trying to get clean again

We Need to Talk

Originally posted by negandarylsatisfaction

Pairing: John x Reader
Word count: 822

Final part of Unwanted


Please, guys!” You were begging them to go after their father. “If you won’t let me, go!”

Dean shook his head, sighing. “If he wanted us to go, he wouldn’t have told us to come look after you.”

You shot him a look. “You’re an adult, Dean Winchester!” Now you were just pissed off. “You have a brain, use the damn thing. You don’t have to do everything your father tells you! Even Sam knows that.”

“She has a point, Dean.” Sam agreed with you, sighing when Dean glared at him. “We’ve been sneaking behind his back since the day he left, doing everything that should have been his job. We’ve done everything for her, why not save our father- HER father, too? I saw it in his eyes, Dean. He feels guilty, for not being there, and for this.” Dean’s face fell. “You can stay here. I’m going.”

“Crap. Fine. You, stay here.” Dean pointed at you. “This way we know you’re safe.”

You nodded. “I planned on it.” Pulling them each into a hug, you teared up. “Come back alive, please? We need you.”

Dean smirked at you as he pulled away. “Don’t worry. You can’t get rid of us that easily.”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hi! I saw you had done poly ships and wanted to know if you could do one with Namjoon and Jin? Including the good, the bad, the ugly, and the smutty? ♡

Okay so Admin Maddi and I talked a loooot about this sooo

Originally posted by jeonguks

Poly!Namjin

  • you’d be so so so spoiled
  • jin is a v caring person and takes super good care of the people he loves
  • and Namjoon just seems the type to go all in if he finds the right person
  • theyd both be v romantic
  • half the time Namjoon is just like “are you sure this isn’t too cheesy?”
  • and jin is just like “no no no it’s great!”
  • lots of flowers tbh
  • jin makes you all dinner a lot
  • or when hes not in the mood Namjoon makes takeout runs
  • you get together and watch dramas
  • they’d be really sweet and help you be as comfortable as possible with being in a poly relationship
  • SO MUCH SKINSHIP
  • honestly they would probably gang up on you to try and get you flustered and see who could get you to crack first
  • and if they couldn’t get you to crack, you and jin would gang up on Namjoon bc he’s always flustered
  • itd be a good mix of fancy but also really chill lazy dates
  • sometimes when jin is cooking you and Namjoon would walk by and take little bits of food
  • and he always threatens you two by shaking a spoon at you
  • but you both just kiss his cheeks and walk out of the kitchen
  • jin most definitely sings for the both of you
  • you and jin are basically Namjoon protection squad and take turns cheering him up/reassuring him when he gets upset
  • Namjoon is you guys’ encyclopedia
  • you’ll ask a random question out loud while youre doing something
  • and if he hears while hes passing you in the hall or something he’ll answer it and just keep walking
  • and sometimes it would make jin mad that Namjoon knows everything and you always go to Namjoon for stuff
  • bc jin wants the same amount of attention you give Namjoon
  • and if you notice Jin getting made you and Namjoon will try to make his favorite recipe
  • and he comes back and the kitchen is a mess and hes so confused
  • you’ll explain and he just laughs and tells you to go get cleaned up so you can try again with him there
  • you and jin would stay in the studio with Namjoon bc he always need you two near him
  • youre his muse
  • since Namjoon is the dad of bts and jin is the mom, you become a third parent to the others
  • and the kids always go to you when they cant find Namjoon or jin
  • for smut
  • jin would be really sweet whereas Namjoon is rougher definite daddy kink bye
  • jin would take care of both of you afterwards
  • cleaning you both up and running you a both/washing you up etc
  • he’d make a pillow fort in the living room or something for you guys to relax
  • they’d both like it when you took control

I’ve been asked about a million times for the lyrics to Still Life, and figured it was probably time to just post them and get it all over with.

Reading them now makes me cringe a bit, and I think that’s okay. The words were written desperately and without a lot of the eloquence I usually attempt, as they are violent and intimate and I wanted nothing to do with them anymore. 

See Below,


Discoloration

You took my hand and brought me down in the morning

And I was sitting, waiting for the telephone to swallow me whole.

I saw your face reflected on the resonant screen  

And I watched your mouth moving like a tired machine

Trying to plead with me

Trying to swallow me whole. 

