I’m officially in my last year of medical school - I can’t believe how quickly time has flown.
Third year was an emotional time for me. It had some of the highest highs and the lowest lows so far. A list of the best and worst moments from each rotation:
Best: A patient wrote a poem about his struggles between darkness & light, and gave me a copy (which is still on my wall).
Worst: Realizing that my own mental health problems weren’t going anywhere.
Best: Doing a full H&P & presenting to an attending on my own for the first time.
Worst: Watching an attending I admired ignore the visibly overwhelmed and upset parent of a patient, without being able to do anything myself.
Best: Learning the newborn exam, and actually auscultating a murmur on a baby.
Worst: Learning that the lab lost a precious sample of CSF from a tiny premature baby who was seizing - and lied about it - despite my calling every day for a week.
Best: Being trusted enough by my senior to be sent to the peds ED to do an H&P on my own; once there, being recognized by both the ED attending & peds resident, both of whom told me to do my interview and let them know what I found, since they trusted me to get the info they needed too.
Worst: Being yelled at for not knowing how a clinic worked on my first day there. Also having to call residents Dr. __ for literally the only time all year. Also having to stay 2 hours for morning conference after doing overnights.
Best: That moment, for the first time all year, when I finally started to feel competent - I knew my patients, I was in charge of their care, they knew me & trusted me, and my team trusted me too.
Worst: I don’t even know where to begin. Having things thrown at me in the OR. Being awake & in the hospital for 34 of 36 straight hours. Getting yelled at by 6 nurses at once for doing what the attending asked me to do in the middle of a code. Seeing my first patient die. Seeing my second patient die. After both deaths, having no acknowledgement of what happened, and just being told to get back to updating the lab lists. The overwhelmingly prevalent sentiment that your worth as a human being is dependent solely on your position in the hierarchy.
Best: My attending calling me the best intern he’d ever had. My patient having her husband bake bread & bring me a loaf.
Worst: Having one of my patients transferred to the ICU and not going to see him before he died - something I regret, and won’t ever let happen again.
I’ve learned a lot. I know how to manage COPD and CHF and asthma. I know how to draw blood and do ABGs and place NG tubes. I know the names of maybe a third of the residents and a third of the nurses, and I’m working on learning more. I know how to talk to patients from all walks of life and take care of them at their most vulnerable. I have plenty more to learn, but for now - that’s enough.
As a child I was fine
Blissfully passing time
Then came pressure
Life as a teenager
I’ve got to fit in
If I don’t it’s a sin
The cock playing jocks
Chicks in tube socks
Cruel name calling heard
My brain deeply scared
Stupid nerd or a geek
Even a fucking freak
Everything on life’s table
Has to be labelled
Fashion and sex
Made me perplexed
This damn society
You say stop your tears
Gotta face your fears
So easy to do
You haven’t a clue
Are we allowed to be
End my life
Perhaps with a knife
Demons in my head
Worse when I’m in bed
But that’s where I stay
Avoid light of day
Impossible to cope
Maybe a rope
I feel more than just sad
You tell me I’m mad
Look at life’s riches
Say you crazy bitches
My life is contracting
Your laws conflicting
But I just want to be me
From your rules set free
Life a misnomer
Feels like a coma
Its dragging me under
Music my escape
Lyrics with meaning
Seep deep in my feelings
Tried my own writing
In ink my thoughts frightening
In the end I just crack
Turning to smack
What’s society all about
Think I’ll just opt out
1. Currently, I’m in the midst of a serious competition with some coworkers to see who can pass a dobb hoff the deepest into the small intestine. The current winner speared poop in the small intestine with the tip of the dobb hoff. She calls this her greatest achievement.
2. I don’t know what the AF stands for in the names of tube feeding formulas, but in my mind it’s peptamen as f***.
3. When I’m telling a patient why they should not do something, too often I use the logic “because if you do, you will die.”
4. Every minute my coworker is late to take report from me, is a minute less of report they are getting.
5. Not getting picked to talk to JCAHO or Magnet surveyors is the nurse equivalent to winning the lottery.
6. “Hey you want coffee?” Is nurse for “I love you.”
7. I don’t always hide in the medication room, but when I do, it’s to talk crap about my patient or their family or Dr. Full-of-himself.
8. I live for the moment I get to kick visitors out.
9. It is wrong to walk around the ICU saying “I see dead people,” or “Welcome to the vegetable garden,” or “I will unplug her vent to charge my cell phone.” All things that had to be explained in a unit meeting on appropriate work conduct.
10. I will straight up ignore my patients when the therapy dogs come to the unit.
Something that I have been thinking about after this most recent chapter is the three things in Tokyo Ghoul:re. There is the cafe :re which is run by those who survived the raid on Anteiku. There is Kaneki who is the self-proclaimed king, yet at his moment of announcing that there was the reveal of re meaning king. Then there was Amon in the re tube.
The first is the cafe :re, which was the first place that in a small way triggered Haise’s memories of the past even if it was as small as crying over it. This place was revealed to Touka as a place for Kaneki to return.
which gave the impression that Tokyo Ghoul:re was about Kaneki’s return to home.
However, that was turned on it’s head when Kaneki declared himself King and re meant king. This in turn started to make sense in the case of the narrative that Ishida of a chess game between Furuta and Kaneki. Kaneki while not having the most outstanding morals wants a change for the better of the world, whereas Furuta wants the world to stay the same with him in charge. Yet, in the long run something didn’t feel right with manipulative players like Donato and Uta still around.
Then Amon was revealed in a tube named re, which we know from Kaneki means king, and was considered a last resort savior for the researchers in the lab.
