Harry Styles - “Confessions”

I completely left this open(and have already planned) for a part two. So… if you would like a part two let me know! Enjoy! And be ready to have your heart broken.

Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six

Harry sat on the edge of his bed in Los Angeles, his head in his hands, as he tried to hold back the tears and will his breathing to stay even and calm. His phone lay beside him, the screen still lit up to show him his recent calls - the last of which had just turned his world upside down. 

He eventually sits up, letting out a large sigh as his large ringed hands push through his short floppy hair, pushing it back from his forehead. His green eyes look across the room where on top of the chest of drawers sat a picture of the person he cared about most in the world. He stared at your smiling face, his own smiling face next to you and that’s when the tears came. He was going to lose you, he knew that he was. 

Just then his phone began to ring beside him. He dreaded it was her, the person who had called a few minutes before him and broke the news but instead he saw your face appear on the screen and that, in that moment, may have been worse. He picks up the phone, staring down at your picture as the phone continues to ring. 

He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t hear your voice, happy and still in love with him, when he now knew what he did. He couldn’t tell you over the phone. He had messed up, he knew that, and he had to say it to your face. After the phone finally stopped ringing he gave a sigh and pulled himself up and off the bed. 

He had things he needed to do in LA, meetings to attend, interviews to be done but he couldn’t. He needed to get to you and tell you as soon as he could so he called Jeff. He couldn’t say it though, he couldn’t tell him exactly the situation, just that he had to go home - and now. 

Once he landed in London the next day, his hands were shaking, his palms were sweaty and his breathing was shallow as he sat in the back of the car headed towards your house. He kept trying to play out and plan his words for this conversation. How would he go about it? Where could he possibly start? He had so many confessions to make and what he was most afraid of was the inevitable - losing you. He also knew he wouldn’t be able to handle that hurt, devastated, and heart-broken face that he was soon going to see before him. 

The idea brought tears to his eyes. He rubbed the back of his hand against his eyes, grinding away the tears harshly. He hated himself, his entire body was full of regret, remorse, and dread knowing that he could never take this back. 

“Hello?” Harry calls a few moments later as he enters your shared home. He knew you were home, it being your day off work and your car was parked out front but he heard nothing. “Love?” He calls out again. 

“Harry?” He finally hears from the kitchen. He couldn’t will himself to move towards your voice. He wanted to run back out the door to never have to face this situation, he wanted to pretend everything was okay. But it just wasn’t. And never would be again. “Harry!” You gasp once you see your tall, tattooed and handsome boyfriend standing in the entryway of the living room. 

“Hey.” He mutters, barely able to get his voice above a low gravel. He clears his throat and puts his bag down at his feet, sliding off his jacket. He was trying to delay this, anything to keep the truth from coming out. 

“What are you doing home? Why haven’t you answered my calls in two days?” You were full of questions but then in that moment you didn’t care. You had missed Harry so much and if he was home - that was all that mattered. So, you cross the room and burrow yourself into his chest. You wrap your arms tight around his torso, taking in that familiar scent of his cologne while his arms wrap around your shoulders. He buries his face in your hair, his eyes closing as the tears began to slide down his cheeks. This was surely the last moment he would hold you in his arms and he wanted it to last as long as possible. “What’s going on?” You question, looking up at him. You gasp when you take in his tears. “Harry, what is it?” Your mind was racing. What possibly could have happened to cause him to act like this? You reach up, brushing your thumbs under his eyes along the tracks his tears were making. 

“I messed up, love.” He finally says, his voice a quiet whisper as he stares down into your eyes. You frown, shaking your head a bit in confusion. 

“What do yo-” 

“I slept with someone.” The words were out before he could over think it. He watched the gears turn in your head as you processed this. As soon as he saw it click, you backed out of his arms, distancing yourself from him just as he knew that you would. “Please, love, i’ was while we were going through tha’ rough patch a few weeks ago. I was angry, you were angry, I didn’ know where we stood-” 

“So you fucked someone else and never told me?!” You interrupt as your blood began to boil. “You came back here acting like it was all okay?! As if nothing ever happened!” You also felt your heart break, a dull ache began in the center of your chest. Harry was the love of your life, the man you were going to spend forever with and yet .. he had hurt you in the way he always vowed he never would. 

