try it at home kids!

The Most Beautiful Man In The World, Who Lives In My Building And Only Ever Sees Me When I Look Disgusting

The Most Beautiful Man In The World lives in my building. i don’t know his name. we met on a bus, when i smiled WAY too brightly at him for strangers because, honest to god, my whole heart lit up in a way that made me think, “oh, i must know that guy!!” no. i didn’t. he’s just The Most Beautiful Man In The World.

what does The Most Beautiful Man In The World look like? i will tell you:

  • like the way the sun spills over water at dusk
  • like the way food smells when you’re hungry
  • like the sound angels make when they’re doing folk covers of pop songs on their heavenly harps
  • and also kind of like the guy who played Chad in “high school musical,” if the guy who played Chad in “high school musical” was the most beautiful man in the world.

i tell you this not only to brag that i live in the same apartment complex as The Most Beautiful Man In The World but also because i want to know WHY, if there even IS A GOD, every single time i run into The Most Beautiful Man In The World i look like a LITERAL DUMPSTER TROLL that has just CRAWLED OUT OF ITS GARBAGE HOUSE in search of FREE WIFI AND A SLURPEE. i want to know why i can never just BE COOL with The Most Beautiful Man In The World when we ride the elevator together, which is!!!! kind of often!!!!!

DID YOU GUYS KNOW that sometimes i look nice?? sometimes i actually look like a FUNCTIONING ADULT!!! sometimes i would go so far as to say i am an ATTRACTIVE INDIVIDUAL!!!!! 

you know who DOESN’T know any of that???

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN IN THE WORLD, WHO LIVES IN MY BUILDING!!!

here’s a quick rundown of the last few times i ran into The Most Beautiful Man In The World:

  • i was wearing a maxi dress i had very cleverly biked home in, without a helmet* (*don’t try that at home, kids), in the VERY HOT AFTERNOON SUN, so i was a GROSS SWEAT MONSTER but without any OBVIOUS INDICATOR that there was a normal reason for it, and i couldn’t stand to look at him so i just glared at my phone while he probably wondered, alarmed, whether i was fleeing the scene of a crime
  • i was wearing a white shirt that i had not SECONDS before spilled salsa ALL OVER in a big red stain right down the front like a KINDERGARTNER
  • i was carrying two armfuls of ENORMOUS bags of popcorn with a three musketeers bar literally in my mouth and he overheard me say through my stuffed candy cheeks to my doorman, “oh, no, i’m not having a party, this is literally all for me”
  • i dropped my backpack while opening my mail and said to it, defeatedly, “why? why did you do that when i explicitly told you not to? do you like being on the floor?” 
  • i fell into and then off of the elevator

why??? why does this happen??? what vengeful god has orchestrated it so the ONLY TIMES i ever run into The Most Beautiful Man In The World are when i could easily be mistaken for a child’s doll that has been put through the wash by accident, or a dollar bill that has been stained by years of being in people’s sweaty palms, or a mop with eyes???

whatever. everything costs money and everyone you love disappoints you. Mop Eyes out.

8

on hello counselor, the concern of the wife was that her husband restricts her from going out and bosses her around in the house, even the simplest task such as squeezing out toothpaste. the wife also noticed her two sons becoming similar to her husband (asking her to get water for them, etc.)

3

GRIMM | 5.03

Isn’t it the baby that’s supposed to keep the parents awake?

Kelly’s got a lot less to worry about.

For now at least.

youtube

Have you ever wondered what medicine was like in the Victorian age? ^^

Safety Tips For Tourists In Australia

(all of which are based on things I see tourists doing every single year. You frighten us. Seriously. We know you haven’t been taught any better, so this is an attempt to help)

  • I know not everyone is swimming between the flags at the beach. I know. It’s because locals know what a rip looks like, know where all the rocks are, and know when the tide is going in or out. And you know what? We still find ourselves in trouble. But we’re all usually experienced enough that we can stay afloat on the rare occasions we actually need rescuing, and everyone knows you’re an idiot and calls you such when you get out. You do not, and you’re also in the way of surfers (surfboards, by the way, do not have brakes). Stay between the flags.
  • Watch your children at the rockpools. Seriously. Tell them that looking is fine, but under no circumstances are they to put their hand in the water, and they DEFINITELY shouldn’t try to pick anything up. If you’re driving home from the beach and your kid (or anyone) is unusually tired, GET THEM TO A HOSPITAL IMMEDIATELY. They may have been bitten by a blue-ringed octopus, in which case they’ll need emergency treatment.
  • Those blue jellyfish-like things that wash up on the beach? They’re a Portuguese Man O’ War, or bluebottle. They’re not dead – just stuck until the tide comes back. Don’t touch them – their sting HURTS. Hot water helps. You shouldn’t need a doctor, but it won’t hurt to get it checked out if you think you’re having an allergic reaction. Also, don’t pop the tops of the little guys – that’s just cruel.
  • Similarly, don’t stomp on the little molluscs and things growing on the rocks. I’ve seen so many kids make a game of this. They’re not dangerous, but they are living creatures. (Also, don’t walk near them barefoot. Trust me - I’ve made that mistake myself)
  • It’s recently been brought to my attention that other countries don’t have this, so I’ll add it here – if you hear a continuous horn/beep/siren at the beach, that’s a shark alarm. It’s a good idea to get out of the water at that point.
  • The size or hairiness of a spider has nothing to do with how venomous it is. See: huntsman spider vs. redback spider.
  • If it’s summer, wear sunscreen. I don’t care if it’s overcast. Skin cancer is one of the biggest killers here, and that’s for people who are used to our sunlight. Not to mention that it IS possible to get so sunburnt that you can’t even wear a shirt. I remember attendance at my school dropped 50% after one carnival because no-one could get their uniform on.