Amon being in the re tube means a lot for the story, as while Kaneki has been a physical force who learns from mistakes. Amon is a man who was philosophical to a degree and had huge morals that he rarely wavered from minus his interactions with Kaneki. I wonder if Amon being shown with re has to do with why Donato and the clowns have teamed up with Furuta. Donato has only found interest with people who have to do with Amon, like Haise. I wonder if he only teamed up with Furuta to get information on him and figure out where he was. It would also make sense considering Donato’s obsession with him as a child, and how that it remains as Amon has gotten older. I think it’s a major part to do with why Amon has been referenced as with re and why Furuta hasn’t.
It makes me speculate that tgre will most likely end with the three things called re aligned which would parallel the end of tg. Amon and Kaneki fighting each other for what they believe in at at :re a place for kings to return to. Yet, this time they realize that they have the same common interest fixing a world thats wrong
Title: King of Anything Status: Ongoing Chapter: 1
(you are here)
/ 2 / 3 / 4 /5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9
/ 10 / 11 / ??? ao3 link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10992156/chapters/24482199 Word count:
1959 Characters: Gerald Robotnik, Maria Robotnik, Shadow the hedgehog Summary: Shadows background story… like literally…. just that it’s my version with my headcanons and all…. This chapter is about his birth.
Please tell me if you want more and give feedback!
English is not writers first language, pardon grammar/expressive errors. Have fun!
MARCH recently acquired a one-of-a-kind machine – a custom-made Philbick analog computer made specifically for M.I.T. in 1958. A large portion of it’s processing is done via operational amplifiers, and almost everything is vacuum tube based (there are a few transistors on this computer though). It’s a very modular machine, designed to be completely reconfigured and rewired on a task-by-task basis.
It is in serious need of restoration and probably a few dozen or hundred replacement vacuum tubes to bring it back to functional condition. It also had an era-appropriate oscilloscope used for diagnostics of the computer.
Wait, this is by Kougi right? This actually feels like it’s connected to Kougi’s Music Video in You Tube. I forgot the name but about Chika and Riko and I think their goodbyes
I found it!
You’re right, it is connected!!
Everyone go watch it here! Basically, Riko has to go to a music school in London and Chika wants to support her so she bottles up her feelings and doesn’t say anything. And then on the day Riko has to leave, Chika’s is staying in her room until You and the other Aqours members tell her to go see Riko and she does, and tells her “I’ll be waiting”. Aahh it’s so sad T_T
Anon: Can you make a fanfic (or a series) where y/n is an artist-You Tuber and she meets Dan and Phil at a YouTube convention and they’re amazed by her artwork so they want her to make their new merch designs and Dan starts to like her? More things happened between Dan and y/n? Thank you xx
A/N: So I made this a one shot, I got so many series’ that I can’t keep up with rn that it’s insane haha. I do hope that you like this though xx
(Y/YTC/n) - Your you tube channel name
I was sitting in my hotel room, going over my plans for my panel show tomorrow. I use my channel to make art, digital, paint, sketches. you name it and I have probably worked with it. The lamp on my table was dimmed and sitting over my drawing pad, I had soft music playing in the background and I had a glass of wine by my side. I wasn’t really sure what i wanted to do just yet, I was tapping the end of the pencil against the pad just hoping that I would have a stroke of genius. Why I left things to the last minute, I will never know. I drew things down and then erased them back out, the process continued over and over until I gave up and decided to go to bed for the night, hopefully I’ll snag some inspiration before the panel tomorrow.
When I wake up, it’s about 7:30 in the morning. I groan and climb out of bed, rubbing my eyes to adjust to the daylight, seeping in from the curtains now in front of me. I ease myself off of the bed and begin to stretch, it was really needed. I decided that I should probably shower and get ready then head down to the room where my panel was being held, I still didn’t have an Idea, but maybe being there can draw me some inspiration. I grab a towel from the cupboard and throw it over my shoulder as i walk into the bathroom, but not before picking up my phone so I could listen to music in the meantime. I put my phone on shuffle and turned the taps on the shower, extending my arm out so I could adjust the temperature until it was suited to my liking. I took off my clothes and hopped in before realizing that “Hair” by little mix was playing. Now I couldn’t sing or Dance very well, but hey, when I was in the shower, all bets were off and i would just go for it.
‘Cause he was just a dick and I knew it. Got me going mad sitting in this chair, Like I don’t care
I took off the shower head and began to use it as a mic in my hands, needless to say that I got pretty carried away. I continued doing this until the song ended then I scrubbed myself clean and got out, i dried myself and my hair, going over it with a hairdryer afterwards to make sure that it was good to go. When I finished, I walked out of the bathroom and to my suitcase, I pulled out a nice black top and a red midi skirt with some nice heels to match and then threw them on. I finished everything else that I needed to such as hair, make up etc and then picked up my phone and my bag before walking out of my hotel room.
As i open the door to the big room where my panel was, I couldn’t help but notice all the lights and things they were currently putting up. I had never been to one of these things before, I was never that popular until recently, so I was a little overwhelmed at how far I’d come in terms of my art. I never thought that in a million years that I would have a bunch of fans that appreciate my work enough to let me do this as a career. Let’s face it, I wasn’t the skinniest girl in the world and my looks were average, yet most people didn’t seem to care. It was refreshing. I walked up onto the stage, trying to avoid getting in the way of the crew and i just soaked everything in, soon there was going to be hundred of people in here to see me and other you-tubers. I squealed in delight, and then it hit me. The best Idea.
It’’s now time for the panel, I standing to the side of the stage and I’m so nervous that my palms are clammy, it’s not pleasant. When they call out my name, I put on my best smile and I wave out to the crowd of people, telling them hello’s and such. Myself and the other you-tubers on the panel with me took our seats in thee big red couches and got to talking about where we started and how it’s so different to now, what we do for a living and then we got to questions before each artist took their turn to impress their fans. I sat and watched as the other artists created things, some worked with clay, others with markers and played games with the audience, and then one other artist, she worked with makeup, turned herself into anything the crowd wanted, I was actually quite amazed. but after her when they called my name, That’s when the Adrenalin kicked in.
