trying-so-hard-not-to-freak-out-right-now

I’ve been feeling really out of it the past couple of days, it’s been hard going back to work and also trying to manage my depression. I was doing ok when I had time to make icons and watch my TV but being back at work has been hard and I’m just feeling really out of the loop, useless, etc. And I want to be ~relevant~ and for people to notice me but I also am obviously not the kind of person who draws a crowd for any reason so it’s really confusing and depressing. I just feel like nobody would notice if I was gone and that’s a shitty road to start going down.

anonymous asked:

(1/2)im sorry for sending this and I probably shouldnt say sorry but Im kinda freaking out right now bc Im trying really hard to kinda get over this guy and hes been my best friend and then I fell in love with him and everything was fine until he got a girlfriend bc then he started changing and treating me differently and

(2/2)Im starting to feel like its emotional abuse but idk bc I love him so much that my judgement is clouded but Ive given him 1 last chance&if things go wrong again Ill leave him so I havent talked to him in about a week&during that time Ive been so happy&I felt like I was on top of the world&I actually thought I was starting to recover&everything was going to be fine but he messaged me&now Im thinking about him&Im scared and confused&I feel like I wont be able to do it&its a mess&I’m sorry

You’re saying you hadn’t contacted him in a week and felt really happy and wonderful until he messaged you? Oh honey, that really really says it all. I personally feel like if you’re not happy with him, you should get away. Your happiness and comfort are the most important. If he makes you feel miserable and upset, I would definitely reconsider being with him. Please do what makes you happy and stay safe, beautiful. (:

Personl/ TMI/ TTC freak out continues

Ok. I’m trying not to get excited…. But it’s going on day 33 of my cycle with no pre-period symptoms that I usually get.

I typically run 30-32.

My fertility doctor gave me a hella fancy pregnancy test to take on the 20th.

Three more days.

Please, please, please let the egg have been fertilized and anchored >.< I’m not sure how much fertility clinic I can take.

The weekly having something shoved up my vagina is really wearing me down. And the fact that it’s all in medical Japanese. And I mean, my Japanese is awesome and I follow 70% of it. But she just talks so fast. And it takes me time to ask my questions properly and verify that I understood something. And I know she’s fed up with the foreigner in the clinic.

As are the other patients.

So, like, TTC is stressful enough. Add cervical polyps (now removed, yay), meds and hormones, AIH, and 2-5 visits to the clinic and month, and working though it in another country with no support (except the SO who is wonderful. But I wish I had family… But try not to think about it) and it just gets beyond stressful.

We’ve decided to keep trying until next year. And if still no baby we’re just calling it.

Already 3 years of TTC and one miscarriage 2.5 years ago… Serena is tired. Serena wants the baby to be here. Bring it, alien parasite larva!!