trying to get this done and out before my power goes out

Story 215: Cultural Exchange

The human steps onto the station from her shuttle, and walks into the scanner.  It flashes - no weapons.  I pity her, though there’s nothing I can do for her.  By tomorrow she will be a slave the same as me; the Gaunvans collect ambassadors like trophies.
“Hello there!  Amanda Thorn, ambassador for the Empire of Humanity.  You’re a Ixian, correct?”
Mimicking human body language, I nod my head.  "That’s correct.  Ix Malasan.  It is an honor to meet you.“
She smiles, reminding me again that she has somehow modified herself to breathe atmosphere suited to the Gaunvans rather than wear a respirator like myself.  Other than that she appears to be a standard human, something I am led to believe is less and less common as they pursue the bizarre compulsion humans have to alter their bodies.  Changing hair color, adding pigments to their skins in patterns and pictures, growing long tails or ears that mimic other species from their planet.  No other known species tampers with their bodies like this.
“Not to be undiplomatic, she says, "but the Gaunvans enslaved your people.  Why are you here?”
“We… reached a mutually beneficial agreement.  We would have lost in combat and been eliminated, so we chose to preserve what we could of our culture.  The Gaunvans are not naturally skilled at diplomacy, so they bring me along to assist and to show that peace can be made.”
She nods.  "Understood.  I can respect that choice.  How much freedom do you have, personally?“
Smart of her, to start planning for her future. "A fair amount.  I have free reign on the ship when we are in transit.  At the homeworld I have reasonably comfortable quarters.”
“Have you ever met the Empress, or…?”
“Oh, no.  No, while on the homeworld I am confined to my chambers - but they’re quite spacious.”
“Shame.  Okay, plan ‘A’ then.  Let’s get this over with.”

Despite my attempt at encouraging diplomacy, the Gaunvan commander starts with threats.  I don’t know why I bother.  He looms over the human, chitinous plates almost black in the dim light.  His pod of six is posted around the room, for show more than for actual security since she followed orders and came alone and unarmed.  "Failure to surrender will bring the full wrath of our army upon you.  Humanity will be crushed, and wiped from the universe.“
To her credit, she looks very calm.  "We live in a post-scarcity society.  Bloody conquest just seems silly, doesn’t it?”
“It is for the glory of Gaun!”
“Well, I’m not prepared to get into a religious debate with you,” she says, “since I doubt there’s anything I can do to change your mind.  Since you’re committed to this course of action, what are you willing to offer if we surrender?”
Now he goes back on script.  Maybe I am getting through to him a little?  He talks about the benefits of being enslaved, mainly the protections for up to twelve designated culturally historical sites.  They’ve been mostly good on their word on my homeworld, though they did use the area just outside of the Hahhn Memorial as a waste dump.

She nods as she listens.  There was a part of me that was worried she would argue, because the humans are somewhat childlike.  They don’t understand the horrors of war.  Certainly they fought in the past, but the last time they had to battle was more than two of their generations ago, so these ones have all grown up coddled and soft.  They play games with each other instead, silly competitions.  They make art, and play pretend, and alter their bodies for fun.  They don’t have weapons anymore, and wouldn’t know how to use them if they did.
“Well then,” ambassador Thorn says, “this is about what I expected.  On behalf of humanity, I would like to formally reject this offer.”
Oh no.  Foolish humans.  The galaxy will miss your innocence.  The commander makes an excited clicking noise, looking forward to combat.  He reaches a blade-tipped hand towards ambassador Thorn, but hesitates as every device in the room bleats out an alert - we’ve all lost communications with the outside.

Like one of the dances humans do, she gracefully pivots around while taking his hand.  She ends up close to him and places her other arm against his thorax, then… oh gods. Gods, what… she’s ripped his arm off.  It’s not possible.  The commander is clearly thinking the same thing, staring in mute shock at his dripping limb.
“I’d like to extend a counter-offer,” she says, and flips the arm around before jamming the bladed end into his neck.  The warriors around the room are fidgeting, uncertain.  They haven’t been told to attack, and don’t want to dishonor their commander by intervening in a fight with such a small creature.  She’s still holding the commander’s severed arm in his neck, but she rotates and heaves, lifting him off the ground with it for a moment… and then his head pops off, landing squarely on the conference table.  She allows the corpse to slide to the ground, and straightens her clothes as if they aren’t covered in ichor.

I don’t understand.

The warriors, now with no orders at all, finally act.  She smiles as they come for her, I suppose because she has done her duty to send this powerful message of resistance.  She can die in peace.  Or… no… She’s killing them.  She’s smiling because this is fun for her.  Though they’re partly killing themselves; if there had been two of them, prepared, strategic, they might have prevailed.  Watching six panicked fighters get in each other’s way while trying to stop a smaller, faster, and somehow impossibly stronger foe is almost hypnotic.  At least one is killed by the stab of a friendly lance due to pure confusion.  It’s over faster than I would have thought possible, severed limbs strewn across the room.  I’ve got some fluids splashed across my clothing.  Only one yet lives, and he is retreating.  She seems to be allowing it.

She follows behind, holding a lance.  The wounded and scared warrior scurries down the hallway towards his ship, looking back behind him as he goes.  She’s just… walking.  Calm.  And for some reason I’m following.  The last Gaunvan reaches the airlock and the second he enters his code she throws the lance - throws it! - and spears him.
“Come on, we’re stealing their ship.”  She says it like this is the most normal thing in the world.
“There are thousands more on board!  Thousands!  Almost all warrior caste!”
She smiles again, and keeps walking.  I see errors on the screens that we pass, messages indicating communications have been lost.  They can’t tell anyone what is happening here.  Even the communicators within the ship are on nodes rather than being wired, so the warriors at one end of the vessel won’t be able to coordinate with the other end.  Do they even know they’ve been boarded?
“How?”

We enter the bridge after she kills a handful of other guards with ease.  They’re too shocked by her presence to act in time.  Once the door are sealed and she is working on the control systems she starts talking to me again.
“Well, you know, we do like to be prepared.”
“But you… you ripped his arm off.”
“Yeah, that was super satisfying.”  She looks at me appraisingly.  "Oh, come on.  Is it really that surprising?  You knew we were into changing ourselves, right?  Being strong enough to pop an overgrown bug’s forelimb off isn’t rocket science.“
"Your people are so peaceful…”
“Oh, sure, most of them.  But we did that, too.  Tweaked ourselves over the years to decrease aggression and some of our tribalistic tendencies, increase empathy… all stuff that can be undone if needed.  Though for a good cause even the nicest of us can squish a bug or two.”
“You bond with Ry'ling devourers!”
“Those are the big fuzzy guys that look like cats, yeah?  Those guys are adorable!  But… look, liking some things that could kill us doesn’t mean we’ll sit back and get enslaved.  We didn’t put up with it well when we enslaved each other, and we certainly aren’t going to go for it now that we’re… finally… on the same page about slavery being unacceptable.  It was, uh, a longer time than we like to admit before the last hold-outs were convinced of that one.”

I can feel the ship un-dock.  We’re moving.  "What about all the warriors on board?  They’ll break through the doors eventually!“
"Not according to this control panel here.  Take a look.”
It says there’s no atmosphere in the rest of the ship.  Life signs are negative on all but two of the warriors, presumably the only ones that got to their suits in time.  She disabled all the safety measures, somehow.  She just killed… I check the life signs readout again to confirm the number… three thousand, six hundred, and fourteen soldiers.  Wait, how is it tracking that unless… “Are communications back up?”
“Yeah, I’m calling some friends.  The military is right around the corner, so to speak.”
“But Earth doesn’t have a standing military.”
She laughs.  Not just a little bit.  She’s actually doubled over for a moment, unable to catch her breath.  "Sweet Jeebus, you guys actually fell for that?  No standing military.  Have you read about us at all?“

Three ships appear seemingly out of nowhere, and one docks with the Gaunvan vessel.  Once the atmosphere is restored we head to the airlock to meet them, and I’m surprised by an entire platoon of Gaunvan warriors.  Speaking English.
"Okay boys, send your last goodbyes!  This is in all likelihood a one way mission.  Commander Thorn!  It is an honor to see you again, and might I say you look exquisite drenched in the blood of your enemies!”
She bows to him, blushing, and then salutes the Gaunvans.  Or… humans?  Can they change themselves this drastically?
“You’ve got two holed up in here somewhere.  Bridge is clear, have the techs bring the new brain on board.”
“New brain?”
She looks at me like she’s forgotten that I’m here, and then turns back to the others.  "Men, this is our new friend Ix Malasan who has just been liberated from his captivity.  He’s going to be helping with our intel.  Malasan, yeah, a new brain for the ship.  Once this vessel is cleaned up and back in service with a new crew we’ll be able to take it over whenever we want even if all of our boys get killed.  We cooked up a really sadistic AI for it.“
"But how do you know the protocols?  This was your first contact with the Gaunvans, they’ve never lost a ship anywhere near here!”
“No?  There wasn’t a mining colony disaster two years ago?”
“But that was just an accident… and you weren’t even involved in the war yet… and…”

The faux-Gaunvans have finished boarding.  The one that was talking to them before puts a bladed claw on ambassador - commander - Thorn’s shoulder.  "You coming with?“
"Naw.  Orders said I could only come if they allow ambassadors near extremely high value targets.  Malasan here says they don’t, so I need to wait for my next mission back on Earth.”
“It would have been nice having you with us, Thorn.  Well, maybe we’ll see each other again.  Suicide mission or not, I think I’ve decided to live through it.”
“Bold choice,” she says, and kisses him next to his lower mandibles.
He nods at me, then turns back to his men. “Okay everyone, we are now officially on the job.  And what is that job?”
In unison, they start chanting.

“FUCK! SHIT! UP!  FUCK! SHIT! UP!  FUCK! SHIT! UP!”

For a moment I nearly feel pity for the Gaunvans.  Nearly.  Commander Thorn leads me off of the ship, and I start thinking about what useful information I can provide the ‘harmless’ humans.  Fuck shit up, indeed.

transcript of the speech i gave at Vassar’s black baccalaureate service

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, honored guests, and the Vassar class of 2017.
Just saying that aloud made me feel old. Class of 2017? Most of y'all were born after dark-skinned Aunt Viv left the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. That’s wild.

I want to first thank you for allowing me to be a part of such a special moment in your lives. I am honored, privileged, and a bit in disbelief that you asked me of all people to give this address. I try not to have feelings, and I’m going to do my best not to cry today, but no promises.

I’m here to stand in the gap between you and your parents and guardians and any other elders in your lives that you stopped listening to because you thought they were wack and out of touch. I remember being in your shoes not TOO long ago, and it is my fervent prayer that something that I say here today will help you avoid some of the mess I went through.
To be honest I’m a little nervous, but I figured there was no way could this be worse than when Betsy DeVos went down to Bethune-Cookman, so let’s get started.

