trying to be hipster as always

In stream the other day, we started talking about an Avengers Mall AU, and now I can’t stop thinking about it, because I have so many years of bad retail stories built up in my head and non-powered AUs usually don’t work for me, but the longer I think about it, the funnier this gets.

Steve and Sam are two guys who retired from their military branches and teamed up to run an artesian bespoke candy shop.  Steve has no idea half of their sales comes from the fact that Sam put the candy pulling hook in the front window and teenage girls just stand there, drooling.  Sam is totally aware of this, and uses it to ALL his advantage when he’s doing the sugar work.  

Bucky took a part time job at the Hot Topic across the way because hell, he was spending all his time hanging out with Sam and Steve, might as well get paid.  He was the only reliable employee over the age of seventeen; he is now the manager and he’s FURIOUS about it.  His staff is made up of Nico, Kamala and Sam Alexander and various people who get hired and then don’t make it through the training because Bucky glaring at you while you take register training is just SO HARD TO HANDLE.  No one is sure if he’s after Sam or Steve or both.

The SHIELD crew runs a pretty decent mall restaurant, but yeah, used to be a Golden Corral and Fury reserves the right to yell “Do you see a buffet here?” at anyone dumb enough to think it still is.  He doesn’t actually do it, because most of the people who are confused enough to ask are retirees who remind him of his grandma, but still.  He reserves the right.  Nat is a truly terrifying line cook, Maria’s front of house, and Phil’s the head waiter.  Clint doesn’t actually work there, but he’ll put on an apron and belt out an impressive rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ in exchange for free food, and no one else on staff wants to do it, so he eats there A LOT.

Clint is always in the mall.  In the back corridors.  Hanging out in the food court.  Wandering up and down the anchor store escalators.  Everyone thinks he works somewhere else.  No one knows where he actually works.  There is a betting pool.  It has been building for YEARS.

Jan runs the sort of high end boutique that has like, four outfits in two sizes on six gigantic racks.  There are no prices.  You do not ask how much it is. You know if you can afford it.  If she likes you, you can afford it.

Thor runs the hardware store.  No one knows why the hardware store is there.  This is not the sort of place one would see a hardware store.  Thor says he inherited it from his father, and it was there before the mall, and no one really wants to look into it.  Mostly, they seem to get by on selling knives..  Big knives.  Little knives.  Knives as long as your arm.  They get by on selling knives, because who’s buying screws at this place?  Oh, right, anyone Sif TELLS to buy screws.  "You need screws.“  "Oh, no, I-”  "You can always use more screws.“  "Y-yes, ma'am.”  She might be domming half of their customers without knowing it.  The Warriors Three run the stock room.  Badly.

Bruce runs the used bookstore down on the lower level where he can’t really afford the rent but the mall management like saying there’s a bookstore, and no one else is going to rent that hole, so he gets to stay, hiding in his piles and piles and piles of used books.  Mostly science and history, but he does a brisk business in romance novels and murder mystery paperbacks.  He likes it down there.  He wishes people would stop trying to get him to come upstairs to socialize.  He also kind of wishes people would stop coming down TO socialize.  His cousin Jennifer runs the register and helps the customers most days, she’s very quiet and very mild mannered and wears very lumpy clothes and giant eighties style glasses, so no one recognizes her when she goes to her second job, as a crossfit instructor for the gym on the top floor.  Jenn is, as they say, RIPPED. Put her in a leotard and her whole personality changes, it’s like she’s a different person.

Carol is a recovering alcoholic ex-pilot who runs the bar at the ‘bad’ chain restaurant down on the far end of the ground floor.  Other than the SHIELD place or the food court, it’s the only place to eat in the mall, and honestly, you’d be better off in the food court.  The food is trash, but she can mix a mean mojito and she knows every secret of every worker in the place, and she’s paid double on Saturdays because she’s her own bouncer.

Jessica Drew runs the arcade on the main floor, one of those stupid ones with 'glow mini-golf’ and games that constantly spit out tickets, you know, legalized gambling for children.  It’s a chain, but the give out far too many prizes and she and her staff (Peter, Miles, Anya) would be fired if they also weren’t the highest grossing location on the eastern seaboard.  They throw the best birthday parties in the state, and have a waiting list that’s like, months long.

Wanda’s shop sells… Something.  No one knows what any of this stuff does.  Or if it’s legal to own.  But when you find something you want, OH GOD YOU REALLY WANT IT.  She mostly sits and reads, and drinks tea from Hank McCoy’s tea shop. 