“Alright everybody, Put your hands together for our next talented artist, (Y/n)”
I walked up and waved out to the crowd, getting pretty excited with them, when they hushed down after a little while, I began to go on with my panel.
“So everyone, if you don’t know me I run the (Y/YTC/n) and I can do anything. I work with pens, paints, clay, etc. I can do it all, but what I’m going to do here is treat some of you to a little something.”
I Removed the black curtain beside me, showing an easel with poster sized glossy paper, meaning that I would be working with markers. I looked back at the crowd and smiled.
“Alright, now I need a few volunteers”
Well the crowd went wild now didn’t it. I scouted through the crowd and saw a small girl, she was about 5 foot 2 maybe. she had short purple hair and she wore glasses. I pointed to her with a smile on my face and got security to help her up on stage. With her I chose 2 boys, and another girl. They all stood in a line up on stage and waited for me to talk to them. I walked up to the first boy, he said his name was Harry, and I began to ask him some questions.
“Okay Harry, so what’s your favourite colour?”
“Okay, and who is your biggest inspiration in life, who do you look up to?”
“Well, I mean Alfie Deyes is pretty cool, he’s just a chill guy really.”
“Okay Harry, What If I told you I could draw a poster of you and Alfie together in about two minutes”
“You see how huge the paper is right?”
“Oh I know, Can we get a timer somebody?”
One of the crew members comes out with his phone and prepares the crowd, see I had a secret hidden talent that I haven’t shown with my channel just yet, and that was that I could draw with both of my hands at the same time. I was ambidextrous. The crew member counts me down from 3 and when he says go, I was off. I did the outline as quick as I could, considering this was marker, if I made a mistake, there was no going back, and I did make a mistake once, so I decided to make the hairline look just a little bit thicker. It’s art after all. I finished the outline with about 50 seconds to spare, so I broke out the colours and started to colour in main thins, skin tone, the colour of their pants, and then I gave Harry here a green singlet top, I finished up the hair colours just as the buzzer went off and it was complete. I pulled it off the easel and showed it to the crowd, they all screamed and cheered. The feeling was amazing.
“Whoa, this is actually amazing.”
I rolled it up and put an elastic band around it before handing it to the boy
“Well it’s yours now champ, enjoy”
He seemed pretty happy about that as he walked off stage, I’m so glad this is what I got to do for a living.
I drew a portrait of iron man for the other boy and then a portrait of Beyonce for the girl. Her attitude sucked by the way, it’s people like her that ruin the fun for everybody. But now I was left with the small girl with purple hair, she looked very sweet.
“And what’s you name sweetie?”
“Okay steph, so who is your biggest inspiration, and why?”
She fumbled a little bit, I could tell she was a very shy person, I used to be that way myself. She fiddled with the bracelets on her arms as she brought herself to the mic.
“Honestly, My inspirations are Dan and Phil, because they know how to cheer me up. Even though I’ve never met them, I just want them to know that they always make me feel better when I’m sad, they’re just beautiful souls.”
I smiled as I looked down at her. She seemed really genuine and soft. I decided that I was going to make this a special piece just for her. but little did I know who else would be in the room at that time.
“Okay, since this is my final one, I’m not going to use a timer. but just before I start. What’s your favourite colour and item that you own? “
“Oh well, I love purple, but my favourite thing I own is my flower crown, it’s made of white roses, but the tips of the petals are a soft pink”
i smiled at her and nodded before looking out at the crowd.
“Are we ready?”
The crowd cheered once more.
When I finished, I pulled it off the easel and showed it to the crowd before showing it to Steph. The crowd gasped and wowed at the image I had just created. I drew Dan and Phil, but I drew her as well, as if they were all taking a selfie. She had a purple dress on and the three of them had matching flower crowns that described what she owned. I took a black marker and signed the bottom corner of it and then I showed it to her. She held the sides of the poster and began to tear up. I pulled her into a hug and she wrapped her arms around me, thanking me for everything, but I think something changed for the both of us, when someone tapped on my shoulder.
I turned around after Steph had let go and both of the boys were standing before me. I must have looked shocked, probably because they were the people I was least expecting to see. I looked down at Steph and she was just frozen in place as she gazed up her idols.
“So what have we got here Phil”
“I don’t know Dan, Say (Y/n) can you hand us the work for a second”
I did as they said and they stood there for a few seconds, analyzing the works, constantly looking back and forth at each other as they mumbled things that I couldn’t quite catch. They pulled out one of my markers and signed the bottom of the poster themselves before handing it to Steph. If she wasn’t crying before, then she sure was now. She gave them a hug and they took a photo with her then she bounded off stage with the biggest smile in the world. I thanked everyone for sticking around and I gave a final wave before I got off stage with Dan and Phil.
As we walked off, Dan called out my name. I stopped in my tracks and looked back at them, giving the both of them a soft smile.
“Oh I’m so sorry, Hi, I’m (Y/n).”
“We know, We are quite the fan of your work, I mean, the picture you just did of me and Dan here was quite impressive”
I blushed, these you tube big timers were acknowledging my works, it was incredible. I shook each of their hands and walked with them until we reached the hallway.
“So (Y/n), Phil and I are wondering if you have some time to talk, we have a proposition for you”
“Oh yes, absolutely, let’s go”
“Wait, So you guy’s want me, this small you tuber who is only just paving her way through the system, to be your merchandise artist??”
They both looked at each other and then looked back at me with smiles both planted on their faces. Phil took my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
“That’s exactly what we’re saying”
“See, Dan and I have been looking for someone for a while now, we’ve worked with a few artists, but for either creative differences or personal obligations, none of them could stick around for a permanent position with us. I mean, if you can’t fit in time for it or whatever, we both understand, I mean being an artist that lives in London yourself, you could meet up with Dan or myself, or even the both of us and we could go over idea’s together and such.”