As you transition to life after Vassar the changes will be both inevitable and swift, so I’d like to begin by giving you some well-intentioned advice and warning you about the continued process of becoming an adult.

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Give Me Polyamorous Power Couple Hamliza Or Give Me Death

~Eliza growing up having constant crushes on both men and women and trying to articulate what she wanted to Angelica but never being able to explain it the way she wanted

~When she’s in a relationship: “I want her” “But you’re dating Peter” “I want him too” “But you have to choose” “Why do I have to choose?” When she’s not in a relationship: “Ooh, Liza’s got a crush! Spill it!” “Well, there’s Arthur and his girlfriend, and Sally and her girlfriend, and Jason, and Mary…” “Whoa whoa whoa, slow down, how many crushes can you have?” “Shush, I’m not done”

~When she meets Alexander and quickly falls into her most serious relationship ever she expects the multiple crush thing to stop (Spoiler alert: it doesn’t)

~Eliza feels like a horrible girlfriend because she’s so happy with Alex but then Susan from work will start up a conversation with her in the break room and she’s instantly all heart eyes

~Tearfully she admits it to Alex one night and he’s thrilled because “no there’s nothing wrong with you I promise!!!! You’re just polyamorous!!!!”

~They spend the rest of the night talking about it

~Eliza needs some time to adjust since she’s spent so much time trying to push it aside that she doesn’t really know what else to do but Alex is very helpful

~The first time she tells him about Susan he’s instantly chanting ask her out over and over until she’s laughing and blushing at his antics

~Half a year later and Eliza is subtly sending Alex updates from her dates while he sends her multiple thumbs up emojis and does the same with his own

~She also sets up him and Angelica and when Angelica gets confused about it she’s like you need to stop sacrificing yourself, let yourself be happy

~They share embarrassing stories about him with each other

~He meets John and them after Eliza in this one and it’s all separately

~Hercules comes first because Eliza’s father invited them to a fancy dinner party and Alex needs a suit and since he’s not well educated on these things yet she comes along to help

~Hercules is instantly smitten with Alex and Alex is instantly 😍 because “Eliza look at him!!! He looks like a damn quarterback but he’s so sweet and gentle!!!!” “Either you ask him out or I will”

~Hercules not-so-subtly likes guiding Alex around even though he thinks he’s being smooth

~“Alex there was really no point for him to put his hands on your waist like that, he could’ve told you to just move to the side one step” “… Yeah but did you see how well they fit there he could probably lift me up so easily” “Wow you’re so easy” “Do I need to bring up that cute barista the other day” “pLEASE DO WE HAVE A DATE THIS WEEKEND”

~By the end of the time there Alex is going out to lunch with a pleased but confused Hercules and Eliza is eagerly awaiting every cute picture and text

~From then on he has to deal with both Eliza and Alex stealing his clothes but he can’t really fight since they both look so cute in his sweaters

~The rest come really quickly after that

~Lafayette meets Hercules before the others because they come in requesting a special dress to be made and Hercules is Gone

~“You… You want a dress with a full skirt… But when you pick at a stitch on it the dress falls down into a ball gown?” “Yes, exactly!” “Can I ask why?” “Why? Well, chéri, it’s because I must ensure that I always am prepared for any eventuality and at the top of that list is a need to always look beautiful but entirely unattainable. Oh, that reminds me! It needs to be floor length with my being in eight-inch heels, I have a pair with me so you can measure accurately” “Oh holy shit”

~It takes them exactly one weekend to be brought into the relationship (Alex sees them and instantly is stunned into silence, Eliza flirts and within two minutes they’re already co-conspirators)

~John is next and he struggles with his sexuality and anything that comes from it so he’s very much in the closet when they meet

~John and Alex immediately are best friends and Alex tries asking him out but John very quickly refuses him and Alex takes a step back

~The combined power of the four of them helps to bring John out of his shell even though he’s very shy about it all so they’re respectful and let him suggest everything and move their relationship forward in his own time

~The first time he asks to spend the night with all of them there’s a little fight over who gets to sleep next to him

~Eliza and Hercules win, Lafayette and Alex pout

~Aaron and Theodosia Burr AKA Theo, Eliza, and Lafayette kill and the rest of them are literally powerless against them

~Dates are really fun with them because now there’s enough people to go on group dates and everyone can have a supposed other instead of it being just the mess of them (They still do it as the whole of them, its just more fun to have the people think they’re all separate couples then watch as they get more affectionate as the night goes on)

~Don’t think I’ve forgotten about the Washingtons

~George favors Alex and Laf, Martha favors Eliza, Angelica, and Theo, George is platonic with John, Hercules, Aaron, and the girls, Martha is platonic with everyone but her girls and sometimes Alex and Lafayette (She likes showing off that she’s perfectly capable of stealing them away from him but is graciously letting them stay with him. George jokes back and tries to rally Laf and Alex to joke too but they need time to come back to that plane of existence)

~WEEKEND TRIPS AT MOUNT VERNON WITH EVERYONE

~Eliza and Alex get so many kisses and cuddles since they’re the heart of it all

~Alex dragging everyone outside to look at the stars

~Lots of hot chocolate when Alex drags them outside

~Lots of spiked hot chocolate when they think Martha isn’t looking

~She totally knows since John keeps giggling but she let’s them have fun

~THOMAS JEFFERSON

~Eliza starts flirting with him to bug Alex

~Eventually she starts flirting with him for Alex no matter what he says

~“Look at the tension good god” “Betsey I swear…”

~Eliza has a near constant stream of frustrated texts from George

~“Eliza I’m suffering” “What is it this time, dear?” “They’re arguing again and they look two seconds away from making out” “I’m working on it. Have patience” “I can’t have patience anymore I can’t have meetings because this happens in every one”

~All the hate sex

~All the Jeffmads+Alex hate sex (I would include Aaron but the frustrations are over Washington but Aaron knows why Alex is favored by him and has worked out his own balance with George so he’s not jealous)

~Alex pulls them into the dynamic and they finally understand

~George doesn’t mind them finding out, he’s just glad the tension is gone (Though he has cut more than a few work days short because he walked in on them fucking on his desk because Alex wanted to tease him and he can’t handle that so he just walks out)

~There’s multiple incidents where they try to tease Angelica but she is Not Having It and takes great joy in showing them why

~Angelica Schuyler is my queen she wouldn’t handle any bullshit from them

~MARIA REYNOLDS PROTECTION SQUAD

~Elizabeth “If you touch one hair on my girl’s head I will personally kick your ass from here to California don’t test me” Schuyler

~Obviously she moves in with them immediately and spends every night sleeping between Alex and Eliza

~When things become too much in the city Eliza and her take a trip down to Mount Vernon for a girls-only retreat

~Maria and John never start a romantic relationship but they hit it off very quickly since they’re both abuse survivors (Her with James, him with his father) and John is more healed than she is but there’s wounds he’s still licking and sometimes its nice to just spend the day in silence with someone who understands that company is more important than conversation

~Eliza and Alex creating a crazy huge family for themselves which has confusing interconnecting romantic and platonic relationships but they love it so much they can’t describe it

~Whenever anyone asks about it Alex shows them the graph he’s made for them all

~Everyone has a specific color and one poor soul asks why he chose those colors and spends the next 45 minutes listening to him talking about why each of his signifs was given that very color choice

Studio Ghibli Sentence Meme
  • “Now I have something I want to protect. It’s you.”
  • “I’m not afraid to die!”
  • “You cannot change fate. However, you can rise to meet it, if you so choose.”
  • “They say that the best blaze brightest when circumstances are at their worst.”
  • “Fear and anger only make it grow faster.”
  • “I think I can handle it.”
  • “Here’s another curse for you - may all your bacon burn.”
  • “Don’t worry! Stay right where you are, I’m coming to get you! You’re gonna be fine, I won’t let him hurt you.”
  • “I need something of yours. How ‘bout your eyes?”
  • “We gotta get out of here! We’re gonna get in trouble!”
  • “You, you sabotaged me! Look! Look at what you’ve done to my hair! Look!”
  • “No more killing. It has to stop!”
  • “You sound ghastly, like some 90-year-old woman.”
  • “Guys, don’t take that food! We’re gonna get in trouble!”
  • “Fight ‘em! C’mon!”
  • “Smile so we can make a good impression.”
  • “We each need to find our own inspiration. Sometimes it’s not easy”
  • “I finally get a bouquet and it’s a goodbye present. That’s depressing.”
  • “Life is suffering. It is hard. The world is cursed. But still, you find reasons to keep living.”
  • “Sorry, it looks like you’re involved.”
  • “Oh, my baby! Are you all right? Are you emotionally traumatized?”
  • “Now I’m trying to look inside myself and find out how I did it.”
  • “Leave before it gets dark.”
  • “Once you do something, you never forget. Even if you can’t remember.”
  • “Cut off a wolf’s head and it still has the power to bite.”
  • “It’s all so familiar yet I know I’ve never been here before. I feel so at home.”
  • “Now I’m trying to look inside myself and find out how I did it.”
  • “I suggest you surrender. There is no ship coming to rescue you.”
  • “I had no idea that my rage could drive me to kill.”
  • “These days, there are angry ghosts all around us - dead from wars, sickness, starvation - and nobody cares.” 
  • “A heart’s a heavy burden.”
  • “Please! You must stop!”
  • “Well, well, well… hello kitty.”
    “You can’t be busy - you’re five!”
  • “So you say you’re under a curse? So what? So’s the whole damn world.”
  • “ I have really had enough of your incredible stupidity.”
  • “Lamebrain! They made an escape! Now step on it!”
  • “I didn’t want them to kill you.”
  • “It’s fun to move to a new place. It’s an adventure.”
  • “Welcome the rich man, he’s hard for you to miss. His butt keeps getting bigger, so there’s plenty there to kiss!”
  • “You shouldn’t be here! Get out!”
  • “He said Mom was ugly, now go get him!”
  • “Kill him and you’ll be famous.”
  • “I’ve seen him do this once before when a girl dumped him.”
  • “S/He’s alive. There goes that dream.”
  • “That was the night I died.”
  • “I’d rather be a pig than a fascist.”
  • “You don’t remember your name?”
  • “Don’t be afraid, I just want to help you.”
  • “Poor kids. I’ll really miss them.”
  • “I don’t fight for honor. I fight for a paycheck.”
  • “ No, No, No! Don’t do this! Help! Help! Crazy lady with the shovel!”
  • “She was once quite beautiful, so I decided to pursue her, then I realized she wasn’t, so then, as usual, I ran away.”
  • “You’re in love. Don’t deny it, you’ve been sighing all day”
  • “She never woke up again.”
  • “You blubber heads! I’m not runnin’ a luxury cruise! Now get to work!”
  • “Why does everything that’s good for you have to taste so bad?”
  • “Whatever you don’t want me to clean, better hide it now!”
  • “This is our little secret. You tell anyone and I’ll rip your mouth off.”
  • “I give up. I see no point in living if I can’t be beautiful.”
  • “If I lose my magic, that means I’ve lost absolutely everything.”
  • “ It’s… you’re scaring me. I have this weird feeling you’re going to leave. ”
  • “There’s a demon inside you.”
  • “Don’t get alarmed but I’m being followed. Act normal.”
  • “Don’t worry, I’ve got four-wheel drive.”
  • “This is what hatred looks like! This is what it does when it catches hold of you! It’s eating me alive, and very soon it will kill me!”
  • “Smooth. Very smooth. You definitely know how to make a good first impression.”
  • “Everyone fears their own mortality.”
  • “Play with me or I’ll break your arm!”
  • “I gotta get out of this place. Someday I’m getting on that train.”
  • “Wait give us a minute! This is clearly harassment.”
  • “Why do fireflies have to die so soon?”
  • “There you are, sweetheart. Sorry I’m late. I was looking everywhere for you.” 
  • “When you’re going to kill a god, let someone else do your dirty work.”
  • “Why did you stop me from killing her?”
  • “When I saw you, I just wanted to find a way to protect you.” 
  • “One thing you can always count on is that hearts change.”
  • “Tell me while you’re still alive!”
  • “This is a tomb for the both of us.”
  • “If nobody comes in, I’m gonna have to eat pancakes forever and be fat, fat, fat! And what am I supposed to do about that?”
  • “Even if you were a woman, you’d still be an idiot!”
  • “What do you say we give 'em a little demonstration of how fast we can run, huh?”
  • “HAM!”
Levi Ackerman: The Abuse Claim