“I jus’…” He scratches at the back of his neck, shaking his head a little as he gave a sigh. He looks at the floor, anywhere but at the hurt and angry face before him. He also noted the fact that your eyes, those gorgeous eyes of yours that he loved so much, had begun to well up with tears. “I don’ know how to make up for this bu’ tha’ isn’t all.” He knew he had to say it, he had to get everything out so just maybe, maybe, the two of you could start trying to work it out. 

“What else is there?” You cross your arms over your chest as the tears slide down your cheeks. What else could there be? Had he slept with her again? Was he leaving you for her? Your mind was racing and you weren’t sure you would be able to handle anymore of this. Harry was your life and even with him standing in front of you still you felt it might not be for too much longer and you already felt lost. 

“She called me yesterday mornin’,” He began, his eyes peaking at you through his lashes as he kept his head slightly down. 

“Okay?” You urged but felt that sense of dread begin to creep up in your head as you surely knew what was coming next. Why would you contact the man you slept with weeks before? There was really only two reasons - wanting to get together again or being pregnant. Your blood ran cold at the latter possibility. It couldn’t be that, it just couldn’t. 

“She’s… she’s pregnan’.” The words pained him to say out loud. He hadn’t spoken it since he heard her mumble it through her sobs on the other end of the phone the morning before. He saw your face crumble then. Your eyebrows furrowed together, your eyes swimming with tears, and he saw your breath hitch in your throat. 

“You got another girl pregnant.” It wasn’t a question, it wasn’t accusatory, it was just a statement as you took to trying to process this. Harry was going to be a father, and it wasn’t with you. This just couldn’t possibly be happening. 

“I don’ know what I’m goin’ to do, bu’ what I wan’ first is to try and make things work with you. Please, love…” He trailed off when you shook your head vigorously, the tears now falling freely down your cheeks. 

“You expect me to just forgive you for this?” You give another shake of your head. “Would you forgive me if I got pregnant by another man? If I cheated on you and got knocked up? Would you be willing to move past that?” Harry bit at his lower lip and stared at the carpet under your feet. He knew you were right, he would probably never be able to move past it if you had someone else’s child. 

“You won’ even try? For us? We’ve been together for-”

“I don’t need you to remind me how long we’ve been together, Harry! I don’t need you telling me about the life we’ve started here together because I remember, I know!” You felt your anger begin to flare up. “It was you that seems to have forgotten the life we have together while you were busy fucking someone else!” He cringes at your choice of wording as well as your now raised voice but he knew he deserved it all. You were of course right, after all. 

“Please,” He takes a step towards you, holding his large hands out towards you, his cheeks wet with his still falling tears. He felt a sob building in his chest as he felt this was it, knowing you would most likely never forgive him. “I made a mistake, I will pay for tha’ for the rest of my life but I need you.” His voice dropped off to a whisper. “Don’ give up on me.” It was then that the sob finally fell from his lips and he felt his knees give out. 

“Harry,” You whisper as you watch the man you loved fall to his knees right there in front of you, his face pressing into his hands as large gasping sobs fell from his mouth. You feel a sob of your own and you take a step closer to Harry. You fall to your knees in front of him and bring a hand up to brush through his brown hair. He lifts his head up, his breath catching in his throat as his eyes meet yours. “I don’t think I can ever forgive you.” You watch his face crumble even more as he takes in your words. 

“I’m so sorry.” He whispers and the sobs resume. He then falls into your chest, his cheek burrowing into your t-shirt and his arms wrap tightly around your waist. You support his weight, your arms going around his shoulders, your fingers brushing at the hair on the back of his neck. “I’ll never forgive myself either.” He whispers through his sobs. 

