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Malcolm, off the top of your head, can you recite anything you have written in needlework form in your house that can explain every single thing that has happened in UK politics since the EU referendum?


Ollie, YOU’RE an Ewok.  I have a tag that says it so it must be true. 

Happy Stars Wars Day everyone!

And what better way to celebrate than with a completely brand new version of Malcolm Explains Star Wars also known as The Greatest Conversation in the History of Ever (and also incidentally the source of my avatar).


Oh, I know this one! Malcolm, you were right the second time because It IS Flatember the Fourth!

Merry Flatember the Fourth everyone!

So Yay! once again to Julius’s BIG smile on this my 4th 5th annual celebration of Malcolm’s extremely surprising date.

(I stupidly missed Volcano Day a couple of weeks ago – which it occurs to me must have been a fairly surprising date in its own right in 79 AD – but for the fifth year running I’ve remembered Flatember the Fourth and that’s what really counts.)


Malcolm does his impression of Jeremy Corbyn on the morning of June 9, 2017.

And you know how Jeremy Corbyn and Jesus Christ have the same initials? I think that can only mean Dan “Made Entirely of Smarm” Miller was actually a prophet in his own land and he didn’t even know it.


malcolm tucker in every episode3.04

do not fucking interrupt me, son, ever. now, get this into the noggin, right? you breathe a word of this to anyone, you mincing fucking cunt, and i will tear your fucking skin off, i will wear it to your mother’s birthday party and i will rub your nuts up and down her leg whilst whistling bohemian fucking rhapsody, right? now, get out of my fucking sight!


Poor Julius, when will he ever learn? Because for the FIFTH(!!!) year in a row I must correct him:  

Darling Julius, I’m very sorry to have to tell you this, but Malcolm WAS right the first time. It really IS the Twelfth of June.

Happy Happy Twelfth of June, everyone!

Let us all celebrate in the traditional manner by saying the date asfastaspossible while simultaneously *clearing our throats* in fully approved Malcolm style!

And let us also reflect that through a bizarre confluence of fate (and with a tiny change of pronoun) the actual subject they’re discussing could not be more  topically relevant.  

I’m so late today with my Tucker Tuesday. 😢

Just didn’t have time to queue a post last night or make one this morning. 🙁

But here is Malcolm….

…….at the end.

The moment I just so want to cuddle him!! Tell him it’ll be okay. Tell him the bastards won’t win in the end. 🤗🤗

Olly will get his job and he’ll be a vegetable within weeks. 🥔
Dan Miller will probably be PM and he’ll be shite. 💩
There’ll be another inquiry…..and this time the correct people will get the blame. 👊👏

Life will go on. Sam will still be there, loyal as ever! ❤️❤️

The Thick of It universe didn’t end here… carried on and Malcolm Tucker found love and was okay. 😘😘😘

Have a great day everybody. 😍

Peace. Love. Malcolm. ☮️❤️🤵


Although I don’t know why the boys are even worried about anyone finding out about the massive itty-bitty massively itty-bitty £1,500,000,000 overspend when obviously (to use Jamie’s word) all they really need to do is get the somewhat ambiguously named Institute for Fiscal Studies to dismiss it as a tiny insignificant rounding error because that’s apparently an actual thing said about what most of us would consider a pretty vast sum of money.

(Also, don’t you wonder what Malcolm wouldn’t give to have ONE fantastically enormous robotic nurse for his very own, eh?)


It’s funny because it’s true.

(But, you know what, I’m not going to give in to despair. Because 1) there are WAY more of us than there are of them and 2) seriously, fuck that guy.)


When I’m doing my various Today in TTOI History posts, I don’t usually refer to deleted scenes – since they by definition never aired – but I’m willing to make an exception when it’s Spinners & Losers

Because to my mind, this (very probably more or less entirely improvised) scene with Jamie and Malcolm, the opening deleted scene where Malcolm defends his credibility re: gay rights to a suitably abashed Ollie,

and OF COURSE Tucker’s Law,

ARE canon and at this point nothing will convince me otherwise. 


We’ve come to a point where there are people – millions of people – who are quite happy to trade a kidney in order to go on television. And to show people their knickers, and to show people their skid marks, and then complain to OK! Magazine about a breach of privacy. The exchange of private information – that is what drives our economy. But you come after me because you can’t – you can’t arrest a land mass can you? You can’t cuff a country.


See, Malcolm’s not just a man of principle, he’s also an incredibly *generous* man for apparently only entertaining the possibility of his lying involving an OR rather than automatically deciding it must be an AND.

(Or rather, many many ANDs – since he is after all talking about lying to save the skin of a politician.)