It’s been a while since I’ve been gone and away

And I watched your eyes reflect me in a terrible way

As you cast your gaze to the flickering hall.

And you knelt beside me and you started to pray

And the whites of your eyes blackened with a hardened decay

And you talked to me in a broken voice

“In your open mouth

Silence me in the coursing 

Blood in my eyes

Dress me in your clothes

And swallow me whole”

All I Want

Your eyes, they did flutter again

And my mouth it did hang wide

When you told me ‘every little thing is going to be alright’

But we were younger then,

And now we’re not

And if there was a plan made 

Then we forgot about it 

And if there was time

I could figure it out now

But life is short

And I don’t care for most of it. 

Because you’re all that I want.

Well I know I’m hard to take

And my bones are calling out your name.

While I beat your cold windows

Break the locks on the gate

While I try to forget 

I used to be something great. 

Because you’re all that I want.

Sleight Orchestra

There’s some stars in my eyes

Your sister’s high, peaking on pills in the alleyway. 

There’s a mad death in your eyes

Warm light shudders in the glow of my heart

And the kids with black eyes shine bright in the morning light. 

Warm day in the sun

It keeps me balling up my fists for someone. 

Why do you always plead

Keep me on my knees

Keep running for the train

But I guess I always worked better alone.

With my black eyes shining in the sunset

Never give up. 

There’s some stars in your eyes.

The kids who shot Mikey are down low and telling their lies. 

Well he died here with me

But we’re digging through his pockets singing

'No one’s ever going to be free’

We’re singing Hallelujah. 

I’m sorry.

Are there stars 

That the Gods don’t know about?

If there are 

We’ll be digging through their pockets til dawn. 

Are there lights

Lights that shine for pretty fools like you and me?

We’re singing Hallelujah.

I Won’t Bend

It’s a death,

You won’t say my name

You won’t watch me sleep

You won’t turn my eyes

You won’t shut your mouth

When I hold my breath

When I break your stare

When I’m caving in.

I speak to you while you’re sleeping

A sad code that goes

'I can’t breathe anymore’

And I’ve got your back, but you’re changing

Right in front of my eyes.

I’ll keep you here for now.

And I won’t let up. 

I’ve got plenty to hide.

It’s a death,

You won’t say my name

You won’t watch me sleep

You won’t turn my eyes

You won’t shut your mouth

When I hold my breath

When I break your stare

When I’m caving in.

I want to keep you inside

Say our prayers and live in a lie 

Pull the stars that hang in the sky 

And sleep with our bodies frozen in time. 

I’ll keep you here for now. 

And I won’t let up.

I’ve got plenty to hide. 

It’s a death,

You won’t say my name

You won’t watch me sleep

You won’t turn my eyes

You won’t shut your mouth

When I hold my breath

When I break your stare

When I’m caving in.

Swing

I woke up today with a darkness keeping me cold

Wild bird flocks guarding my home

I don’t know what to do

My eyes gone black from the stolen heart that I gave to you.

Darkness keeps me all alone

Darkness eats away at the place that we’re calling our home.

I went to bed on a starless night

I took the bus downtown in the morning light 

And hung your ghost from the power lines

Your crooked mouth trying hard not to say goodbye

Saying 'I won’t ask you’

Darkness keeps me all alone

Darkness eats away at the place that we’re calling our home.

While you’re dreaming I can barely breathe

I tell you that I love you but you don’t mean shit to me

It’s like we’re living in a fantasy

And I’m watching you try to pretend that you’re asleep

But I won’t wake you.

I know a place where we can go tonight 

Where we can trade all of our money for a homesick fade to white.

You tell me that you never want to leave

And you hang your body from the balcony and swing.

Saying please just let me let go.

Darkness keeps me all alone

Darkness eats away at the place that we’re calling our home.

The Beekeeper

Go on and tell them all your lies

I saw you touch her in her sleep and it was no surprise

You’re burning papers in the field

I’m downtown trying to push myself to steal.

But that’s the way it goes. 

You came and met me in the street

We stole a car got high and went to sleep

And dreamt we were the people that we want to be

And when I met you, you were sweet

But now you’re out sucking dick haven’t slept in a week

But don’t come crying to me.

Because that’s the way it goes. 

