J'ai été diagnostiquée THPI (j'ai un QI supérieur à la moyenne mondiale), j'ai donc pas mal de troubles associés dont l'hypersensibilité. Je savais que j'étais en dépression depuis 2 ans et on mettait tout sur le dos de l'hypersensibilité, même à ma première tentative de suicide. Quand mon médecin, Florent Canal à Le Séquestre (81990), a dit “stop, il est dépressif, il lui faut un traitement’, ma mère à refusé. Quand elle a vu que je commençais à me mutiler et après ma seconde TS, elle a finalement accepté. J'ai donc vécu 3 ans de dépression, sans traitement, sans aide, car on refusais de m'entendre.
Je n'ai pas de gifs adaptés pour ce qu'il se passe… Je suis en grosse rechute depuis 48h, des scenarii suicidaires plein la tête, crises d'angoisse et autre attaques de panique sont constantes, ce matin j'ai dû partir du club tellement j'étais mal… J'ai appelé ma mère, et puis surtout le Grand — on est d'accord qu'il est urgent que je rentre.
Donc retour prévu mercredi au lieu de la fin du mois, je ne fais pas le PSE1, et je vais passer ces prochains jours à plonger, sans pression, au calme.
Je n'en ai pas encore parler à la famille qui m'accueille… Je ne sais pas quoi leur dire, encore moins comment. “Ce n'est pas vous, c'est moi, si je reste ici je vais me flinguer, c'était chouette mais je ne reviendrai pas” ? Ouiii.
Le Grand a voulu que je lui donne ma parole que je rentrerai en vie… Je ne l'ai pas fait. Pas besoin. Parce que j'ai conscience que je suis dans la zone rouge, et c'est bien pour cela que je rentre.
Je n'ai pas de gifs adaptés pour dire que ma dernière TS ne m'a, pour une fois, pas passé l'envie de mourir et que cela ne va pas mieux… Et je n'en ai pas non plus pour expliquer que je suis maintenant capable d'avoir conscience de mon état, et que je sais aujourd'hui tirer la sonnette d'alarme.
Alors voilà. Je la tire. Et je prends soin de moi. Parce que je vous ai promis que je le ferai.
Mon retour n'est pas un échec, mais une prise de conscience.
Halloween was definitely on its way. Everyone Ace met seemed to be in the middle of some form of preparation for the candy-coated holiday, either fashioning costumes or decorating lawns, or testing batches of treats or… carving pumpkins.
Objectively, it was a crazy holiday, Halloween: people spent way much time getting ready for it than actually celebrating it. But Portgas D. Ace thought nothing of this - it was a very good holiday to have, thank whoever had come up with it ages ago - because it meant two things. One, free treats. Two, a yearly ‘one-time only’ permission to engage in reckless fun!
After grabbing a couple of ugly-ass cookies someone had thrown away while testing recipes for the big day and not worrying about how hot they would be in his mouth - the perks of being fire! - Ace spotted a pink-haired woman shrieking in pain as she, like so many others, armed herself with a knife and went artistic on a pumpkin.
Being a good guy but not a proper one, Ace did not hesitate in shuffling across the lawn to her, stepping on this or that flower in the process, and asked the female if she had hurt herself; her hand getting lost in his.
Did she know him? It was with a wide grin that Ace replied “No” as though the answer was yes. Why would she know him? Unless she did remember his face from seeing it on sepia frames headed by the word “wanted” in capital letters and captioned by a sum of money and a bunch of legal, official stuff.
