trying to forget the past

Aries: You can’t hide in trauma forever. I know, it’s tempting. Calling your name out to you. Begging you to use it as an excuse to go back to every hold habit you tried so hard to kick. Eventually you have to stop hiding under covers and face what your world looks like now.

Taurus: You’re not invisible I promise. People are watching. Ever vigilant should the dark thoughts come back. All you have to do is ask for us, and we will come. We will come even if you don’t ask, but we see the smoke of everything burning. It’s okay. You have not been forgotten.

Gemini: Take a breath. You’re not at war anymore. There is no more battles to wage. You have won them all. Smile and sit back. Enjoy the victory. You have earned it. No one cares what you did to win. We just care that you came back home.

Cancer: Stop letting their words dictate your future. You’re worth more then that. More then what those small fools can see. I know you don’t know if you can believe me. But I promise you, you are meant for bigger and better things. You just have to be willing to want it.

Leo: Stop running. Whatever was chasing you lost your scent long ago. I know you think it’s the only thing you can do anymore, but stop. Learn to let the world stand still without being scared. It’s okay now.

Virgo :Don’t let the darkness back in. It comes around for you this time of year like clockwork. Do not let it come back in. Do not use this time as an excuse. You are so much better than this bullshit that surrounds you.

Libra: You can’t ever go back, as much as you want to. Don’t loose out on what’s happening now just because you’re mourning and missing what could of been. Lift up your gaze and try and smile. You’ll only get a moment like this once.

Scorpio:Stop using their words as an excuse to hate what you see in the mirror. They don’t know you. Stop trying to destroy yourself when it’s so much easier to make repairs. I know it’s scary, but you are worth saving.

Sagittarius: It’s okay to start over. It’s okay to begin again. I know it’s terrifying. But you will never get anywhere if you just stay standing perfectly still. The first steps always the hardest.

Capricorn: Don’t forget who you were, or you’ll forget the lessons it taught you. Don’t try and erase your past. Show your scars off, you earned those fuckers. You’re still standing. That’s something to be proud of.

Aquarius: I know it hurts more then you think you can manage. But here’s the shocker, you are managing.  You are getting up every day despite all of it. Don’t focus on tomorrow. Just focus on getting through the next 5 minutes. Because that’s really all you need.

Pisces: Not doing something because you’re scared of ruining it is a sorry excuse, and you know it. Nothing is as fragile as you give it credit for. You are not some bull in a china shop. You are safe here. Don’t be scared.

—  This weeks horoscope 
Tips for Improving Your life

1. Listen to what you want to do, not what others want you to do.

2. Listen to who you want to be, not who others want you to be.

3. Stop hiding your true thoughts and feelings; start being true to who you really are.

4. Stop criticizing and putting yourself down; start appreciating and loving who you are.

5. Stop saying yes when you’d much rather say no.

6. Start dreaming more, and trying different things.

7. Forget about the past and enjoy what’s happening now.

8. Appreciate the good things and the beauty, and life’s joys.

I am trying to write a poem about my loneliness
But the page just seems to insist
on staying empty.
But loneliness isn’t emptiness
loneliness is the lead ball in the pit of your stomach
and the feathers tickling the back of your throat
loneliness is the itch you cannot scratch
it’s feeling far too much
far too little.
Loneliness is an all consuming enigma
of the past
of a past
Of a past you’re trying to forget
Of a past you can’t help but regret
Of a past that shoved you into the position
of isolation in which you reside
In which you’re going to die.
And sometimes solitude becomes gratitude
but the demolition of the monuments
that used to be perched on my ribs
left nothing but dust
and I am no longer grateful.

I used to build shrines in my heart to girls who would
never quite love me.
But that was never loneliness.
Unrequited love is a social activity because broken hearts
scream louder than all the wind in the world
howling together.
Despite the rain and miserable weather
I could fill myself up with love even though no one
would ever reciprocate
even though I always had to compensate
by giving more than I had left in me.
I would clutch my chest and rip out pieces of my heart
on which metaphors for love and birds and bones
and sadness and stars
would rest.
I could gift these to those who smiled.
Because nothing cuts into loneliness like affection
or attention
or the smile of someone who has no
reason to.
I suppose I never had a reason to.

I am trying to write a poem about the rain.
They say that people are nothing like rain
nothing like snow
nothing like autumn leaves
because people do not look beautiful when they fall.
A phrase I could never quite wrap my head around.
Because to me falling is dancing
and dancing is writing
and writing is cleaning your body of the toxins
that well up behind your eyes
and hide behind your liver
and pump fluid in your lungs.
What isn’t beautiful is hitting the ground.
The snowflakes will dissolve and the rain
will be absorbed by the greedy earth.
The leaves will rot
and you’ll be taking shots
Until your heart falls out of your chest.

