanks KS x.

TRACK 14: “CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT.”

This song is difficult for me to process because I never thought it would actually happen. I seem to remember somewhere along the way, a couple of years back, Taylor expressing frustration that she couldn’t seem to write happy songs about being in love like Ed Sheeran could. Well, I wish you could go back Taylor and tell yourself what you know now.

This song is a three minute ode to happy love. It’s smiles so wide you might split your face in half at the thought of that person. It’s blushing and shy giggles and bursts of song and twirls and all caps texts from your girls as they collectively lose their minds over how happy you are. This is every love story and fairytale Taylor has ever wanted but the wolves are always waiting, not so easy to outrun. 

Taylor says it herself in the  opening lines. She was done. The castle had crumbled. The bricks left bruises blooming on her exposed skin. People were tearing her down and she was hurting. Her heart had been shattered but so had her soul, again and again, relentlessly. And then she retreated, went silent and rebuilt. What she didn’t count on was love. A man who saw all the bruises and broken pieces and said it’s OK, I can still find the real you under all that. Taylor like so many of us looked in the mirror and saw all the danger for herself and for Joe, tried to push him away, keep him safe. That’s a very noble action but breaking your own heart so it doesn’t hurt as much when you feel like the other shoe is going to drop requires apathy from the other person. And Joe, god bless you, you didn’t let her push you away. You broke down her walls and showed you that starlight love does still exist. You loved her for Taylor. The person. You got her to give love a chance when she swore never again so thank you so much for that. I can’t really express how much that means to all of us. 

 This is an anthem of hope for every person who has ever been broken and is in the process of putting pieces back together. It can be done. We will find love. We will be radiantly happy again. We will be the strongest we’ve ever been. 

PS: *leans over to whisper in Taylor’s ear*

I think you’re finally clean…

TRACK 15: “NEW YEARS DAY.”

Piano on the final track… This is an ode of pure hope and happiness, a fitting final chapter to a remarkable story. Everyone wants the glory of the midnights and the lover who will be in their bloodstream like the party. But what we all hope for is someone who stays long enough to help us clean up the bottles on New Years Day. Someone who makes us feel like the messy unfiltered parts look like a highlight reel. Good times and bad times and all in between. They won’t leave. You found him. Forever.

This album is fucking brilliant Taylor. I love you. Proud x.

@taylorswift @taylornation @brian-mansfield

anonymous asked:

(I love your writing it makes me wanna jump off a cliff with happiness) Can I uHHHHHHH get a drarry fic where it's 8th year and draco is quite and none of his friends are at hogwarts so he starts to make a habit of going outside at night and star gazing, one night harry decides he wants a break from the crowds so he goes outside only to find a sleepy draco and a whole lotto stars (Sorry if this ask sounded so demanding)

Ah thank you that’s so kind!  Only don’t go jumping off any cliffs!  Unless you’re base diving maybe…oh or bungee jumping.  Then that’s alright.  Also this took awhile because I started writing this in tumblr and IT ATE MY DAMN DRABBLE AND I WAS SO MAD, so it took me awhile to be less angry and start to try to write it all over.


“What’re you doing out here?”  

Draco jumps at the unexpected voice, snapping his eyes open and shooting the other boy a dirty look which is met with an impish grin.  Draco would be more annoyed at the interruption if he weren’t finding it so attractive.  Fucking Potter, try as he might Draco can’t seem to dislike a single thing about him anymore.

“I was…relaxing.”

“Looked like you were sleeping.”  

“I was not sleeping.  I was enjoying some peace and quiet before you so rudely interrupted.”

Potter doesn’t respond right away, so Draco finally looks at him and is surprised to see the other boy looking, well, nervous.  He wants to roll his eyes.  He doesn’t understand Potter sometimes, how he can be so smart and sarcastic and full of life and the next moment look like he’s unsure he’s wanted; he wonders what’s happened in his life that could make Potter so unsure how other people feel about him.  He wants to know desperately but they aren’t there yet so he files it away in his mental list of things he wants to know about Potter but may never find out.