“What we mean is, we would seriously love it if you could join Phil and I, but we don’t expect an answer right away, take some time to think about it, and then you can call one of us with your decision later, sound fair?”
“It does, Thank you so much for the opportunity, I’ll think it over for a couple of weeks and then I’ll get back to you guys”
“No worries, anyway, here is mine and Phil’s number, so just call us when you can with your decision, We hope you can join us, you’re such a talented artist, and I could see us becoming really good friends”
“We’re sorry we can’t stay longer but we have a panel in about 20 minutes, so we’ll catch you later”
“Okay, bye guys, it was nice to meet you both!”
The both of them waved as they walked away. I was left with a really important decision now. This opportunity was huge, sure with the amount of fans they have, my works would be widely recognized, and i’d get a flow of traffic coming to me, but this was a lot of time i’d be using to help them. Don’t get me wrong, they were the loveliest guys I had ever met, but I really did need to think about a decision as big as this one.
after that I decided to put that thought on hold and head back to my hotel room so that I could get ready, there was a big VIP you tuber party going on tonight and I had officially been invited. I had the rest of my day to go about before I had to start getting ready, so i figured I could do some art by the pool, because why not, I had to soak up as much sun as I could before I headed back to London. when I got inside, I walked to my suitcase and pulled out one of my favourite bikini’s and got changed to it, It was bright purple and had little pineapples all over it, I thought it was quite cute. With my pad, my pencil’s, and my phone in my hand, I wrapped a towel around my waist and took the elevator down to the hotel pool.
The sun felt so warm on my skin as I walked outside, I wasn’t wanting to get into the water today so I took a position under one of those big umbrella’s. I opened up my sketch pad and tapped on the pages once more as I thought about what I could draw, I mean. I was asked by Dan and Phil for a proposition, so maybe if I jotted down some sketches I could have something on the ready if I did decide to take it all on. I figured i could do some realistic black and white sketches of the both of them, even though they were Dan&Phil the super group, People sometimes had a preference, so maybe if I came up with a sweater design for the each of them they could make more sales.
Time went by as i took my dedication into just drawing away, I loved art, it was always so calming to the mind for me, something I could just do for hours on end and never be bored of it. as My sketches of Dan and Phil developed slowly over the page, I began to think about whether this was something I wanted to dedicate to full time, just endlessly drawing art based off two people and the things they loved, I mean, most artists took to self portraits over and over, so why was this any different? They were wonderful people, I feel like I’ve captured their personalities so far in my work. I was definitely considering this. As I was putting details into Dan’s face, my phone started to buzz over and over. I picked it up and lowered my sunglasses so the I could read the print on the screen.
“Hope you’re getting ready sweetie, Alfie and I will be round your room in an hour to take you with us xx
Oh shoot. I quickly packed up my things and tracked up to my room so that I could go and get ready, I only had an hour now, time just flew by, I just hope that it would be enough to get myself ready. I brushed out my hair and gave it a quick run through with a curler on the ends, I slipped into a slim blue dress, slapped on some makeup that took me about 5 minutes and then I gave myself a once over in front of the mirror, just to make sure that everything looked appropriate. For rushing around in an hour to get ready, I didn’t look half bad. As I was slipping on my heels a knock happened on my door.
“Are you still getting ready in there (y/n)?”
I grabbed my purse and opened up the door with a smile on my face as I was greeted by Zoe and Alfie.
“I was just slipping my shoes on”
“Lovely, Alrighty then, let’s get going, Everybody is already there”
considering that this was my first you tube party, I was grateful that Zoe was there for me, you see, she was my best friend in high school so we are never really apart. It was nice that this was one more thing that we could to together.
I walked into the venue in awe, everything was white with neon lights everywhere, It was quite pretty. Zoe and Alfie walked off to go talk to people, and I was okay with that, but now I was feeling a little awkward and shy, not really knowing anyone else. I looked around as I took everything in, the music, the lights, the people, it was all so exciting. I noticed that across the room there was an open bar and at that moment I was thanking the heavens. I walked over and ordered my go to drink before taking a seat in one of the stools. As the bartender sat the drink in front of me, I gazed at it, wrapping my fingers around the glass, I would have taken a sip but someone in that moment decided to tap my shoulder, and when I turned around, There was Dan Howell.
“Is this seat taken?”
“Not at all”
“By yourself I see”
“Yeah, well I’ve never been to one of these things before, I don’t really know anyone”
“Ah, I see. I would help you, but I’m an awkward mess in large crowds of people”
We both chuckled as Dan waved over the bartender to order himself a drink, When he finished placing his order, his eyes took their attention to me once more.
“So have you thought about our proposal at all?”
“I’m considering it, I mean, I don’t really do much else with my art other than just post it on you tube, so having something to keep me grounded really sounds like a good Idea. It’s not a yes just yet, but it’s in consideration”
Dan smiled, His warm, brown eyes seemed lighter when he smiled. I mean, I didn’t really know this, but from watching a few of his videos, he always seems like there’s something missing, but when he smiles, it’s one of the most wonderful things in the world, It made you feel light inside. We got the chatting generally about ourselves, you know, our likes and dislikes, what we did in our everyday lives, passions and hobbies, the usual conversation topic you would pick in getting to know someone, and it wasn’t too bad either. Dan was goofy and fun, but he was serious about some things as well which I admired. I realised that I had nothing left in my glass, so I flagged down the bartender to order another drink.
“What would you like miss?”
I went to order for myself but Dan intervened, smiling as he spoke towards the waiter.
“(Y/n) here is going to have another of what she had before, and you know what, I’ll have the same.”