Loneliness is falling
and falling is dancing
and dancing is writing
and I am trying to write a poem about my overwhelming
fear of touching the solid ground.
I am trying to write a poem about falling
Because I reside in free fall
and my heart falls for the snow
and the snow falls for the rain
and the first rule of gravity is everything
must fall
So we fall
And I fall
and you fall.

—  Fall (Emf)
Advice For The Signs

Aries: You can’t hide in trauma forever. I know, it’s tempting. Calling your name out to you. Begging you to use it as an excuse to go back to every hold habit you tried so hard to kick. Eventually you have to stop hiding under covers and face what your world looks like now.

Taurus: You’re not invisible I promise. People are watching. Ever vigilant should the dark thoughts come back. All you have to do is ask for us, and we will come. We will come even if you don’t ask, but we see the smoke of everything burning. It’s okay. You have not been forgotten.

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take this moment to remember that neil josten is Not a Good Dude. he’s the son of a mobster, an experienced killer, a man with no restraints and a dangerous temper— the temper neil himself inherited and loathes. and sometimes it gets the better of him. sometimes he’s more nathaniel wesninski than he’d like to be. he does a good job of hiding it, but he’s both more dangerous and volatile than andrew.

8
No Strings (VI)

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: You / Jimin

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 4,004

Summary: It started off as such a simple question. How to know if you’re bad in bed? Of course when you asked, you didn’t imagine Jimin would actually answer.

Originally posted by softsugamon

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6

I screw up a lot, alright. And being around you, I just don’t want to be that guy anymore. Who do you want to be, Nathan? I want to be somebody who’s good enough to be seen with you. You should have thought of that last night. You know, I keep putting myself out there and you keep blowing it. That’s probably a good thing…

Comfort Inn Ending | 2

“It was you who Jungkook gave his heart to- that is, until the day you broke it. And it is you now, hoping that some faultlines can be repaired, and that some broken hearts can be put back together again.”

pairing: jungkook x reader
genre: angst, some smut
wordcount: 8.2k

part one | two | three | four | five | six | seven

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We Need To Talk About Kieran

(with major spoilers from Lord of Shadows, read with caution)

Well, first of all this is a masterpost, so I don’t know if anyone will read it till the end, but anyway. Second, English isn’t my first language so I apologize in advantage for any errors.

This isn’t about Kierark (though it is mentioned), but mostly about Kieran himself, since there’s so much hate toward him recently. (Mostly because people ship Marktina I guess and hating on him is the easiest way if that makes any sense.)

Anyway, let’s go: To start, Kieran is a faerie. He obviously ain’t human. This way, judging him as a human simply ain’t fair. Things are different with faeries so keep that on mind.

Kieran grew up in the Unseelie court, being son of the Unseelie king, who is – as everyone must know – a huge douchebag. He’s also one of the most rejected sons of the King, according to the Flower Book. In Lord of Shadows Erec, one of his brothers, says that he used to be a really gentle and caring kid, and that because of that he ain’t “court material”, reason why he was tortured by his older brothers almost his entirely life. As a result, he has a bunch of scars, and real trust issues. He was never loved, therefore never learn how to love.

He also having grown up on the court, obviously never got to know Shadowhunters, only having his father’s opinion as a reference. So he probably learned since always that Shadowhunters are awful, untrustworthy, and cruel. He has absolutely no reason to doubt these statements. He obviously believed them.

Then later he was betrayed by his own family (big surprise!) and sent to the Wild Hunt for “political reasons”. A place where he was mocked for being a prince, among other things. He basically was physically and psychologically tortured pretty much everywhere he goes. And then he got to know Mark, and even though he was part Shadowhunter, they became close, and Kieran fell in love with him.

Now, the other Hunters are trying to make Mark lose his mind, forget his house and his past life. They broke his stele, they try to make him say he wasn’t a Shadowhunter. They try to break him. Probably the only reason why they didn’t succeed was Kieran. He protected Mark using his prince status, and not only this but he accepted Mark as he was. He let him say he was a Shadowhunter when he most need to. He help him remember that, he help him keep this part of himself alive. He was the only one on the Hunt who didn’t mind that and didn’t try to make Mark forget that.

Now, on Mark’s pov we get to see him saying that kisses and love promises where a good way to forget the pain. So he obviously did a lot of love promises to Kieran, where he later also says that this kind of promise was the most important one to the faeries. They really value and believed them, to the point that break one is considered a huge crime. He promised his heart to Kieran, and although for him it may have been only an “easy way to forget the pain”, to Kieran was obviously more than that. He truly believed them, he truly believed that Mark was his, because Mark himself said so. And, again, he ain’t a human. He is a faerie, and faeries love in a different way. They have these things in a different way.