You sat and held Harry, both of you crying and clinging to one another, knowing that this was it, for a good while until finally you pried him off of you and both of you stood up. 

“I think it’s best if you left.” You whisper as the two of you stood awkwardly facing each other. Harry gives a small nod, closing his eyes for a second. His eyes burned, the tears drying his eyes out but he knew he would probably spend the entire night crying. 

“Can I do somethin’, one las’ time?” You frown at him but he then takes a step closer to you and as his hand comes up to rest on your cheek you understood what he wanted. You don’t move as his face dips towards yours. You try not to return the pressure his lips press into yours but you couldn’t help it. As if by reflex you were kissing him back and bowing your body against his as your arms wrap around each other. It was as the kiss intensified and his tongue slid against yours that the reason this was to be your last kiss together reared back into your mind and you pulled away from him, breaking all contact together. 

“I can’t. I can’t do this, Harry.” You mutter, seeing that hurt and aching look in his green eyes as his chest heaved. He had hoped there for a second as he held you close again, your lips melded together perfectly like they always had, that just maybe you could forgive him. “I can’t be with you, I’m just going to picture you with her every time and I just can’t.” 

“I understand.” He gives a nod, hanging his head a bit. He pushes his fingers through his hair and looks back up at you. “I’m so sorry that I hur’ you.” He stares at you for a few seconds before backing towards the door. “I’ll always be jus’ a phone call away. I love you, with every piece of my soul.” You ignore the fresh tears sliding down your cheeks and simply give a nod. You look away from his heartbroken face and look anywhere but at him as he reaches for his bags and then a minute later was gone from the house. 

You fall to your knees right there where you stood and begin to cry into your hands, feeling like a piece of your heart had just walked out that door with Harry. 

Harry meanwhile had gone into the garage and got into his Range Rover but as soon as he was behind the wheel he rested his forehead against the steering while and let the sobs return. They were loud, chest heaving, sobs. Not only had he just lost the love of his life but he also now had to decide what he was going to do about his child on the way. 

i hate seeing people being happy or being successful or having fun or whatever i hate it i hate it im so jealous its not fair that neurotypicals get everything they want if they work for it while im left to die no matter what i do or how hard i try to make things better things never work out and i hate everyone for it

on a more serious note though…vilde is so desperately trying to make this thing with magnus work. like, i wouldn’t be surprised if he told her something along the lines of “i feel like you’re hiding things from me”, not in a controlling way, but because she’s being evasive with him and even lying to him sometimes and he started to figure out that she’s not being honest with him sometimes. and instead of being honest with magnus (and with herself), she makes this desperate attempt to fix things and to make magnus stop questioning her, even though i’m sure magnus would never ask or even want to be a part of their group chat. there are things going on with vilde that she’s keeping to herself, and it’s just. it’s sad. what she did was not okay, it was a lack of consideration for the other girls’ privacy. but she’s just so…desperate. and i hope she feels like she can start honestly opening up soon, because she can’t go on like this

au where louis’ a clone of international popstar lewis tomlinson.

lewis is diagnosed with a rare illness, while not terminal it affects his ability to perform and therefore he gets hospitalized for six months.

lewis’ manager gets in touch with a scientist and together, they manage to create the first successful clone.

clones cannot cry.

lewis’ clone is named louis, and the scientist that created him becomes a father-like figure to him as louis goes out to the real world and experiences lewis’ world. (aw, lewis’ manager and the scientist can be like louis’ dads)

lewis’ manager and the scientist are fully prepared, they train louis to be like lewis and instill knowledge into him.

they’re not prepared for when louis falls in love with harry.

things become harder when louis has to pretend to love lewis’ girlfriend while trying to make things work out with harry as well. day by day he gets closer to harry and further away from being lewis™. louis becomes his own person.

“will you still love me, even after learning i’m not human?”