I smiled, I pulled out my purse to pay for the drink, but by the time I managed to find the cash, Dan had already paid for the both of us
“I could have paid”
“Oh I know, but I’m deciding to pay for you, here”
He slid the drink over towards me with kindness in his eyes, I think if I was to do something full time, I wouldn’t find anyone nicer than these two people to work for, and I could become great friends with these people.
He was taking a sip from his drink as he said this, but his eyes told me to go on. I flashed him a smile as I spun my stool towards his direction.
“I’ll do it”
“I’ll be the Dan and Phil merch artist”
“Oh really? That’s wonderful news, When I see Phil next I shall tell him. You know that it means spending a lot of time with us right, I’m not sure you could handle it”
I chuckled as he said this raising my glass over towards his, we clinked our glasses together and took another sip. As i placed the glass down, I looked at Dan and smiled.
“I think I’ll be just fine”
After vidcon and all the parties, about a week later I finally returned home so my studio apartment in London, I could afford to live in something larger and nicer, but the view I had from my windows, matched with the coziness of something small with my art around me, It felt like home. I figured I would unpack later, but I did pull my pad out and placed myself on the sofa in front of the TV.
It didn’t take very long, but page after page now was filled with ideas and concepts for how the Dan and Phil merch could look, but It became such a habit to draw these two that I just started drawing them for my own personal pleasure. I figured that I could do a realistic painting of Dan and Phil, One in colour and the other in black and white, to fit their aesthetics and then they could use these two paintings as a give away or something. I don’t know, I was just the artist. I already had some sketches drawn up that I wanted to use, so I pulled out two canvases that I kept around the apartment and sat one of them on my easel. After changing into my painting overalls and tying my hair up, I laid out the paints and then got to work. I wanted to do the lack and grey one first, so that way when I saw it, I knew where I could go for the coloured one.
I hadn’t realised that most of the day had gotten away from me, I was just so focused, but when I looked out the window, everything was dark except the streetlights that glowed in the distance. I was putting detail into Dan’s side of the painting when someone knocked on my door. I wiped my hands clean and got up from my seat, stretching my legs as I walked over towards the door. As I opened it up, I was met by the lovely presence of Dan and Phil.
“Oh hey there guys, come on in”
I opened up the door and allowed them to walk inside, but as I was closing the door, I was met with gasping behind me.
“Whoa, what is this for?”
Phil looked at me with such a bright smile across his face, he was always so perky in the way he talked I found, and it really brought up m mood.
“Well. I had an idea, you can totally shoot me down if you want, but hear me out.”
The boys both looked at each other curiously and then aid both of their attention back towards me.
“Okay, so I know I’m only the merch artist, I do designs for T-shirts and sweaters and things. but what if you guys draw more attention to your site with a give away”
“So my idea is this. I was going to do two paintings, One black and grey to suit Dan’s love of dark and simple tones, and then one in colour to suit Phil’s bright personality. When I’m done, you both sign it, and whoever spends as much as you want, They go into a draw to win one of two paintings. It create more traffic, you’ll sell more things, and you’re reaching out to your fans”
The boys started discussing things in a hushed tone, so I figured that this was a great time to go and get something to drink since I had been in the ne position all day, I was starting to feel pretty tired too, so I might stop painting for the night. When I come back, both of the boys are staring at me with a weird look on their face.
“So Phil and I did some talking, and we actually really love your idea. it’s smart, it’s innovative and w wanna give back as a thank you, so this is really such an amazing Idea.”
“Absolutely!” Phil chimes in, with that bright smile planted to his lips.
“Oh yay!, listen. I was going to order some food and watch some Netflix or something. Did you guys have anywhere to be, or did you want to join me?
“We would love to join you”
Dan seemed to blurt that out a little quicker than he intended because he looked a little embarrassed afterwards. He started to scratch the back of his neck, so I took this as a sign to pull my laptop out so we could get something delivered. As i did this, both of them just sat there staring at the painting.
“And you drew this yourself?”
I nodded, flashing them both a small smile as I continued scanning through the net.
“How does pizza sound?”
They said that in unison and then gave each other weird looks, it was rather funny, so we all chuckled together as they gathered around the laptop so we could order.
Once we ordered ans awaited on our delivery, Phil had to leave to use the “Little boy’s room” as he put it, which left me and Dan alone. I gazed over towards the painting, just wondering if it was dry enough that I could maybe place somewhere else, I don’t think Dan and Phil really wanted to stare at themselves the whole time they were here.
“You’re an amazing artist (Y/n)”
I smiled and looked over at Dan… The real Dan.
“I mean, if you would like , I could show you my “Office”. Really it’s just a corner of my house that I’ve dedicated my art works and things but hey, it works”
“Dan shrugged and smiled
“I’d love to.”
We got up off the sofa and walked over towards my office space, I had books upon books just stacked high, all filled with pieces of art that I had worked on over the years, I never threw anything away because it may have some use later, since I was a budding artist. I took a few of the books from the stack as Dan gazed at my walls all filled with canvases.
“Whoa, this is all beautiful”
I gave him a small smile as I opened up the books, laying them out for him to see. but I hadn’t realised that one of the books I had picked were really personal to me. He picked it up and started going through the pages
“Are these people you know?”
“Well. Yeah.They were my family”
I gave him a sad look, hoping he would get the picture, He saw my face and continued to look through my realistic photogenic portraits.
“I’m really sorry about that, but you’ve captured them in an amazing way (Y/n)”
I shrugged, I hadn’t looked at those for a long time now. I was feeling a little down now, so I sighed and walked over towards the window were I placed my arms on the window sill and hung my head, trying not to cry. after a minutes or so I felt a a pair of hands pull me back and into a hug.
“I didn’t mean to upset you”
“It’s okay, it’s just not something I talk about.”
