Title: like the moon chases the sun Author: boarsnsmores Rating: Teen and Up Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Words: 42818 Summary: Mulan pinches the bridge of her nose, closes her eyes, and attempts to tamp down her- is it frustration? Bewilderment? Something along those lines. “Emma.” She begins slowly, willing herself to breathe, “When I told you not to get involved with magic, I did not mean ‘Emma, get involved with magic, use it to combat other forces of magic, while wielding a sword of legend, and then overthrow a monarchy.’”
Emma gives her a flippant shrug, “These things happen.”
(an AU of the Heroes & Villains AU inspired by the Russian fairy tale, “Tsarevitch Ivan, the Firebird and the Gray Wolf” featuring ominous prophecies, a myriad of collapsing architectural structures, and inexplicably, possibly a ficus.)
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KOSCHEI THE DEATHLESS IS THE MOST EVIL MOTHERFUCKER OUT THERE. HE LIKES TO STEAL WOMEN AND CHILDREN AND ALSO FUCKING MURDER PEOPLE. OH, ALSO, HE CAN’T DIE. HE KEEPS HIS FUCKING SOUL INSIDE A NEEDLE. INSIDE AN EGG. INSIDE A DUCK. INSIDE A HARE. INSIDE A BOX. IT’S REALLY FUCKING DIFFICULT TO FIT A DUCK INSIDE A HARE, BUT KOSCHEI CAN DO IT. HE’S JUST THAT FUCKING BADASS.
IVAN TSAREVITCH ACCIDENTALLY LETS KOSCHEI OUT OF THE DUNGEON HE’S BEING KEPT IN, SO HE HAS TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO PUT THAT FUCKER BACK IN HIS CELL. UNFORTUNATELY, KOSCHEI IS SUPER-STRONG AND ALSO STABBY AS FUCK. HE MURDERS IVAN TO DEATH, THEN DUMPS HIS BODY IN A RIVER. A BUNCH OF WEIRD-ASS WIZARDS REVIVE HIM, JUST FOR FUN, AND HE SETS OUT FOR REVENGE.
AFTER A FUCKING RIDICULOUS MAGIC FLYING HORSE CHASE, IVAN CATCHES UP WITH KOSCHEI AND HIS MAGIC SOUL-BOX, BURNS THE BOX (AND THE HARE AND THE DUCK AND THE EGG AND THE NEEDLE), AND STABS KOSCHEI IN THE FACE. SEVERAL FUCKING TIMES. THEN HE BURNS THE BODY. TURNS OUT KOSCHEI THE DEATHLESS ISN’T ACTUALLY ALL THAT FUCKING DEATHLESS.