Alright, so here I am with another long ass meta post. Only this time, this one is directed solely at the legend, Levi Ackerman himself. Yet again, I am seeing the “Levi is Abusive” mumbo jumbo and I have spent my two years in this fandom quiet about my opinions on this for the most part because I do not enjoy drama. However, after this last batch of Discourse™ that I have seen, I have been pushed beyond my ability to bite my tongue. 

This is Part One to a two part meta, and this is me basically trying to shine light on Levi’s actions a bit and why he behaves the way he does. In no way do I try to justify all of the shit he carries out so don’t think this is just a fangirl squeal post. I’m simply trying to better explain his character for the people who seem to think he is some kind of rage beast who beats kids for fun in his spare time. 

I will be putting this under a Read More because it is extremely long and also contains spoilers. I’d also like to state that this would be best read from a computer or the mobile website as it contains a metric fuckton of manga panels used for reference (seriously use any other means outside of the mobile app to read this because the app will butcher this post and cut out a majority of the images). If you are sitting down to read this, please make sure you are comfy, cozy, and drinking a nice warm beverage. Now then, 

DISCLAIMER: This is my personal opinion. In no way am I stating what I say here is completely accurate. if you disagree with my opinion, good for you! That’s your prerogative. However, If you are going to send me messages trying to argue points of view with me or send me hate messages because my opinion differs from your own; do us both a favor and just don’t even bother. WARNING: Major spoilers ahead.

First and foremost, this is the scene I see brought up the absolute most so I’d like to go ahead and address it first:

Keep reading

Try to rip people off with shady flipped houses? Watch me flip your bank account.

So I don’t think this is entirely pro, but this just happened and I’m quite pleased with myself. Sorry for how long it is, I’m a wordy person.

Background: my girlfriend and I have been trying to buy a house for a month or two. Housing market where we live is tough, we don’t have a huge income, most houses sell within 24 hours, etc so it’s been a struggle. About a month and a half ago we found a house that was PERFECT. In the neighborhood we wanted, 2 bed 2 bath, at the very top of our price range but still doable, etc etc. Best part is that it’s beautifully renovated, new roof, everything is new and gorgeous! We put in an offer, but get outbid by someone else (which is crushing, if you have yet to experience that).

We mourn and then continue searching for other houses….until we get a call from our agent saying that the other buyers backed out and the seller is offering it to us first before putting it back on the market.

A quick important note here: the seller is the owner, but is also acting as his own real estate agent, and he runs his own business buying foreclosures and flipping them. This is important later.

Keep reading

Long-ass SB/ho tips outline and I don’t even care

I’m on a roll today haha.  Been typing these out as I think of them all week, so here is a list of things in order of what I perceive to be least to most talked about:

1. Be able to leave at any time. You never know when you’re going to have to make a run for it or if you feel unsafe and need to bounce.  This includes:

  • Know your exits.  Not all places have the exit the same as the entrance.  Figure out where the exit is either before you walk in or as soon as you do.
  • Keep all your things as close together as possible.  Pretty easy if you’re in a public place, but if you are at a hotel or his house or something, try to either keep everything packed or all your things in one place.  This makes you look neat and organized too, or at least you can claim that if he calls you on it.
  • When you’re done brushing your teeth, pack away your toothbrush again.  This goes for everything.  When you use it, put it back.
  • Keep your dirty clothes folded next to your suitcase, if not in it.
  • Keep your purse on your person or with your things.  I usually put it on the nightstand so it’s easy to remember, and my clothes/rest of my things usually end up next to the bed anyway.  Take your bag to the bathroom, especially if there are things inside that reveal your identity if you don’t want him to see.
  • If you take off your clothes, leave them right-side-out.  If you don’t do it as you take your clothes off, just fix them as soon as they’re off.  Leave all your clothes in one place.  If you’re naked and need to run, this speeds up the process and you don’t look a complete mess when you get outside.
    • For your shirt, grab the bottom hem and pull it over your head.  Once the neck clears your head, take the hem of one sleeve and pull your arm out of it.  Then use that arm to hold both sleeves as you remove your other arm.  This leaves you holding both sleeves by the ends as the shirt hangs down and your shirt stays ready to be put on quickly.
    • For your pants, step on the hem with one foot to slide the other leg out.  Might be a little tough with skinny jeans or leggings, but try to pull from the bottoms and slide out instead of peeling them off your body.
  • Have the number for a local taxi service saved in your phone.  Or Uber, or a friend nearby, or whatever you feel like.  Don’t rely on him to get you home.
  • Pack a pair of flats if you can because running in heels is way too hard.
  • If you do need to leave, put on your underwear, then pants.  Don’t need to wear the bra.  Put on your shirt, grab your things and leave.  Run to the staircase–don’t risk the elevator in case a bunch of people with luggage hold it up long enough for him to find you there.  Go barefoot down the stairs, then put on your shoes after you’ve reached the bottom.  At this point you should be holding your purse and bra, maybe socks, jacket, heels if you packed flats, and jewelry.  As you walk to the door, put your jewelry and bra in your purse if you can.  Put socks in the heels, or hold them if you’re wearing the heels.  Get into the taxi.  Put your bra on around your stomach, then pull it up under your shirt so you’re wearing it like a strapless bra (you can fix this later if you want).  Put on your socks if you have them.  Double check that you grabbed everything.  Get home safe.

2. Have a safe place to go to if needed.  This is anywhere very public and preferably somewhere you cannot be followed.  Know how to get there from wherever you are.

  • If you have a membership at a gym, they usually check membership cards at the door. 
  • If you are military/dependent, go on base. 
  • Go to your place of work and hide in the break room.  If your coworkers ask, say it was a Tinder date gone wrong and this creepy old guy is following you.
  • Worst case scenario, go to the bathroom in a public place.  Enlist the help of other women in there/call the hostess of the restaurant or a nearby store and explain the situation.

3. Put your phone on airplane mode.  Turn WiFi and location off.  I’ve seen it mentioned before where people pop up as Facebook suggestions.  If you spend a lot of time in the same area as someone, Facebook knows.  Even with location off, it can tell your location via WiFi access point and which cell your phone is connected to.  Turning off location and WiFi will help, but you need to disconnect your phone from service to block that avenue too.  I would say turn your phone off entirely, but my phone takes 6 million years to power on, so that could be dangerous in an emergency.  Turning off airplane mode can allow you to reconnect quickly to service.  (This is also useful because then your phone won’t be buzzing and stuff.  No distractions.)

4. Tell a friend where you’re going and what time you expect to be back.  Keep them updated with changes.  Even if they don’t respond, having it in writing somewhere can keep you safe if anything happens.  Message me where you’re going if you don’t have anyone else idgaf.

5. Ask for everything upfront.  Whatever you agreed on (cash, gifts, dinner, whatever), make sure you get it first.  I feel like everyone on Tumblr already knows this, but maybe one person will read this who hadn’t read it elsewhere and it’ll help.

6. Keep these things in your bag.

As always, add stuff I didn’t think of if you have anything!  Stay safe and may the sugar gods bless you all.

You Don’t Have to be Superman

(Put a read more in cause it got kinda really long oops)

  • Ladybug and Chat Noir are together
    • Like together together
    • Very much together
    • And everyone knows it
  • They don’t know each other’s identities because it’s not safe, not with Hawkmoth still out there
    • When they defeat him, that’s when they’ll tell each other, they promise
  • They defeat Hawkmoth when they’re twenty three and Gabriel Agreste goes to prison
  • Their Miraculouses are running down, or Adrien needs a minute to himself, or something, but the point is, they split up and are going to meet up that night and reveal themselves
  • Marinette doesn’t count on Tikki and the earrings disappearing as soon as she transforms
    • It’s awful, but she and Chat are in this together and they’ve got a hotel room booked so she’ll just meet him there
  • Adrien doesn’t count on there being a lot of paper work when it turns out your father is a supervillain
    • There’s a lot
    • Nathalie is handling it mostly but they still need his signatures and no one is letting him out of their sight
  • Marinette goes to the hotel room and waits for Chat to arrive
    • He doesn’t
  • Adrien glances at the clock every few seconds, trying to pull himself away from the mess of his life for long enough to get to Ladybug
    • He can’t

Keep reading

Long Angsty Sterek Fics

All at least 20k words long (by request)

Divided We Stand by KouriArashi

Derek is being pressured by his family to pick a mate, and somehow stumbles into a choice that they didn’t expect and aren’t sure they approve of….

By Any Other Name by entanglednow

He doesn’t know his name, he doesn’t know who he is, and neither does the werewolf he’s on the run with. But he’s pretty sure they hunt monsters, because they seem to be really good at it.

Permanent Fixture by linksofmemories

Derek is Scott’s older brother. Stiles is Scott’s best friend. Derek is falling in love with Stiles. This is a bit of a problem.

Mating Habits of the Domesticated North American Werewolf by lielabell

Derek doesn’t do pining. He doesn’t. So when it becomes clear that Stiles is much more interested in having Derek as a new best friend than a boyfriend, he puts on his big boy pants and makes it fucking work. He becomes the best goddamn friend a spastic teenager could ever hope to have.

Don’t Speak by fatale

The Alpha pack has systematically attacked Stiles and his friends for months, testing their strengths and weaknesses. When one of the Alphas goes after Stiles, he awakens in the hospital and realizes that something’s wrong. Very wrong. All sounds seem to hurt him, he can’t understand what anyone is saying, and when he tries to speak, it’s gibberish. How is he supposed to deal with the fact that he’s lost the ability to communicate with his dad and his friends?