Stephen Strange quit his job as a surgeon and retired to run a magic and joke shop.  If you ask him why, he just shrugs and said he made some very bad choices.  A relative somewhere oversea, Asia, Clint says it was somewhere in Asia, died and left him some sort of inheritance.  So now he just sells fake rubber vomit and teaches slight of hand.  Buy him a drink, and learn more than you wanted to know about card tricks.  Walk into his shop, and be prepared to sit through at LEAST four card tricks before you can escape.

Greer run’s “Tigra’s Treasure Trove” on the second floor, it’s the anime and manga and gaming and comic shop.  She wears cat ears and a tail.  Every day.  No one’s sure if she does it to bring in the otaku, or if it’s a lifestyle choice.  No one wants to ask.

Tony owns the mall.  Owns like a hundred malls across the country.  No one knows, Obie does the day to day running of the management company, but Tony owns them.  He’s mostly in it for the buying and selling, but he likes this mall.  This one.  He likes it here.

He has a Sharper Image type store on the top floor.  It’s him and Rhodey and Pepper and Pepper will kill them both one of these days but he sells the sort of stuff you do not need but God you want it.  You walk into his store and it’s all apple store chic, white and chrome and gleaming surfaces, collapseable tablets and robots and holographic projectors and all the geek chic that you want and everyone in the mall wants something from him, they’ve all got something on layaway (he only does layaway for other retail workers because he doesn’t want to keep track of this stuff) except Steve and it makes him insane.  He spends far too much time trying to figure out what he can stock or create or build that will get Steve into his shop.

Pepper calls them “Steve-Grabbers,” Like 'grandma grabbers’ but designed to attract the most sincere hipster she’s ever met and she’d kill Tony over adding this stuff to stock without telling her, but it all sells.  It all sells.  In his desperate attempt to attract Steve, Tony misses and attracts EVERYONE ELSE.

The signs as weird shit my grandmother has done
  • Aries: Offered to pay the movie theater guy 50$ to buy a shitty promotional cardboard cutout of Harry Potter
  • Taurus: Bought a sandwich from the deli, brought it home, ate it, and went back the next day demanding the 2$ she paid for it back because "there was too much pesto on it"
  • Gemini: Refused to drive down one street because "that's where all the hipsters live"
  • Cancer: Said she was going to run for city council so she could outlaw "those big-ass buses always driving when I'm trying to sleep"
  • Leo: Listened to one ABBA mixtape over and over for 3 hours on a road trip.
  • Virgo: Asked me if I'd heard of Beyoncé
  • Libra: Gave my dad a t-shirt for some recording studio she'd never heard of just because she got it for free
  • Scorpio: Has never once, to this day, been able to remember my friend Michael's name, despite my being friends with him for nearly 14 years. Various wrong names have included: "tom" "Alfred" "that little blonde kid you hang out with" "Mike" "Harold" and "that kid you know".
  • Sagittarius: Asked, very loudly, at our schools' Winter Festival, surrounded by half the school, whether "that blonde girl over there" was the girl my brother had a crush on.
  • Capricorn: Refers to Neil Patrick Harris as "Doogie Howser", even though she never actually watched that show.
  • Aquarius: Called Harrison Ford a "fine piece of cheese".
  • Pisces: Sent me the whole Bee Movie script because she heard "that's a trend"

I’m looking for a friend. I do not care how you are or who you are, it matters to me if you want to try to make a living at a distance friendship. One of those strong and lasting friendships. One of those friendships that over time become a fixed point, something you can always count on, something that helps you in difficult moments and laughs at you in joyful moments. I’m looking for a real friend of those that are seen in TV series. I look for some crazy and disadvantaged like me. I look for a person who really wants to engage in this friendship. I promise you to commit myself to this. I promise you that I believe and want to reflect all the things that I have written. I’m ready for that. and you?
I know it will be difficult to grow a friend without ever seeing it directly, always talking through a screen. It’s almost impossible what I’m looking for. But why not try it anyway? Please write me if you believe in what I wrote..

The frogs and their awkward high school phases

insert the *you know I had to do it to em* pic here

Dex: He was a sad emo boy. Without question. if asked though he’d say he was punk but…no. All you need to do is just picture the awkwardest, lankiest fourteen year old with an oversized black hand me down tee with super bright ginger hair and there ya go: teen dex. I have so much more to say here.