“The good news is, you’ll survive” Ace bent his torso just a little and opened the blue pouch he carried on his leg. From it he removed a band-aid which he wrapped around the woman’s injury - just a line spilling drops of red, nothing serious. “There”
well well, it’s that time again - time for another follow forever!
i actually have a good reason for posting this version: i hit 2,000 followers the other night! however, because it happened so close to my birthday - which is today, june 28! aaaaaahhhhh! - i decided to wait until the weekend to post it!
and ahhhhhh, i just follow some of the best people on this site, wow. some of y'all are like god-tier blogs and i never thought in a million years you’d follow me (THIRST). i’m so grateful to get to know many of you and even if we don’t communicate as much and you’re here, your blogs are just fantastic and i hope we can be friends sometime!
as always, bolded blogs are my favorites and bolded + italicized are the cream of the crop!
p.s. haha i bet you thought i’d use clara again - i got y'all this time!
I’ve been seeing a lot of follow forevers, and as meaningful as those are, there are only a select few I will follow forever, because let’s be real, blog styles change, and therefore I cannot promise forever. Because of this, I have decided to do a mutual appreciation instead. I hadn’t realized how many awesome mutuals I had until I did this. Thank you, you all mean the world to me. <3
The Pack // You’re my friends, my people, my squad goals;
Alex; @jessicajonvs | The Helena to my Sarah; My twin sestra, my everything. I’m so glad we started talking all those months ago. Out of everything I’ve done on this site, meeting you is the best part. Together, we have brought together one of the best group of friends I could’ve ever asked for. Thank you for following me into the deepest depths of my random fangirl feels since Day 1.
Cara; @hawkvyes | The Clarke to my Bellamy; you’re such a lovely little shit, god bless. You mean so much to me, and your daily presence in my life makes it that much more wonderful. Thank you for withstanding my Bellarke and CS feels, even though you don’t understand them (yet).
Jo; @lohgbottom | The Ten to my Rose; I don’t understand how you’re able to stand all of my ramblings when you’re at the other end of the planet. But somehow, we still find a way to be present in each other’s lives on a daily basis. Thank you for accepting my crazy attitude and embracing it, and for making graphics awesome enough to make me jealous.
Dani; @ifitweremyfantasy | The Bilbo to my Thorin; out of all of us, you’re the one who has to deal with me the most, because we almost have no fandoms in common, But, that hasn’t stopped our blooming friendship. Thank you for being awesome, and continue being that way forever.
Soph;@commanderlinctavia / @foreverswan | The Emma to my Killian; Sophia, you’re my true CS and Bellarke go-to girl. You understand my shipper feels the most. Thank you for watching and liveblogging OUAT episodes with me at crazy hours, and for being the reason I can live through any feels these shows throw at us. We’ll most likely die together in the seasons to come, and I’m happy about that.
Mag; @benedictcumberbatch | The Pietro to my Wanda; although you’re new to the pack, I couldn’t’ve asked for a better new friend. My country sister, you’re the one in this large group of people that can understand my Canada references, and you’ve already wormed your way into my heart.
Mahema; @putitinaloveheart | The Mariokart Loser; We’ve been friends for a while now, and I still cherish every conversation we have. We can talk about really silly things, or serious matters as well, which makes our friendship so special. One day, we will play Mariokart together, and I will beat you.
Liz; @zetakirsch | The Patate to my Tomate; together, we could conquer Canada with our stupid jokes. I mean, what haven’t we joked about at this point? You’re awesome, Eden Bemisia. Thank you for being there when I want to be ridiculous to the point of insanity. May we farm potatoes forever.
Meg; @bellamyheartsclarke | The Bellarke fanatic; When you were new to Tumblr, you somehow found your way to my blog, and we’ve been friends ever since. Thank you for being there for me, and for making all those wonderful aesthetics. You hold a dear place in my heart.
The Lovelies // Your presence on my dash means everything to me;
this is incoherent babbling i just need to vent out my yamaguchi feelings YET AGAIN TODAY
no buT I CANT BELIEVE FURUDATE DID THIS TO MY SOUL I
okay but as soon as kiyoko was calling his name out i knew what was coming aND I TRIED TO PREPARE MYSELF BUT THIS WAS TOO MUCH I
AND THEN YOU HAD TSUKKI GIVING HIM ENCOURAGING WORDS THAT TOTALLY CALMED HIM DOWN AND CHEERED HIM AND I. TS UKI YA MA.