So when Mark was back home, and was falling in love with a girl he has known for barely a week (while he was with Kier for at least five years now, or maybe even more since the time in Faerie is different) of course this hurt him. Of course this makes him insecure. Again, he was betrayed by his own family, he never has any love before. Mark was the first thing he loved, and the first thing that actually loved him back. Mark was his everything, the only good thing in a life full of only pain, and he was suddenly very aware that he was losing it.

Now, if you read Lord of Shadows, you may know that Kieran said to Mark that Iarlath was making him believe that Mark was in danger. That the Shadowhunters are planning to kill him. First of all, Kieran is a faerie, so he can’t lie. He simply can’t even if he wanted to. Second, as it was already said, he never got to know Shadowhunters before, and he also never have a love and caring family, so he hasn’t absolutely any reason to doubt the truth in Iarlath statements. Now he was not only scared of losing Mark to Cristina, but also to the fucking death. So when Mark told Cristina secrets from the Hunt (and, shook, he actually did it! A bunch of people act like Kieran have lied to Gwyn about that and he can’t even fucking lie! Mark in fact told Cristina secrets he wasn’t supposed to), and Kieran told Gwyn about it, he did it out of despair, and thinking this would only bring Mark back to the Hunt, where he would be safe. (As Mark himself said so by the end of Lord of Shadows, and I quote: “You thought you were saving my life”.)

Then everything went to hell. Mark was going to be whipped instead, something that Kieran didn’t anticipate, and as Cassie said on tumblr, he was going to die. And Kieran knew that he was going to die. So he was obviously desperate by the possibility of seeing the love of his life dying in front of him, and he even begged to be whipped instead. He humiliated himself (even Iarlath said so) even though fairies are an extremely proud people, even though he was a fucking Faerie prince. He begged to Iarlath – a nobody – on his knees. But they didn’t allow him, and Julian offered himself to Mark’s place.

Now, again, Kieran knows nothing (like a true Jon Snow) about family. His family would, as he said later, happily watch him die. They had tortured him already. He couldn’t have a true notion of how much Mark’s family truly meant for him. And again, Mark was going to die, and he was desperate. So when Julian offered himself to take the whipping, Kieran said to Iarlath to agree. Because it seems to be the only way to save Mark from dying in front of him. Because he barely knew Julian. Because he is a faerie. Because he didn’t know what family really means. Because Mark was his only family.

Then, when he saw how mad Mark became, when he fully understood the dimension of what he – not on purpose – have done, and what Mark’s family did meant to him, he tried to repair things. He followed Iarlath, and even killed him, even though he probably knew already he would be condemned by said action. He was desperate to get the Blackthorns to go save Tavvy, and again he begged. He knew they would probably kill him in the second he appeared again on the institute but he did it anyway. The only reason why they were able to actually save Tavvy was because Kieran helped, as Julian and Mark recognized later. Without him, Tavvy would be dead.

And then, having now understood what Mark’s family really meant to him, even though Kieran could have used the breach in the agreement – cause they were supposed to give the killer to the faeries, and they didn’t – to have Mark back in the Hunt with him, he didn’t. He even said he would fight for Mark right to stay. And then he goes back to the Hunt alone, accepting that he hold probably never saw Mark again.

Now, about Lord of Shadows: A lot of people are saying that Kieran was out of character in said book, but honestly how the hell could anyone know what is or it isn’t out of character for him? He literally barely appeared in Lady Midnight, and in all the scenes he was under extreme pressure. He was all the time scared of losing Mark, and doing pretty desperate things. How could anyone know what he would do under more “normal” circumstances? Erec said he was a pretty sweet kid, and same Erec, Adaon and even the King himself said in different moments that all the Unseelie court pretty much liked him. So no, no one can say that what he did in LOS was “out of character” because you can’t know, based only on LM, what his character truly is.

Now, I don’t wanna enter in the entire memory loss thing. I’ll only talk about some key points, which are:

First: The dream. I saw a lot of people saying that Kier “gave Mark a weird sex dream” and things like that: No, he didn’t. And Cassie Clare said herself that he didn’t. I asked her, and she said, and I quote: “He did not sent Mark a “sex dream” – he sent him a conversation dream, and both their choices/desires in the dream took it in a physical (if totally imaginary) direction.” This was in my personal inbox and I can gladly provide screenshots to anyone who may want them. She confirmed Kieran could only control the dream scenario, and that Mark’s choices on the dream were his own, in these exact words.