  •  he wrote angry song lyrics all over the knock off converse his mom paid good money for. She’s very disappointed in you William thats so irresponsible. 
    • also: wrote song lyrics and little emo symbols all over his arms with sharpie whenever he got bored in school. You’re poisoning your blood billy your mother is concerned
  • Wore heavy wool beanies all the time. Like even in the summer. He did it to cover his hair and the tips of his ears because he didn’t think red hair and big ears were punk and he was embarrassed.
  • keep in mind that dex was an active hockey player during this time. Was probably the captain of high school team and everything, but that didn’t stop him from getting chirped to hell for showing up to practice with his nails painted black from the polish he borrowed/stole from his cousin. 
    • Not to mention that one time that his goalie found a super embarrassing picture of dex from when he was first starting to come out of his emo little shell. For a full month his nickname was guyliner.
  • His older brother thought that Dex’s emo/punk phase was the funniest thing ever. He’s make fun of Dex for it all the time. This lead to several instances where Dex would yell ‘it’s not a phase!’ ‘no one understands me’ etc and then he’d lock himself in his room for an hour and blasted bad punk music from the 70s. 
  • Whenever he raised enough money to pay for something hockey or school related, hed buy it, but he’d always get a little sad after the purchase bc he really wanted to save up to get an eyebrow piercing one day
  • One good thing came out of this emo phase though! he learned to play guitar and he got really good. He also tried to start a garage band, but he didn’t have the social skills to acquire member for that said band. To this day he often daydreams about how awesome this band would have been.  CHOWDWR AND NURSEY BELOW >>

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I just want to contrast my very favorite quote from Harry’s Rolling Stone article with the quote from 5SOS in December 2015. Arguably, both are/were trying to broaden their audience.

“Who’s to say that young girls who like pop music – short for popular, right? – have worse musical taste than a 30-year-old hipster guy? That’s not up to you to say. Music is something that’s always changing. There’s no goal posts. Young girls like the Beatles. You gonna tell me they’re not serious? How can you say young girls don’t get it? They’re our future. Our future doctors, lawyers, mothers, presidents, they kind of keep the world going. Teenage-girl fans – they don’t lie. If they like you, they’re there. They don’t act ‘too cool.’ They like you, and they tell you. Which is sick.” - Harry Styles

“Seventy-five percent of our lives is proving we’re a real band,” says Irwin. “We’re getting good at it now. We don’t want to just be, like, for girls. We want to be for everyone. That’s the great mission that we have. I’m already seeing a few male fans start to pop up, and that’s cool. If the Beatles and the Rolling Stones and all those guys can do it, we can do it, too.” - Ashton Irwin

I feel like people are maybe downplaying this quote. Or saying that of course he doesn’t want to alienate that fan base. I think that many artists shit on teenage girls when they have an opportunity for a different demographic. 

1divergent2hg  asked:

INTP Ravenclaw please?

This was also requested by @brussel-sprout and @eldestwand ! Shoutout to my Ravenclaw INTPs, and thanks for the asks!

- The epitome of the “unfeeling, logically-minded Ravenclaw” stereotype

- Can solve any problem tbh

- Very friendly but always distracted

- Doesn’t pay attention stairways because they were busy thinking up their latest idea, ends up on an unknown floor of the school very confused

- Potions MASTER

- Except when they debate with the teacher over what’s really the most efficient way to brew the potion (”If you just add some toad’s skin, it’s twice as quick!” “How did you even figure that out??”)

- Not the best for emotional support because they’re always thinking of a logical answer

- Spend tons of effort trying to stand out but they’re totally not hipster 

- “I’m taking Advanced Arithmancy Theory, Study of Medieval Potion Materials, and Mechanical Broomstick Engineering! What are you taking?”

- Minds are constantly clouded with ideas

- Fills the Ravenclaw common room’s bulletin board with scribbles and half-baked ideas that may never be followed up upon

- Not the most popular in their dorm room because of their… interesting sleep patterns

- “What if you could enchant a broomstick to simultaneously act as a wand??” “IT’S THREE A.M. AND EXAMS ARE TOMORROW SHUT UP”

- But first year Ravenclaws are enchanted by the clockwork of their mind, and will gather around wide-eyed as INTP argues with the eagle knocker about the logical feasibility of a riddle

- Refuses to hand in essays on time because they have so many idEAS

- Voted “Most Likely to Get Slapped for Offering Rude but Logical Advice to A Stranger”

- Organizes focus groups to solve problems (nothing would get done without them tbh)

- Generally obsessed with enthusiastic about their education

Send me an ask requesting headcanons/aesthetics!