“you’re perfect no matter what. i’d fall in love with you even if you were a flower, a breeze in the air, or a shooting star”

louis cries for the first time.

Work Comes Home - Part 8

Summary: You work for the company that publishes Hamilton: The Revolution.

Words: Approx. 6100

Author’s Note: Thanks to everyone who read this over (@ourforgottenboleros​, @secretschuylersister​, @letsgiggletogether​: your enthusiasm and excitement honestly helps me to write this. @iwrotemywayto-revolution​ THANK YOU for fixing my horrible grammar - you’re amazing.) Let me know if there’s any little mistakes, I can go in and fix later <3

Disclaimer: I’m sorry for any pain, there’s a few more parts left in this story so please stay with me. Feel free to yell at me all you like because I UNDERSTAND. Again, the timeline is definitely a little weird and artistic liberties were obviously taken in reference to the publishing industry. 

Warnings: Angst, maybe swearing

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Flufflet #1 for @lifeinahole27, to help reward her for writing her CSBB story!

First up, some wedding (reception) related fluff–

Emma had initially been opposed to having a redo wedding reception, but once it became clear that the whole town viewed it as the opportunity to have a really baller victory party, there was very little she could do to argue against it. 

So everyone all got dressed up again, went back to the rooftop, and enjoyed the wedding reception that should have happened a week earlier. And Emma had to admit, it was kind of a blast, eating, drinking, laughing, and dancing the whole night.

Her feet were killing her as they pulled up to the house once the party ended. Snow and Regina had both objected pretty vehemently to Emma being the one to drive, but Killian was still learning how to drive stick, so what else were they supposed to do? Besides, they had to drive home; Henry had decorated the Bug with streamers and cans and a “Just Married (Last Week)” sign.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Killian said as they climbed up the front steps.


“Let’s do this properly.” He reached down and lifted her up in a bridal carry.

“Killian, we did this already.” They had; right after the final battle, he’d carried her over the threshold, insisting that this was going to be their wedding night, come hell or high water.

“Well, now we’re doing it again. Don’t argue with me.” And over the threshold they went.

“I need something to drink,” she said, before he could carry her up the stairs. “Come on, we’ll do the whole wedding night thing, I just want some time to breathe, okay?” God, how did couples go right to wedding night sex after their wedding receptions? All she wanted to do right now was sit and watch TV. Was that normal?

He set her down and wandered into the living room while she busied herself in the kitchen. “Want anything?”

“Perhaps some water–with a little lemon juice in it.”

“Oh, good idea.” She grabbed and extra glass and grabbed the bottle of lemon juice from the fridge. Killian hated it, preferring to use real lemons all the time, but she liked the convenience.

He was smiling at her, almost like he was dazed, as she sat down beside him and handed him his glass. He took a quick gulp and then settled his left arm around her. “I had a lovely time tonight.”

“Me, too.” Mmm, yeah, the lemon had been a good idea. “I’m just glad Gold didn’t kill you on the spot when you offered to shake his hand. Did you hit your head or something?”

“Inviting him and Belle was your idea.”

“Yeah, because Belle’s one of your close friends. We had to invite Gold because we invited her.”

He snorted. “Are you truly upset that I’m trying to put the past behind me and make peace with him?”

“No, just … I’m surprised, I guess. I just thought maybe you’d settle for not murdering each other.”

“He’s a father again, and he’s trying to make things work with Belle. I suppose the best way to keep him from relapsing is to ensure he has the same safety net that I have.”

“Noble.” She sipped her water.

“I try.” She let out a long sigh without thinking. “Something wrong?”

“No, just … I’m glad we got to have our wedding. I didn’t get to really appreciate just how fantastic you look in that tux.”

He grinned. “Aye, and now I can tell you just how beautiful you are in your gown. You look like a swan.”

“No,” she said, her face hot.

“Well, perhaps more so when you wore your veil.” She’d taken it off halfway through the night, and if she was being honest, she had no idea where it went. Oops. “But I stand by my comment.”