When Potter makes no move to speak, or leave, Draco scoots to the side making room for the other boy to sit beside him.  He doesn’t say anything, just makes a bit of extra room on the blanket he’d transfigured when he’d come outside.  Thankfully words aren’t necessary and Potter slides down right next to him, impossibly close to Draco.

“So, Potter, what exactly are you doing here?  Isn’t there some sort of party going on in the common room?”

Potter huffs out a laugh, rubbing his hands on his knees.  “There’s always a party going on.  I just…there’s,” he sighs, looking a bit uncomfortable as if he isn’t sure what to say.

“There’s a lot of people in there.  Rather noisy.”  Draco sometimes wonders how it seems as if they both seem to feel the same, despite the fact that their experiences couldn’t have been more different.  It should be weird, realizing how much they have in common, but instead it just feels right.

The tension visibly leaves Potter’s body at Draco’s words.  “Yes…yes, that.”

After several quiet moments, Draco finds himself speaking without even consciously deciding to do so.  “I came outside to watch the stars.  Growing up I always liked astronomy, and I know what you’re thinking but it wasn’t some narcissist thing because I’m named after a bloody constellation alright.  It’s just…they’re fixed you know?  No matter what happens, whether we can see them or not, the stars are always the same.  I like that, knowing that some things are constant.”

“It’s beautiful,” Potter whispers, but when Draco turns his head to agree he realizes Potter isn’t looking at the stars, he’s looking at him.  And then Potter’s hand is reaching towards him, one of them reaching out to tangle his fingers with Draco’s and the other moving to the back of his neck.  They’re so close Draco can feel the other boy’s warm breath ghosting across his face.

“What are you doing, Potter?”

“No fucking idea,” he mumbles, closing the distance and pressing his lips to Draco’s.  Potter taste like fire whiskey and chocolate, and his lips are ice cold and chapped.  It’s perfect.

It occurs to Draco, as Potter pushes him down on the blanket, kissing him as if he were the air Potter needed to breath, that Draco has spent his entire life looking for something that wouldn’t change when maybe what he should’ve been doing was finding someone or something worth changing for.

Maybe like a dying star they will crash and burn, or maybe they’ll stay a constant he can look for on his darkest days.  All Draco knows as he reaches out to touch Potter in as many places as possible, is that for once in his life maybe he’s not so afraid of the unknown anymore.

I think that it’s pretty clear that Tumblr is not a healthy site for content creation. 

Minus all of the faults and glitches with the site, a bigger issue is how people on this site seem so entitled to the content someone else creates combined with the fact that so many people are eager and willing to jump on a content creator and call them a pedophile, abuser, abuse apologist, pedo apologist, racist, sexist, etc. They will talk about respecting a creators wishes and reblogging their work, respect and boundaries, etc. and the next they’ll be making fun of a creator for not wanting their work tagged as “kin” or anything else despite it making the creator uncomfortable. They talk about wanting LGBT+ and minority representation and then turn around and attack minority characters and creators for not being 100% pure little angels.

All this serves to do is to cause creators to basically be slaves (don’t get me wrong, you shouldn’t be afraid to listen to your fans and their requests but you shouldn’t feel obligated to do it) to their creation and become afraid to create because they don’t know which eggshell they’ll step on and break and get attacked over it. 

Regardless of whether “It doesn’t happen much” or “It hasn’t happened to them.” it still happens. Even though Ive grown pretty numb to the usual tumblr buzzwords, even I feel reluctant and not inclined to post my works on tumblr or even deviantart because which wrong person with enough influence will see it and decide to basically ruin my reputaton? What incident is going to happen and cause people to suddenly hate it even if it was only a concept? How many fanartists (or hell even original creators) are going to get harassed, sent death threats, etc. and basically not be able to apologize or explain the situation enough? Even if it was something innocent? The fact that people who create triggering content either because they find it interesting or base it off of their own trauma and hardships aren’t allowed to do so because otherwise theyre “apologizing” or excusing it even when they correctly label it as triggering content? The fact that they’re putting themselves at the firing squad for not creating a perfect coffee shop story?

