trumpet egos

Instruments as sayings from our band director
  • Flute: if I kill you, will you be more in tune?
  • Clarinet: If I had a dollar for every time the second chair clarinet squeaks in rehearsal, I would be God
  • Saxophone: Do you know what a C# is? I feel like I'm talking to a hedgehog
  • Trombone: Oh, you messed up that chord. What if I messed up your grade for this class?
  • Trumpet: If only our band was as big as a trumpet's ego
  • French Horn: Why can't you just pay attention? I'm a pretty person, that should be enough
  • Percussion: I could replace you with monkeys and I would get the same quality of music, but more entertainment
  • Guitar: You belong in a baguette shop
Band Sections expectation vs. reality
  • Flutes expectation: A bunch of girls who talk about the cute boys in the percussion section
  • Flutes reality: A bunch of girls who try to kill each other over first chair, the one guy in the section just plays Zelda songs all the time.
  • Clarinets expectation: Kinda the nerdy quiet people.
  • Clarinets reality: They're still quiet, but because they talking shit the whole time.
  • Saxophone expectation: Idiots playing sexy sax man thing all the time.
  • Saxophone reality: Idiots playing sexy sax man thing AND the epic sax man solo
  • Oboe expectation: Dorky kid who takes 6 AP classes.
  • Oboe Reality: Out of tune dork who takes 6 AP classes, overall really nice people. Trust the oboe with your life, just not with intonation.
  • Bassoon expectations: Probably plays DnD and hangs out with the saxophones.
  • Bassoon reality: Plays DnD with the low brass.
  • Low Brass expectation: The foundation of the band so they have to be put together
  • Low brass reality: wrong. Mix of nerds and stoners, generally pretty funny.
  • Horns expectation: plays great, never heard them play a wrong note. Quiet, keeps to themselves, no ego.
  • Horns reality: Stopped playing after the first 10 bars of only upbeats, plays what the trumpets have because they want melody. Biggest egos in the band, but keeps it on the DL
  • Trumpets expectation: Plays crazy high notes, giant egos.
  • Trumpets reality: attempts high notes, fails, thinks they got it, flaunts that they got that note. (no one believes them)
  • Percussionist expectation: snare rolls, lady killers, sunglasses emoji.
  • Percussionist reality: Was the director talking to us? no? okay cool, so got any 5's?
The Hamilton Characters in Band Class

Hamilton: that one asshole saxophonist who never cuts his hair but is still ridiculously good. Has fucked everyone in the section at some point, probably. The band man hoe. Draws dicks on the white board when the director is not there.

John: Horny trumpet player with an ego approximately the size of Boston. Has probably hooked up with every guy to no ones surprise. Makes dick jokes to Alex across the room as the director pretends not to notice. Never practices, but somehow functions??

Lafayette: Plays the French Horn because he is an asshole like that. Makes jokes about fisting the horn. Notates music in French, is really writing swears that the BD can’t read. Has probably stuck his dick in the horn at some point. Is fucking ripped from carrying around a mellophone during marching band.

Hercules: Percussion kid. Can NEVER lose “never ever have I ever”. Does the “badum crash” after every shitty pun someone makes ever. Like hitting things with sticks which is the only reason he joined in the first place but now he can’t leave. Accidentally chipped the $10,000 rosewood marimba. No one knows it was him.

Eliza: Plays the flute, because it is gods gift to the world. Section leader, drum major, ver gay for the percussionist Maria. Is on the phone always but the director does nothing. May have killed a man during band camp. No one knows. Nearly gives the BD a heart attack when she dies her hair pastel pink and blue.

Angelica: Trombonist who constantly threatens to shove it up everyone’s ass. Probably helped Eliza hide the body. Is ver gay. Will decorate trombone for no reason, but will make it themed based on the time of year. Has DEFINITELY hooked up on a field trip. No one knows who with.

Peggy: Calls her instrument a farting bed post, because it is. It’s a bassoon. Plays like an angel. Practices always, but doesn’t really give a fuck.
Is a bit of a kiss ass but that means she gets to hear all the band room gossip from the directors. Also has hooked up on a trip. Once broke her arm playing duck duck goose during band camp.

George Washington: the long suffering band director. Has given up, but loves his job. He is a simple man someone save him from these idiots.

Thomas Jefferson: In orchestra. The asshole gay violinist. Brags about having hickies but they are really violin marks. Thinks he knows everything. Tries to usurp the conductor. Is an asshole to violas, but to be fair so is everyone.

James Madison: Also in orchestra. That one kid who picked the bass thinking he’d grow into it. And then he didn’t. RIP James. Puts up with Thomas only because he’s great in bed. A smol gay.