Riverdale Characters as Tumblr Users

Archie: Made a tumblr because he heard Betty talking about how great it was. Reblogged a couple of gifsets of puppys playing before forgetting about it completely. 

Betty: Pink pastel aesthetic blog. 10k followers and always has one of those “send me a heart emoji and I’ll rate your blog~” things running. Occasionally accidentally reblogs bloody knife aesthetic stuff onto it that was meant for her “welcome to my twisted mind” password protected sideblog where she documents Archies every move. Ends all of her posts with 。゚( ゚^∀^゚)゚。 or some other Japanese emoji. Has unironically used uwu multiple times.

Veronica: Her tumblr is just meant to compliment her instagram to make her seem more relatable. Usually only comes on to repost her instagram pics. Will occasionally reblog aesthetic pics of hot girls that are almost but not quite nsfw. Claims Tumblr is like her favorite site and says she’s always on. Still hasn’t turned on her ask box yet has reblogged ‘ask me memes’ and lowkey gets depressed when she gets no notifications. Puts all the tags in the text box instead of the tag box. #hot #makeup #fashion #bigirls

Cheryl: Runs a secret fandom blog with 50k followers. She makes gifsets and once spent 5 hours hunting down someone who reposted her House of Cards edit on Twitter to dox them. Blocks anon hate then checks her block list and posts who it was publically. Messages you when you unfollow. Blocks when unfollowing mutuals. Comments @ me next time bitch on all of your vague posts.

Kevin: 60% reblogs of random white twinks. Goes through tags looking for posts he knows he’ll disagree with just because he likes to discourse. Is on, like, 12 block lists. His blog redirects to “aes”. Used to be a Glee fan blog and has 342 people blocked from ship wars. Reblogs Lady Gaga whenever she appears on his dash. 

Reggie: Anti-sjw, anti-feminst, pro equality. Uses the default tumblr theme. Reblogs random posts telling people to debate him yet never responds when they do. Gets really mad when people call him a cuck in hjis inbox yet never turns off anon. Posts a lot of selfies with the captions ‘this is what a man should look like’. Reblogs pictures of hot, shirtless guys and claims it’s to remind him of his goals/in support and totally not because he wants to fuck them.

Jughead: Black and white grunge aesthetic blog. GIFs of sad white kids with faux deep quotes on them. Deletes all captions from posts. Writes 2k word reviews for shitty indie flicks that are never under a read more so you have to scroll past the whole thing. Sometimes will try to post selfies but always deletes them when some hipster girl starts calling him daddy in the replies. Has 10 sock accounts he uses to harass Reggie. 

a conversation my friends and I had about tigger.
  • Friend 1: for a hot second there i forgot that literally bouncing is what he does and thought like, a bouncer at a nightclub
  • me: spdfigfdos
  • Friend 2: I would fucking watch that tho
  • Friend 1: skjdflsjfd
  • Friend 2: Pooh is the barkeep! Friendly with simple life advice u-u The hottest cocktail at the 100 Acre Woods? Honey, of course~!
  • Friend 2: (a blend of whiskey, honey and rum that'll warm your tum tum)
  • me: Eeyore is the sad, sad drunk. oh god what went wrong now.
  • me: Kanga is the single mother whose husband ran out on her and she can't afford a sitter while she waitresses so she brings her kid with her. also, I'm going to hell.
  • Friend 1: christopher robin is the hipster who's always trying to come up with new craft brews
  • Friend 2: Roo often tries to emulate Tigger. He alerts him to the drunks who have had too much so he can kick them out
  • me: Rabbit is the health inspector.
  • Friend 2: Piglett's also a waiter but is very nervous and doesn't like serving the big burly dudes. But he's a total sweetheart.
  • Friend 1: i've created a monster
  • Friend 2: Owl's the wise drunk. You know the guy. They knock back a couple and suddenly they know all life's mysteries
  • me: including the ones you didn't ask him about.
Sanvers fic:

Title: Split-Seam
Pairing/Characters: Alex/Maggie, Kara
Rating: PG-13
Word Count:  3126 

Summary: Kara was off doing her heroic duty somewhere Alex couldn’t help her and that Alex was, predictably, a garbage fire of shot nerves and tequila cravings. A little domestic fluff, set between 2x10 and 2x11; Maggie looks after Alex while Kara is away on a mission, and begins to truly understand who the Danvers sisters are.