“Swans are vicious,” she reminded him.

“And elegant.” He gave her a strange look. “Those earrings look familiar.”

She blushed. “Yeah?”

“Yes. Where have I seen them before?”

“Our first date.”

The look of wonder on his face was enough to make her want to melt. “Really?” She nodded. “Well, they’re lovely.”

“And that date was lovely,” she said. “Your own issues aside.”

“Oy, I think I’ve suffered enough for that one.”

They sat quietly for a bit as they sipped their water. When he finished his, he set it down on the coffee table (on a coaster of course), and took her free hand in his. “I can’t believe we’re married.”

“We’ve been married for a week,” she reminded him. She began to toy with his rings.

“Aye, and in a week, I’ll still wake up and think about how strange it is that we’re married.”

“Bad strange?”


“I know what you mean.” She still felt almost giddy that she had a husband.

She wished little kid Emma could see this–that she’d grow up to be a literal princess who was married to the hottest man to ever walk the earth. Hell, she wished twenty-eight-year-old Emma Swan could see this; it would have been way more mind-blowing than the son she gave up for adoption showing up to tell her fairy tales were real. Or at least equally unbelievable.

Something felt different. “Whoa.”


“Your rings.”

“Well, I had to remove it to wear my wedding ring.”

“No, I know. I meant the other two.”

“What about them?”

“They’re different.”

“Aye. Swan, you’re very astute.”

“Killian,” she said firmly. “We’ve known each other for a long time now, and you’ve always worn the same three rings. What gives?”

He sighed. “I’ll never entirely be free of my past,” he said quietly. “I can’t erase the harm I’ve done, the people I’ve killed, the destruction I’ve caused. But I want our future together to be a happy one. I want to spend my days building something with you, with our family. It’s why I’m trying to make peace with the Crocodile.”

“If you’re trying to make peace with him, you might want to stop calling him that,” she interjected. He glared at her. “Sorry.”

“As I was saying, my darling wife.” His irritation was fond, at least. “Those rings were always reminders of the man I was. For a long time, I assumed I would always wear them, as a way of never letting myself forget to stay on the right path. But I had to part with one of them so I could wear my wedding ring, and it made me realize …” He took a deep breath. “My ring symbolizes all that now. I look at it, and I think of you and our life together. I don’t need the other reminders anymore. And so I decided it was time to find some new rings.”

“I think that’s great.” She lifted his hand up and kissed each ring, ending on the wedding band. She loved seeing it on his hand; she didn’t think she’d ever get tired of it. “I do like the new rings a lot.”

“I’m glad. Your family helped pick them out.”


“Well, mostly your mother and Regina,” he admitted. “But your father and Henry approved the final choices.”

She looked down at his hand again. She’d grown so familiar with his old rings that the new ones had felt all wrong. But now? They weren’t wrong anymore.

God, she loved him too much. And now he was her husband.



“Let’s go have our wedding night.”

I don’t think that it’s all that surprising or unrealistic that Cas returned to heaven with Kelvin; people forget that Cas’ time on earth is literally a blip in his long existence. His connection to heaven isn’t so easily severed despite how the angels have treated him, and despite what Cas said in 12.12. Cas missing his old home and family, and his willingness to try and make things work with them does not negate how he feels about the Winchesters.

Also, I don’t think it’s a bad thing that Cas returned to heaven because there’s a lot of lingering unresolved issues Cas has on that front. Think about it, the only way Cas could ever truly move on and finally be at peace with staying on Earth with the Winchesters permanently would be to return to heaven and settle things there once and for all.

Dabb said that this season was about looking for a place to belong so hopefully Cas returning to heaven is just another step in the process of him really realizing that his place is on Earth with Sam and Dean.

Promises - Happy Lowman

Requested by @chaosmieu

List#9: 7, 9, & 10 - Happy♡

7. “Please stop getting my hopes up. Just stop!”