Still Life

I held you in my arms just yesterday.

When you lie you always touch your hair

When you tell me that he wasn’t there. 

You called me when you woke up

And you stayed calm because I choked up 

And maybe we’re both fucked

Or maybe I’m just bad luck. 

So I’ll make up my bed

Try to get high

Try to forget what you said

Then I call you again.

Because I can’t sleep.

I don’t feel like I used to

And you don’t look like you want to

And your skin crawls and my jaw clicks

It’s not bad if you’re used to it

Not broke if it can’t be fixed

Not real if you question it

Not clean if we’re still a mess

And we’re still a mess.

You get sick so you quit school

And we’re dead broke but it fits you

And it’s not like it won’t get you too.

I was just like you. 

So I make up my bed

Try to get clean 

Try to forget you instead

Then I call you again.

Because I can’t sleep. 

Chevrotain

(Instrumental)

Last Train

I won’t be what you want me to be

I won’t say what you want me to say

I’ll be right here when you call my name,

Waiting.

When you tell me you don’t want me here

And you’ll keep my number til the rent check clears

My body starts burning up.

I don’t want you anymore

So take the money and run to your man

I quit giving a fuck.  

And I don’t trust you anymore

So take the last train home in the dark

And quit breaking my heart. 

I won’t be what you want me to be

I won’t say what you want me to say

I think about you every night and day lately.

And when you tell me you don’t want me here

And I took to punching out your bathroom mirror again

It felt like losing a friend.

I don’t want you anymore

So take the money and run to your man

I quit giving a fuck.  

And I don’t trust you anymore

So take the last train home in the dark

And quit breaking my heart. 

Brief Encounter

I broke into your house again today

And I laid in your room

It was pretty but it’s sad. 

Because it was all inside my head

And I don’t know whats real or dreaming anymore.

It’s harder than it looks sometimes

To stand up straight and look you in eyes.

And believe in all your fucked up lies

Because it’s your world I live inside.

Bury me inside the dollhouse in your bedroom

And carve your name into my arm

And quietly, you’ll fall asleep and abandon me

But I’ll take it

I’m ready.

It’s harder than it looks sometimes

To stand up straight and look you in eyes.

And believe in all your fucked up lies

Because it’s your world I live inside.

Day 7 (6.11.17)

Proud of myself! I made a binge box and use it today when I started craving! :D I’m gonna try to get my sleep schedule on track again but I cleaned yesterday and worked out so I can say I’m proud of myself!

Breakfast - Tea (green) + scrambled egg
Lunch - Mac and cheese
⭐Workout + Yoga⭐
Snack- Apple
Dinner - Mac and cheese

Confusedly Compliant

Part 18 of Heaven, Hell, and Humanity

Original request by @floralbrocade

Summary: You’re angry with Dean and he exploits that anger

Word Count: 1725

Warnings: Implied Smut? Kinda?

Unseen WorldUpper HandDistrust and Scars – Drastically DeadlyTone of FinalityBlind SpotGood IntentionsFleeing InhibitionsRoundabout ConversationsSimple, Straightforward, and StupidFirm and SecureLingering EffectsUltimate ControlMagnetizedMeans to an EndSorrowfully Determined – Maze of Mysteries


You were fuming, which didn’t make it easy to go to sleep. If Dean didn’t show up in your dreams tonight, you would tear down Hell, brick by brick until you found him and could beat him to a pulp. Rowena put the puzzle pieces together that you hadn’t been able to, and everything led right back to that damn King of Hell.

Keep reading

Fic: You or Someone Like You, Pt. 16

“Fixing?”

“How do you keep getting in here?” Tony asked, not really surprised anymore.

DJ considered that. “Sneaky,” he said at last.

“Sneaky you might be, but I suspect it has more to do with your ability to shamelessly manipulate my AI doorman,” Tony said, casting an eye up towards the ceiling. “Jay. Seriously. It’s two am.”

“It’s three am,” Jarvis corrected him.

“Well, that’s even more of a reason why he should not be in the workshop.”

"I was instructed to make certain that he could not access any areas where he might be in danger,” Jarvis said, his tone arch. “You are currently present, thus, the area I allowed him to access poses no danger to him.”

“You’re a softy that likes the kid,” Tony translated. “And hates me.” He pointed at the nearest stool. “Pull up a seat, you can hand me tools.”