Without his ability to talk, his sarcasm, and his wit, what does Stiles even have left? Enter Derek, the only one who seems to make it better.

Enemy Lines by qhuinn (tekla)

This is the story of werewolf Derek Hale and human Stiles Stilinski: two people who grew up in the same town but completely different worlds, their realities split by the war between men and wolves.

Years later when Derek returns to Beacon Hills, he does it as Alpha of a military pack on a mission to capture those responsible for the region’s resistance. With his main objective, Sheriff Stilinski, out of sight, he settles for the next best thing: his son, Stiles.

Neither of them suspects they’ll need to trust each other if they want to make it out this alive.

Keep reading

1,050!
  1. We are hounds of God.
  2. He slammed on the breaks, his hand slamming across her chest to keep her from smashing forward
  3. This is Marcos, that’s Leo. Don’t trust anybody else in this place, and if you need something from outside, ask them.
  4. Turn your body when you punch, gives it more power.
  5. My apartment isn’t a storage facility, y’know…
  6. His idea of helping is to give you a passport and plane ticket, and tell you to stop bothering him
  7. You think so little of yourself  
  8. I don’t do secrets if they don’t benefit me anyway
  9. “What…? Are you going to jump?”
    “That’s the plan.”
  10. That’s the most sexual handshake I’ve ever seen
  11. You better watch that hand, boy.
  12. “It’s her own fault that she didn’t do anything of herself!”
    “No, it’s not her fault!”
  13. You have no idea how much you put her back.
  14. “I’m thinking of taking my old job back…”
    “Robbing people?”
    “What? No, man…”
  15. God, she’s gonna murder Chloe if she opens her mouth one more time to say something stupid
  16. I don’t care what you did, you understand? It’s not my business in anyway.
  17. Have you worked a day in your life?
  18. “No… Oh my God, tell me you didn’t…”
    “He won’t report it. The man has more warrants than I have family left.”
  19. Get a haircut you little monster.
  20. “Where you going?”
    “I have work. Meet me in library at 2?”
  21. “Are you gonna drink the whole bottle?”
    “Lost the cork, what else I’m supposed to do?”
  22. I had to threaten to kill over half of them for them to come here, but hey, nobody needs to know that
  23. “I’m sorry.”
    “No need to be, sweetheart. Are you still cold?”
  24. Their leader didn’t give much change to mistakes
  25. “Why do you say it like your pain doesn’t matter?”
    “Because at end of the day, somebody has suffered more than me.”
  26. “Are you drunk?”
    “Hardly ever.”
  27. “Why’s Marcus walking like that?”
    “He tried to do a cannonball to inch of snow.”
  28. I don’t know why I’m eating, I’m not even hungry
  29. Are you supposed to bring a present to a funeral?
  30. “How did you started working for Harry?”
    “I ran over him and he offered me a job. Easy.”
  31. Can you blow the candles next time you leave the room?
  32. Why does your voice sound like gravel?
  33. Would such a man pistol whip an eleven-year-old?
  34. You’re not even supposed to drink caffeine.
  35. Were you gonna stab me with a spoon?!
  36. This is wicked magic. It’ll bite your ass faster than you can ever imagine
  37. Is putting me behind bars not enough? You had chain me to a wall too?
  38. Keep him screaming, Nik. I want someone to call the cops
  39. The one time I need it to rain in Portland it doesn’t
  40. I wish to speak with you, my darling.
  41. “You’re gonna die alone!”
    “Everybody dies alone, you fool”
  42. why’s the woman yelling outside
  43. “Is this legal evidence?”
    “You and I have different meaning of legal, counselor”
  44. Did you manage to punch him before he got arrested?
  45. Let’s pretend we didn’t just break about sixteen laws in five seconds
  46. Any change that you can
  47. Oh shit, he’s a big fella, call Emma. I don’t wanna fight him.
  48. You want your kid back? Better confess to murder of that little girl or soon your son goes to fight a big men’s war in Uganda
  49. “Why are you sleeping on the back of the ambulance?”
    “Didn’t find any other place.”
  50. “What did you give to him?”
    “A illegal horse tranquilizer from China. Knocks you out in five minutes. I don’t know how he’s even standing anymore.”
  51. Hey fucker, my porch lights are not on! Fuck off!
  52. You managed to find a only gun store that doesn’t have Chicago’s 78 hour wait?
  53. “It’s not that easy”
    “Well it’s not that complicated either”
  54. I just inhaled chocolate cake. This is the best way to die
  55. I have to wear two sports bras to even think about exercising
  56. Where do you think I do at 2am? Taco bell, bitch
  57. I may not know your name but this won’t be your dying day
  58. The lady of modern day Edinburg pierced the knife through her heart and hoped the spell had worked
  59. That stupid grin on his face is almost enough of a reason to hit him
  60. “I read the police report, you know.”
    “Then you know what happened. So why are you bothering to talk to me?”
  61. Why aren’t they finding anything?
  62. God why the hell I’m so hungry? I haven’t done anything…
  63. “She has about four hours of air left.”
    “Who do you know?”
  64. “Why’s she’s screaming?”
    “Some kind of ritual. I think she’s a witch.”
  65. I got a headache for acting like I actually cared about his options
  66. “Why are you on my couch?”
    “I’m trying to come up with a plan to get your brother out of the trouble with Chinese mafia.”
    “Oh… Well you’re welcome to stay if you like.”
  67. I’ll call him. Let’s hope that he’s still in Barranquilla… And not in a ditch with cocaine blocking his nose.
  68. “He’s still looking for you.”
    “What does that mean? Are you in trouble?”
  69. “There’s dinner in the freezer.”
    “Ice cream is not dinner. But thanks.”
  70. Yes, I will break it, don’t let me touch it
  71. What was I supposed to think, you left giggling out of the room!
  72. I didn’t think I could fuck up so badly. I’m honestly quite amazed of myself.
  73. Don’t make the lie more complicated.
  74. “She had enough evidence to put him to jail for the rest of his life.”
    “Why didn’t she?”
    “I think part of her still believed in family that time.”
  75. I don’t wanna start begging, but I swear to God I will.
  76. How long have you waited to do that?
  77. Happy’s missing three teeth, Kevin has had his face purple for the past two weeks, and Rigg probably has lost half of his intelligence just hanging out with you guys!
  78. You can stop avoiding me, alright? I know what happened, so call me.
  79. I don’t know what your father taught you, but mine taught me how to take a beating.
  80. “You just let her walk out of the front door?!”
    “We didn’t know it was her!”
    “How the hell you didn’t know that! Her face is plastered all over the news!”
  81. “God, I don’t want to talk to you right now”
    “Well you have to. Does your shoulder hurt?”
  82. ”What the hell happened?! I though you promised not to lay a hand on him, no matter what he does!”
    ”Oh shut up. He started waving a knife around, I just made sure he didn’t poke his eye out.”
  83. I don’t know how she’s even moving after that.
  84. Don’t let me slam her face in, because I swear to God I will do it if she keeps talking
  85. “You want my jacket?”
    “This smells like weed, dude.”
    “It’s not my jacket so don’t blame me.”
  86. “Is this stolen?”
    “You want to see a receipt?”
  87. “What… Why are you checking your pulse?”
    “I just wanna make sure that I’m still alive.”
  88. I thought this was supposed to be one of those easy jobs!
  89. Don’t make it obvious that you’re an asshole, put your shirt on.
  90. You put on hell of a fight, I hope you know that.
  91. Do I get a list of rules when I go there or do I just have to be on my good side?
  92. They don’t look so happy… You think we should apologize?
  93. I don’t think you should eat something that has been in your apartment as long as that has.
  94. “Show me,” he whispered, starting to pull down the zipper of her hoodie. “It’s just a bruise…” She tried to push his hand away, but she was backed against the corner and the painkillers had stopped working, so even breathing was painful.
  95. You’re still replying my texts so it can’t be that bad
  96. “You’ve never been a man with few words.”
    “I only need few perfect words.”
    “And what are those?”
    “Marry me.”
  97. Looks like you’ve started finally to listen to me.
  98. I can feel the hair on my ass standing up
  99. I know all your dirty tricks… I know every step before you even take them
    .
    He’s my brother. I’ll always take his side before anybody else’s.
  100. When you decide to come in, there’s pepperoni pizza in the oven
  101. He seems to like avoiding you.
  102. It doesn’t matter how hurt she is, she’ll try to get up and fight. It’s her nature.
  103. I would have come to the wedding but the nurses threated to tie me down to the bed if I even try to rip off the tubes and stuff… but you know, congratulations.
  104. “Now you’re just being mean.”
    “I think the word you’re supposed to use is… a tease.”
  105. Are we just going ignore that the maniac just drank the whole bottle?
  106. She definitely has the balls to do it, no question about it
  107. I got concussion from a door. I ended up at ER, explaining that the door viciously slammed against my face, sounds great doesn’t it
  108. “How did you get mom here?”
    “I gave her two hundred bucks to stay the whole thing.”
    “What?!”
  109. If she starts to poke my chest again, I’ll walk out and leave you there to be tortured
  110. She grew up on lies. Either it was from her mother’s mouth or from the man who she always thought was her father.
  111. “Who long have we known each other?”
    “About fifteen years. Give or take. But that doesn’t mean I trust you.”
  112. Can you pull my shoulder back in?
  113. He’s going to kill you. He’s so going to kill for doing that to her.
  114. You used to be so much better at lying.
  115. Stay down! Don’t get up!
  116. “Do you believe in love with first sight?”
    “I don’t believe in love.”
  117. She had warned him and after he started pounding on Jon the third time, she didn’t think twice for making him bleed.
  118. Touch my brother and I’ll make sure that you won’t be able to move you hands an inch afterwards
  119. I know my limits. I know how much pain I can take before I pass out or can’t move. I know my body.
  120. “Nice underwear,” he pointed out with a smirk, expecting Alex to start pulling her shirt to cover herself, but she surprised him by pulling the top over her head. “Oh wow.”
  121. Are you asking for a permission? Because if so… I might just give you one.
  122. “People might just start to think you’re obsessed with me.”
    “Are expectin’ me to deny it?”
    “I might just have to start calling you my stalker then…”
  123. Prove me wrong then! Prove me that I can trust you, that you won’t fuck me over the second I drop my guard!
  124. “Can you stop sleeping in my bathtub?”
    “Why? Is so much better than the bed you made me sleep.”
  125. Do I need to tell you everything I love about you?
  126. Are you a predator or the prey?
  127. My mom found your bra in my freezer, why the fuck?
  128. I don’t remember if I ate today so… wanna go grab Thai or something?
  129. I told it was faster this way.
  130. I’m not great at driving when someone is trying to kill me!
  131. I’m gonna borrow your suitcase, mate! Your clothes are under the bed if you need them!
  132. This is not a taco. This is just disgusting.
  133. He pointed at me with a tattooed finger. “I’ll call you.” And then he was gone.
  134. “I thought you’d never drop down your guard.”
    “Consider yourself special.”
  135. You’re younger than me and you’re rocking in your rocking chair like old man
  136. “I don’t want fancy dinners or restaurants!”
    “Great, I’ll take you to the fanciest bar I’ve ever been in.”
  137. What was I supposed to do, huh? He punched me first, Bret!
  138. You’ll break your neck eventually by doing that
  139. You were literally falling while you were sleeping
  140. You used to have a longer hair than me, Phil!
  141. You look surprisingly angry while chewing gum
  142. We’re going to try push them back a bit, get Ricky to the truck!
  143. I think I might just kidnap you if you don’t get next week off.
  144. Fucking pew pew motherfucker
  145. My temper tends to land me in trouble more than often.
  146. You wanna know why she did it?
  147. She thought that maybe her nightmares would stop.
  148. You need to tell him. He deserves to know.
  149. “Brock? Where the hell are you going?”
    “Who the fuck does he think he is?!
  150. I learned at very young age that being quiet kept you alive
  151. I’m not that good with people who only disrespect me, I’m sure you understand.
  152. Of course I’m scared
  153. Her body was covered in mostly small scars and burns. The price of stupidity, her nana said. She didn’t care that much, the biggest burns on her back were mostly covered by tattoos, just like the whip scars on her abdomen and upper back.
  154. They should never put the crazy ones in the same room
  155. One thing he would never do was to stay down when somebody said so
  156. The look in his eyes was something raw and too familiar. She saw herself in him, and she hated that more than anything.
  157. They had been lucky that cops hadn’t looked in the back alley when they came to break up the bar fight. They would have had an easy arrest, the four who had started the whole fight inside were slumped in line against the brick wall of the next building.
  158. Kneeling before her were the men that didn’t believe in Gods. Her army.
  159. Just because his back is turned doesn’t mean he can’t hear you.
  160. This world is filled with more terrifying things than death
  161. You are meaningless. We all are. It’s our to change that.
  162. Don’t rely on happy endings
  163. It has been rumored for weeks.
  164. She’s a veteran in this business, she knows how to play.
  165. You’ve a have a gimmick of being a lost cause.
  166. I’d appreciate if you apologized in person
  167. Men starts wars, women end them. That’s just a fact.
  168. Every damn time I talk to you, I’m more convinced that you’re an actual alien
  169. You are just hurting yourself by doing that.
  170. Didn’t you two had enough already!?
  171. “She refused the help of the medics -”
    “And you just let her?!”
    “I didn’t think she could slip out, she couldn’t even walk by herself!”
  172. She hoisted her brother to his feet again, “You need to stop picking fights with them.”
  173. Goddammit, don’t just leave him laying there!
  174. So… this is how she spends her Fridays. Collecting debts for a mob. Nice.
  175. She decided that throwing a toaster at me was the best defense
  176. I mean she slapped him hard enough to break skin
  177. Keith! Stop shooting people in the living room!
  178. “What if I press the big red button? Will I start a war?”
    “That’d flush the toilet.”
  179. Don’t get him all fired up. I’m gonna be the one who has to calm him down afterwards
  180. You have two jobs in this family. To watch that Iain doesn’t do anything that lands him back to prison and that Shawn doesn’t disappear again.
  181. How did we ended up like this? Two against an army of thousands
  182. “Are you a coward?”
    “I’m a survivor.”
  183. Why are drinking milk out of my shot glasses?
  184. “Why is my boyfriend covered in blood?”
    “Why are you not asking him?”
    “Because he’s a lying asshole.”
  185. He cracked his gloved knuckles before knocking on her door
  186. God… stop with the undying love bullshit. Maybe there is some sort of love but nothing lost forever.
  187. “Do you even remember his name?”
    “I know it started with M, I think.”
  188. “I know you ain’t listening anything,” Johnny sat in front of her, tugging her other earbud off.
  189. With cigarette clenched between her lips, she wiped the coffee off her fingers to her ripped jeans
  190. “I don’t take no for answer, so…?”
    “That makes you sound like an asshole, you know that right?”
  191. He couldn’t help but to look at her through the mirror, she was trying her best to wipe off the eyeliner and mascara smeared on her face, she was a mess. But this woman was his mess.
  192. I don’t think it’s wise to look directly to their eyes
  193. Let’s play a game of stupid and a moron
  194. She laid on the hot concrete, blood dripping down her cheeks. Her temper had gotten her into a fight, was that a surprise in anyway?
  195. How far are you willing to go to convince that you’re alright?
  196. I don’t have a bra on, please don’t make me run.
  197. Can you stop smiling when people hurt you? It makes you look like a crazy maniac
  198. Allan lifted Sam with ease up to the table, tangling his fingers in her hair. “You are more stupid than I thought,” he whispered, running both of his hands through her hair.
  199. They watched the man carefully, like he was a time bomb ready to explode
  200. Wake up, kid. I need you to wake up, I can’t carry you if you don’t.
  201. She picked up a man twice her side. That’s power
  202. Didn’t anybody teach you not to taunt a trained MMA fighter
  203. “Your father wouldn’t want this.”
    “He probably doesn’t wanna be death either, so does it really it matter what he would have wanted from me?”
  204. “Are you lying?”
    “Through my teeth.”
  205. You wanna do this here or do we go somewhere were your friends can’t see me murder you?
  206. I’m not sure why you seemingly needed to share your weaknesses to me, but God… You made a huge mistake.
  207. I’m sure that this will backfire on me, but let’s pretend that we don’t know that already
  208. How the hell are you so pale? You live in Florida!
  209. I don’t think they should be here. They just manage to get into trouble.
  210. God that sounded better when I was rehearsing it.
  211. She wanted to forget the shit of a life she had
  212. Would it be such an immensely horrible thing if I just accidentally hit him?
  213. Past is supposed to stay in the past, especially her past.
  214. Just keep him angry. Please do that to me, I want to see him finally explode.
  215. “Pendejo!” Rosa shouted, slamming her hand flat against the table. “You have some serious problems!”
  216. Right information is very important in this line of work, son.
  217. “Fuuuck! We’re so damn late from his bullshit party!”
    “Oh shut up, we are only fashionable late.”
  218. Put your seat belt on. No? I ain’t driving anywhere before you do.
  219. Why the fuck did you bring your kid? I’m not babysitting!
  220. I think my hair is dying
  221. “Where are you?”
    “South of Houston, why?”
    “John left me to fucking Taco Bell, I need a ride.”
  222. My ass has feelings!
  223. If I found drugs on your brother’s room, can I keep it?
  224. Who the fuck put soy in my coffee?!
  225. That is the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever seen.
  226. “I’ve have a vivid imagination.” He purred in her ear.
    “Then you can survive few more days…” she whispered back, pushing him away.
  227. Shit, she’s quicker than I thought…
  228. Cut her loose, her hands are turning gray
  229. You keep avoiding the subject. It a simple question, and I just need an answer.
  230. Ricky had lost his legs in Iraq, but still every time the national anthem came on, he propped himself up a inch or two.
  231. I know you have a high tolerance of pain, but this is ridiculous!
  232. That woman is as crazy as they come.
  233. He hadn’t expected for Mia to lunge forward, every intention to break Seth’s arms. Joe managed to step between them before her fist would bash against the younger man’s face, he had to pick her up from the ground as she almost hit him to face. V
  234. “You can’t handle me,” she purred, her fingers sliding to inside his jacket pocket, with intentions to grab his wallet. Hank was only smiling, grabbing her by the wrist, “Maybe I don’t want to.”
  235. Vinny had told many lies in his life, and only about two out of every fifteen had some truth in them.
  236. She hadn’t even realized she was angry before Tyler wrapped his hand around her lower back, leaning down to ask if she was alright.
  237. Is he old enough to play paintball? Or maybe laser tag?
  238. Alan watched as she wiped the sweat off her face, eyeshadow and eyeliner wiping down to her cheeks. “You enjoy staring at me?”
  239. I don’t think I did anything wrong
  240. He hadn’t seen her smile in the two weeks he had been here, but now that she did, it was one of the prettiest things that he had seen.
  241. Wes had curled himself in the smallest ball that the 6 feet 5 man could
  242. “You’re naked.”
    “Good eye, darling.”
  243. He looked great in the tailored Dolce and Gabbana suit, shame that he would have to die in it
  244. Sometimes the worst decisions lead to best outcomes
  245. ”What counts as medical emergency?”
    “Your whole body is a medical emergency!”
  246. What were you expecting? She’s a kleptomaniac
  247. You can cut off her arms and legs, but she won’t stop.
  248. She had found a perfect place between the top of the lockers and the ceiling, it was great place to sleep.
  249. I think we might just be alright..
  250. She might just be your worst nightmare
  251. Sascha gave a grimacing smile before clearing his throat. “We will consider your offer.”
  252. She circled her hand over the small back of the eight-month old, whose face had turned bright shade of red from endless crying. “Kiddo…”
  253. “Were you trying to break his back?”
    “To be honest I was trying to get him off my ass.”
  254. Sid plucked the cigarette from Colby’s lips, dropping it to the half-full wineglass. “Keep taunting me…” she leaned down to whisper in his ear from behind, “And I’ll make sure that your tongue is cut off.”
  255. Bastian lived on the edge. Quite literally. He lived in rusty van on edge of a cliff, maybe hoping that someday the car would drop to the rocks and he would be inside
  256. Thank God for waterproof makeup….
  257. This is for everybody who never supported me. Because I didn’t need you in the end.
  258. She didn’t want to cry. It wasn’t any more about not wanting show weakness or pride. She just didn’t want to be sad anymore

