trying to forget the past

I am trying to write a poem about my loneliness
But the page just seems to insist
on staying empty.
But loneliness isn’t emptiness
loneliness is the lead ball in the pit of your stomach
and the feathers tickling the back of your throat
loneliness is the itch you cannot scratch
it’s feeling far too much
far too little.
Loneliness is an all consuming enigma
of the past
of a past
Of a past you’re trying to forget
Of a past you can’t help but regret
Of a past that shoved you into the position
of isolation in which you reside
In which you’re going to die.
And sometimes solitude becomes gratitude
but the demolition of the monuments
that used to be perched on my ribs
left nothing but dust
and I am no longer grateful.

I used to build shrines in my heart to girls who would
never quite love me.
But that was never loneliness.
Unrequited love is a social activity because broken hearts
scream louder than all the wind in the world
howling together.
Despite the rain and miserable weather
I could fill myself up with love even though no one
would ever reciprocate
even though I always had to compensate
by giving more than I had left in me.
I would clutch my chest and rip out pieces of my heart
on which metaphors for love and birds and bones
and sadness and stars
would rest.
I could gift these to those who smiled.
Because nothing cuts into loneliness like affection
or attention
or the smile of someone who has no
reason to.
I suppose I never had a reason to.

I am trying to write a poem about the rain.
They say that people are nothing like rain
nothing like snow
nothing like autumn leaves
because people do not look beautiful when they fall.
A phrase I could never quite wrap my head around.
Because to me falling is dancing
and dancing is writing
and writing is cleaning your body of the toxins
that well up behind your eyes
and hide behind your liver
and pump fluid in your lungs.
What isn’t beautiful is hitting the ground.
The snowflakes will dissolve and the rain
will be absorbed by the greedy earth.
The leaves will rot
and you’ll be taking shots
Until your heart falls out of your chest.

Loneliness is falling
and falling is dancing
and dancing is writing
and I am trying to write a poem about my overwhelming
fear of touching the solid ground.
I am trying to write a poem about falling
Because I reside in free fall
and my heart falls for the snow
and the snow falls for the rain
and the first rule of gravity is everything
must fall
So we fall
And I fall
and you fall.

—  Fall (Emf)
Tips for Improving Your life

1. Listen to what you want to do, not what others want you to do.

2. Listen to who you want to be, not who others want you to be.

3. Stop hiding your true thoughts and feelings; start being true to who you really are.

4. Stop criticizing and putting yourself down; start appreciating and loving who you are.

5. Stop saying yes when you’d much rather say no.

6. Start dreaming more, and trying different things.

7. Forget about the past and enjoy what’s happening now.

8. Appreciate the good things and the beauty, and life’s joys.

6

I screw up a lot, alright. And being around you, I just don’t want to be that guy anymore. Who do you want to be, Nathan? I want to be somebody who’s good enough to be seen with you. You should have thought of that last night. You know, I keep putting myself out there and you keep blowing it. That’s probably a good thing…

Tips for Improving Your life

1. Listen to what you want to do, not what others want you to do.

2. Listen to who you want to be, not who others want you to be.

3. Stop hiding your true thoughts and feelings; start being true to who you really are.

4. Stop criticizing and putting yourself down; start appreciating and loving who you are.

5. Stop saying yes when you’d much rather say no.

6. Start dreaming more, and trying different things.

7. Forget about the past and enjoy what’s happening now.

8. Appreciate the good things and the beauty, and life’s joys.

Levimika

The reason I love everything about Levimika/Rivamika

Strong and badass like…

brave like…

beautiful like…

both Ackermans and together they are unstoppable like…

chemistry like…

care about each other like…

smart like…

 and lovely and kind like…



The One Man Army and the One Hundred Soldier Worth Woman like…

I mean…they are both so strong that no one can be in team with them unless as supports, so they used to work alone and both got bad teamwork rating in the guidebook ; when the time came they fought together and together they’re honestly and frankly Unbeatable and Unstoppable. They both suffered a lot in the past and care a lot about who they’ve around so they’re trying to forget the pain of the past protecting the people they care about.