It’s why I consider this site to be unhealthy for content creation. The level of entitlement disuised as progressiveness can cause fear and reluctance for content creators.

Just while I am talking about how wonderful and amazing my followers and friends are, it’s recently been brought to my attention, that some people are buying multiple pre-order pdf copies of Hunger Pangs via my patreon by upping their subscription, then sending me messages going “hey I know you don’t have a $15 reward tier but can this count for 3 copies” to which I reply, yes, of course, assuming they wanted to buy copies for friends not on tumblr. Which cool, awesome! Thank you for buying those extra pre-orders and not just emailing the book to your friends when you’re done with it or putting it up on a torrent site*. That is amazingly kind and thoughtful of you <3

And then I started getting a few messages, asking if they could give their copy of Hunger Pangs away. And I was like “oh, you don’t want to keep your pre-order? Uh, I mean, I can refund you if you don’t want it” and they said “oh. no, no. I’m still buying your book for ME.“ and then explained in detail, that they want to give an extra copy of the patreon book away to someone who couldn’t afford to buy it themselves, or who couldn’t safely have openly queer fiction on their kindle/amazon purchase history in case their family saw it and…this has happened multiple times. I have had multiple messages from at least 12 people asking me, “hey, if I buy an extra copy of your book, can you give it away to someone who can’t afford it?”

And I’m just…you guys are just…so…I can’t even with how good and kind and wonderful you all are sometimes. I really can’t. You’re amazing. Not only because you are thinking of me and helping me to survive using my words, but because you are thinking of others and going “hey, I bet someone could use a happy queer story about love with vampires, werewolves and punching undead fascists in the face right about now” like, what kind of honest to goodness Saints are you. 

Thank you. 

I really cannot express how wonderful this whole experience has been for me. I never thought I’d write a book. I thought I might try, but I never thought in a million years it would be something people would be interested in, let alone want to share with others. And just…thank you. From the depths of my humbled and terrified little heart. Thank you.

And thank you for giving me the opportunity to give multiple copies of my book away for “free” to those who couldn’t afford it, or couldn’t safely own a physical or kindle copy. I’m sure it will mean a lot to the person who gets it. And if you want to do the give away yourself or if you want me to organize a mass give away post or something, please, let me know. I am more than happy to do so.

Just. ugh. UGH. You guys. I didn’t expect to spend my night crying over how good and wonderful people are and yet here we are. Thank you. 


(*please don’t do that. Like for real, please don’t put ANY author’s work up on a torrent site, this is partly why publishers are charging insane prices for e-books now, to make up for lost sales and also cutting back on the number of physical copies they order. Which means fewer sales cause who the hell wants to pay $17.99 for an e-book, especially when you have so many people throwing fiction up on amazon for less than a dollar, forcing the rest of us to sell 60k novels for 99 cents to compete with them. And just to give you an idea of how harmful this is, even pricing HPangs at $5.99 on amazon, I am selling at a loss for how many hours I put into it. It works out at nowhere even near minimum wage, but I know the current market and my own limits, and there’s no way I could charge more than that in good faith. So please, support authors and artists and don’t fucking torrent shit, or if you do and you enjoy it, go buy it if and when you can. Or rent it from your local library. We get paid when you do that too. It really does make a difference to us.)

Let me tell y'all about this bed.