Big shout out to @ofpoemsandprompts!​

How Do You Transformers Anatomy: A Guide By A Fan

Also titled “Grey’s Anatomy Transformers Style”

OKAY SO I HEAR A LOT OF PEOPLE GET CONFUSED ABOUT ALL THESE WORDS AND TERMS FOR TRANSFORMERS (because we, as a fandom, like to use fancy words for our robots, we have literally reached subculture status guys we have our own dialect congratulations) AND DON’T KNOW WHAT TO USE FOR WHAT SO BECAUSE I TOO SUFFER I WILL HELP YOU

IF YOU KNOW OTHERS THAT ARE NOT LISTED HERE FEEL FREE TO ADD THEM.

WHY YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO ME

  • Been here since I was 12
  • Fanfic writer
  • I’m smart
  • “I was here before TF was cool” hipster status
  • Transformers consumed my life

THAT’S MY QUALIFICATIONS OK HERE WE GO

Keep reading

Platonically.

Pairing: Barry Allen x reader

Warnings: Cursing, inappropriate themes

Prompt: “I platonically want to have sex with you—no big deal.”
________________

“Hey, could you run these up to Barry for me?” Joe, your partner of 5 months asked. You were a transferred detective from Keystone who came to Central City looking for adventure. Boy, did you get one. After accidentally walking in on Barry using his powers you found out he was not only super attractive but also a superhero. You may have a crush on him.