I SWEAR TO GOD IVE SEEN THAT IN AT LEAST THREE DIFFERENT COMIC STRIPS AND I CANT BELIEVE ITS REAL. IM SO MAD I DONT KNOW CHINESE WHY
AND THEN HE’S SO DETERMINED. HE KNOWS EVERYONE’S EXPECTING SO MUCH OUT OF HIM, AND HE DOEST WANT TO FAIL AGAIN
HE’S SO AWARE OF HIMSELF, BECAUSE YAMAGUCHI IS EXTREMELY SELF-CONSCIOUS. PROBABLY THE MOST SELF-CONSCIOUS MEMBER OUT OF THE ENTIRE TEAM CAUSE HE’S THE ONLY FIRST YEAR WHO ISNT A REGULAR, AND BECAUSE HE WAS BULLIED FOR HIS APPEARANCE, AND HE STILL FEELS INSECURE ABOUT HIS BODY AND THINKS HIS FRECKLES ARE UGLY (GOD F U CK THAT THIRD HAIKYUU NOVEL SHOVE IT RIGHT INTO HELL)
HE’S SO FUCKING SELF-CONSCIOUS HE LITERALLY FUCKING THINKS OF THE ONE TIME HE HAD TO SERVE AND HOW HE FAILED AND THINKS “IM FUCKING UP AGAIN ARENT I”
IT GOT THROUGH
(im still not over the fact that hinata and take-chan are like YAMAGUCHI!!! and kageyama is STILL like “….. volley b a ll???” lmao)
BUT THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. THIS ENTIRE DEVELOPMENT IS SO FUCKING IMPORTANT FOR YAMAGUCHI AND FOR THE TEAM AND FOR EVERY YAMAGUCHI LOVING FUCK BECAUSE HE SCORED. ALL OF THAT FEAR THAT HE HAD CLOGGED UP ALL THIS FUCKING TIME VANISHES RIGHT THIS MOMENT, BECAUSE HE DID IT. HE OF ALL PEOPLE COULD PULL IT OFF, AND HE’LL REALIZE HE’S AS GOOD AS ANYONE ON THE TEAM. HE’S AS VALUABLE AS ANYONE ELSE, HE WILL NOTICE THAT AND GET EVEN BETTER BECAUSE HE’LL HAVE A SAFE PLACE TO LOOK BACK TO, BECAUSE HE SCORED. HE SCORED. AND AS MUCH AS HE FEELS WEAK AND EVEN HATES HIMSELF A LITTLE, HE’LL ALWAYS HAVE THIS AND THAT’S SO FUCKING IMPORTANT FOR YAMAGUCHI TADASHI AND IM SO HAPPY THIS HAPPENED
ALSO LOOK AT THIS
HE’S NOT EVEN SMILING HE’S LIKE ??????? ME TOO SON, ME TOO
LOOK AT FUCKING SUGA. FUCKING LOOK AT HIM. HE’S SO PROUD??? LOOK AT THE EMOTION IN HIS EYES. I DONT THINK I’VE EVER SEEN SUGA LOOK SO PROUD OF HIS LITTLE CROW MOM IN TRAINING, HE’S SO FUCKING HAPPY FOR HIM
ALSO LOOK AT FUCKING TSUKISHIMA KEI. HE CANT EVEN MAKE A FACE RIGHT NOW, HE’S SO FUCKING IN AWE ALL HE CAN DO IS THAT STUPID PERPLEXED EXPRESSION BECAUSE HE’S STILL SO ???? JUST LIKE YAMA. HE’S STILL PROCESSING EVERYTHING BECAUSE IF THERE’S SOMEONE WHO KNOWS HOW MUCH YAMA’S INVESTED HIMSELF INTO THIS IT’S HIM. THEY’VE BEEN PLAYING VOLLEYBALL FOR AT LEAST 5-7 YEARS TOGETHER AND THIS YEAR WAS THE FIRST WHERE HE SAW HIM INVEST HIMSELF COMPLETELY AND HE’S SO IMPRESSED AND IN AWE WITH HOW THIS ALL TURNED OUT AND
T S U K I Y A M A
SET THIS FUCKING CHAPTER IN MY GRAVESTONE, IN MY SKIN, IN MY ASS EVERYWHERE IN MY LIFE I NEED THIS CHAPTER EVERYWHERE
“Brad, sure ka ba sa gagawin mo? Paano naman natin mapapapunta yun dun?” Derrick asked. We were in Singapore. 3 days after I came to Manila.