Also Kieran said – and again, he can’t lie – that he would not want Mark’s love if it wasn’t a freely given love. Even though Mark was breaking his love promises to him, and even though this was a serious crime to the faeries, Kieran recognized that Cristina could be good for Mark, and that Mark need her kindness. He said he wasn’t jealous of her, and by the end of the book he was even willing to get out of the picture, saying he and Mark would be done with each other.

He learns, by the end of the book, that he was being used by the entire Blackthorn family. He learns that they were lying to him all the time, and that everybody knew but him. His father, the Unseelie King, said if he helped the Blackthorns there’s no place on earth or in Faerie were he would be safe from him. That he would do unimaginably tortures on him, that he would put him under unimaginably pain, till he finally killed him. And Kieran agreed to help anyway, even after all these things. He still wanted to testify, to bring Helen back to her family, and not because of Mark but to pay his debt with Emma, Julian, and the others. Cassie said later on tumblr that this was an agreement that only prejudices and put in danger Kieran himself, and anyway he wanted to do it. For them.

Also, during the course of the book he saved Cristina’s life where he could easily have just killed her and came back to the Unseelie court, being a recognized prince again. He saved Livvy, Kit and Ty’s lives by telling Mark about the Riders coming for them in time. He was actually concerned about them, and even begged Mark to let him go find them, and promised on his life to do so. He saved Emma’s life when the Rider was about to kill her. He helped bringing Helen and Aline back. He said to Diego he would protect Kit and Magnus when hell was happening in the accords hall.

So, yes, he made mistakes. Yes, he did bad things. But characters aren’t supposed to be always good. To never do anything wrong. They are allowed to fail, and to regret that, to try to make things better. And Kieran did all these things.

No, he isn’t a selfish character who only thinks on himself. No, he isn’t abusive and don’t play mental games with Mark.

He is a character who was tortured and suffered almost the entirely of his life, and them loose the only good thing he ever had. The only love he ever had.

And even if Kierark or Kierarktina isn’t endgame, I still hope he can find happiness and peace. He deserves it just like every other “good guy” in this book.

And you can hate him all you want, nobody is saying that you can’t. But your hate won’t make any of these things less true.

I’m done.

Nostalgia

Guys, recently Thomas Sanders posted part one of two for a part of Patton’s story line and showed his room and throughout the video some things have come to light.

At first Patton was absolutely scared to bring the others to his room, he tried to steer them away from it and they didn’t listen so they went in. When they arrived Patton instantly became a little more sporadic and energetic while Thomas and Roman because happier and, well, nostalgic.

But Patton’s room isn’t just sunshine and rainbows, Logan and Virgil show that. Logan was sort of getting depressed at some of the things Thomas dropped and how no one would seem to notice his presence much. Virgil became more anxious and stressed out at some of the old memories and everything around him. Logan ended up leaving after addressing something important.

Patton is trying to distract everyone from the fact that he is still hurting. He tells Logan to stop, which he did and he left. Patton is Thomas’s feeling and if I know anything about what’s happening, it’s that Patton is trying to repress the memories of Thomas’s past love that he can’t get over, which isn’t healthy at all.

I also can’t help but feel worried for Virgil because like Logan said, Virgil is getting more anxious than usual and when Virgil tried to tell everyone that he wasn’t, his voice echoed. I’m starting to think that he is going through a sensory overload.

Finally, the fact that not even Patton seems to notice nor care that Virgil’s anxiety is getting worse worries me a lot too because if any of the sides were to care about Virgil the most it would be Patton, but since he is trying to avoid remembering the past relationship he forgets about the more serious matter of Virgil’s current mental health.

@thatsthat24

i don’t understand how some of you can sit here and try to force this mind set on people to believe that harry is doing this whole big solo thing when actually hes been doing nothing extra so far & doing a normal single release (just a little more dramatic and artsy) and that hes trying to erase himself from the band or trying to move on and forget the past / the boys and trying to convince everyone that hes the one ending the band when

1.) the band has been on hiatus since the end of 2015
2.) harry could’ve been a solo artist since like 2013 but never left the band
3.) its been over a year since the band went on break and hes just now releasing music, if he wanted to be the next jt he would’ve did it like a month after the break
4.) he explained in his magazine how they are on break and doing their own things
5.) he also explained in his magazine how this band was the best thing that ever happened to him
6.) just because hes being over hyped by his friends and the media doesnt mean harry asked / wanted them too, they have been over hyping everything he does for attention since xfactor tbh why is everyone acting surprised now ???
7.) he supported niall on his single, he supported louis at the xfactor with his new single
8.) the team (jeff & co) you are saying are encouraging the harry + ot3 hate were also the ones tweeting for 1d to win a brit rmbr ??? like ???

also did everyone forget that the boys all just wished him happy birthday publicly, even louis, louis !!! who hasnt tweeted harry publicly since like what 2013 or 14 i think like ??? if harry was this hot shot who wanted nothing to do with them they would’ve ignored him and not posted anything like they do on zayns birthday :) sooo i think that until harry says himself that hes over 1D (like zayn did when he went solo) im going to ignore this negativity around him because he doesnt deserve it, its not his fault that they put this image on him, he deserves a chance like niall and louis to be listened to and supported like we havent even heard him fucking speak yet and everyone is already turning on him relax, breathe, jesus christ.