‘’I really can’t help but love them’’

DA2 Character Summary
  • Hawke: hi I'm here to flirt badly and sorta save Kirkwall
  • Carver: might be dead might be alive
  • Bethany: our family is pretty messed up
  • Varric: well, shit
  • Fenris: trying to forget my past by constantly talking/thinking about my past
  • Anders: I fucked up big time
  • Aveline: I didn't sign up for this
  • Merrill: I don't need help (please help me)
  • Isabela: guess how many shots and people I can do in one night
  • Cassandra: tell me about the champion
  • Meredith: KILL ALL THE MAGES
  • Arishok: gimme the book so we can bounce
  • Viscount Dumar: my son's going through a phase and I'm too old for this shit
Estrangement (pt. 1)

Fandom: Arctic Monkeys / The Last Shadow Puppets

Genre: Alternative Universe

Summary: No one has heard of Arctic Monkeys since their “Suck It And See” concert tour. Four years later Alex Turner is back to London, working in a small bookstore and trying to forget about the past.


Mornings were most suitable for procrastinating. The quiet atmosphere made him blink twice as often, and the lack of customers in the early hours created a wonderful foundation for yawning, daydreaming and, obviously, napping.

Opened at nine o'clock, the little shop, stuck between a café with affordable prices, overflown by students from the college nearby around lunchtime, and a travel agency on the edge of bankruptcy, seemed to be slowly withering away. But it was just a short bus ride away from his flat, and the relationship with his employer was equally satisfying for them both.

Keep reading

4

What am I to say to you?
You want to hear that I still love you.
You beg for a future I don’t possess.
All I want to do is live in peace
Without the ghosts that you left
Haunting me one beautifully hollow word at a time.
I am trying so hard to be free of the cages of my past
Trying to forget the pain of my own choosing
And live with the woman that has been left behind.
I have found happiness in a self I previously despised
I have resurrected ancient emotions that were long since buried
Under the weight of who I should be
Rather than running free in who I am.
Do not mistake my quiet for cruelty or my refusal as weakness
Do not tell me that we are meant to be
Do not minimize the sacrifice I have had to bear
And do not begrudge me for trying to forget
The things that will only keep the wounds in my heart
Festering for the rest of my days.
I burned for you and cried for me
As I watched my world go up in flames that could never see the light of day.
I bathed in that fire
Cleansed my heart of that which could not be.
I became the phoenix rising.
Give me my peace and I will show you the girl who rose from the ashes
To steal herself back
From the mess of a life she has made.

© Courtney Turley 2016

Kiss and Make Up: Virgo

How Virgo and Aries make up: They let time and distance heal the wounds, they rebuild the bridge cautiously (or at least Virgo is careful).

How Virgo and Taurus make up: Both try to forget the past and move on slowly.

How Virgo and Gemini make up: A long talk about the past, present, and future.

How Virgo and Cancer make up:  Both have to voice that they accept and forgive each other.

How Virgo and Leo make up: With a loud and abrupt apology and a kiss. As friends with a mutual agreement.

How two Virgos make up: They apologize and try to rationalize what happened.

How Virgo and Libra make up: By being sweet and kind to each other.

How Virgo and Scorpio make up: With “I didn’t mean it” and “don’t ever do that again”.

How Virgo and Sagittarius make up: One reaches out to the other asking for clarification.

How Virgo and Capricorn make up: With hesitance and the rebuilding of trust.

How Virgo and Aquarius make up: They try to make the fight a learning experience somehow and then move on.

How Virgo and Pisces make up: With a LOT of emotional heart-to-heart moments.

People always say that history’s dead and in the past, and what’s past is past and anyway it’s a boring subject so why study it? Even the old excuses are trite now. “I study history because the past teaches us about the present!” Except that people and nations don’t learn from their mistakes, because they don’t understand how.

The fact is folks history never leaves us because it is us. It’s the primary, the first subject we all need to know what’s around us. Nothing makes sense without its historical context, no matter how small. Why are you reading this? Because in the past you opened Tumblr. Why are you tired? Because it’s night, or maybe it’s midafternoon, or maybe the day’s just dawned and you’re in bed or getting ready to start the day, to write the future with your actions as if trying to forget that you’ll be coloured by the past in everything you do.

History is primal, inside our beating hearts and the blood in our veins. Every action we do and breath we take, we are making history. Everything that has ever happened to you makes you today, you’re part of thousands of other strangers’ histories no matter what role you played, and your parents and your grandparents and your great-grandparents all aligned their own histories just to make you, exactly as you are, in this moment, now. We use our own histories, and the histories of those before us, every day. You can’t escape history. You can’t ever be without it, even if others have tried to take it from you.

The subject - study - of history isn’t for some academic surrounded by books or undergrad in a fancy university. It’s for you, because without it you’ll understand nothing. The feelings and experiences you’re having now - you can find someone who lived in the 19th or 9th century who’s been through the same and come out the other side.

Maybe they can show you how.