9. “I’m not a fantasy. If you want me, earn me!”

10. “Sit there, watch me choose you. Watch me earn you.”

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@sarcastic-lunatic  @redwoodog@soafanficluvr1@fortheloveofthesoa @one-charming-life@khyharah@samcrolivesforever @calumonoxide@ineedthesons @chaosmieu @thegoodthebadandtheempty@soaoriginal @jade770 @supernaturalanarchy @mrstellerwinston

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• I promise to kill the spiders
• I promise to send you random things that remind me of you, so basically anything that involves sunlight and anywhere I go that I’d love to take you
• I promise to hold you and let you cry if you need to, when I do get to see you.
• I promise to never go to sleep angry and to always listen instead of jump to conclusions
• I promise to play guitar for you, and piano at your request.
• I promise to cook for you.
• I promise to let you beat me up and to save up kisses for you as if they were change in a piggy bank
• I promise to let you have the blankets, and to keep you warm.
• I promise to listen, listen, listen.
• I promise to always do the respectful thing for you
• I promise to pinky promise you things and to tell you my secrets
• I promise to let you lay between my legs when I’m near and just relax
• I promise to carry you up every flight of stairs when I’m with you, and to open your doors
• I promise to pay for you, and also to leave you little presents
• I promise to be round for you whether it’s 2 pm or 2 am
• I promise to eat the things that you don’t like, and to share the food on my plate
• I promise to let you read the things I write about you and for you
• I promise to work hard and endlessly and still remind you of how beautiful you are every day
• I promise to do my best for you as well as for myself
• I promise to make bad jokes
• I promise to take you to games and to parks, wherever you wanna go
• I promise to always step in front of you if there’s any danger
• I promise to let you wear my clothes
• I promise to be gentle with you but to also be rough at times, and to always ask for your permission before I do anything with or to you
• I promise to try
• I promise to run baths for you
• I promise to help you study and to always cheer you on and support you
• I promise to be honest
• I promise to build blanket forts for you
• I promise to kiss your nose and your forehead
• I promise to give you massages
• I promise to start food wars and to clean them up
• I promise to check on you, and to ask about your day, and then to listen to everything you tell me about it
• I promise to make sure you’re warm to the best of my abilities
• I promise to take care of you
• I promise to give you my attention and to continue to promise you things
• I promise to be myself and to simply try to make things work
• I promise to go out in the rain to get whatever you need, and to always give you my jacket to use as a shield if we get caught in it
• I promise to take you on adventures
• I promise to let you fall asleep on me
• I promise to kiss you when you’re talking, laughing, smiling, crying, and to do so with everything I am
• I promise to whisper in your ear when it’s late just to tell you how lucky I am
• I promise to let you play my guitars and to teach you everything that I know
• I promise to remain supportive with the intention of always helping you study to do your best
• I promise to run my thumb over the backs of your hands
• I promise to always do what I can to calm you when you’re stressed and anxious, and to always take up for you
• I promise to let you hog the blankets, and to pull you closer
• I promise to admit when I’m wrong
• I promise to clean up the messes after food fights
• I promise to remain organized with you, but to also be spontaneous
• I promise to share myself with you
• I promise to read your favorite books while you’re sprawled out atop me, and to watch your favorite movies in the same manner
• I promise to be there for you, always listening and always attempting to understand
• I promise to to go the extra mile in order to keep you in my life
• I promise to love you unconditionally, and to be your friend
• I promise to let you wake me up even when I haven’t slept for days, solely because you want to be in my arms
• I promise to take care of you when you’re sick as well as when you’re completely fine
• I promise to make you a priority
• I promise to remain thankful, because I’m so very appreciative to have you in my life
—  ARH. // I promise you these things
Love Square Love Child: Ch 11


Marinette always thought she would end up with Adrien… eventually. But she can’t deny she’s also developed feelings for Chat the last couple years. When one night with Chat (under the guise of her alter ego: Ladybug) results in an unplanned pregnancy, Marinette finds herself caught between her duty to Paris and “two” men. Does she try to somehow make things work with Chat? Or does she cling onto the hope that she and Adrien can still someday get together?