“Sure ako dito. I told mom already and she said na siya na ang bahala. Kaya pwede ba? Kalma ka nga!” I said.
“Onga. Daig mo pa si Moe. Parang ikaw may plano ah?” Kris asked him.
“Gago. Ayoko lang mabulilyaso plano natin. Lamonaman brad. Mahirap kausap si Julie ngayon dahil depressed.”
“Tiwala lang okay?” Gino told him.
“Tsk. Bilisan niyo na kaya? Naiinip na kami dito eh.” we heard Maqui said. We were talking via conference call and she and the girls ate at the hotel trying to monitor Julie’s whereabouts. They are texting her asking her where she is and how she’s doing. And stuff like that.
“Ano na Maq?” I asked her.
“She’s on her way to meet your mom sa may entrance. You better start on that idiots.” she ordered.
“Okay. Thanks!” we all said. I placed the dvd on the player and the operator started playing it on the white screen positioned in the middle of the Hollywood part of Universal Studios.
Tita Pia told me that she wanted to see me. We decided to meet at Universal Studios since her babies wanted to go there kaya pumayag na din ako. It’s also a way of enjoying my stay here.
“Julie, sweetie. Meet me at the entrance okay?” she said.
“Okay tita. I’ll see you.” I said and hang up. I walked towards the entrance when I heard something…
“Si Julie? I’ve known her since we were babies. We grew up together and we know each other so well. What she doesn’t know about me is that I am madly in love with her…”
I started to feel the tears in my eyes. Where is that sound coming from?
“I loved every bit of her. How she loves eating rice with milo. Cereals with orange juice. Baby food. Mashed bananas. How she hates mashed potatoes but loves french fries. How she loves to put belgian waffles over her cup of coffee until it’s warm and tastes just like her favorite espresso. How she loves strawberries. How she smells her food before digging in and how she drinks a glass of water before every meal. How she loves melted ice cream with crushed cookies. And how she loves powdered milk mixed with fresh milk…”
“Oh my god.” I’m starting to feel embarrassed because a lot of people have stopped and listened to the voice saying those things.
“I love her thinking face. How her forehead creased, her eyebrows meet, her nose scrunched and her lips pouting. It just make my heart skip a beat everytime she does that…”
I continued walking as I listen to his voice.
“I love how she sings in everything she does. She sings in the kitchen. In the living room. In the bathroom. And she sounds great. How she danced in her bedroom like no one’s watching. How she ties her hair in a messy bun and wear oversized shirts when she’s at home. How cute her toes are. How red her ears get when she’s angry. How she could whip up an amazing dish even from scratch. How addicted she is to horror movies. How she sneeze when she wakes up…”
The voice become clearer and louder as I walked towards Hollywood in Universal Studios.
“I love it everytime she attacks me from behind and tickles me with her chin. And when I spin us around until we fall down from dizziness. I just love everything she does…”
Finally I reached the spot where it is coming from. There’s a huge screen in the middle and people are gathered around it. All watching the guy talking in the video. It was him. The guy who has been with me all these years. I waited for the next thing he’ll say but the video was paused.
I waited but still, the video didn’t resumed playing. Then…
She’s here. Right in front of me. A few meters away. I wanted to run to her and just hug and kiss her. But I can’t. Because I have to finish this. Gino handed me the mic and the box and he patted my shoulder before backing away. I cleared my throat and began to speak.