Sectumsempra: Take Two

This is probably the most active I will ever be on this account. (Thanks to my friend, Beauvoire, for the idea.) Enjoy!


Harry was walking alone, feeling the cold cobblestone beneath his bare feet. It was raining hard and he was walking underneath the archway, leading to the quidditch pitch. The path had become familiar to him after a while, his body just carried him to the only place he could feel calm and think after the war had ended. He would go there every night just to clear his mind and try to forget his past. For once he wanted to be himself. Not “The Boy Who Lived” or  “The Golden Boy”, he wanted to be just Harry.

A thunderous “sectumsempra!” followed by a shriek snapped Harry out of his thoughts. The hex struck fear in his gut. Scenes from sixth year unfolded before his eyes. Once he had realised that he was frozen in place, he shook his head and ran as fast as he could toward the now quieted sobs echoing through the hallway. He turned the corner to see the darkening quidditch pitch, a fifth or sixth year Gryffindor with wide eyes, slowly lowering her wand, and finally a pale boy with blond hair just as pale laying on the ground.

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The veela drarry thing.

The veela drarry thing. || Missed part 1-8?? Read it here (X)


9.

Harry laid on the grass and watched the puffy clouds drift by as he waited for Draco to come. The blond had said that he would come today, it was his eleventh birthday and he told Harry that he’d like nothing more than to spend it with Harry.

It had been a few days since then, but the anticipation of seeing Draco today still warmed his belly. He knew faintly that he was being silly for looking forward to it, but it couldn’t be helped. It made him feel light, as if a strong gust of wind could make him fly.

Slowly, the sky darkened and the clouds in his dreamscape greyed.

Time.

Time wasn’t what it seemed. One moment there, the next moment gone. Then it slowed down, so much that each passing second felt like years.

Harry waited for Draco, and wished time would slow down. Maybe Draco was running late. Maybe he made other plans. Maybe he forgot.

Draco didn’t come.

Harry awoke feeling sick and bereft. He spent the next several weeks alternating between counting the days that went past and trying to forget about Draco. On the days that felt longer than the rest, Harry retreated to his cupboard after his chores were completed. He took out an old tin meant for tea leaves from its hiding place and opened it, gently touching the grey tipped feathers inside.

He felt stupid for thinking that he truly had a friend, someone to make-believe with and count on, for believing in wizards and magic and veela, and then scolded himself because it was all true.

Wasn’t it?

A Little Saving (Secrets)

Summary: After leaving your assassin life behind, you seek a new life to forget your past. Nick Fury brings you into the life of the Avengers, posing as Tony Stark’s personal assistant. But, what happens when your secret’s revealed?

A/N: Hey, all! Since school has started, I won’t be able to update and write as frequently. I’m still in the process of writing, but please keep in mind that my time is limited because of college applications and my AP classes. Happy reading! 

Pairing: Avengers x Reader, (Eventual) Steve x Reader.

Secrets Masterlist


The next morning, you gathered the courage to step out of your room at the same time everyone else was. You made your way to the coffee pot and poured yourself a cup.

“I just want to know where she is,” you heard Natasha say behind your back. You froze as you reached for the sugar. “She’s the most badass assassin in the game, but she just dropped out. I always admired her stealth and skill.”

“Who are you talking about?” Natasha looked Bucky dead in the eyes and rolled her own. 

“Does Shadow ring a bell? I pretty much spend my free time talking about her.” 

“Huh,” said Bucky. “Well, tell me more.” 

“She’s a badass. I don’t know how to put it more simply.” 

“How do you know Shadow’s a girl?” Bucky asked.

“With a body like that, you don’t mistake her for a boy.” 

You smiled to yourself and stirred the sugar in your coffee. 

“I only wished I got to see her again. I didn’t actually get to meet her face to face. We crossed paths in Moscow before she dropped off the radar. I don’t know where she is now, but I want to know why she dropped out. Rumour says she was killed.” 

“How can a skilled assassin be killed? You’re not dead,” Bucky pointed out. 

“Yeah, but everyone’s either saying she’s dead or that they killed her. You can’t really think anything else.” 

Natasha had a point. You were happy to know that the world of assassins thought you were dead. This meant you didn’t have to work so hard at concealing your alias. 