I wrapped my arms around him and nuzzled my head into his chest, I would have felt weird about doing this with a new friend, but I was feeling rather comfortable around Dan so I figured it would be okay.
“You guys okay?”
We pulled apart almost instantly and looked at Phil nervously.
“Yeah, I just was having a bit of a sad moment, that’s all”
I took my seat back on the couch and started to flick through Netflix, to see what we could all possibly watch. As I was doing this the door bell rang for the delivery, so Phil went and grabbed that and brought it over to the coffee table in front of us to enjoy.
About a month later, all my free time between video’s and meetings turned into getting things together for Dan and Phil’s new series of merch coming out, so now everything was busy. I’ve become best friends with these two, but I don’t know what it is lately, but Dan’s been a little bit distanced. I know he stresses out about his life and stuff so I decided not to push anything, but I did hope that he was okay.
Two weeks ago I went round to their place for the night for a games and movie marathon. And it was literally all fun and games, but Dan was quiet, which was pretty unusual considering the profanities he usually spat out. I think this is something I need to talk to Phil about, because I’m getting concerned. This morning I had a few hours to spare before I had to pick up the final print’s to show both boys that evening, so I got up out of bed, threw on a striped shirt with some overalls, tossed my hair up and then decided to hoot Phil a message.
“Hey Philly, Just wondering if you had time for a coffee this morning, need to talk - (Y/n)”
“no worries, Starbucks in 20?”
“You know me so well :)”
“Alright, see you then :)”
I threw on a pair of chunky boots and looked myself over in the mirror. for someone that Just got out of bed without make up, I wasn’t looking too bad. I raced to the bathroom and threw on some make up with a plum lip colour and then grabbed my bag, heading out of the apartment. i liked to be early, it was my thing. I walked down the streets of London, observing the scenes and enjoying the not so common sunny day. I was about to cross a road when a few girls pulled me up.
“Oh my god, your (Y/n) from (Y/YTC/n). Can we get a selfie?”
“Of course Ladies, You got me on a good look day too!”
I posed with the girls and took a couple of nice and silly selfies and then sent them on their way. I hadn’t really been asked for something like that in public before so I was actually really happy now that I practically skipped the rest of the way.
when i walked inside I was instantly hit with the strong aroma that is coffee, bitter, yet sweet as it’s mixed with sugary frappes of chocolate and caramel. I was definitely in need of something to drink. I took my bag off my shoulder and sat in one of the booths as I awaited for Phil, and that didn’t take long. Normally he was only late because Dan kept them both waiting. I pulled out my phone and saw a message from Dan.
“Nice face ;) - Image attached”
I opened up the image, and it was one from this morning with the girls that I took, wow, That went around fast now didn’t it. I snickered and gave him a wink in reply then looked up, noticing that there was a large person in front of me. It was Phil. I got up from my seat and gave him a hug. I don’t know what it was, but when I was around Phil, he always made me feel so upbeat and happy. After we pulled back, we took our seats before ordering, although I insisted that Phil let me pay this time, but alas. No hope.
When Phil came back with our drinks he had a serious look on his face.
“so you said you needed to talk”
“I just, I don’t know, lately Dan’s been a bit vacant, not all there, and when he is, he’s pretty distant and non-talkative. Is something wrong with him?”
“Nah, He’s just trying to figure some things out. He’s been confused about something for a little while now, and he doesn’t know howto go about it”
“Oh, what is it?”
“He needs to bring something important to the table, but he’s worried it might backfire”
Honestly I had no idea where Phil was going with this, but I figured it was better to just smile and nod it through, hopping I don’t make wrong movement in my understanding, but I manage to pull through.
“So how are those designs coming along”
“I need to pick them up in a few hours, then you and Dan will have them tonight”
“Great!, I can’t wait”
“Neither can i, I hope that you guys like them”
“Knowing your skills, how could you go wrong”
I smiled and sipped at my drink, I was feeling all warm now, not just from the drink, but I was just filled with this warm feeling inside anyway.
After my drink and a chat with Phil, I set course for the print place so that I could pickup my designs. I was so excited for the boys to see them, I just hoped that it would be okay. I had grey sweater designs for each of the boys, I had poster animated designs. I had some bags and necklaces. I had the package going, I just hoped that their approval would be behind my plan. They both gave me an idea of what they wanted, and I took that on board, but then I added some of my own ideas in there as well. I was pretty much in and out of that place within 15 minutes and then made my way home. I wasn’t due to be at Dan and Phil’s until later tonight, so I could go home and catch up on some Netflix that I was behind on.
Around 6 I got a call from Dan, I placed the phone to my ear and gave him a cheery tone.
“Hey Dan, what’s up?”
“Uh, Phil won’t be able to make it tonight, BBC want him to do some things for our show next week, but If you wanna bring the designs over, you and I can give them a look?”
“Oh sure? When did you want me to swing by?”
“Uh, you can come now if your not busy?”
“Alright then, I’ll be there as soon as I can, bye Dan”
I hung up the phone and turned off the TV, gathering my things together before leaving the apartment. It was a bit late to walk over to Dan and Phil’s so I called a cab and waited out the front of my apartment for it to come by and take me there.
Getting there took a little longer than I had planned. my driver was only new to London and had no idea where he was going. So what turned into a 7 minute drive, became half an hour. Needless to say that I was a little annoyed when I got to Dan and Phil’s. I paid the man and got out, making sure I had all of my things, then walked up to their front door, Where I knocked a few times, whilst juggling all my things together. Dan opened the door with a smile and then looked down, noticing all the rolled up poster sized pieces of paper in my arms.
“Oh wow, got ideas?”
“Hey, you guys hired me, this is the quality of work you get”
He chuckled and took a few of the things from my hands. Even though he was talking a little more, there still seemed to be something different about him, but I couldn’t quite pick what it was. The both of us walked into the living room, where a bottle of win and two glasses were already laid out on the table, and it was my favourite brand of Cabernet Merlot. We placed my ideas of paper on the table and then I tossed my bag to the floor.
