ttc2

We’re expecting – if this week hasn’t been one hell of a roller coaster, I don’t know what has. This was the last thing I was expecting after having a super hard week.

I am very early probably only 4-5 weeks along. So I am uneasy about telling anyone in our lives yet especially with a history of miscarriage. I want to get past chemical pregnancy stage and to the dating ultrasound first.

We bought Natalie a “big sister” shirt off of Etsy that we will be using to announce to friends and family. Play the how many people will notice game lol.

However, I figured there have been so many ladies on here who have been so supportive over the years and have been there with me through our TTC journey and my two prior pregnancies that it would be appropriate to continue to blog about it. So if you’re one of the few that I have added on Facebook please be mindful that I have not announced yet.

Conversation I Had With An Elephant Expert Today
  • Me:If elephants gestate for 22 months, how often do they cycle?
  • Elephant Guru:They're only fertile for 24 hours, three times a year. It's extremely difficult to get an elephant pregnant.
  • Me:Tell me about it!
  • Elephant Guru:What?
  • Me:Nothing 😁
  • *I'm the elephant.
Not trying, not planning ─ lets go.

Well, it was short lived; I’m officially off of the birth control I was taking. We’re ready to add another member to our family. However, at this moment in time we’re not actively trying per say in regards to timed intercourse, taking body basal temperature, et cetera. Firstly I want to get a sense of what my cycles will be like – for the first time ever they’ve been normal and predictable at a 32-day cycle with taking the pill. It’s like my daughter fixed all my issues when birthing her, lol. I’m hoping that my cycle remains normal even off the pill instead of the 40-80+ day cycles I was having prior. It’s an exciting step for our family. Here goes nothing…

Did I O or What?

Ugh. This cycle has already annoyed me in so many ways. The first being that AF will arrive right when we leave for a little getaway to Amelia Island and Sea Island for an assignment. Mother effer.

The second reason it’s super annoying? These damn OPKs. They’ve seriously driven me mad. In answer to your questions, no, I didn’t temp this cycle. I actually loved temping when we first started TTC back in June 2009. But I just wasn’t feeling it; I felt like I was trying too hard. (Go figure.) So I opted not to break out the BBT thermometer and just use the dipsticks.

So here I am analyzing these stupid little things every day, all day. And here’s what I can conclude:

-I truly believe I ovulated between CD13 and CD14. I say this because, in person, the control mark and my LH surge mark are exactly the same. It might not be easy to see when I post the pic here and on Twitter, but I swear they’re the same.

-My EWCM was crazy, awesome on those days. Come CD15 and things “dried up” severely.

-I’ve not gotten another positive or anything close since the morning of CD14.

So that’s that. I truly believe I am in the nasty, two-week wait, yet again. But that’s fine. I do plan to test before we go on our trip at CD28, August 21 because why the hell not. POAS doesn’t hurt me like it did the first time. It just is what it is.

Do I think we got pregnant this time? Um, absolutely not. Like, no way, no how, not ever. In looking back at everything–our history, etc.–our problem seems to have been/be that the husband’s swimmers and my eggs are fine and have had plenty of time to hook up. They just won’t. So my RE believes it’s a fertilization issue–these suckers just won’t come together for us without the help of ICSI–which explains why ELEVEN of our fertilized eggs from IVF1 fertilized from ICSI rather than conventional sperm-and-egg-hook-up-in-a-petri-dish. (On the latter, only ONE of our embryos was fertilized with the conventional method. That should tell you something.)

So while it would be fun and nice for it to happen naturally, I just don’t see it. And that’s fine. The FET consult is next week.

Until then, I wait.

Yesterday is TTC Fashion… I call this look “7am Hospital Visit Chic, Complete With Giant Coffee Stain.” That’s a men’s Hoddie and my shorts are two sizes too big, but they have to be to comfortably fit my inflamed PCOS belly.

I got some *slightly* better news. I finally have a follicle - one lonely follicle - but it was 10mm yesterday. I wish there was more than one but I’m really just hoping this one keeps growing! I go back at 8am on Thursday to see how it’s doing.

In the meantime, I remain on 150iu of Follistim daily. Yesterday I administered my shot while watching penguins swim at the zoo, like a boss.

CD1

My period came today!! Wooooooo! I was in two minds about if it’d come and whether it’ll be a “proper” period since I’ve been on the pill and only had my last period about two weeks ago, but here she is! I’m excited & hopeful for this cycle. I ordered ttc stickers for my planner and even bought a bbt thermometer today - IM READY 😁

The RE appointment today (which we’re calling CD13) was disappointing at best.

My lonely, single follicle (that showed any sign of actually maturing) was a measly 10mm… and my blood work for my appointment last Thursday showed no significant increase in estrogen.

At this point in the “cycle” (we really can’t even call this a cycle, since there was no bleed) most normal people would have a nice, big follie (or two or three) ready to be released. Not me, not even with drugs.

The doctor says I have to come back on Friday, we’ll see if the little buddy has grown and if my new blood results were any more promising and re-evaluate from there. They mentioned possibly “starting over” with a different drug…
which I am guess will be Clomid - which worked for me before - but only on the highest dose and with the worst side effects. It’s going to be really hard to be on Clomid while caring for a one-year-old.

But, let’s try to think of something positive… uhhh… umm… at least the phlebotomists always use this awesome medical “tape” that only sticks to itself after my blood work. I have super sensitive/thin skin, especially there, and bandaids and regular medical tape almost always tears my skin up.

So, yay?

For real though, is God fucking with me? These opk’s have all been taken over 4 days, and to me they all look positive. WHATS THE DEALIO?!

Edited to add: Now that I’m looking at the pic, I can see that there’s one test that looks more positive-er than the others (3rd test down). What do we think?

I am now officially in the two week wait, and I feel like my mind is melting. As of today, Monday, I am 4dpo. If you remember my post from a few days ago, I either didn’t ovulate when I thought I did, and ovulated later (4 days ago) or I ovulated twice. Either are possible, I suppose! A brief recap of the month is that my OPK’s were building up to a positive but right when they should’ve been positive I ran out of tests! My new tests came 2 days later and were then negative so I assumed I ovulated when I didn’t have tests. Then later in the month I did another opk and it was super positive.

So, my O dates this cycle were November 5th and 13th, exactly a week apart, of course. If I ovulated on the 5th I am currently 12dpo, and 4dpo if I ovulated on the 13th. IS THIS ALL MAKING ANY SENSE?!

Anywho, I will be doing a hpt in the morning after sleeps, and I’m really not expecting it to be positive at all, but we had sex perfectly around the 13th so those are my better chances. 

So yeah, I feel like my face is melting off having to wait and knowing that I definitely had an LH surge on the 13th and that I am probably a week further away from my bfp or my period is so awful. Hate hate hate. But either way this is a good cycle, I ovulated, and in less than a fortnight I will know for sure if we’ve been successful this cycle!