“What do you think about Shadow, Y/N?” You turned around to be met with Natasha and Bucky’s curious eyes. 

“Me?” They nodded. “Well, I haven’t really heard of her. I’m not really in the assassin business,” you said, trying to keep your cool. “She sounds pretty cool, though. It’s a shame she’s dead.” 

“Probably dead. Nothing’s for certain,” Natasha said. “Man, I’d really like to meet her. I really want her to teach me this move she always does. She looks like she’s flying, but she’s actually jumping a long distance behind her opponent before they can reach her.” You tried to suppress a smile and did so by sipping your coffee.

“Are we talking about Shadow again?” Wanda asked as she made her way to the three of you, followed by Steve and Pietro. 

“I’m sorry! I’m a real big fan of her work. You guys weren’t former assassins so you wouldn’t understand.” Pietro playful glared at Natasha. 

“Barry Allen’s my version of Shadow,” Pietro said. “He’s quick. Not as quick as me, but still quick.” 

Wanda smiled when she saw you standing. 

“Y/N, it’s really good to see you,” she said. You grinned. 

“Good morning, Wanda.” You were fully aware that she could read your mind at any moment, but you were trained to keep people with her abilities out of your head. For the most part, you had been doing a good job, but you soon realized she didn’t read people’s minds if she didn’t have to. Wanda was kind like that. 

“Would you mind pouring me a cup and add a splash of cream, and three sugars?” You nodded and began fixing her a cup. 

“She’s not your personal assistant,” Steve said. 

“Yeah, but she’s closer.” You laughed. 

“It’s fine, Steve. It’s no big deal, it’s just coffee,” you said, handing Wanda her cup. She took a sip. 

“I am in coffee heaven.” The group laughed. 

“You know, Y/N, you’re very quiet. I don’t see you around very much,” Pietro said. Wanda slapped her brother’s shoulder. “What?” 

“You can’t just stay stuff like that and be so blunt. It’s rude,” Wanda whisper-yelled. 

“No, it’s fine. I guess I’m just the really quiet type. Not really shy, just quiet. Plus, you Avengers kind of intimidate me,” you said.

“Why do we intimidate you?” Steve asked. 

“I don’t know,” you said. “You guys are such heroes and I’m the personal assistant.” What you said was half true. The Avengers were doing so much good, but here you were, trying to forget your past by working as a personal assistant. 

“We’ve all had our demon days, Y/N. I highly doubt any of us hasn’t done anything bad,” Wanda said, reassuring you. You shrugged.

“I guess. I don’t really do much on the scale that you guys do. It’s pretty cool though, being able to see you both in action and at home.” 

“You should join us for dinner one day,” Wanda said. “Right guys?” Everyone agreed, but Steve was the one who seemed more excited than the others. 

“Yeah, you should! That way, you can sample my cooking,” he joked. You remembered what he said from the other night and laughed. 

“Am I missing something?” Pietro asked. Steve shook his head. 

“Just a little inside joke,” he explained. Tony popped his head in. 

“Hey, guys, Fury wants us in the meeting room. We have a mission. Y/N, if you could pretty please organize my reports and return a few phone calls?” Tony pleaded. You sighed and nodded. 

“On it,” you said. Everybody parted ways and you sat in Tony’s chair, looking at the mounds of paperwork you had to go through. 


You hadn’t noticed that the team left. The jet’s pretty quiet and the fact that it can turn invisible didn’t help. You paid no mind, however. The paperwork and folders in front of you were becoming less and less as you typed information into a folder in the computer. After hours of managing, you decided to take a break. It was noon and you didn’t expect the team to be back until late. Tony had said they’ll be back at sundown the latest. You huffed and came back to the paperwork. 

The desk was clean and you could see the glass underneath. The data had been put into the computer and the calls had been answered, but there was no sign of the team. The sun had almost set and you didn’t get any word from Tony. Curiously, asked FRIDAY if the team was back. The team hadn’t even reached the hangar and the invisible jet wasn’t actually sitting in the hangar. It wasn’t even there. 

Panic started to settle into your body. Of course, you had been used to the team, mostly Tony, being away for long periods at a time, but he was always sure to keep you updated and give you things to do. Now that you had free time and absolutely no idea where they were, you began to fear for the worst. 

You tried to call Pepper, but she didn’t pick up. You cursed and forgot that she was attending an expedition in Paris for the next two weeks, so she must’ve been fast asleep by now. You paced back and forth in Tony’s office, looking outside at the sky. The sun was gone from sight and you could only see the sun’s rays lighting the sky. It would be dark soon and Tony hadn’t called or texted you. 