Aaron Burr: Is a viola. Everyone is an asshole to him. Not noticed. Practices and plays everything perfectly but no one ever hears him. Is so tired help him.

Accurate Descriptions of Instruments
  • Piccolos: no.
  • Flutes: what you are y'all like some of y'all are really weird and some of you guys are walking goddesses
  • Oboes: duck sounds, and tuning issues. also chill out ur not oboe god
  • Clarinets: SHADY AS HELL????? AT EACHOTHERS THROATS LIKE 24/7
  • Saxophones: You guys are really full of yourselves or emo.
  • Tenor saxophones: Weird. Wierdos.
  • Bari Saxophones: Even weirder than the tenors believe it or not
  • Bassoons: Either lil shits or angels blessed from the high heavens no in between
  • Bass Clarinets: Emo nerds. That's it.
  • Trumpets: The big ego thing is not a lie, you either know it or you are in denial.
  • French Horns: toot toot. hon hon hon baguette.
  • Trombones: A giant cult. Laughs at fart jokes, god complex.
  • Euphoniums: Y'all are fucking weird as hell.
  • Tubas: big toot
  • Percussion: sex jokes and rim shots
Hamilton High School Marching Band AU
  • Washington is the band director
  • Hamilton is a drum major, and he also plays trumpet. He’s basically a walking trumpet ego stereotype. 
  • He’s literally always practicing
  • Burr is a mediocre clarinet player
  • Outside of rehearsal, he acts like he’s too cool for band and doesn’t like it very much
  • Lafayette plays trombone and is the #1 source of sexual band jokes
  • Laurens plays clarinet
  • Whenever they start a new drill he prays that he has dots near Hamilton
  • Hercules plays percussion. He’s always drumming on something. If there’s no drum handy, he drums on Lafayette’s head
  • Washington is not amused
  • Jefferson is the other drum major, and he plays saxophone
  • His favorite part about being a drum major is getting to wear a cape
  • Hamilton and Jefferson fight all the time about stupid things
  • “Your conducting that run was terrible, no wonder everyone crashed and burned!” “Yeah, well at least I know how to march!”
  • Washington tells them to knock it off but he secretly thinks Jefferson isn’t very good and supports Hamilton
  • Madison plays saxophone too, but he has to sit out a lot because he’s not feeling well
  • He always backs Jefferson up in his arguments against Hamilton, but somehow Hamilton still always wins
  • Angelica is the trumpet section leader
  • She is always loud, both on her instrument and when she talks
  • Her little sister Eliza plays the flute
  • Eliza has a crush on Hamilton, but Angelica warns her against talking to him because he’s older than her and pretty obnoxious
  • Or maybe it’s because Angelica likes him too
  • Angelica and Eliza’s little sister Peggy is in middle school band, but she shows up to rehearsal one time with an out of tune piccolo and pretends she can march
  • Jefferson wants to kick her out, but Hamilton thinks it’s adorable
  • Maria is in color guard. According to rumor she made out with Hamilton under the bleachers during a football game.
S T O R Y T I M E

at the end of every year, our band holds like an awards banquet, and people are given serious awards like “best brass player” “leadership award” etc.. But we also have funny awards like “cutest couple” and “two left feet” awards… Anyways. One year the cutest couple award was given to the the most fitting people: the first trumpet player and his ego.

