truth custom

chestnut-podfic  asked:

🔥 Elven hair physics?

wow I’m not sure I’ve had enough gin for this but ok:

1) Elves have super long hair, like, Luthien has enough hair to make a cloak out of it and wind it into a rope to climb down Hirilorn with? that is a lot of hair.

2) long hair is, on its own, very annoying and gets in the way a lot. so clearly Elves have something else going on that ameliorates the desire to just go for it with the scissors.

3) Elves have much more control over their bodies than humans. their command over their physical forms is at “all times greater than it has ever been among men” and “far excelled the spirits of Men in power over [their bodies]” (Of Death and the Severance of Fea and Hroa, LACE).

4) therefore, it’s prehensile. obviously.

PSA

I work retail and let me just tell you all I’m 100% more likely to help you out if you lose the attitude

If you have an issue or a mistake is made, the more polite you are = the more I’ll go out my way to help you

If you’re rude or have an attitude, I’m more likely to tell you there’s nothing I can do to help you. 

I don’t get paid enough to deal with your shit. 

Don’t be a dick.

90’s kids in the 2010’s // draco malfoy

his family has been pure long before the world had any concept of purity - surviving, no, thriving on the idea of corruption as the means to remain on their pedestal. it’s a clever sort of wandless magic, really, one that has afforded him the name to hold court in back alleys and hotel ballrooms. and so he smirks, and smokes his contraband cigarettes, and beds girls to piss his father off. but even he knows that you can only want what you are not yet capable of losing. 

“waitress” (2007) starters

Send me one to see how my muse reacts. Feel free to alter to fit muses.

  • “I can’t have coffee, it’s on the ‘bad food’ list.”
  • “You are inches away from being fired, missy.”
  • “Get back to work, we’ve got customers!”
  • “Truth is, as long as you can carry a tray and fill a pie tin, I don’t care if you give birth while doing it.”
  • “If I had a penny for everything I love about you, I would have many pennies.”
  • “I don’t think we could write that on the menu board.”
  • “Well, I’m off to [place]. To deliver a baby. Because that’s what I do.”
  • “I want a divorce.”
  • “Just open it!”
  • “It’s all over the fuckin’ house! In cabinets, in drawers, under chairs, in closets! Money hidden all over my house!”
  • “I don’t expect much. I don’t get much, I don’t give much.”
  • “I want to talk to you, somewhere outside of here. Maybe we can have a coffee or something?”
  • “I’m almost five months pregnant.”
  • “Oh, just try firing me, you old bucket of cheese.”
  • “Why did I get drunk? I do stupid things when I’m drunk…”
  • “Maybe you’re not such a bad guy after all.”
  • “I just want to make sure we’re clear about one thing.”
  • “I hope someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight and that’s all they do. They don’t pull away. They don’t look at your face. They don’t try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms and hold on tight, without an ounce of selfishness to it.”
  • “[Name], are you happy?”
  • “I can’t have no affair because it’s wrong – and I don’t want [name] to kill me.”
  • “I want drugs. I want massive amounts of drugs. I want the maximum legal limit of drugs.”
  • “After everything I’ve done for you, you go and hide money from me?”
  • “I don’t love you, [name]. I haven’t loved you for years.”
  • “You’re definitely pregnant.”
  • “I’m happy enough.”
  • “You having a secret from me tears me up.”
  • “Don’t you go loving that baby too much.”
  • “If you haven’t noticed, my right boob is way up here in Maine and my left boob is danglin’ down here in Florida.”
  • “All my life, all I’ve wanted to do is run away.”
  • “You’re the only person that ever belonged to me.”
  • “I was addicted to saying things and having them matter to someone.”
  • “If you ever come within six yards of me, I will flatten your sorry ass and I’ll enjoy doin’ it.”
  • “Many of the people I’ve met are not worth meeting. Many of the things that happened are not worth living through.”
  • “What do you want me to say?”
  • “They are poems that just occur to him on the spot.”
  • “I could find the whole meaning of life in those sad eyes.”
  • “I generally enjoy whatever comes along.”
  • “Un-congratulations.”
  • “Well, that’s not a funny joke. You got this new baby here, you shouldn’t be making jokes like that…”
  • “We were having an affair. I just ended it.”
  • “You having a secret from me tears me up.”
  • “I wouldn’t trade places with her.”
  • “What kind of a doctor are you?!”
  • “Oh, I love living vicariously through the pain and suffering of others.”
  • “You know, there was a diner in the town where I grew up, and there was this waitress. I had a mad crush on her.”
  • “Un-thank you.”
  • “I don’t want you to save me. I don’t need to be saved.”
  • “Say something sexy, baby, something nasty.”
  • “I want you the hell out of my life. You are never to touch me, ever again; I am done with you.”
  • “Calm down, you psychotic ape!”
  • “Are you with child?”
  • “You ask a serious question, I’ll give you a serious answer.”
  • “I mean, when you call yourself a happy man, do you really mean it?”
  • “I do stupid things when I’m drunk. Like sleep with my husband.”
  • “Okay, back to reality.”
  • “I seem to be pregnant.”

I spent many hours today writing a Zeke/Gene fic in which Gene is a junior or senior in high school and Zeke is freshman or sophomore at the local college and he works part time at the restaurant.

I’ve spent so much time writing it and didn’t really edit anything so it’s rough but for fun so here you go under the cut

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youremykindagirl  asked:

OKAY, so I know you are NOT lacking in fic prompts to fill, but I just thought I'd drop this off for when you might have a minute to jot down a bit of it.... BELLARKE COYOTE UGLY AU! Clarke is in New York, trying to make it as a singer/songwriter and needs a job to pay the bills. Then she meets Octavia and Raven; Coyotes.

money for nothing, and the (blonde) chick for free

“I don’t need your money,” Clarke grinned, sliding the bill Bellamy had offered her back across the bar counter. “But I could use your help with something.”

As he asked with what, suspicion and apprehension filling his low voice, Clarke spun around and grabbed the megaphone, raising it to her lips, which were curving up into a smirk.

“Ladies! Attention, ladies!” She yelled, hopping up onto the ancient but sturdy bar. “Did I mention we have a last-minute addition to our list of specials on tap for tonight?”

The raucous crowd of women quieted a bit, to her surprise—who knew a small-town girl like her, new to the bartending scene, could command the attention of one of the hottest joints in New York City. Of course, it could have something to do with the cutoff shorts and extremely tight crop-top she was wearing, because that seemed to be working pretty damn well for more than a few of the women in the bar tonight. (And Bellamy too, if the heat lingering in his dark eyes every time he looked at her was any indication).

Running a hand through her messy hair, Clarke glanced at Bellamy, whose apprehension had slipped into stunned nervousness, and then at Anya, who appeared to be somewhere between annoyed and amused. There was no turning back, though, not with all the attention suddenly on her. So Clarke took a deep breath in, hoping and praying her gamble would (figuratively and literally) pay off.

“We’ve got a prime cut of man right here for auction, and the bidding starts at thirty dollars! Any takers?”

“What?” Bellamy exclaimed, though Clarke could barely hear him over the whoops of the bar’s patrons. “Clarke, what are you doing?”

“You just promised you’d help me repay Anya,” she called down sweetly to him before raising the megaphone up again and asking for higher bids. “This is how I’m going to do it.”

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