“FRIDAY, can you get me Tony’s location?” you asked. 

“I’m unable to get his location. His GPS is turned off.” Huh. That was weird.

“Okay, what about Steve?” 

“Captain Rogers’ GPS is turned off.” You frowned. 

“Wanda?” 

“Hers as well.” 

“Bucky?” 

“His too.” 

“Anyone on this goddamn team?” 

“Unable to find a location,” FRIDAY responded. You sighed and subbed your head. You didn’t know where to go. You were sure the agents downstairs were handling things. but you couldn’t sit still. You walked to the kitchen, through the hallways, to the living room, but you couldn’t seem to bring yourself to go to sleep. 

Your phone buzzed in your back pocket. You almost screamed for joy when you saw Fury’s contact name on your phone. 

“FRIDAY, run a location,” you instructed. You picked up the phone. 

“I can’t talk for long,” Fury said when you answered. “The team and I are trapped somewhere. The men who intruded our building are keeping us hostage,” he said, breathing heavily. “Y/N, I know this is asking for a lot, but I need you to save us. I don’t know anyone else who can do that. Look in the back of your closet.” 

The signal dropped at the call disconnected. 

“Fury?” you asked over and over again. “FRIDAY, do you have a trace?” 

“I do. Should I send the coordinated to your phone?” 

“Yes please. Don’t inform the agents that I’m gone. If I’m not back by sunrise, tell them the location.”

You didn’t wait for FRIDAY’s response. You headed to your closet and did as Fury instructed. You frowned when you saw nothing out of the ordinary, but found a red button at the top of the dresser. The back opened and revealed a black, skin-tight suit with a note. 

I figured you might need to use a suit. It’s built with important things. Talk to your suit. It sounds weird, but trust me. Also, in the breast pocket are keys to your motorcycle and an earpiece.

- Nick

You quickly suited up and found the key he was talking about. Not knowing where the motorcycle was, you asked FRIDAY.

“It’s in lot ‘A.’”

“Thank you, FRIDAY. Can you send the location of the motorcycle too?”

“Of course.” 

You located the motorcycle quickly and hopped on, putting the helmet over you head, and drove away as quickly as possible. 

“So, I’m supposed to talk to the suit?” you asked. 

“Hello,” a woman’s voice said. 

“Woah, what?” 

“Don’t be alarmed. I was programed once you came under the protection of the Avengers. Shall I list the benefits of the suit?” 

“Yes please.” 

You were focused on the woman’s voice telling you all the designs the suit came with as well as getting to the location safely. It wasn’t far that you couldn’t reach it by a vehicle, and considering you were going well over the speed limit, you were sure you’d get there in no time. 

“Can you tell the agents to track the suit and motorcycle?” you asked the voice. 

“Sending the location now.” 

“Thanks. I’m gonna need to call you something,” you said. 

“Peter calls me Karen,” she said. 

“You mean you also exist in Peter’s suit? That’s kind of weird. But I’ll roll with it.” 

In no time at all, you made your way to the location. You hopped off the bike with an expressionless face and checked to see if the gun was still attached to the suit’s holster. It was. 

You crept inside the building and tried to locate the team. The first floor was flooded with men with guns. You used the staircase and crept to the second floor. Sam and Clint were tied up. In a quick motion, you knocked out the guy guarding the door and you peeped in the window to assess your situation. 

There was only one man guarding them. You opened the door and used your elbow to hit the back of the man’s head and took the bullets out of his gun. Stepping around the unconscious man, you untied the two men.

“Y/N?” Clint asked. You put your index finger to your lips and told them to follow you. 

“They split us up. I think Wanda, Pietro, and Bucky are in the room two doors down,” said Sam. You nodded and left the room, the two boys following suit behind you. 

You instructed for Clint and Sam to take down the guys as a distraction while you try to free the trio locked in the room. The door was locked. You peeped into the small window through the door and saw the man guarding them had been knocked out, but they were locked in. Wanda and Bucky’s back faced you and Pietro was running around, trying to find a way out. You used a bobby pin from your hair to unlock the door. You calculated Pietro’s movements and in a flash, you stood in front of him, attempting to stop him from running. You stumbled backwards and your back hit the wall behind you. Groaning, you looked beyond his shoulders to see Clint and Sam freeing Bucky and Wanda. 

“Holy shit, are you okay?” Pietro asked, looking over your body. 

“I’m fine,” you grunted, ignoring the pain shooting up your back. 

“How’d you get here, Y/N?” 

“There’s no time for questions. Let’s find the others and get out of here.”

Everybody was baffled when they saw you. You were in a skin-tight suit that showed your features and everyone was surprised, to say the least. Here you were, saving their asses, and they always thought you were a personal assistant. 