First Chair Stereotypes
  • Flute: Ambitious, would be willing to actually fight people to keep their chair.
  • Piccolo: Scared the competition away with high notes that may or may not have been in tune.
  • Alto flute: They just want to be cool.
  • Oboe: Rarely messes up, but if they do, they blame it on their reed
  • Clarinet: Hard worker, literally gave up eating for a week to practice
  • Bass Clarinet: Doesn't give a single fuck but ends up first chair anyway. If they borrow their instrument, they will use their first chair status to claim the best instrument for themselves.
  • Bassoon: Doesn't give the tiniest of fucks (unless they lost their strap)
  • Trumpet: Their ego is superior, and they have the skills to full that ego. They play extremely high notes to assert dominance.
  • Trombone: Very chill, until someone gets close to stealing their chair, which they will protect with their life.
  • French horn: Extremely skilled players, and they are always willing to share their good playing technique with their section.
  • Euphonium: They make it seem effortless, but they put in a lot of time and effort behind closed doors.
  • Tuba: Dominant because they can play notes that are faster than quarter notes
  • Percussion: The only person that keeps the entire section from descending into pure chaos.
  • Violin I: Probably murdered at least two people on the way to the top.
  • Violin II: Stares at the first chair for violin I and whispers "soon" under their breath
  • Viola: Does not give a single fuck (except all the time)
  • Cello: Literally a god among us mortals
  • Bass: Chill, goes with the flow
Recipe for an Orchestra
  • Conductor: baton, attitude, black magic, let sit for 30-60 years
  • Violin: Soulless eyes, rosin, callouses, nice hair
  • Viola: Callouses, tears, repeat "It's not a violin" 1,000+ times while it forms
  • Cello: Haunting screams, blood, the souls of small children, with a pinch of callouses
  • Double Bass: Unfortunately small hands, good fashion sense, shy smiles
  • Percussion: Attractive face, sweaty palms, a curse to follow them through their life
  • Piccolo: ears of steel, utter insanity, pretty hands
  • Flute: Lush hair, independence, lack of enough practice time
  • Clarinet: Sass, despair, raw talent
  • Bass Clarinet: spooky, haunting eyes that entangle you in mystery, nachos
  • Oboe: Self hatred, more self hatred, frightening talent with sharp objects.
  • Bassoon: eternal damnation, cute face, social ineptness, mystery ingredient
  • Horn: Beautiful hair, pretty eyes, frighteningly quiet- possibly murderous intent
  • Trumpet: Big ego, Dazzling smile, Strong opinions (good and/or bad)
  • Trombone: Extreme body type in any sense, uncooperative hair, nocturnal tendencies
  • Tuba: Constant hunger, strong lungs, willpower of an ox
  • Harp: pure gold, penetrating eyes that look at your soul, a hint of danger beneath a layer of shyness
Band Stereotypes Based On Kids In My Band
  • Piccolo: only plays piccolo because the case fits in their backpack and the director told them to
  • Flute: goes everywhere with another flute. i mean everywhere. the bathroom. class. rehearsal. hell.
  • Oboe: can't ever hit the note just right unless they have a solo
  • Clarinet: have never touched another instrument in their lives and aren't much good at the one they have
  • Bass Clarinet: yells at saxophones. frequently. thinks they run everything, which they, in fact, do.
  • Bassoon: has to be friends with bass clarinet. tried to pull a bassoon secret santa only to realize there was one of them.
  • Alto Sax: of the eight of them maybe three can actually play. ego levels at maximum.
  • Tenor Sax: like the altos only less reason for the ego.
  • Bari Sax: tuba in saxophone form. whines about neck strap, all day, everyday.
  • Trumpets: ego lessons are the first thing they teach at band camp.
  • French Horns: hate each other.
  • Mellophones: have never played mellophone before.
  • Trombones: that's the wrong slide position. and so's that. and that too.
  • Baritones: waiting eternally for a flute appreciation day that never comes.
  • Tubas: disorganized as hell. have a swear box. don't get shit done at sectionals unless you count eating high fructose corn syrup as shit.
  • Percussion: there's so many of them. every time you turn around there's a new one that came out of nowhere. dramatic af but refuse to admit it.
  • Guard: pretty chill unless it's windy. they're all gay. even if they think they aren't.
the crows marching band au

- kaz: saxophone. evil mastermind. uses gossip from the majorettes to undermine anyone not in band (known as the marching dregs)
- inej: majorette. always underestimated and under appreciated. the grace of a dancer, but with kni– um, batons
- nina: drum major. most popular person in band. can get anything she wants from anyone, and her hands hold ALL THE POWER.
- matthias: trumpet. HUGE EGO. the whole section is dedicated to eradicating anything that could be more important than they are (i.e. drum major, percussion)
- jesper: percussion. are percussionists ever NOT moving/tapping/playing? huge flirt, but has a thing for flute players.
- wylan: flute. enough said.

Personalities of the instrumentalists, from what I noted. (Copied from my main blog)

Flutes-Either the most basic bitch or coolest nerd, or just there. No inbetween.

Clarinets-Just… Either a bit of a jerk or very, very quiet.

Saxophones-Huge ego, some may be nice. RUINS YOUR JAZZ’S GROUP TO GO TO STATE SOLO ENSEMBLE! Jerks.

Trumpets-Like saxophones, but more narcissistic of their ego. Tight group, call each other family. Doesn’t talk to other sections except other brass. Biggest ego in the whole band.

Trombones-Either really quiet or loud. Not afraid to state opinion. Doesn’t have as big of an ego as trumpets do.

Euphoniums- Like trombones, but personality, they are louder.

Tuba-Quietest person you’ll meet. You never notice them unless they have a solo.

Percussion-Pretty cool people. Don’t touch their equipment though. But, nice people.

Violin-Really quiet people. Orchestra equivalent of clarinets.

Viola-The sweetest people you’ll ever meet!

Cello-Pretty cool people. I don’t know them well except for one and he’s cool.

Bass-Also the sweetest people you’ll meet!

~#DootNoot