About a month ago, I randomly stumbled across the tumblr @unfuckyourhabitat , which is based off a book by the same title that gave practical strategies for cleaning and maintaining your environment in a practical way. The author makes posts daily reminding everyone to make their beds, and I, being a devout anti-bedmaker, was prepared to dismiss that. But the rest of what she was saying made sense, so I decided to give it a try, and I can say without exaggeration that this habit has changed my whole home life. I’ve made my bed every day for the past month, and starting the day with that one quick act of tidying makes me feel prepared to spend other minutes in other areas of my house and car and classroom, because if I can get up at 3:30AM and muster the energy to better my habitat then, surely I can manage to wash a dish or sweep a floor in the evening.

My house is sparkling, y'all. You know how many dirty dishes are in my sink right now? Zero. When was the last time I cleaned the base of my toilet? Why, every Thursday actually! And what did I do last weekend, just for giggles (and because it needed doing)? I washed my blinds. Washed. My blinds. Like with a bucket and rags and the whole shebang. A month ago you would never have caught me willingly spending my weekend doing something that labor-intensive for a reward as small as not having a decade of dust on my blinds. But I find myself wanting to do those little things now, because I’ve been living in this clean and organized habitat and I love it. It doesn’t take much, just one or two quick tasks a day to keep things from getting out of hand, and I honestly credit my continuing enthusiasm and motivation to this bed.

If my bed is all pretty and made, surely I can put the clothes into the hamper when I take them off instead of a pile on the floor. And if I have a clear floor, I suppose I can avoid dropping my junk on the tables too. And if my room is organized, I guess I can keep my bathroom tidy too. And if my bathroom is tidy I might as well keep the kitchen clean. The chain of logic goes on and on until eventually it just clicked somewhere in my brain that I want a clean habitat and I’m willing to do a little work each day to have one.

And it starts with a bed that’s made.

So thank you, ufyh, for kicking my butt into gear in this one eensy weensy area of my life that turned out to be not so eensy weensy at all. The light switches I Lysol this afternoon will be dedicated to you. ✊

Keep Going;

“You will be okay.” They say, “it’s just in your head” they say. No, it’s never been like that, because if it’s only in the head then why can’t we control and force ourselves to be okay? So,

It’s okay not to be okay.

It’s okay to cry and be sad.

It’s okay to be vulnerable.

But remember this, you are stronger than who you think you are. You might not see it but, you can be stronger than your present self— you wouldn’t feel okay over night, it is a long and difficult process and you gotta be strong for yourself. People might suffocate you in the process but I hope you know that they’re only just there for you, to support you, to stay with you and not to make it hard for you. People will help you but you have to remember that of all people, it’s you— it’s you who could only help yourself the most.

It’s okay to feel weak and it’s okay to cry, let it out and stop. The hardest part of this, is, you know, you really know what to do, you want it to stop, you know how to make it stop, you know how to make yourself calm but you cannot, you just can’t. And it is okay, it’s okay. But remember this, when everything is getting dark and falling apart— never ever trust your mind, stay with us. Stay alive even if the world throw you reasons to leave.

Trust me, the pain won’t stop when you stop breathing. I’ve been there, I’ve got countless of times I tried to end my life; I took medicines, I starve myself, I almost, almost cut myself, I always find myself in the bathroom with my thoughts and wishing I wasn’t there, all I wanted to do is to end everything because I thought no one could ever understand me, I was sick and tired of hearing, you’re just sad, you will get over it, don’t mind it and it’s the hardest when you know what they’re telling are all true but I can’t just think and do it, yet, it made me more mad but I never give up on myself, I still wake up to see the sun rise and I’m glad I did not end my life because if I did, I wouldn’t see how wonderful the world is. Sometimes, we just have to look on the brighter side even if it’s the hardest thing to do during catastrophe.

Again, I’m telling you, it is not easy. It is for us to say but let me tell you I understand, and I’m telling you that it is never going to be easy to do but you gotta try, believe me, it’s going to be worth it someday. You’re gonna be thankful for not leaving, someday. Tomorrow is always a new day.

Stay with us; stay in the world, it is beautiful.

Keep going, brave heart. Keep going.

I believe in you.

You are loved and wonderful.

The world needs you.

L., you’ve got this ;