Instruments as sayings from our band director
  • Flute:if I kill you, will you be more in tune?
  • Clarinet:If I had a dollar for every time the second chair clarinet squeaks in rehearsal, I would be God
  • Saxophone:Do you know what a C# is? I feel like I'm talking to a hedgehog
  • Trombone:Oh, you messed up that chord. What if I messed up your grade for this class?
  • Trumpet:If only our band was as big as a trumpet's ego
  • French Horn:Why can't you just pay attention? I'm a pretty person, that should be enough
  • Percussion:I could replace you with monkeys and I would get the same quality of music, but more entertainment
  • Guitar:You belong in a baguette shop
Musicians Watching Movies
  • Musician:What are they doing!? They aren't even in the proper playing position?
  • Friends:Okay we get it...
  • Musician:That is terrible embouchure for a flute. She should sound flatter than a pancake.
  • Friends:Just watch the movie...
  • Musician:Has he ever even laid eyes on a trumpet? They could at least do a little research on the instrument before they FAKE play it!
Things that have actually happened in band

A drummer climbed into the ceiling in the band hall and then fell through it

A flute player left their flute at home when we were at a FAR away game, so they had to march and pretend to play a ‘flute’ that was actually a drumstick

We played Seven Nation Army as a warm up before a concert contest and then got three points added for creative warm up

Our band director duct taped our drumline captain’s legs together for yelling cuss words

A saxophone player slept in the storage area inside the bus on the way to a football game

Our entire drumline fell in a domino-like way due to a passing cat at the front of the line

When the band came to attention at a marching competition, a slide from a trombone went flying across the field because it wasn’t locked

The Signs as Music Hoe Aesthetics
  • Aries:The slight rumbling you feel on the floor when you sit in front of the percussion
  • Taurus:the sound of the orchestra tuning, and you already feel your heart beating faster from a simple concert A
  • Gemini:The low chatter of anticipation from the audience before the performance
  • Cancer:Music torn at the edges with pencil writings scrawled all over the notes, a testament to somebody's time and passion
  • Leo:The feeling of playing a piece memorized; not just thinking about the notes but letting the music and your fingers work their magic
  • Virgo:The bright reflective lights on the keys of woodwinds and brass in the shining concert lights
  • Capricorn:When a person is so into the music that they start to dance and become a fluid structure, free and unbridled and emotional
  • Sagittarius:The feeling you get when you are in concert black with all of your friends, kind of like being a blurry smoke cloud in the night that moves together, breathes together, and performs together
  • Scorpio:when the string players are so into their music that their bow hairs start to fray and unravel and it's a mess of blurry lines moving like liquid silver
  • Libra:the conductor's arms, especially in staccato/scherzo moments, where movement is light and graceful and just there, showing its presence but not forcing it on
  • Aquarius:The adrenaline rush of playing a solo in a piece and the honor of standing up after it ends, where you have those few seconds just for you and only you
  • Pisces:The last note ringing around the air and the heavy, almost tangible silence which occurs for a microsecond afterwards
The Instruments As Shit My Band Members Pulled On The Disney Trip
  • piccolos:ate a flower off a bush in the line for splash mountain on a dare
  • flutes:pretended little sister was invisible for entire week
  • clarinets:got separated from girlfriend on bus for pda...ten minutes into the trip
  • saxophones:put hands up on space mountain despite warnings and smashed them on a beam
  • trumpets:overslept and had to be picked up at house the morning we left
  • mellophones:pet a pelican on beach and got bitten, continued to attempt to pet random birds the rest of the week
  • trombones:started sobbing hysterically at the end of back to the future
  • baritones:tried to bring a pair of pliers into the parks, got them through animal kingdom but they got taken away at epcot
  • tubas:found a coconut lying on the beach, then smashed it open and ate it
  • pit percussion:brought a logging chain on the bus and pulled it out to slam it on the seats as accompaniment to the songs in movies
  • drum line:reached back to hold girlfriend's hand on splash mountain but grabbed the chaperone's instead...and didn't notice for almost five minutes
  • color guard:left out the emergency door of a mcdonald's which summoned the police and set off the alarm
  • drum majors:climbed up into luggage compartment of bus and crawled down it through everyone's carry on bags
the instrument's inner monologue: practice room edition
  • tuba:goddamn there's a lotta spit
  • flute:i'll never be good enough. *cries*
  • saxophone:*awesome jazz solo*
  • trumpet:i can hear the flute. time to try and outplay them!
  • baritone:*assorted farting noises*
  • clarinet:*loud squeak* iT WAS THE REED
  • trombone:all these people are scrubs
  • percussion:they don't practice. good joke
  • piccolo:*ethereal notes sometimes* *angry cursing sometimes*
  • euphonium:today is the day. i will show up the tubas. i can do this. *assuredly pats instrument*
Instruments as flutes see them
  • Piccolo:annoying little sibling in instrument form
  • Flute:God's gift to band
  • Clarinet:squeaky lil wood sticks
  • Saxophone:sound good until you talk to the person playing them
  • Oboe:better when they're not there so we can play their solos
  • Bassoon:some sort of strange mythical creature
  • Trumpet:I guess they're ok but couldn't they just... Play quieter??
  • Horn:nearly perfect. restores our faith in the brass section
  • Trombone:just kidding about that faith in the brass section
  • Euphonium:smol tuba
  • Tuba:I don't know, they're too far back for me to see one
  • Percussion:just stop ok