“So should we get to it?”
“sure. show me what you got”
Piece by piece, Idea by idea. I sat down and talked out all my idea’s and reasoning’s to Dan, and he seemed enthralled at my conversation, because his eyes were constantly met with mine the whole time, never losing concentration. When i finished up everything I had to over he sat there for a while and thought thing’s over then said he would talk to Phil about it and then they would get back to me, but he loved everything with was more than comforting. I sat back against the single person sofa and smiled to myself, my hard work was paying off.
“What are you thinking?”
“you were smiling. What were you thinking”
“Everything I’ve come to do in life is finally paying off. to know that I’m somewhere doing what I love for a job, that’s a part of happiness that some don’t get, so I’m enjoying the moment.”
“If you want to enjoy the moment more, we could go out for dinner, you and me?”
I smiled at him. He seemed uncomfortable? Nervous? I don’t know. there was just something. we had been out a few times by ourselves so I had no idea what was running through his mind.
“That sound’s lovely”
Dan and I set foot to a quaint little place not far from his house. When we got there, I was pleasantly surprised. it had that “Homey” feel with brick walls all covered in art. I was in awe. Dan chuckled as he saw me staring at everything, but I was just so caught up in the walls, some of the stuff there I could only dream of being that good at. Dan and i got placed in a small booth for two towards the back of the place, there wasn’t many people around, so we were okay to speak as freely as we liked. I wasn’t really talking just yet however, I was still caught up in all the work. When I eventually pulled my attention to Dan, I noticed that he had his chin resting against his hand as he just watched me look at the art.
“You good there Dan?”
“Oh. Yeah, I was just waiting”
I gave him a look and then picked up the menu’s handing one of them over towards him. This place was pretty nice, even by the food on there menu. Everything just looked so good. As I flicked through the menu, I could see Dan staring at me again, but I didn’t want to freak him out so I just pretended not to notice. What was his deal tonight? The waitress came by and took our orders, then walked back into the kitchen, leaving the two of us to be alone again.
“So how did you get into art?”
I looked at Dan and began to feel a throb in my chest.
“Uh. When I was younger, My mum used to draw, and we would do these little carton animals together, then when she got me my first drawing pad, I never put the things down, and it kinda just trailed from there”
“Oh, that’s cute”
We sat there awkwardly in silence for a little while until Dan decided to open his mouth again.
“Y-You look lovely today. I wasn’t kidding when I sent you that message earlier in the day”
I felt flattered by Dan’s comment, it gave me a little confidence boost. I placed my hand on top of his and flashed him a smile, blushing slightly. I didn’t really know what to say, but it made me feel better on the inside. Soon after, the waitress brought us our meals and then left us to pretty much demolish them, and that’s what we did.
“(y/n) I have a question, and I’m going to be serious, so I’d really like to get a serious answer from you”
“Okay, what’s up?”
“There’s this girl. and I want to ask her on a date, But I don’t know how to plan it. I mean, she deserves everything, so I want this to be something she will always remember. What would your Ideal date?”
I had to think about that for a while. I mean. the perfect date. I brought the fork to my lips as I got lost in thought.
“Okay. So my ideal date would consist of either going out for breakfast, or staying in for pancakes, but not just any. Blueberry buttermilk ones with maple syrup, butter and strawberries on top. We would just talk casually about whatever is going on in our lives. If we were indoors, we would get dressed for the day and then head out. If we were already out, then we would Walk the streets of London, embracing the day that we have together, He would walk by a florist and pick up the most beautiful white and red roses and then surprise me with them. I’d swoon so hard. Afterwards we would go to a quiet park where he’s set up the most romantic picnic, Under a tree and we would sit there and enjoy everything for a few hours. I would see a view that I felt the need to capture and I’d pull out my pad, quickly sketching the moment down and as that was happening, his arms would snake around my waist and he would pull my back into his chest and just watch over my shoulder. Nothing would need to be said, the moment would be perfect. Then we would go home to either mine or his place and cuddle up to a movie with popcorn and everything else, and because I’d be burnt out from the day, I’d snuggle up into his chest and most likely fall asleep, and we would just remain on the couch together for the rest of the night. That. That is my idea of a perfect date. Just be yourself and do something you think she would like. if you find her main interest, you can’t really go wrong.”
“Right. Okay. Thank you (Y/n)”
“You are more than welcome”
A smile planted on his face, one bigger than I had seen in a while, and it was comforting to know that he was back. We enjoyed the rest of our meal and then went our separate ways afterwards.
A few months have gone by, and I’ve been spending a lot of time with Dan and Phil, but mostly Dan. Phil had recently started dating someone, so his free time went towards her, it was actually pretty cute to see him so happy. Both boys had taken on my proposition for designs and within the month they had made enough to start selling on their site. Because of the traffic, I had become a lot more popular over on my channel too, and I was starting to get requests from some other you tubers and companies about providing my services to them. I was a very busy girl.
I woke up morning to the sound of someone banging on my door. I looked at my phone and noticed that it was only 7:30. I was pretty annoyed, so I groaned and pulled myself out of bed, and walked over to the door.
“Dan, what are you doing, it’s 7:30″
“Yeah, but I figured that you and I could go out for breakfast this morning, and I know this nice place. So get dressed, I’ll wait here, and take as long as you need too.”
I sighed and nodded, I didn’t really sleep that well last night, so i was in a bit of a grumpy mood. I pulled open the curtains on the window to see what the weather was going to be like. It was summer here at the moment, so it looked like it was going to be a warm, sunny day. A nice day for a white, long summer dress with the sides cut out. I walked over to my drawers and pulled out a set of white bra and panties and the dress while Dan made himself home of my sofa. I walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind me, tossing the clothes onto the lid of the toilet seat. I pulled my hair out of its messy ponytail and turned on the straightener, with a quick run through and some curling on the ends, I would be okay.