Maggie thought a lot (like, a lot) about what dating Alex might be like in the last few days before screwing up her courage and actually doing something about it.

None of the scenarios she’d lingered over – long lazy Sunday mornings and motorcycle rides through the city and late night take out and sex on the couch – had involved the possibility of waking up to Supergirl sitting on her floor unsuccessfully trying to yank her boots off, swearing in Kryptonese.

“Sorry!” She looks up at Maggie, and she looks young – really young, all of a sudden – windswept hair stuck in her face, brow furrowed, eyes bright, “didn’t mean to wake you! If I pull too hard I rip them in half so – ”

She goes back to tugging at her boots.

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The Zodiac signs as Types of Friends.

Aries: The friend that’s best friends with everyone else and is always going out, no matter what. Never stops playing Candy Crush Saga.

Taurus: The friend that’s a freaking genius AND slays literally every sport. Sadly not street smart but really a sweetie pie with a sour middle.

Gemini: The friend that’s a musical prodigy but sucks at speaking English and can’t keep secrets for sh*t. Everyone loves their mom doe.

Cancer: The friend that deals with everything with a heavy hand on salt. Never leaves their house, just talks about socks and Tumblr.

Leo: The friend that’ll always be there for you and share their food even if its their last piece. They’ll love you with all their heart.

Virgo:The friend that gives some of the best advice anyone could ask for and is highkey hipster as hell. They’ll always listen to your rants.

Libra: The fancy friend that’s always on their phone, scrolling through Facebook. Hosts the best sleepovers.

Scorpio: The friend that hates social media yet they’re always texting. Highkey petty when not lowkey being a hoe.

Sagittarius: The friend that will defend you with their life but never stops telling you bad dad jokes.

Capricorn: The friend that makes the best food in the world and rarely takes selfies, but when they do it’s the! They’ve usually got the hot goss.

Aquarius: The big bundle of cuteness friend who is always trying to make everyone laugh or cheering you up when needed.

Pisces: The cat obsessed friend who never leaves their significant other’s side and is always working on art.

anonymous asked:

What are some of the biggest differences between high Fi and low Fi?

I think the biggest difference for any “high vs. low” version of a function would be that the low version is going to necessarily be secondary to the flip side of the function. So, TJs are going to have Fi but it’s always going to be less natural to them than Te, and using Fi without that Te lens will be difficult. Also, high Fi is going to be paired with Ne or Se, and low Fi will be in a person with high Ni or Si, so the whole motivation changes. The point of this rambling is that I’m going to try and talk about Fi on its own but really, context is always key.

The biggest difference I’ve seen is that healthy high Fi is very confident in its likes and dislikes and values, whereas lower Fi isn’t. For this exercise I’m going to compare myself to ISFP sister, since we had a pretty similar upbringing and are close in age, but she’s an Fi dom and I’m Fi-tert.

ISFP sister never really went through a hipster/snob/”I’m not like other girls” phase, which I definitely did. There’s this perception that Fi doms are the hipsters of MBTI but actually they are the people who like what they like, regardless of whether it’s popular or not. So they can indeed be into the very obscure, but they can also be huge fans of blockbuster movies and top 40 mainstream music, and they don’t really see a difference - it’s just what they enjoy. I on the other hand, if I may seriously date myself, was obnoxious towards people in college who only had the Shins songs off the Garden State album because I loved the Shins before that movie and had several albums. Lower Fi seeks to prove its individuality and different-ness. High Fi is secure in it.

High Fi is also I think more consistent in morality but less rigid, if that makes sense. My sister has had pretty consistent political views from her late teens on, but is also more willing to listen to and understand other viewpoints. I’ve shifted my views over time pretty considerably but I’ve also always been a bit guilty of thinking whatever I believe at the time is right and somewhat dismissive of other views (and then when I change my view feel like an asshole). I feel like I’m only now able to approach opposing views with more empathy, and I say this as someone who was in college at a time when Garden State was still considered semi-relevant. On the other hand, in our teens, ISFP sister was way more likely to speak up (respectfully) if someone said something she disagreed with on a moral stance, whereas I was more likely to just write that person off as just never understanding.

