tuesday single

Given the fact that Bas are travelling to the US on Thursday and they’ve just started promotion for Glory, I think it’s pretty plausible that we’re looking at it being realised imminently. Although it’s possible that they could wait until they’re in the US to release it, I think they’re more likely to do it whilst they’re still in the UK. This means that Glory could be released in the next five days

south park fanfic

cartman: hey fags whats up

kyle: shut up fatass don’t call me a fag bc i’m Actually Gay

stan: yeah (thank god nobody knows i’m secretly gay and in love with kyle)

wendy: stan why did you blow me off to hang out with kyle for the 10th week in a row that’s it i’m breaking up with you also i cheated on you with token every single tuesday when u had football practice goodbye forever

kenny: *furiously making out with butters in the background*

peace and love on planet earth 

it’s nice to see the sudden positivity in this fandom!!

Ravenclaw headcanons because there's not enough Ravenclaw on my dash

Padma sneaking Parvati into Ravenclaw Tower all the time and letting her stay in her dorm room because Parvati is allergic to Crookshanks.

Anthony and Terry arguing over which twin is who because they are known to switch ties all the time just to mess with everyone.

Cho organizing parties after every Quidditch match win or lose. Marietta taking care of food and drinks because she has “connections”.

“Connections” meaning she flirts with the Hufflepuffs because they have a secret easy access to the kitchens.

Luna’s things disappearing and then reappearing around the common room two months later. Her shoes tend to pop up elsewhere though.

Luna having thoughtful Saturday afternoon conversations with The Grey Lady about being dead.

Peeves bouncing around the common room for hours every single Tuesday night without fail and as a result the library stays open two hours longer than usual so the Ravenclaws can study.

Anthony spending more time doodling in his notebook than doing classwork and getting caught by McGonagall.

Su Li having an eagle owl that basically hates everyone and the entire Ravenclaw table knows to duck whenever they see it coming through the Great Hall because if you so much as look at it the wrong way it will go for your hair. Or your breakfast.

Terry never making it back to Ravenclaw Tower before curfew and getting into arguments with the Tower knocker because the questions become twice as difficult after curfew to discourage late night stragglers. Clearly it doesn’t work on him.

Every year after CoS, the Ravenclaws make bets on what sort of shit Harry Potter is going to get himself into. His fifth year Padma made a few Galleons off the fact that Loony Lovegood got mixed up in it.

2
Every Single Second || Tricia Springstubb || 368 pages
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Top 3 Genres: Middle Grade / Realistic Fiction / Contemporary

Synopsis: A single second. That’s all it takes to turn a world upside down.

Twelve-year-old Nella Sabatini’s life is changing too soon, too fast. Her best friend, Clem, doesn’t seem concerned; she’s busy figuring out the best way to spend the “leap second”—an extra second about to be added to the world’s official clock. The only person who might understand how Nella feels is Angela, but the two of them have gone from being “secret sisters” to not talking at all.

Then Angela’s idolized big brother makes a terrible, fatal mistake, one that tears apart their tight-knit community and plunges his family into a whirlwind of harsh publicity and judgment. In the midst of this controversy, Nella is faced with a series of startling revelations about her parents, friends, and neighborhood. As Angela’s situation becomes dangerous, Nella must choose whether to stand by or stand up. Her heart tries to tell her what to do, but can you always trust your heart? The clock ticks down, and in that extra second, past and present merge—the future will be up to her.

Tricia Springstubb’s extraordinary novel is about the shifting bonds of friendship and the unconditional love of family, the impact of class and racial divides on a neighborhood and a city, and a girl awakening to awareness of a world bigger and more complex than she’d ever imagined.

Publication Date: June 2016. / Average Rating: 3.93. / Number of Ratings: 280~.

i know i signed up for a four hour class tuesday nights but every single week i’m like what??? The fuck??????? four hours really?????????????

3

“In one of the last [photos], without the jacket, with just the shirt and the beanie… if i didn’t know it was you, I would seriously think it was a guy. Not kidding.  And it’s awesome.”

Well, even if life is a living Hell right now, I can find consolation in the fact that someone would have thought I was a (cis) guy if they didn’t know me already. 

So here. Have that photo they were talking about, as well as two others that I particularly like. I’m happy with these; I don’t look quite as hideous as usual, haha. Plus, I’m still pleased with how the rainbow bracelet turned out - I made it myself, and for a first time making one (a rainbow bracelet), I think it turned out decently.