“They told me that you flew all the way here to see me. They were all mad at me for ending things with you. But Julie you were wrong. You didn’t even looked at the end of the box. You didn’t see my gift…” I said as I started walking slowly.
People are starting to give way to me and they have created a path leading me to her.
“Before I tell you about my gift, I just want to let you know that I’ve been in love with you since we hit puberty. That moment when you still have your braces and I would tease you until mom punished me by letting me have braces too. That moment when you teased me because mom shaved my head over one summer because I don’t want to go to a barber. And that moment when you beat me in basketball because I let you. Not because you’re good. That moment when we were both learning how to play the guitar and when we would have jamming sessions at either of our homes…” I said, my eyes fixated on her. She was staring back at me and I can see her tears falling.
When I reached her, I gave her a smile.
“Hi.” I said.
He’s here. The guy in the video. That guy whom I’ve wanted so much to see after a very long time.
“Elmo…” I said between sobs.
“Baby, stop crying.” he said as he wiped my tears.
“Ano ba kasing pakulo to?” I asked him.
“You flew all the way here with the wrong information. Akala mo, I’m breaking up with you. I’m ending things with you. Julie you’re wrong.” he said.
“Huh?” I asked, confused. He didn’t answer. Instead, he knelt down and showed a blue box with a ring in it.
“I’m not ending things with you, Julie. Because I want to start things with you.” He said. You can hear the ‘awws’ and 'oohs’ of the people watching us. I, on the other hand was left speechless.
“You’re my bestfriend, my girlfriend, my forever. Will you be my Mrs. Magalona?” he asked.
Mrs. Magalona. That would be the perfect thing to call me someday. And I wanted to spend everyday with him. Every waking moment. Every hour. Every second.
“Yes. Yes, I will.”
“Yes. Yes, I will.” did I hear her correctly? She said yes?!
“Yes? As in, payag ka magpakasal sa akin?” I asked her.
“Ayaw mo?” she asked, laughing.
“Of course gusto ko!” I told her and stood up and hugged her. “Oh my god, Julie Anne!”
“Stop crushing me.” she said, tapping my arm. I put her down and gave her a warm embrace.
“I love you.”
“I love you too kahit pinaiyak mo ko ng tatlong buwan.”
“Sorry baby. I just want to be a perf–” she stopped me by kissing me on the lips and people started screaming and cheering.
“I know.” she said when we broke apart. “But you don’t have to be perfect. All you have to be is the right guy. Because all of your imperfections make you the perfect guy for me.” she said and this time I was the one who kissed her. She smiled against my lips as she placed her arms around my neck. And the crowd went wild with what they’re witnessing.
“Ehem. Mawalang galang na po. Bawal po PDA dito.” we heard someone said. When we looked, we saw the boys standing beside us.
“Oh my gosh! You’re all here?” Julie asked, surprised.
“Wouldn’t miss this for the world, Jules.” Gino said.
“Yeah. Most promising loveteam ng tropa. Finally engaged na!” Derrick teased.
“Dude, naunahan pa si Maqui at Gino!” Kris said.
“Hahaha. Wag niyo ilipat sa akin yung topic mga ugok.” Gino replied.
“Uhm, dudes. Baka pwedeng masolo ko muna baby ko? Baka lang?” I asked them.
“Ts. Possessive na nun mas possessive pa ngayon.” Derrick said. “Tara na nga.” pagyaya niya sa dalawa.
“Hoy. Kasal muna bago sex ha?” Kris yelled.
“Baliw!” I yelled back. Julie was just laughing at us. “What?” I asked her.
“Wala. Masaya lang ako.” she said.
“Me too. Kasi finally. Yung bestfriend ko, misis ko na.” I said and kissed her again.
- END -
Short story, sorry. But still, thanks to everyone who supported TLO. We love you to the moon and back. 'Til our next ff. :)))