Read Chapter 11 on AO3 

Start from the beginning on AO3 

Be Still

Title: Be Still
Author: @writcraft
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 5,000 Approx.  
Summary: Harry’s back in England and Draco tries to fix things before he disappears again.

This is such a gorgeous story.  There’s something sort of peaceful about it. It’s a story about Harry coming back to England, as the summary says, and pretty soon we learn Harry and Draco were together before Harry left, and now that Harry’s back, Draco’s going to try, to try to make things work, because they were amazing together, fighting and fucking, but this time they should also talk. It’s wonderful, there’s so much want.

It’s a beautiful reunion of two people who obviously still have feelings for each other. 

Tulips | Alfie Solomons [part 3]

Summary: [part 3] You’re a Shelby, born between Ada and Finn. You’re not into the family business and spend most of your time as a nurse at a local hospital. Your brothers respect your distance as you try not to get caught in Peaky Blinders business. The Peaky Blinders and Alfie Solomas have been in an alliance for years. Thomas and the rest do something that might make them lose the alliance. To reassure Alfie that they’re honorable, Alfie suggest an aliance by marriage.

16+ only

Days of you moping around and sobbing passed before you stepped foot out of your’s and Alfred’s shared room. He didn’t dare step foot in there once, not after he tried to sleep in there on your wedding night and you woke up screaming at the top of your lungs and crying out to him that you hated him and wanted to go home.

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anonymous asked:

Sometimes i wonder if shitty customers even stop to think that if they acted nice, I (and most retail employees i know) will try their hardest to make things work for the customer. But guess what? When you're a dick, I'm not gonna mark that item down for you (or whatever they wanted), even though I can. You do NOT get a reward for being an asshole.

Birthday boy.

Pairing : Past!JaredxReader
Word count : 1,797
Author :Mel
A/N : More parts for @bigdaddymongoose.

Part 10 of ‘My son, Bringer of Storms.’

Jared took your advice. The next weekend he went home, and the boys spent time with his parents while he tried to work on things with Gen. Again. When he came back, you could tell it hadn’t gone as well as he had hoped it would. You had passed him in the lobby, and gave him a reassuring smile on your way out.

He was tired, and drained. Between work, and trying to make things work with everyone, he felt like he was running on empty. He came home after work that Wednesday to a note taped to his door that simply said “downstairs.”

With a groan, he headed down and knocked on your door. You answered, and a wonderful smell hit him. “Come on.” You smiled and led him in, letting him shut the door behind him.

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With You By My Side - One

A/N: Mini series, or series… I haven’t decided yet. This is going to be an angsty ride, so be prepared. Thank you to @melonberri @hanny-writes-spn and @thorne93 for checking this out for me. I’m still recovering from a writer’s block, so don’t be too harsh.

Characters: Reader, Jensen, Jared (mentioned)

Warnings: None in this part I think. Itallics are memories.

Wordcount: 1257

*No hate towards Jensen and his lovely family. This is fiction.*

“(YN)? Is everything okay?” Jensen’s sleepy voice sounded through the phone. You were probably crossing a line calling him like this, two months after your breakup, at one in the morning, but you needed to hear his voice.

You and Jensen had gone from friends to best friends to falling madly in love, but it was short lived. You didn’t know if it was the distance or the fact that you just did better as friends, but after a year of trying to make things work you had both decided to end it. The heartbreak was inevitable, but you didn’t know if it was your friend or you boyfriend that you missed.

“Yeah, everything is fine. I just…” you trailed off, not knowing how to finish that thought. “You remember when we first met? Way back when Jared dragged you to my 23rd birthday party?”

“Of course I remember. You were the only person there who was less interested in your party than I was.” He chuckled at the memory.