((Edits made as of 5/6/2015 due to the realisation that my use  of ‘biological’ might be triggering or upsetting to people.))

How To Capture A Boyfriend

As a seasoned surveyor of the male sex, I consider myself well-trained in the art of capturing men. I’ve successfully come close to capturing dozens, maybe even two dozens, of living, breathing men in my lifetime. So I know what I’m talking about when I say apprehending a boyfriend is a simple process — a formula, really — that, when followed precisely, may possibly lead to romantic success every single time.

(Again, trust me on this. My doctorate is in attractive men.)

Here’s what you need to do to catch a human male of your very own:

Step 1: Prepare your cage. It should be sturdy, preferably made of strong oak or steel, with no sharp edges or bumps. (Contrary to popular belief, men are weak and prone to bleeding when lacerated.) Your cage should be large enough to hold up to two full-grown men, roomy enough for them both to be comfortable, but not so comfortable that they’re able to fall in love with one another before you have a chance to retrieve them. 

Step 2: Set up your cage in an area highly trafficked by attractive men. This might be a gym locker room, the sidewalk outside of a Buffalo Wild Wings, or anywhere in Australia.

Step 3: Fill your cage with a bowl of cubed beef, a glass of red wine, and a soft faux fur blanket. You want to attract the right kind of prey: rugged, yet sophisticated, a man who enjoy a nice Merlot with his bowl of raw, cubed beef, before curling up atop a soft blanket. Spray a little perfume in there to scare away the frail, not-confident-in-my-masculinity type. No one has time for that. Also, leave out a handful of old GQ magazines in case he has to use the bathroom.

Step 4: Take a pasta break. Your trap will take time to attract the right kind of man. Pass the time by filling yourself with warming carbs and remind yourself that this is all the body requires. A man is merely an accessory, while carbs provide you with all the essential love and sustenance that true happiness requires.

Step 5: Check your cage for captured prey. If steps 1 through 4 are followed precisely, you should find a warm-blooded man sleeping peacefully in his cage when you arrive. It’s important to wear thick gloves while you approach your prey. Men are known to bite when provoked. Do not make any sudden moves. Approach slowly. Whisper, “it’s OK boy, no one’s gonna hurt you.” Toss him an extra beef cube if his bowl is empty.

Step 6: Quiz your captive to ensure you haven’t caught a dud. Before you release your prey and attempt to force him to fall in love with you, it’s important to ensure that he meets the basic qualifications for courtship. Ask him if he likes Beyoncé. Show him a book and see if he’s capable of reading it. Shout the word “FEMINIST” and see if he reacts violently. If he fails any of these tests, you’ve unfortunately caught a dud. Find a small pasture to release him into, or put him down humanely.

Step 7: Convince your captive to fall in love with you. Once you’ve ensured you haven’t caught a lemon, you can begin the process of convincing your captive to love you. Prepare a soft bed, and fill it with various blankets and chocolates and flowers. Guide your captive to it, undress him and tuck yourselves beneath the covers. Scratch his belly as he drifts to sleep, whispering things into his ear like “I’m all you have now” and “You’re so lucky to have me” and “I can’t believe we’re in love.” As he dreams, he will imagine your blissful lives together.

Step 8: Perform routine maintenance. Keeping your man requires regular upkeep. If he gets restless, spray him firmly in the face with a bottle filled with salt water. Bathe him frequently. Train him to make you sandwiches and request them daily. Occasionally remind him that he is special. Touch his butt. Don’t let him escape.

Congratulations! You now have the knowledge and resources you need to capture your very own boyfriend. Happy hunting.

Hey guys, I want to talk to you about how disgusting my school is. This morning I was hungry, on rare occasions do I actually eat food in the morning and the one morning I do, there is mold covering almost ¾ of this strawberry. Now I’ve been skeptical about school food before, I’ve had a couple friends work in the back and I’ve been told the horror stories of cockroaches on the counters, them reusing old food (not the mention the serving of stale chips every single Tuesday) but I believed that they wouldn’t do that to us…well I’ve been proved wrong. Not only was my strawberry molded but also two of my friends strawberries started to mold, which means every single strawberry they served had been exposed to mold. I think the worst part about this whole experience was when I went to go return the strawberry, the lunch lady did not even seem surprised. They are supposed to be serving us to fuel, not to kill.