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10

Ollie, YOU’RE an Ewok.  I have a tag that says it so it must be true. 

Happy Stars Wars Day everyone!

And what better way to celebrate than with a completely brand new version of Malcolm Explains Star Wars also known as The Greatest Conversation in the History of Ever (and also incidentally the source of my avatar).

5

Malcolm, off the top of your head, can you recite anything you have written in needlework form in your house that can explain every single thing that has happened in UK politics since the EU referendum?

7

See, Malcolm’s not just a man of principle, he’s also an incredibly *generous* man for apparently only entertaining the possibility of his lying involving an OR rather than automatically deciding it must be an AND.

(Or rather, many many ANDs – since he is after all talking about lying to save the skin of a politician.)

9

malcolm tucker in every episode3.04

do not fucking interrupt me, son, ever. now, get this into the noggin, right? you breathe a word of this to anyone, you mincing fucking cunt, and i will tear your fucking skin off, i will wear it to your mother’s birthday party and i will rub your nuts up and down her leg whilst whistling bohemian fucking rhapsody, right? now, get out of my fucking sight!

2

It’s funny because it’s true.

(But, you know what, I’m not going to give in to despair. Because 1) there are WAY more of us than there are of them and 2) seriously, fuck that guy.)

10

When I’m doing my various Today in TTOI History posts, I don’t usually refer to deleted scenes – since they by definition never aired – but I’m willing to make an exception when it’s Spinners & Losers

Because to my mind, this (very probably more or less entirely improvised) scene with Jamie and Malcolm, the opening deleted scene where Malcolm defends his credibility re: gay rights to a suitably abashed Ollie,

and OF COURSE Tucker’s Law,

ARE canon and at this point nothing will convince me otherwise. 

9

This Week in TTOI History ( 10th Anniversary edition ):

Malcolm is AWAY FOR A WALK!

And not just ANY walk, but a walk that takes him directly into the arms company of his favorite baldy nemesis, The Chief of the Nodes

Mr Julius Nicholson, Esq. where their briskly moving slightly drizzly outdoor discussion of what actually a surprising date even means

results in Malcolm setting off a chain of events that (among other things) almost ends with Malcolm being sacked that very same evening because of Julius, except he’s also saved by Julius from being sacked

which does to my mind at least rather suggest a certain ambivalent ambiguity on Julius’s part in re: Malcolm, (not that this is a new thing for me in any way).

Oh, one of the other things Malcolm sets off? Nothing major, just Malcolm mostly by accident, but kind of on purpose, but mostly by accident causing the PM to resign with no warning whatsoever the very next day which instantly throws his own political party into even more complete chaos than it’s usually in.

So all in all I’d say a pretty busy Wednesday, even by Malcolm’s standards.

8

We’ve come to a point where there are people – millions of people – who are quite happy to trade a kidney in order to go on television. And to show people their knickers, and to show people their skid marks, and then complain to OK! Magazine about a breach of privacy. The exchange of private information – that is what drives our economy. But you come after me because you can’t – you can’t arrest a land mass can you? You can’t cuff a country.