“Yeah, sure.” You take the files and run up the stairs to his lab. You knock on the door frame which draws his attention to you. When he sees you his face lights up as you start to saunter over to him. You hand him the file and he thanks you. You sit on his desk with your feet swinging down. “How’d your date with that one chick go?”

“Fine, I guess.” You squint your eyes skeptically.

“Okay so you called a date fine, then added I guess, indicating it was not fine.” He sighs.

“I just— I mean not to be conceited, I just feel like all she wanted me for was my looks.”

“Ooh. What’d she say to indicate this?”

“Just— she um, she kept on making references to, uh, doing the deed?” You started laughing. You couldn’t help it. Barry Allen was the only man to ever pass up a purely platonic sexual relationship. “What’s so funny?”

“She wanted to bang you dude, you gave that up because she liked the way you looked?”

“Well— when you put it like that.” He huffed and slumped in his chair. “I just wanted something more with her than just… Sex. But clearly that’s all she wanted.”

“You know, you are the only man I have met to pass up sex. I mean there have to be hundreds of girls who want to fuck you cuz your hot and you pass it up because you want a relationship. I just find that hard to believe.” You shrug your shoulders and hop off the desk, fully prepared to go back to work.

“(Y/n).” You turn around as acknowledgment. “Did you just call me hot?” He’s smirking as he says it.

“Mhm. Hell, I’d bang you.” He looked surprised.

“W-what?”

“I platonically want to have sex with you—no big deal.” Then you turned and walked out leaving him confused on what your friendship really was.

***

Five days later, you haven’t talked to Barry. You and Joe got swamped with CCPD work, and Barry with Flash work. Things started to slow down so Joe invited you to dinner with Iris and Barry to thank you for the hard work. Of course you said yes.

You weren’t really worried about seeing Barry after your confession. He could ignore it completely, or he could pick up the subtle-not so subtle- offer.

You walked up the sidewalk to Joe and Barry’s house and rang the doorbell. When the door opened you were greeted by the West daughter, who had seen you less than Barry had.

When you walked in you noticed Barry on the couch chewing nervously on his lip.

“Hey, Iris.” You whispered to the brunette. “What’s up with Sonic?”

“He’s been super nervous ever since this morning. I dunno why though. He won’t budge when I ask.” She shrugs her shoulders and walks to the kitchen to help her dad. You decide to follow.

***

Later, after Barry sets up the table you all sit down and start eating. You, Iris, and Joe make polite conversation, while Barry stays quite and picks at his food.

“Hey Barr. What’s up with you? Why are you so quiet?” Iris asks.

“Huh? N-nothing’s up, I mean it’s not like anything happened— pfft what happened? Nothing.” He’s looking around frantically while talking and then when done he stuffs his face. Iris huffs with annoyance and Joe is on the break of laughing.

“Barry. Why are you acting weird?” Joe asks smiling and chuckling.

“What–I always act weird.”

“Weirder than usual.” You say trying to help. He looks at you and opens his mouth and closes it quickly then goes back to eating his food fast so he didn’t have to talk. “Okay, weirdo. So, Iris, how’s work?”

***

Later on in the dinner, you suddenly feel a hand on your inner thigh. You look at the source of the hand, whom was Barry, quietly eating his food. Acting like he’s not touching dangerously close to your lady parts. You put your hand over his and start to move it a little bit closer but stop when it’s just before your hip. You see him smirk out of the corner of your eye.

***

“Hey Joe, where’s your restroom?” You ask Joe close to the end of the night.

“Upstairs, second door to the right.” You mumble a thank you and stand to go to the restroom.

Once out of the bathroom, you see Barry resting against the opposite wall, resting. You smile then smirk.

“I think you and I both know, that I know the reason you’re acting weird.” He chuckles lightly then pushes himself off the wall, slowly walking over to you looking at you like you’re his prey.

“Oh really? Maybe because you confessed you thought I was hot. Maybe because you said you want to have sex with me. Maybe because ever since I’ve been having dreams about you and me… together. Maybe because all I can think about is you.” He’s now so close to you he’s trapped you between him and the wall. He tilts his head to hover over your lips and then grabs your hips and pulls you close. You put your hands on his arms and close your eyes, waiting. When still nothing happens you nudge his nose with yours. “Or… Maybe it’s something entirely different.” He walks away, leaving you breathless.

***

Later you take all the dishes into the kitchen alone. You start to wash when you hear footsteps.

“You wash, I dry?” Barry asks you innocently.

“No. I’m mad at you.” He smirks smugly and dries the dishes you hand him.

“And whys that?”

“You know exactly why.” He puts down the dishes then looks at you. You’ve already dropped everything and you’re looking at him.

“Maybe because—”

“Don’t start.” You grab a fistful of his shirt and forcefully kiss him. He returns with exactly the same force. You only break away when you hear a loud crash In the doorway.

“WHY ARE ALL MY CHILDREN TRYING TO GET WITH MY PARTNERS?! FIRST WITH IRIS AND EDDIE, THEN YOU AND PATTY, NOW YOU AND (Y/N)! STOP.”

hello yes I would like to take a moment to talk to you about my favorite LazyTown episode

it is Sportacus Who? because my god, this episode has everything

to wit:

-the whole opening segment where Mr. Amazing Superhero Gymnast Elf straight-up faceplants into the door of his own airship

-the ridiculous lengths he goes to to get his letter back because he forgot to sign it and my goodness, there might be some confusion, I mean there are so many people who would send a letter by paper airplane carried on a bowling ball. oh no wait. there’s just one. 

-Pixel apparently asked Sportacus to remind him to back up his computer. Pixel you invent devices that warp reality on a regular basis I’m pretty sure you could rig up a a reminder app for your wrist thing.

-Pixel somehow screws up a routine data backup so badly his computer starts smoking. what were you doing

-Sportacus unplugging all the cords to the computer in the most hilariously unsafe way. dude. stop. you’re gonna electrocute yourself. 

-on that note Pixel really needs to get a surge protector or something, geez. it’s kind of amazing he hasn’t burned his house down already. 

-Robbie just happens to have a memory-wiping machine. We don’t see him building it or ordering it or anything. He just has one. Why? We will never know. 

-Robbie’s plan to get Sportacus to go through the machine is to set up a bunch of hurdles leading to it because he knows Sportacus will automatically jump over them and it frikkin works BECAUSE OF COURSE IT DOES

-the little spark that runs over Sportacus’s hat after he gets out of the machine

-memory-wiped Sportacus is somehow even more adorkable than regular Sportacus, how is that possible, that should not be allowed

-Robbie has his arch-nemesis memory-wiped and believing Robbie is his best friend, meaning Robbie could make him believe anything he wanted, and his immediate response to possessing this incredible power is to make Sportacus serve ice cream

-Stephanie and Ziggy’s brief but surprisingly existential discussion about memory loss

-Sportacus wearing the ice cream hat on top of his regular hat

-Sportacus serving ice cream just as ridiculously as he does everything else

-the dashing ice cream save

-even when memory-wiped Sportacus just instinctively does push-ups

-Robbie can’t get Sportacus to stay still for even two seconds

-Sportacus in the dance number being so confused but so cheerful and eager to please

-the whole Marx Brothers-esque bit with Robbie trying to tell Sportacus the insult 

-Sportacus can produce a pencil from nowhere 

-Robbie apparently can’t spell the words ‘blue elf’

-also just the fact that the worst insult Robbie can think of is ‘blue elf’, which is quite possibly a literal descriptor 

-Sportacus is so excited that he owns an airship 

-Robbie makes Sportacus go sit in his airship and knit 

-Sportacus knows how to knit in the first place

-Robbie gave Sportacus Sportacus-appropriate colors of yarn 

-Pixel somehow restores his computer despite it having been melted earlier, that is pretty dang impressive man

-Robbie’s kid trap that also works perfectly 

-honestly Robbie almost won in this episode, if he had just used a cannonball instead of himself he would have had it in the bag

-Sportacus knitting a giant Doctor Who scarf and then jumping out of the airship with it, but not before attaching it to anything so I’m not sure why that works

-Sportacus trolling the kids and Robbie and not even doing anything to help Robbie get out of the tree, he just gives him a scarf to land on

-”I think you should wear a helmet all the time”

-Sportacus tells Robbie they can still be friends 

-”with friends like you, who needs friends?”

-the kids accomplish nothing in this episode. nothing. the entire b-plot with Pixel’s computer leads up to absolutely nothing at all. 

-this episode has like, no message about healthy behavior at all. As far as I can tell the closest thing to a moral here is “always back up your files”. which, tbf, is a pretty good moral. 

-seriously I think this episode was the point when I realized I unironically loved this show. it is a true work of art. well done. 

Omegaverse with omega blue bby because i’m weak

  • Eveyone is alpha except, of course, Lance and Pidge. 
  • So, you know, there’s too many alpha hormones going on in the castle and sometimes is just to much. Even Pidge, who hasn’t presented yet, is sometimes overwhelmed.
  • They think Lance is a beta.
  • Allura may be their Princess but Shiro is the official leader of the pack. This causes lots of trouble between them. Allura and Shiro respects each other, but when they disagree, is fucking hell in the ship.
  • Keith is really in touch with his instincs. Which is bad and good at the same time. Is perfecto for battle, but it also causes a lot of drifts between him and his teammates. He can’t help but try to fight Shiro’s commands, but the older alpha always wins and obliges him to submit.
  • Hunk is crazy strong, and Shiro is thankfull the paladin has a peaceful nature because there’s no way he could make him submit. If Hunk wanted it, he could be the alpha leader. But that’s not what his heart desire. Instead of using his ‘alpha-ness’ to lead, he uses it to break the fights between Shiro and Allura when they get to bad or to face enemies in order to protect others. 
  • Coran, even though he’s an alpha, submits easily to his princess and the paladins. Not really caring about things like fighting over control. No, he’s happy where he is. Taking care of everyone else.
  • Pidge doesn’t have her own scent yet, so Shiro has to nuzzle her like a pup to leave his own scent on her and make her smell like pack. 

                                     —(more under cut )— 


Keep reading

iamnmbr3  asked:

Is it just me or is there a disconnect between how Tony is portrayed in CW and how Marvel treats his portrayal in that movie? Like, when I watched it for the first time, I thought he was clearly in the wrong and acting in an unjustifiable manner. Same for other people who have watched it with me. But then I feel like a lot of Marvel people act as though it was "morally ambiguous situation" or as though "both sides were right" or whatever when that really, really was not the case AT ALL.

Oh I totally 100% agree with this. Like i get that they had to be kinda on the fence about it bc the concept of getting people to choose a side is what drove the marketing campaign, but from the way they were talking i was like hmm will i be swayed? Instead I walked into the room 100% Team Cap and somehow left the cinema even more Team Cap than before I saw the movie. I’d put this under a read more but it’s 3am and I’m on mobile so apologies, bc it’s gonna be long. I have a lot of things to say on this topic.