Feel free to add more in reblogs! I will be doing so as I think of them.

*markiplier starts playing oneshot*

me *kneels and fold my hands* Dear father in heaven please dont let the millions of people seeing the videos hate on it by saying it’s an Undertale clone, because it’s a beautiful, clever game in it’s own right made by incredibly talented, clever, artistic people, and the original version that changed my fucking life came out in 2014

Voltron on Instagram headcanons

Because my friend and I sat down and made a bunch of them so here we go

• Allura is on stuco and she’s always posting pictures of the decorations for the next school dance
• she maintains a study account for everyone in her grade to use as reference
• she’s always doing super cool shit like waterskiing or skydiving on the weekends so her posts about them make everyone jealous
• she’s the one who has followers from every school in the district
• probably runs a photography account too
• her bio has something about the sports she does, her school, just basic information
• fashion queen, she runs an outfit of the day account

• coran is a mess of memes and selfies
• shirtless pictures and flexing pictures because he loves himself so much
• much ranting about his parents and the world in general conspiring against him
• he tries to learn to skateboard and fails the first time around, the video gets posted and gets thousands of likes

• shiro posts study pictures too
• he also pulls all these crazy do-not-try-this-at-home-kids stunts like making flame throwers out of aerosol cans and posts videos of them
• he’s the one who tries to teach coran to skateboard, has like two skateboarding pictures on Instagram
• he swims and posts pictures with his entire team
• also on stuco
• has “#shallura” in his bio (im sorry but I’m trash)
• he’s in band and he always live blogs their band concerts and field trips on his story
• everyone mainly just follows him for the pictures of his pet cat, she’s fluffy and gorgeous and she’s named sky and she’s dark stormy grey
• altogether doesn’t post too often

• Hunk definitely posts food recipes. I know we’re all fed up with hunk being characterized with just food but he definitely posts food recipes.
• he’s a complete computer science genius and posts homework help for his classmates too
• majority of his photos are of Lance hacking his account and spamming selfies
• has a shitty science pun as his bio
• he reviews Netflix shows with Lance

• Pidge is part of Instagram royalty; they’re queer, they hack, and they game
• they’ve got thousands of followers for their video game cheats and tips videos
• they meme with Lance a lot too, so Lance gets popularity on Instagram through them
• they post one picture of this giant stash of soda and chips captioned “gamer fuel”
• they post another one right after it of this exquisite gourmet salad captioned “hunk took my gamer fuel away and replaced it with a meal :(”
• they put playthroughs up on their story every day
• they talk shit about every single person in their school by using pseudonyms for them, and everyone guesses who they’re talking about in the comments. No one ever gets to find out if they’re right or not.

• Lance just flat out memes, he runs a spam account and a main account.
• he runs both a dc and a marvel fan account, even though he does like D.C. Better
• he writes movie reviews
• on his main account there’s a lot of selfies of him with girls, him with his friends, him with his family… he just loves people and everyone is always tagged
• has the most followers after Pidge. Like allura, he’s the one who people from all across the district follow.
• he swims with Shiro on the swim team, and bitches about practice every day
• attends every social event ever
• plays the piano because I personally love this headcanon, he posts a video of him attempting to play the death waltz and it goes practically viral
• he learned to skateboard from shiro and now he can’t get enough of it
• he posts pictures of Keith glaring at and/or flipping off the camera a LOT
• complains about homework all the time
• his bio is something about space, but he never really posts about it because it’s more of a private fascination that just makes him happy
• he loses his mind over fish and spams pictures of them whenever he has a chance to

• keith is following only Lance on Instagram because Lance made his account
• he has exactly one (1) picture on his Instagram. It’s of his feet up on the desk in front of him, crossed at the ankles, black and white filter, captioned “rebel”
• the first two comments are Lance, one says “first” and the second says “why are you like this”
• his bio reads “Lance is the best” but he deleted the app after Lance made him download it so now it’s just up there permanently and everyone thinks Lance and him are a thing
• it also has something about him running track and what school he goes to
• his profile pic is Lance with Keith’s face in the background, smiling, but it’s the only smiling picture of him on the internet because whenever Lance tries to take one he immediately glares at the camera

instagram

This is an easy one to try at home with the #kids: make your own homopolar motor. It is driven by the Lorentz force - the force which is exerted by a magnetic field on a moving electric charge. When a battery is placed on top of a magnet, and a wire then connects the top of the battery back down to the magnet, the circuit is complete.

Made with Instagram