You’ve been stuck on my mind for the last few days and I can’t really pin down why. Maybe it’s going through the motions of registering for college classes, or drinking that brand of whiskey you said you loved. It could’ve been when Ty mentioned that time he dated your sister and how it was around the same time that I realized I truly loved you, as my best friend and as more than that.
It’s been almost 2 years since we last talked. I remember it like it was yesterday. All dressed up in our graduation robes, taking selfies and laughing, saying things between us would never change. You ran up to me and made fun of how uncomfortable I looked in the heels I had to wear, threw your arm around my shoulders and took as many pictures as you could. I followed you around while you gathered the rest of our group. When we lined up to head out and start the ceremony, we were shoulder to shoulder and I figured that was the universe telling me that we were meant to start this next chapter together.
God, I wish I had been right, but I guess the world was telling me to say goodbye. That you had been accepted to that college in Oregon, and I got accepted to Wyoming, that we would lose touch because it hurt too much for me to reach out.
Michael, you were the best part of my school years. Back when you gave me that plastic, homemade rose in 7th grade I knew right then that you were gonna rule my life. And even though we never lined up, that my like liking you never matched with you like liking me, I am so glad that I got to call you my best friend for almost 6 years.
It’s been 2 years since I last called you up, since I saw you or felt your arm around my shoulder, and I can’t get you out of my head. So much has happened, so much I never built the courage to tell you when we had the time together. Like how my parents think I’m gay and they’re not entirely wrong. That I’m out as trans and going by the name you picked out for me. I mean, you probably knew that, you always had me figured out before I did. It kills me that I can’t just send you a 2am text because I had that bad dream again, can’t share all the new songs I’ve found that remind me of you.
Maybe one of these nights, when I’m sipping on that whiskey you always told me to try during the quiet nights I hate; maybe I’ll get my phone out and shoot you a message.
It was a cold night, and she was the last person on deck. Sketchbook in hand, she drew lines across the page, attempting to copy the life she saw in the waves into a drawing. Something simple, something to look back on, just for her. The footsteps surprised her, she didn’t expect anyone to come near her, or to be around at this hour. Rhea was quite positive she wasn’t supposed to be out here, but why would she follow those rules on a night like this?
Never one to play coy, she looked up at the figure, “Nice night, isn’t it? What brings you out here?”
• ξεκίνα να διαβάζεις 1 ώρα πριν
• πήγαινε στη λάθος αίθουσα, στο λάθος κτήριο, στη λάθος περιοχή
• μετά από μισή ώρα μπες μέσα ενώ σε κοιτάνε όλοι επειδή τους διέκοψες
• έχε μαζί σου μόνο στυλό ενώ χρειάζεται μολύβι
• δες τις πρώτες ερωτήσεις
• χτύπα το κεφάλι σου στο τραπέζι
• κανε αμπεμπαμπλομ τουκιθεμπλομ στο multiple choice
• και τραγούδα χριστουγεννιάτικα τραγούδια από μέσα σου για να περάσει η ώρα μέχρι να σας διώξουν
I found you, and I thought maybe this would be a safe place for me to talk about how I’m feeling. I really don’t want to post it on my blog, because I am feeling really awful, and I don’t want my followers to see sad stuff; I wish to only spread joy. But I need some outlet. I need to know that I’m not alone. I need to know that someone cares.
Things are getting bad again. Eight months has gone by since my parents split, and that has has little to no effect on me emotional state since then. In fact, I have not cut myself since April 18th. That is nearly eight months that I have been completely self-harm free. It’s an accomplishment, but at the same time, I have been thinking about it so often that I am afraid that I will relapse at any time. It’s why I really don’t like shaving very much. I also have been eating again. Eating healthy. This has been since November of last year, so it has been over a year since I have tried starving myself. Once again, I must add a “but,” and say that I really want to again. I am 5'1 and 190 lbs. I’m disgusting. I’m fat, I’m ugly, I’m crazy, I’m stupid, and I’m a bad person. Sometimes I look down from the ledges of tall buildings and wonder what would happen if I would jump. I know that there would be people who’d care. I know my family would care. But I don’t know if anyone else would really care. Honestly, I don’t even know if I would care. There’s not a moment goes by that I don’t think about something I’m doing wrong. I don’t know, I’m being stupid now, so I guess I’ll stop writing. Thanks for listening.