There was nothing morally ambiguous about it. There was no “both sides were right and wrong and it’s hard to choose”, like that mentality makes no sense to me. Or rather it does make sense, but I wish it didn’t.

Steve’s stance in this movie regarding the accords was about taking responsibility for your own actions. About having the power to choose only to use their enhanced abilities to help and do good. About owning the consequences of their actions if they choose to help. It was about not handing those consequences off to someone else. It was about not allowing people with agendas to potentially send them into a situation where they’re using there abilities to hurt rather than help. Which given what happened with SHIELD, you can’t exactly blame him for.

Tony’s stance regarding the accords was one that was much more driven by ego - something that drives a large amount of his decisions throughout the MCU at large as well as the rest of this film, as noted by Natasha. Tony felt guilty. He knew his choice to create Ultron against the suggestion of basically everyone is what led to the events in Sokovia. On top of that he gets cornered by a grieving mother who says she also blames him for the death of her son in Sokovia. Tony doesn’t want that guilt. He wants someone else to make the decisions for him. He wants someone else to say “yes you can be here” and “no you can’t go there” because that way, when things go well and they save the day with little to no casualties they get to be the heroes, they get the press. And we know Tony loves to be the showman, he loves the attention, bc as previously mentioned - he’s driven by ego. However when things do go wrong, he can appease his conscience by saying “I didn’t choose to be here, you gave me the order to be here, that choice was yours, that responsibility is on your shoulders.” - He wants the glory with none of the responsibility. He also wants the accords to cut down his workload so Pepper will come back to him. He literally says that. Tony stans are super quick to call Steve selfish for helping Bucky, but conveniently ignore the fact Tony says that Pepper left him bc he was spending too much time focused on the suits and being Iron Man, and he hoped the accords would give him a medium between the two so he could fix that.

And then there’s Steve and Bucky. I cannot physically wrap my head around the idea that people call Steve’s actions in this movie selfish. Especially given where Bucky ends up at the end of this movie. Steve’s actions were not dictated by the simple fact he wanted his friend back. They were dictated by the fact that no one else was trying to help him. No one else believed there was any world in which Bucky was innocent. No one else was trying to look out for him. And when has Steve ever done anything but look out for the little guy, the underdog? Even when he was the little guy, he was still looking out for anyone without someone in their corner. Had Steve made any choices different to the ones he had, Bucky would have died. Had he let someone else go to Bucharest to get him, Bucky would have been shot on sight, despite not being guilty. The government laughed at the idea of even giving Bucky a lawyer, they’d already decided his guilt, so had Steve handed Bucky over when Tony demanded, Bucky would have been given a trial by people that had decided his fate and already believed him a traitor to his country. He wasn’t being selfish, he was trying to save a life that no one else thought was worth saving.

Tony was so caught up in his stance being right, he didn’t even register that Steve had stopped even fighting about the Accords. When they met at the airport Tony was still there about the accords and about bringing them in, and he would not back down from that. Steve wasn’t there about that. And he told Tony this. He told him that Bucky hadn’t been the one behind the UN attack. He told him who actually was. He told him about the other soldiers in Siberia. He told him about Zemo travelling there and the danger posed if he activated 5 Winter Soldiers. He told him that he needed to get there before that happened. Steve was trying to do his job as an Avenger, to help people. Tony was too caught up in his own need to be right to realise that. Tony was willing to let all that shit happen rather than admit he was wrong.

And then at the end. When Zemo plays the video of The Winter Soldier killing his parents. Tony stans try and justify his reaction by saying it was instinctive. That he reacted to seeing the guy who killed his parents in front of him. But Tony stans just see what they want to see instead of what was actually there. Tony’s reaction was not to Bucky. His reaction was to Steve. He saw the video and he didn’t react. He asked Steve if he’d known, and when Steve says he hadn’t known it was him, he asks him again. And when Steve admits he had known, that’s when Tony reacts. That’s when Tony goes for Bucky. Which the writers have said was Tony recognising Bucky was the thing Steve loved most, and wanting to take it from him to hurt him for not telling him. He knows it wasn’t Bucky that killed his parents, he acknowledges it more than once, but he doesn’t care.

And Tony gets away with it. He gets excused for it. He breaks the rules of the accords he was so strongly in support of, and he gets off scot free. Meanwhile Sam and Clint and Scott and Wanda are locked in an underground prison cell. And it’s because Tony is the epitome of both White Male Privilege and Money Can’t Buy Everything But It Can Buy Anything. He’s rich, he’s powerful, he’s white, he’s male, and that means he does shitty things and gets away with it. He doesn’t have to worry about the consequences of his actions because his consequences are never so severe he can’t buy his way out.

You remember in Captain America: The First Avenger, Erskine says to Steve “A strong man, who has known power all his life may lose respect for that power. But a weak man knows the value of strength, and knows compassion”? Apply that to Tony and Steve in this movie because it explains the way they behave perfectly. Tony is the first man described. He grew up in wealth, he grew up in a powerful family with a powerful name, he always had privilege, and now in this film he wants to use that privilege to pass off the responsibility that comes with his power. Steve is the second guy. Who was the little guy, who had to fight for everything he got. Who lived majority of his life as the little guy, and even with his bigger body and new abilities, still has the mindset of the little guy. Still knows and remembers all too well what it was like not to have any sort of power at all, and how important it is to use that power to help the best way you can. And knows you have to be respectful of everything that comes with that power, including taking responsibility for it.

That was longer than i thought it would be so tl;dr - i agree, there was a HUGE disconnect between the marketing of it vs the reality of it in the film.

HAPPY 100 FOLLOWERS!

[Well not anymore since we’re approaching 200 somehow, but you get the drill.
Anyways, thanks for 100 followers! Here’s some Paladin centric HCs for you guys!]

★ Keith convinced Pidge to try on Allura’s crown while she wasn’t paying attention

  • It got stuck on her head and they panicked and tried to cut it off with Keith’s sword

★ The “””Bonding Moment””” is a meme forever engrained in paladin history

★ Pidge voice: According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a lion should be able to fly

  • Lance, sliding across a table towards Keith: So, ya like jazz?

★ Everyone has seen high school musical so whenever they form Voltron, they scream the chant

★ Lance convinced everyone to do facemasks as a bonding exercise

★ Alteans never grow hair anywhere besides their head and face

  • Lance remembered all the time he’s spent shaving and cried

★ It’s an ongoing joke to lean towards Keith at random times to see if he’s turning purple yet

★ Shiro found a space Sephora in another space mall and broke down in tears while Keith just patted his back awkwardly

  • “Listen, I know it’s been a while, but people are staring. Shiro, get up, you’re the black paladin omg”

★ It’s a regular thing for Hunk to just carry another paladin around

Hunk voice: It’s a castle, it’s a ship, it’s a castle ship!

★ Pidge, Coran and Hunk upgraded the Gladiators to be more challenging and unpredictable, but in the end almost ended up killing everyone

  • Allura and Lance ended up taking them out

★ They all changed outfits once out of boredom

★ Shiro found a group chat setting in the lions, and just sent a shit ton of lenny faces

★ Shiro knows for a fact that Keith has been pining over Lance since before all this Voltron Nonsense, and proceeds to be the annoying brother Keith wished he never had

  • Shiro, thirsty for gossip and enjoys making his brother suffer: So what’d say to him once you saw him for the first time since the Garrison
  • Keith, already planning ways he can kill himself: I pretended i didn’t know him
  • Shiro, spitting out his nunvil: yoU DID W H A T

★ Coran’s mustache got cut off once, and everyone was horrified.

  • It??? Grew back in a day though????

★ Pidge climbs onto the nearest person when she gets scared

Lance voice: We are Voltron bum ba dum bum bum bum bum

★ Coran is the one to insist he doesn’t have a favorite, but everyone knows it’s Lance

★ The paladins tried to find out if Shiro wore eyeliner or not

  • They camped out in the rafters, courtesy of Pidge, with motion detectors in Shiro’s room and cameras in every bathroom
  • They didn’t get their answer, and Keith fell out the rafters

★ Hunk: Gee, it sure seems like updog in here

  • Lance: Hunk no
  • Coran: What??
  • Hunk: Y’now updog
  • Allura: What??? Is updog???
  • Hunk is too busy screaming to answer, and Lance is done

★ Kaltnecker is still around and scares the crap out of the paladins

  • Lance, jumping five feet into the air: hOLY COW
  • Hunk, Pidge and Keith: ( ° ʖ °)
  • Lance: NO

★ Everyone has a group chat where the scream about Klance

★ Coran and Shiro scream the most since Keith and Lance respectively go to them more often

★ They quietly whisper right hand man whenever Allura shows up in her battlesuit

★ Alteans can glow and nobody finds out until the castle has a blackout and the paladins are shook

  • Lance: i toLD YOU GUYS THIS CASTLE WAS HAUNTED
  • Coran: Worry not paladins! We’ve got the situation under control
  • **Allura and Coran begin glowing**
  • Pidge, quietly underneath her breath: yo wtf

★ The paladins find out they can have elemental powers and proceed to freak the fuck out

  • Lance: WHAT IF KEITH LIGHTS ME ON F I R E
  • Keith: WHAT IF YOU DROWN US
  • Pidge: I am the Lorax i speak for the trees
  • Hunk: I can be friends with the Balmera!
  • Shiro: I can finally fly away from all my problems

★ They all unlock them in different ways

  • Keithy-boi accidentally lights his pillow on fire because he was thinking about Lance
  • Somebody makes the mistake of pissing off Hunk and a rock goes flying towards them
  • Shiro was finally chilling until Lance started screaming that he was floating
  • Pidge got really frustrated about an invention while they were on another planet and a bunch of trees surrounded her
  • Last but not least, Lance got super homesick at one point and all the sudden all the waters on the planet started rising

Allura, sitting at a table, eyebrows pinched in thought: What the quiznak is a peanut?

Paladins, pouring nunvil into tiny cups: SHOTS SHOTS SHOT SHOTS

★ Hunk has blackmail on everyone, but will only use it if he deems it completely necessary

★ Nobody ever lets Pidge curse and she is Tired™

★ On several occasions have the Green and Yellow lion had to save their paladins from doing something stupid in the name of science

★ Everyone tried to make lightsabers

  • They were in space so why not??
  • They cut off Coran’s mustache again

★ They went to a planet and drank something?? They next thing they knew is that they were in the castle, Hunk suddenly had longer hair, Pidge’s glasses were gone and that Keith and Lance had strangely similar rings

★ Lance made everyone matching letterman jackets

  • Coran and Shiro teared up

★ Pidge and Hunk made Lance a camera and he screamed

★ Existential crises become a normal thing

  • Shiro, suddenly pausing his training: We’re just fucking power rangers
  • Hunk, dropping Pidge who he was carrying: Oh my god—to Allura and Coran we are the aliens
  • Keith, stopping in the middle of an argument: My entire life, i wondered if aliens were real while i was an alien

★ Everyone assumes its Hunk who doesn’t curse, but it’s actually Lance

★ “How many episodes of Steven Universe have we missed oh my god”

Allura, who just found this out about balloons from Shiro: Ah, Pidge! how exactly does one get square balloons?