I think those are the biggest differences. She is definitely more emotional than I am, but I think there’s a lot of factors that go into that beyond Fi. Overall, a high Fi user is probably going to act more like the stereotypes of an Fi aux (fun, morally guided but not sanctimonious about it, interested in all kinds of things from a wide variety of sources) and a low Fi user, somewhat ironically, will act more like the stereotype of an Fi dom (more in need of validation, can be self-righteous, can be pretentious).

K Project headcanons

(This is all shit, but c'mon, it’s good shit)

- Mikoto is the master of memes. You think he doesn’t know that really underground meme from the early 2000? Pffft, he made it. Any meme you want, he’ll give it to you.

- Munakata is the biggest nerd ever. We know he likes puzzles and ninjas and all that jazz, but he also enjoys the otaku culture (tbh biggest otaku ever). You know that really cool cosplayer? Yeah, the one doing all the cool armour stuff and shit. That’s him. He makes it all himself.

- Both Mikoto and Reisi rule the internet together. No one knows who they are, but they ship it. Both of them ship it too.

- Saru likes taking photos a lot. Mostly of Misaki. But yeah he loves taking photos of all kinds of things. Especially of a sleeping Misaki. He has a collection.

-Misaki watches Gordon Ramsey and gets really heated about it and forces Saru to eat his cooking that he tried to recreate from Master Chef. He never misses an episode.

- Anna is the resident shipper. She isn’t always the innocent bunny. Constantly writes fanfiction about all the boys.

- Shiro/Adolf has planned his wedding with Kuroh. All of it. Down to the last detail. The invitations are so adorable.

- Kuroh writes poetry and recites it at hipster cafes at like 1AM and has a bit of a fanbase. It’s all about what a pain it is to cook for Shiro and Neko. Sometimes it’s about Shiro. Sometimes it’s trying to make Yukari look bad, but that never works out.

- Kusanagi has a bottle cap collection. he collects all the bottle caps used at the bar. He also runs a night club in HOMRA during Friday and Saturday nights. He has to make a living somehow.

- Seri knows how to pole dance She takes classes. It’s not for money, she just likes it. It’s also really good exercise.

just-french-me-up  asked:

I'd love to hear about your Feuilly/Bahorel headcanons Rebecca :3

Elise, somehow I always though this day would come. This is a very broad and vague request so here are the ones that come to me off the top of my head.

  • Bahorel braids Feuilly’s hair sometimes when they are having spa nights.
  • Spa nights are totally a thing and were initiated by Bahorel to make sure Feuilly actually relaxes on his nights off. They usually include facials, lotions, painting each others toenails, and trading off on massages while watching Legally Blonde.
  • On the off chance that Feuilly has a weekend off, they will pack a picnic lunch and spend the afternoon lounging in the sunshine, Feuilly with a book and Bahorel usually just naps.
  • Feuilly bringing vague painted signs to Bahorel’s boxing matches like “HIT HIM” or “JUST DO IT” with Shia LaBeouf’s face on it. 
  • Bahorel regularly punching people when they make comments about his gay relationship while Feuilly just rolls his eyes and sweet talks the police into letting Bahorel go. 
  • Feuilly painting elaborate landscapes on Bahorel’s vast landscape of a body and Bahorel returning the favor with graffiti tags and penis’
  • Bahorel sarcastically yelling “THAT’S MY BOY” whenever Feuilly does something moderately successful. 
  • Bahorel telling Feuilly to hold his flower when he gets into bar fights. Even if he has no flower.
  • Feuilly making Bahorel order them fancy girly drinks all the time because it’s hilarious to see everyone at the bar’s reaction. 
  • Bahorel bringing in stray pets all the time and Feuilly is always tripping over random animals, but doesn’t have the heart to kick them out because he knows what it’s like to be alone in the world but now he has found his home, and hopes these animals will soon too. 
  • Bahorel who hates mushrooms and picks them off and puts them on Feuilly’s plate. 
  • Feuilly being obsessed with super hipster bands and Bahorel constantly trying to sneak Nicki Minaj on to his ipod so he can laugh his ass off at Feuilly’s reaction.