While I waited for the iron to turn hot, I started to to my make up for the day. nothing to extravagant, some light highlight and contouring, a matte rose lip and winged eyes. After the twenty or so minutes it took to do that, I rad my hair over and curled the ends, tossing on my clothes for the day afterwards. I tossed my dirty clothes into the hamper and the walked out back into the apartment.
“Whoa, you look beautiful”
“Why thank you Dan”
I placed on some shoes to match my dress, and a pair of sunglasses with a hat to match, I didn’t want to get sun burnt for any reason, even if it was just breakfast. i picked up my bag and nodded at Dan that I was okay to go, so I locked the door to my apartment, and we walked out on the street where this black car was parked. I saw Dan pull out some keys and suddenly the lights flashed with the sound of the car unlocking
“Dan, When did you get a car?!”
“I rented it for the day. Come on”
I gave him a look and opened the car door, hopping into the passenger’s seat. He smiled as he turned on the ignition and gave me a look. I wasn’t sure what he was up to, but I just decided to roll with it. Today was the first day I’ve had off in weeks, so this would do me some good.
“So where are we going?”
“Well I figured we could go to this lovely cafe on the beachfront in Brighton. you know, make a day of it.”
“Well alright then”
I smiled and paid attention to the road, Dan turned on the radio and we sang some tunes along the way, but I saw an amazing view of road. Because it was still foggy, with tress all around, I reached down between my legs and pulled out my sketch pad, jotting down the things that I see. It could make a great statement piece somewhere in my home, I know it. Dan glanced over at what I was doing and smiled briefly towards me before adverting his eyes back to the road
“Oh nothing, I just enjoy watching you find inspiration in the simple things. You always know how to turn them into such beautiful works of art.”
i smiled and continued to draw down what I was seeing, If I glanced up and saw something I felt could add to the piece, I would sketch it down to, creating one piece of art from my various glances at the road.
When we arrived, I jumped out of the car with my bag in tow. Dan and I walked over to this cute little modern cafe that had outside dining by the sea, we Walked over to this table that Dan had picked out, and on top of it were 3 roses. One red, one white and one black. I looked at the curiously. I had always painted black roses or seen them in pictures, but never had I seen one for real. It was quite beautiful. Dan told me that he would be right back and that he would order for me. I was hoping that he knew what I was wanting, because I was in one of those moods where I wasn’t really hungry unless it was that one special something.
Eventually he came back and took his seat and flashed me a smile. I was playing with the roses between my fingertips, trying not to prick myself on the thorns.
“Dan where did you get these?”
“Oh, That’s not really important”
I looked out to the ocean. the waters were calm, the sky was cloudless and I could feel the sun on my back. Today was a perfect day to be doing something like this. As my attention is diverted out to the beach, I hear the sound of two plates touching the table in front of us, but when I took my view to the plates. The smile would just not disappear from my face. Blueberry buttermilk pancakes with butter, maple syrup and mixed berries on top even with sprinkled with powdered sugar. If I was about that, I would have Instagrammed this food so fast.
I look at Dan and think about how he knew all of this, but I couldn’t remember for the life of me. I decided to savour and take in the moment. I was extremely grateful for all that Dan was doing because this was turning out to be a great morning. He was giving me looks throughout our meal, but I wasn’t really picking up on it, if anything I was getting confused. I decided to brush it off and keep the casual conversation flowing as we finished our meals.
Once we finished, i felt so full. Dan looked as if he wanted to tell me something. Maybe i would just have to try and pry it out of him.
“Dan are you okay, it’s just. You look like you want to say something, yet. You keep holding back.”
“I just. I do. But I don’t”
“Well talk to me… Please?”
He pinched his nose and exhaled loudly, looking nervous as he began to fiddle with his hands.
“A few months ago I went for dinner with this girl. And on this night, I talked to her about a girl I liked. I asked about what her best idea of a date personally suited for her would be, when in reality, I was setting this up so that when the perfect day came, I could give her everything she wanted. I wanted to give her that perfect day so she could look back and say. He gave me the most perfect date, and now nothing can top that”
He took my hand and gave it a comforting, reassuring squeeze. When I realised that this whole time he was talking about me, my heart began to thump so hard. Was he really saying all this. Was he really wanting to do all of this with me. Why?
“(Y/n) I think you are the most gifted, talented, beautiful person that I’ve met. And in these last few months that I’ve really gotten to know you, I could feel myself falling harder and harder. I started to feel weird because I’ve never experienced anything like this in my life before so I didn’t really know how to handle it. But I know now what I fell, so i want this to be you and me. I want to complete the day life you wanted and I want to take a chance on us, because you’re everything anyone could want in a person. And I’d really like to be the person that steals your heart. So What do you say?”
I sat there and just glared at him for a while. my heart hadn’t settled and I didn’t think it was going to any time soon. I mean, Dan was a wonderful person. and I definitely did like him. I think we could possibly be something great together, but in saying that. you need to take that chance to see if it works. I got up from the chair and looked down at dan, extending my hand out to him with a smile
“So let’s take a chance”
A smile plastered to his face and he swooped me up and spun me around multiple times. When he brought me back down to earth he dipped me like you would see in those romantic films and kissed me. The moment was slow and tender. Not something you think you would expect from Dan, but it was fireworks. Everything was slow and just so so amazing. After a while we pulled away and placed our foreheads to each other, just simply gazing into each other’s eyes. The beach in the background. The sound of the waves crashing into the rocks, that beautiful sea breeze. Nothing could have been more perfect. Dan intertwined our fingers together and kissed my cheek slowly,