DJ boosted himself onto the stool with a hop and a few kicks, settling himself down within easy reach of the toolbox. “Finished?”

Keep reading

I have a lot of headcanons about gilbert finally really moving in with roderich and his mounting horror as he discovers how lazy and indifferent roderich is to cleanliness like behind that elegant get up is a man who does not know how to take care of himself or his house he was too lazy to learn after all the servants left he tried for like a week and kept dropping things and was finally like u know what fuck it so gilbert finds dustbunny empires under the sofa and the carpet and one day he just walks in on roderich scooping a bowl out of the dishwasher and he’s like I haven’t run that yet and roderich’s like ehh it looks clean, and gilbert is just standing there flabbergasted like

how

can you look like that

and yet

what

August 23, 1946 – September 7, 1978

36 years ago today, we lost a man who was simply rock n’ roll. He set the bar high for so many who came after him and was a drumming innovator. Unlike some drummers who try to sound like other drumming greats and emulate their style, there’s never been anyone who came close to Keith Moon. His style was his own, he made it his mission to not sound like anyone else. It’s so incredibly sad that he was finally trying to get clean and become healthy again but it cost him his life in the end.

Keith Moon, you’re too brilliant to ever be forgotten. Rest in peace, my beautiful darling.

clxrkblake-deactivated20170618  asked:

Q: Reapers. When Octavia and Bellamy found Lincoln as a reaper he didn't recognize them at all and was very "monster like" towards them. But when Lincoln gave in at Mt. Weather he didn't turn into a reaper right away but he recognized and talked to Octavia even after he got the drug. So does a grounder have to take a certain amount of the drug to become a reaper again or does it just progressively get worse over time? The other reapers in the Mtn. seemed to be not as severe as Lincoln was in 2x7


This a great question, and one that we (the writers) all spent a ton of time discussing.

Think of RED like heroin (or another highly addictive, incredibly destructive narcotic). When Lincoln was captured back in 2x03, he was put into Cage’s nasty Cerberus Program - where he was forced to become addicted to the drug. He was also tortured and put through Fear Conditioning (he would be electrocuted whenever a specific tone was played until his body would react to the tone without there needing to be electricity present — read more about that here.). This was Cage’s way to train his attack dogs.

Like any addict, the Reapers crave the RED. Worse, as we saw in 2x07, they actually need it to survive. If a Reaper goes too long without a dose, they go into a terrible withdrawal and their bodies can’t handle the symptoms. In a word, their hearts stop. The only reason Lincoln survived is because Abby and the Sky People knew more about modern medicine than the Grounders. They brought him back from the Abyss.

Which brings us to 2x10. By this point, Lincoln had survived his withdrawal from the RED, but still deeply craved it. He would (and will) always remember the highs and he will always be tempted. When his craving got the better of him, and he accepted the dose in the tunnels, he didn’t immediately turn back into a full fledged addict. Just like a heroin user who is on the wagon might stumble and use again — it wouldn’t magically, immediately transform them back into who they were when they were using all the time.

Lincoln took the RED at the end of 2x10, and then vanished into the woods. We didn’t see him for days. Presumably, he was trying to get clean again on his own, to pull himself out of the tractor beam that is Cage’s drug. But, as we saw in 2x12, he was unable to do so. He still wants more. And the only way to get some was to trade a living Grounder (fresh blood for treatments) to the Mountain Men in exchange for a dose…

Thankfully, Octavia got to him in time.

Hope this all makes sense, and thanks for asking! 

Get ready for the final three eps of Season 2. 

I promise you won’t be disappointed.

6

A lot of talk yesterday about what would be in the new In Touch magazine today, here is September 7 edition with all the One Direction stuff

Note nothing about Louis might not be the father 

It’s just about the rumor split tho and in touch claiming they called it weeks ago

It even finds a way to mention that Simon has been super supportive and agrees they need to take a break and he is exhausted trying to clean up their drama, particularly Louis getting a girl pregnant

actually it again makes sure to say Briana Jungswirth,23.  I think it’s important to note how often this girl who is nobody has her full name specifically mentioned. 

(on a positive note: extra bonus shot of boys in events part of mag dressed for Drag me down, tho it points out “final mission boys are going on hiatus)