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boykingsqueen reblogged your photoset “Tensions running high in the 12x14 sneak peek” and added 

#okay but dean has a point#I’d like to see some meta on this

OK here’s a stab at that (informed by many discussions with wiser heads than me): Dean is right that Sam has been playing mediator all season. He’s always so willing to bend over backwards and see the other person’s point of view that some of the Sam fans I know have been getting frustrated with it - because it effectively erases Sam’s own wants/needs/opinions from the picture altogether. He’s just, like, a compromise machine. But rather than (or at least as a possible alternative to) seeing this as bad writing (which is certainly… an explanation but less fun to get into than trying to make things work on a narrative level), it’s possible to read this as a kind of emotional defence mechanism on Sam’s part. If he concerns himself with the reconciling the conflicting desires of the people around him, it means that he doesn’t have to take the time to consider or tackle his own. It’s self-preservation (and it’s particularly useful given that Sam’s desires are usually thwarted. He really didn’t need that reminder from Mary that we don’t always get what we want).

This tendency of Sam’s seems to be closely related to his tendency to process or talk about his own experiences primarily in the context of other people’s - so for instance when he is talking to Magda about his own psychic powers, or when he is talking to the girl in the Hitler episode (who discovers she’s Hitler’s descendant) about having been chosen as Lucifer’s vessel. Packaging up his own traumas as reassuring lessons for others is a way of making them into something useful (which is good) but is also I think born out of Sam’s feeling that he’s not, sort of, entitled to feel his own emotions on their own merit?

I wrote a fic in season 11 after Chuck came back which was sort of about this, about my feeling that Sam’s refusal to get angry really with anybody on his own behalf is a symptom of the carefully constructed mental architecture that he uses to handle all the horrible shit that happens to him. (He’ll get angry with Magda’s mother for betraying her daughter but he’s repeatedly shown willingness to work with the people who have violated, tortured and otherwise hurt him if he’s told that it’s necessary for the greater good.) He doesn’t necessarily process his feelings, he swallows them up and deflects the question by focusing on the feelings of others around him. Thus also his tendency - and we see it in this clip for 12x14 - to be always asking how Dean feels, even (especially?) at moments when Sam’s own feelings might legitimately be brought into question.

Does that all make sense? I don’t know if it’s all terribly obvious or terribly vague or… what, but I was interested to see Dean call Sam out on ‘playing peacemaker’ because it is definitely something that I see as a key constituent part of Sam’s personality in later seasons, and it’s something that I would love to call Sam out on because it’s part of his tendency towards self-erasure (as a self-preservation strategy). If he doesn’t ask himself what he really wants then he can’t be unhappy about not getting it. But he also sort of thins down into this person who isn’t the primary contact for anybody (I keep thinking about that scene in 'Regarding Dean’ where he’s like 'oh your phone is broken so I better tell Mom and Cas to contact me if they want us’, like, Dean is the one everybody talks to by default - even Alicia ringing the Bunker in 12x09 asks for Dean), where he doesn’t have his own car, he doesn’t really ever assert himself meaningfully as a person with wants and interests and connections and desires of his own. (That’s when the rare occasions where he does do that, like in the Lizzie Borden episode where he gets all nerdy serial killer happy, are such a delight.) I think that’s why the fact that Mary seems to share all Dean’s interests has been a sore point for so many Sam fans, too - her arrival (especially her wariness about hunting) seemed to suggest a space for alternative possibilities to open up in their lives, like even a space where 'not hunting’ as a choice could be played out by ANYBODY, but it hasn’t been realised.

So yeah, I’d like LOVE to see Dean call Sam out on the fact that Sam never sort of admits to being a whole person, and to ask Sam what Sam wants and actually be open to hearing the answer, but… I don’t know, Dean’s not in a good mood lately (he’s so angry all the time about Mary!) and (as seen in the clip, and as is perhaps inevitable when you live with somebody) he often takes a lot of that out on Sam. So I don’t know if it’s the most promising environment for Sam to open up.