  • Pidge, finally seizing her chance: You blow square breaths
  • Allura, holding one finger up: (ό‿ὸ)ノ w h a t

★ Hunk remembered they disappeared before he got to see Moana and just laid down on the floor for several hours

  • Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is basically his dad meaning Hunk missed his dad’s disney movie.

★ They accidentally stole a Yupper that was owned by Prince Lotor

Shortly after forming Voltron: What in formation?

★ Hunk has made a mental note of how many times he’s been right about people not being trustworthy

  • It’s 157

Shiro at one point: jeez we need an adult

  • Shiro, this time horrified: wait i am the adult

★ “It’s not gay if it’s in space.” “Actually the moon is a lesbian, so it is gay. check and mate, Lance.”

Pidge, aggressively: kISS KISS FALL IN SPACE YOU LOSERS

★ They programmed the castle to play the wii music, and Shiro nearly went on a rampage

★ Lance actually ended up knitting all the arusians sweaters

★ “We are beauty, we are grace, we are just gays lost in space” “Shiro liKES MEMES?”

★ Aliens are lowkey terrified of humans now

  • “The black paladin got his arm ripped off and managed to escape the galra? Count me out

★ “Wait, Voltron is just five lions stacked on top of each other omg this is wild”

★ The castle is actually haunted somewhat

  • Nobody knows by who, but they know weird shit is always going on

★ “Who you gonna call?” “VOLTRON”

★ They’re so confused on why Allura and Coran have british accents

  • We’re in space???this makes no sense????

★ Hunk tells Coran he’s helping him cook but really he’s making sure everything is safe for human consumption

★ Lance broke his arm once and Allura passed out

★ Lance and Hunk are the only ones with normal sleeping schedules

  • Coran is always awake?? Nobody knows if he actually goes to sleep, they’re afraid for him

★ Coran taught Pidge every way through the vents and she now uses it to her advantage

★ Hunk is always getting marriage proposals from aliens

★ Pidge has almost been adopted on several occasions

★ They start a service that kinda works like fan mail and are surprised by how many kids want to be them

  • “Why do all these kids want to be dead inside???”

★ The tag yourself meme becomes a usual thing

  • “Tag urself, im that king that keith accidently set on fire”
  • “I’m Shiro screaming hysterically”
  • “I’m that guy who just doesn’t give any shits”

★ Allura is forever deemed Space Beyoncé

★ Coran has a special cup to protect his mustache from getting tea in it

Lance, waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat: Does liking Keith make me a furry?

★ Voltron malfunctioned somehow and threw them all onto the planet they were saving and no one has recovered

  • “I WANT A FUCKING REFUND, THIS MAGIC CAT MAN THREW ME OUT BITCH”
  • Voltron somehow beat it on it’s own???
  • Everyone is salty bc it did a better job than they ever did

★ “It’s okay if you’re a furry and a texan, we still love you.” “i alREADY HAD TO DEAL WITH YOUR BROTHER BUT NOW T H I S”

★ Slav hangs around and drags everyone into the Multiverse theory

★ “gO GO POWER RANGERS” **bad sound effects**

★ They argue over what sound the particle barrier makes

  • “Guys, no. it makes that sound when you hear a window opening, y’know?”
  • “No, Lance, it’s more like the sound you hear when you’re on a swing”
  • “Both of you are wrong, it makes that sound you hear when you drop out of the sky”
  • “WE ARE STILL FIGHTING THE GALRA. But it actually makes a noise kinda like Shwooop.”

★ “How are you supposed to protect your shit from criminals??”

  • “Hire Voltron”
  • “Everyone started hiring Voltron”
  • “Rich important people hired Voltron. Poor people who could not afford to hire Voltron did not hire Voltron”

★ **The Galra start attacking the ship** “Knock knock, it’s the Galra. With huge ships. With guns. Gunships.”

★ Shiro voice: Think about it, everyday we get one day closer to getting nachos

  • Hunk voice: that’s actually really nice
  • Pidge voice: what if i die tomorrow and don’t get nachos?
  • Keith voice: then tomorrow is nacho lucky day
  • Lance voice: nO

★ Lance is always the last to find things out without fail

★ Once something was inside the castle that basically put people into a coma when the went to sleep, so everyone had to stay up for at least 2 weeks straight

  • Keith was so sleep deprived that he told Lance bad space pick-up lines for two hours while they cuddled
  • THEY WEREN’T DATING YET

★ They have a board that reads “The last time we did something gay”

  • The longest they’ve gone is 4 days

★ Everyone always forgets what number they are

  • Coran: Come on, number 3, I have something to show you!
  • The Paladins:  **Caveman spongebob meme**

★ “hEY NOW, YOU’RE IN VOLTRON, GET YOUR LION, GET REKT”

★ They have Bonding Sessions where they talk about their families and what they hope they’re doing

★ Everyone thinks it’s Keith or Pidge who talk about punching Iverson, but nope, it’s Hunk

  • He told everyone that Matt, Professor Holt and Shiro were dead and is probably telling his family the same thing
  • He’s not letting that shit slide

★ They visit Balmera regularly so Hunk can see his rock girlfriend

  • BALLmera is life amirite?”

★ Everyone has so many questions over Allura’s hair

  • “Is her hair made out of clouds, or am i dreaming?”
  • “How did she get all of that into a bun? i can barely put my hair into a ponytail wtf”

★ “I’m paladin” “I hate this fucking family”

★ No one can count how many times they’ve seen Keith staring at Lance while he wasn’t looking

Coran, obviously frustrated shortly after Pidge goes missing at some point: HOW DO YOU LOSE A WOMAN?

  • Hunk, quietly, but with a lot of feeling: You forget to cherish her

HOW TO ROLEPLAY GANGS AND EX OR CURRENT GANG MEMBERS

this guide will teach you the ins and outs of realistic gangs, roleplaying gang members, and how all of that works. almost all gang roleplays i’ve seen are so inaccurate, glamorized and romanticized. movies are not realistic. even if it isn’t a gang rp - a gang related character could be interesting in any sort of character development plot. so here we go –

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Krasivaya-Chapter 12

Summary: You and Bucky Barnes have been friends for years. You are deeply, completely, in love with the super soldier, but he sees you as nothing more than a little sister. What happens when Bucky starts to date in earnest?

Powers: Think Jean with immortality and accelerated healing

Trigger Warning: There is mention of suicide. if this is a trigger for you please dont read. it’s only one line, but still give it a skip

Pairings: Bucky x Reader, Bucky x OFC

Warnings: Smut, Angst, Self-Esteem issues, Depression, Anxiety. Violence.

Thank you to @tilltheendwilliwrite because i hit the worst wall, only had a shell of a chapter and she got me out of it. 

Song:Placebo running up that hill  I recommend listening to this while reading. it gave me chills. 

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The Mark

Characters:  MOC!Dean x Reader

Summary:  Dean has the Mark. The reader can tell he’s holding back during sex and urges him to just let go.

Word Count:  1277

Warnings: Language and Smut.  Really, it’s just porn.  

A/N:  My headcanon is that Dean is a very giving lover. For him, sex isn’t just about getting off, but about human connection and mutual pleasure. I’ve been thinking a lot about (and discussing with @torn-and-frayed ) what MOC!Dean is like. Here’s what I came up with.

Tags are at the bottom.  As always, feedback is welcomed and appreciated. 

Originally posted by lost-shoe

The Mark

Fucking hell, she feels good. She’s spread out beneath me, her legs wide, her feet hooked around my ankles. I’ve only got the tip of my dick in her, but fuck me. She’s so wet and warm and tight. I’m trying my hardest to hold back, I’m feeling so desperate to be inside of her, deep and hard. I take a shallow breath and close my eyes, just trying to focus on the feel of her wrapped around the head of my shaft.

I feel her hand cover the Mark on my forearm, it feels soothing somehow. The Mark is constantly tugging at me, digging into me, but her touch relieves some of the irritation. I open my eyes and focus on hers. It grounds me somehow, staring into those beautiful eyes.

“Dean,” she says softly. “It’s okay, let go. I know you’re holding back, just let go.”

I swallow hard because Jesus Christ, I just want to let go. The Mark has changed me in so many ways. It scares me but makes me feel so alive all at once. Sex has always been about giving for me. I mean, getting it is good. It’s really fucking good. To be honest, this life is a lonely life, there hasn’t been much warmth or human connection, so when I’m with a woman, I want to make it last. It’s about her as much as it is about me. The Mark makes me volatile, it freaks me out. A lot. I don’t want to scare her. I’m a goddamn ticking time bomb, I feel like I’m going to explode at any moment.

“I…can’t…” I trail off. Jesus, I’m inside of her, and we are having this discussion. The Mark is screaming, roaring in my blood. I want to take her, I want to do it hard and fast. I want it so bad.

Her eyes soften. “Dean, I trust you.”  

Jesus Christ, that does me in. I give in to my urges and sink as deep into her as I can, right to the fucking base of my cock. She gasps, her eyes rolling back in her head. The look of pure pleasure on her face sends me over the edge. I take her breast in my hand and palm it roughly, pressing against the taut nipple, she bucks her hips up and moans in response. Fuck, that’s hot. Leaning in, I kiss her, shoving my tongue into her mouth. I’m not gentle and she doesn’t want me to be, her tongue fighting with mine as I pound into her. The sound of skin slapping against skin fills the air. When I pull my lips from hers, she’s breathing so fucking heavy, her eyes lidded. Her breasts jiggle every time I slam into her, and damn, it’s sexy. I’m overcome with a sudden desire to taste her. I pull out and she makes a high pitched, keening sound. Damn, I should’ve done this sooner.

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The Simplest of Plans

So here it is, my first attempt at a whump/sickfic/langst story.  

I would love to get feedback on if I have done the genre justice and where I should improve my writing.

DISCLAIMER: Graphic injury descriptions and explicit language are both used in this story so reader discretion is advised.

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Lance groaned as he cracked his eyes open just a little, as he tried to see where he was he realised that he was slumped over the control panel inside Blue.  He winced as he tried to move his body, a sharp pain racing up his body from every direction, he could feel everything so that was a good sign, right?  

Raising his head he looked out through the window in front of him and he realised that he had crashed in Blue as he saw that he was in a large crater with small fires burning all around him.  He croaked out a pained noise, hoping to call out to his team when he realised that his helmet had been knocked loose in the crash and was sitting on the ground a few feet away.  He needed to get in contact with the others, he had to let them know that Blue had no power and couldn’t fight.

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