college cammie headcanons that literally no one asked for

  • slob. slobslobslob. nothing ever really rots or stains (it smells and she’s not paying for that maintenance) but if you think she didn’t have to scramble to clean when Rachel and Joe came to visit then think again because it was def Cam trying to fit three hours worth of deep cleaning into sixty minutes 
  • takes Bex to all the best parties when she comes into town, though they always end up somewhere completely different because they’re spies for shit’s sake and big parties make them paranoid
  • plaid and leggings all the time. and when it’s not plaid and leggings, it’s workout clothes. also acquired a lot of these bullshit current fashion hipster shit shirts with aliens or succulents or cacti on them that people peddle on this site, you know the ones
  • rock wall. rock wall all the time at the gym (you can take the girl out of P&E but you can’t take the P&E out of the girl) followed by smoothies.
  • BARISTA. this girl worked as a barista for a year probably and learned all her regulars’ names 
  • sometimes Cam visits Liz at Harvard, and other times Liz visits Cam at Georgetown, and occasionally they meet in the middle
  • “messy hair don’t care”
  • the quietest person in the world during sex when she has to be, because as fantastic as Zach is in bed, she doesn’t want to be known as “Three Floors Morgan” anymore after The Incident during her sophomore year…
  • protein bars. protein bars everywhere in every room and every purse or backpack
  • netflix watcher. it’s totally Macey’s account but Cam uses it more–Stranger Things, Orange is the New Black, Arrested Development, Gilmore Girls
  • decor is christmas lights, way too many plants, random artwork and family photos, pops of color everywhere, gossamer/linen curtains. 
  • craft beer snob sorry 
  • psych student and absolutely beloved by the department faculty. also two Gallagher alumni work in that department and one of them knows Abby extremely well, but Cam didn’t know that, so imagine her shock when she was meeting said professor for coffee and Abby was just fucking there like “Hey there, squirt!” 
  • wears Zach’s t-shirts as pajamas. she’ll never give them back
  • meat lover’s pizzas. that is all. 
  • “mom can you stop sending me care packages” “well I was worried that you were running out of canned soup! it’s full of sodium but it’s better than nothing” “mom I promise you I will never run out of soup”
  • “hey cam, how’s your car running” “joe I swear it’s fine” “nothing wrong with the engine? tire pressure still even?” “joe there is NOTHING wrong with my car now can I please talk to my mother for a second”

‘’I’m actually set by default on “tongue out and crossed eyeballs”; I can’t control my tongue it always comes out. My actual pose is me trying to look normal.’’ - Cara Delevingne 

The Signs as Baristas
  • Aries: Calls for backup when there's only 2 customers
  • Taurus: Goes straight home when their shift is over. Doesn't even bother getting a drink
  • Gemini: Stands for an hour after they've clocked out talking to one of the regulars
  • Cancer: The barista who has Z-E-R-O C-H-I-L-L
  • Leo: Waits until they are COMPLETELY out of mocha to tell someone they need it..
  • Virgo: Somehow does nothing but drive thru and doesn't murder everyone
  • Libra: Flitting around from station to station, trying to make sure everything runs smoothly
  • Scorpio: Has a giant hipster tattoo
  • Sagittarius: That barista who always seems like they're a little high
  • Capricorn: Smokes 8 cigarettes on their break
  • Aquarius: Super bubbly, talks to everyone, knows all the regulars by name
  • Pisces: Is literally the Siren from Starbucks

I’ve been asked for quite a few ~*~themed~*~ book recs recently, and I thought rather than expending the energy of answering a billion (four) different messages I’d just answer them all in one post and everyone can steal each other’s recs! yay!!

summery reads for swanky beach holiday: 

  • CALL ME BY YOUR NAME BY ANDRÉ ACIMAN – if one of those trashy, sizzling, whirlwind summer romance books you can buy at the airport had a lovechild with nuanced introspective literary fiction then it would be this, the best, book.
  • THE BEACH BY ALEX GARLAND – possibly an obvious one, but reading about the eventual ruination and collapse of a secluded hipster beach utopia in the 1990s is what every beach holiday needs. 
  • THE GOLDFINCH BY DONNA TARTT – this book is pure summer to me, possibly because a) I read it in summer, some of it on a beach, and b) a big slice of it is set in Nevada. fantastic beach book because it’s BIG! THRILLING! UNPUTDOWNABLE! but also heartrending in the best way.

gateway drug books/YA primers:

  • THE RAVEN CYCLE BY MAGGIE STIEFVATER – I honestly think this is the best YA SF/F series out there right now. it has absolutely everything: magical realism, magical magic, intense and realistic friendship, romance, Ronan Lynch, robotic bees. show me a more iconic quartet. I’ll wait. 
  • THE ALEX CROW BY ANDREW SMITH – I love absolutely everything Andrew Smith writes. his books are weird and wonderful and, I genuinely think, really important for Teen Boys. I know generally Teen Boys are The Worst, but these books are gonna help them be Not The Worst. 
  • BONE GAP BY LAURA RUBY – love that magical realism life. plus, Bone Gap was a National Book Award finalist for YA and won the Michael L. Printz Award, which… damn. 
  • THE COLDEST GIRL IN COLDTOWN BY HOLLY BLACK – I get the feeling everyone looks at me funny when I rec this book, but I’m serious. it’s a new take on old tropes, breathes life (lol) into vampires again, and stars an incredible female protagonist, her bisexual ex-boyfriend, a bunch of nutcase vampires and a trans babe. it’s Everything. 
  • BOO BY NEIL SMITH – so many middle grade/YA books have ~messages~ that smack you around the face all the way through, but this isn’t one of them. it has some Quite Obvious messages, and it sounds like The Most Trite And Predictable Thing In The World, but it is unbearably wonderful and subtle and absolutely stunning. 

funny, sweet, generally feel-goods: 

  • GRASSHOPPER JUNGLE BY ANDREW SMITH – this is my favourite book. I always fall back on my original one-sentence synopsis to sell it: ‘half bonkers McCarthy era sci-fi b-movie, half high literary introspection, narrated by a bisexual teenage boy who talks like The Perks of Being a Wallflower written by Stephen King.’ [ETA: the group chat dragged me for including GJ in this section, so YMMV…]
  • THE REST OF US JUST LIVE HERE BY PATRICK NESS – this one is packed to the brim with overdone, predictable YA SF/F tropes, except it’s about all the normal kids on the fringes who aren’t Chosen Ones and don’t have magical powers but do have anxiety disorders and shitty burger jobs. it’s HILARIOUS and absolutely lovely. 
  • A HERO AT THE END OF THE WORLD BY ERIN CLAIBORNE – imagine Harry Potter having a panic attack at the last second and Ron Weasley saving the world instead. this is that, except a thousand times more diverse and also hysterical. 
  • THE WATCHMAKER OF FILIGREE STREET BY NATASHA PULLEY – this is the single most gentle book I have ever read. it’s a sweet, loving caress of a book. there’s also explosions and science and clockwork and civil war era Japan, but trust me. it’s a soft embrace. 

A/W collection reads: 

  • WE HAVE ALWAYS LIVED IN THE CASTLE BY SHIRLEY JACKSON – apparently I was the only person in the world who didn’t already know why the villagers hated the Blackwoods. I was completely in the dark until the book revealed it and yo. yo. if you haven’t been spoiled for this book, then run don’t walk to your nearest bookshop IMMEDIATELY. 
  • UPROOTED BY NAOMI NOVIK – this is a classic high fantasy ~girl stolen away to a far-off tower~ thing except it’s SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT and also LIT. low key Beauty and the Beast/high key Koschei the Deathless and Marya Morevna vibes, except with less Stockholm Syndrome and less murder.
  • THE CIRCLE BY MATS STRANDBERG – this book is about a bunch of normal yet very different girls from the same school in small-town Sweden finding out that they’re witches, and it is absolutely amazing. I haven’t read the other books in the trilogy because I’m trying to drag it out as long as humanly possible. it’s that good. 
  • THE GRAVEYARD BOOK BY NEIL GAIMAN – baby toddles into a graveyard; baby is raised to young adulthood by an entire graveyard’s worth of ghosts and one lone vampire. ultimate nice Halloween read. 
  • THE SECRET HISTORY BY DONNA TARTT – I’m always torn between ‘this book is an absolute masterpiece and deserves to be lauded among the classics’ and ‘a bunch of hipster fucking idiots murder a douchebag’. it’s probably somewhere in between. the first time I read it I was on a deckchair in Spain, and yet it’s still the most A/W book I have ever read. 
  • STATION ELEVEN BY EMILY ST JOHN MANDEL – the human race slowly being wiped out by a not-at-all-sci-fi superflu, juxtaposed with a post-everyone-dying-of-the-superflu band of nomadic actors putting on Shakespeare plays for small villages of survivors and contemplating the universe. made me feel very small and irrelevant and human.