“Where did the others go?” you whispered. Bucky motioned upwards, indicating they were upstairs. 

But before you could move any further, you were ambushed by more men. You fought your way, dodging every hit and punched through these men like they were the plague. The other Avengers were stunned by your quick movements. The men were soon all defeated and you crept against the wall. 

You arrived on the floor and immediately saw the rest of the team. Fury, Tony, and Natasha were strapped against metal posts with hands behind their back as they stood, watching Steve on his knees with his hands behind his back. You instructed the other Avengers to take down any men that were on this floor while you waked into the room alone.

Angrily, you walked up to the man who had his gun to Steve’s head. The men guarding him turned towards you and put their guns to your head. The man who stood in front of Steve turned around with a chuckle. 

“You think you can defeat me?” he asked. He had a German accent and you quirked an eyebrow. “We’re tasked to capture the Avengers, miss. You cannot save them all.” 

“Warum brauchst du das Team?” Why do you need the team? 

“Det er ingen af dine bekymringer.” It’s not one of your concerns, he said, switching to Danish. He smirked and you quirked an eyebrow. He was trying to catch you off guard. You figured he was skilled at linguistics, like you. People like him were supposed to be able to speak multiple languages as they were often the middle men.

“¿Por qué no es mi preocupación?” Why is it not my concern? You spoke in Spanish. The man caught on. You were like him. It became a game - you both trying to stump each other, trying to speak in a language the other didn’t know.

“Je ne sais pas qui vous êtes. Vous n'avez pas besoin de comprendre pourquoi je fais ce que je fais parce que vous n'avez aucune affaire ici.” I do not know who you are. You do not need to understand why I do what I do because you have no business here. 

“是这样吗? 我可以为第三方工作。” Is that so? I could work for a third party

“Nu contează. Nu știu cine ești și sunt sigur că nu știi cine sunt.” It doesn’t matter. I don’t know who you are and you don’t know who I am

“أنت ذاهب لقتلهم؟” Are you going to kill them

The man seemed stumped and you grinned, knowing you had caught him in a trap. The team members that had been tied up gaped at you. Fury was impressed, Natasha and Tony were surprised, and Steve was grateful that you came to his rescue. 

“We’re not going to kill them,” the man said. You breathed, calculating the best way to go about taking down the men. All attention was on you and you figured the men would be too busy trying to take you down to harm the Avengers. 

You swung your leg and knocked down two men. They other men aimed their guns at you and fired, but you dodged them by running, ducking, and the occasional backflip. Steve sat with his mouth open. His hands and ankles were tied together and tried to move.

You knocked out the other men and quickly moved to the man you spoke with, stealing his gun and aimed it towards him. 

“I’m impressed,” he said. “For such a fragile stature, you can surely take down men twice your size.” You chuckled, remembering your incident with Tony. 

“Untie them,” you ordered. 

“I don’t think so, Princess. My handlers are on their way and are close.” 

“Untie them now.” The man only shrugged. 

“What can I do?” he teased. You narrowed your eyes and aimed for his head, putting your finger on the trigger. 

“Y/N,” Fury warned. You breathed heavily and tried to pull yourself out of motion. 

“You can’t even kill a man,” the man taunted. You raised your eyebrow at him and shot his leg, ensuring that he wouldn’t be able to walk. 

The rest of the team stumbled in the room when they heard gunshots. 

“Is everyone okay -,” but everyone was stunned when they saw men laying around you. 

“Did you -”

“Yeah, I did. Untie them,” you instructed everyone. They nodded and you made your way to Steve, untying him from the ropes. 

“I can’t believe you just did that,” he whispered. 

“I can’t believe I did either,” you said, referring to returning to your old ways. 

“What you did was so impressive,” said Steve. “I can’t believe you’ve kept that a secret from us.” Once he was free, you stood up and offered him a hand. He fetched his shield and joined the rest of the team. 

“You’re her,” Natasha said with her eyes wide open. “So you’re not dead.” You chuckled. 

“Alive and well. Let’s get out of here, though.” 

Exiting the building without being unscathed wasn’t too hard. Most of the men had been knocked out by you or the team. The jet was opened by Fury, revealing a spark that indicated where it was parked. Coincidentally, you hadn’t parked your motorcycle far from the jet. 

“Oh no, you’re not getting on that,” Steve said when saw you grab your helmet. 

“Steve, I’ll be okay,” you said. He crossed his arms. 

“Don’t you know how dangerous these things are?” 

“I do. You ride one, why is it any different?” Steve opened his mouth to speak when Fury spoke in his place. 

“Let her be, Captain,” he ordered. “Come with us. We have a lot to discuss when we get back.” 

“Karen, take me home.” 


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