If I were to write a book, I would name it ‘And then I lost you’. And it would be about us, how I lost you and you lost me, and everything that happened in between. And my point of views, my chapters, would be about everything I still want to tell you. They would be about how it completely and utterly destroyed me when I lost you. They would be about how hard it is to let go if this grief that just goes with you, becomes a part of you. And then your chapters would be about where you are, now. And if you can hear me, see me, talk to me. Because sometimes I feel like I can hear your voice and it feels like I am going insane. The entire book would be about love. And about how even though you have lost the person that meant the most to you, the love doesn’t end.


It has been a fair few months now but I dreamt about you last night.

I was changing my notification sound today and I unknowingly played the one that used to be your notification tone. It pulled at my heart strings a little, mainly because it was unexpected.

There will always be the little things that will remind me of you. Always.


to anyone i’ve ever had a deep conversation with recently

I’m stuck having too many things to make decisions over. I have to choose to stay or leave him. To answer the phone or let it ring. To say something or stay quiet.

And speaking of saying things. I have so much in my head that needs saying. But no matter how I try to word all this stuff, it never comes out accurately, or clearly, or completely. I’ve tried art, music, writing, nothing I can draw or compose or say can fully describe this mess of my mind.

All this stuff, all these thoughts and emotions and chemicals bouncing around in my head, even I can’t fully understand them. I’m confused to the point of stress, the smallest thing could make me break, I already know this much.

Please talk to me again. I miss having deep conversations. And I promise I won’t shy away from them anymore.