true shame is to not stand up again

I wrote a thing!

A/N: So, I wrote a thing. I think I’m gonna call Mind and Body, although I’m not entirely sure. Anyway, this would be part part one of God knows how many.


“What are you afraid of?” I stare at the ground, unable to look up. They’ll wait for me to answer. Maybe.Hopefully.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Well, you’re required to. That’s one of the questions we can’t skip.” There’s a hand placed on mine. It’s cold but soft. “Take your time.”

“How long can I wait this time?” The childish question slips out before I realize it, and I curse myself.  

“As long as you need to.”  

I look up, taking in my surroundings. It’s all gray this time. The walls, the table, the surprisingly soft chair I’m in. There are no windows. There’s only one door, and that one’s locked. It always is.  

“You ask me this every week.”

“I know.”  

“Please stop.”

“You know I can’t” The hand on mine tightens briefly.  

“Fine.”

“Ready to answer?”

“No. You have to answer my questions first.” I finally look at the woman in front of me. I don’t like her very much. Carol was nicer. This one has a thin face, with a small mouth and wide eyes. There’re smudges of mascara and eyeliner on her left eyelid. Her oversized glasses sit low on her nose, and her blonde hair is piled on her head in a bun.  

“That seems… fair.” She says cautiously, taking her hand off of mine. She’s scared. Good. She’ll be easier to get answers out of.  

“What’s your name?” I ask, my voice low.  

“Joy.”

“Nice to meet you, Joy. I’m Arael.”

“It’s nice to meet you too?” She says. Well, more like asks.

“So, what’s different this time?” I ask, my voice casual.  

“What do you mean?”

“They never give me this much time to answer that question.”

“I-I… uh,”

“And you’re awfully nice. The last person they sent in here really had a field day. Lot of pent up rage in that one.”

Joy is silent, and I pause for a second, then keep going.

“The last one this nice was Carol, but they made her stop coming. It was a shame, too. I liked her.” I stand up and start pacing. Joy looks pale and afraid on the other side of the table.  

“So here’s my hypothesis. That’s what they like to say outside this room, right? ‘I have a hypothesis about the specimen.’ Well, here’s mine,” I pause again. “They’re running out of time. They need something from me desperately. Maybe they think that what I’m scared of is true to all of my kind. Like you humans and your fear of falling, or of death.

"That’s not true. Comparatively, I’m weak.” I smile ruefully. “You want to know what I’m afraid of? Alright. I’m scared of dying. I’m scared of fireworks and thunder. I’m scared of the pit outside of this… facility. I’m scared of the mustache on the Colonel- it looks like a rat died.” I laugh bitterly. “I’m scared of my mother, of my old arithmetic teacher, and of my brother’s dog. And you know what? I’m scared of myself. Of all the harm I can cause you. And that one day, I’ll snap, and me, you, and everyone in this entire godforsaken town will be incinerated.”

Joy looks shocked. Scared. Helpless. Guilt courses through me.

No.

I- they deserve it.  

“You know what, Joy? I had a life before this. I had a family, and friends, and even a freaking kitten. I was going to be valedictorian. And then they took me. I thought calculus was torture.”  I laugh again, slightly crazed. “For 13 hours a day, seven days a week. You know what they did to me? They- They- t- you know, what, I’ll spare you the gory details. Imagine going to bed, every night, hating yourself, unable to move your head, with at least three fractured ribs. For over a year. I have scars. Everywhere.”

I lift the hem of my shirt, showing her the scars on my stomach- some red, some purple, some only halfway healed.  

“I-I’m sorry?” Joy offers, her voice cracking. I ignore her, letting the fabric drop from my hand.

“And then one day, it stops. And they don’t come that day. Or the next. Or the next. And I thought they were getting me out, you know? I wanted to leave. But they brought in Darryl. He was the first. He was odd. Got on my nerves. I refused to talk to him. So they got Barbra. And then Kimmy. And then Carol. Then Jonah. Then Grace. Then the man before you- he never talked, only hit. And here you are, Joy.

"So what’s different? Why are they being so nice? They’re n- They’re never letting me out of here. Never! So why do they give me hope? Is it literally just to see me suffer? Because Congrats! You’ve done it! I get it already, I get that I’m terrible just let me out!” I’m screaming. I’m crying. I’m falling. And I won’t get up.  

In Time - Chapter 8

Summary: The continuation of “In Time” from the 168 hour challenge.Given the opportunity to test a timetravel device, graduate student Cosima Niehaus leaps at the chance, not expecting to meet Delphine Cormier in 1910 Montréal. Star-crossed lovers risk everything to be together.

Also found on AO3 and Fanfiction.net (under LadyZephyr and zephyrchild).

Chapter follows below the cut. Chapter is NSFW.

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Random Quote Starters
  • "After all, justice in this world is just a bunch of principles, made by those with power to suit themselves."
  • "Hurt me with the truth. But never comfort me with a lie."
  • "I'd rather trust and regret, than doubt and regret."
  • "There's no such thing as useless effort."
  • "How can you move forward if you keep regretting the past?"
  • "Our injuries will heal as long as we're alive. But the scars will remain."
  • "If there's no one happy, is it really a victory?"
  • "Feelings aren't black and white. Even if they're fuzzy and contradictory, if they're sincere, they are what they are."
  • "Tears are how our heart speaks when your lips cannot describe how much we've been hurt."
  • "The best way to remove your lies is to make them come true."
  • "People cry, not because they're weak. Its because they've been strong for too long."
  • "The past and the future are not the same, but they're not completely separate either."
  • "The longer you're with someone, the tougher it is to part ways."
  • "Nothing can suppress a human's curiosity."
  • "It's stupid to talk about things you're not. Be yourself and you'll be fine."
  • "Don't judge me unless you have looked through my eyes, experienced what I went through and cried as many tears as me. Until then back-off, cause you have no idea."
  • "If you can't get along without putting someone else down, it can't be real friendship."
  • "Time flows constantly, it doesn't care about the people who are struggling."
  • "You've got to enjoy life, or else you'll end up wasting it."
  • "Learn to make your own decisions, instead of relying on others to make them for you. Otherwise, those decisions will never really be made."
  • "You only understand the true value of things after you've lost them"
  • "You yourself have to change first, or nothing will change for you."
  • "Forget what hurt you in the past, but never forget what it taught you."
  • "We don't die for our friends, we live for them."
  • "Not one wish ever gets granted in this world."
  • "The trick of real combat is that everyone is human."
  • "Time waits for no one."
  • "People who can't throw something important away, can never hope to change anything."
  • "When I say it doesn't hurt me, that means I can bear it."
  • "But hating something you love is a painful feeling."
  • "How you change is up to you."
  • "Ignorance is bliss, isn't it?"
  • "Reject common sense to make the impossible possible!"
  • "People who call others stupid are usually more stupid. But I'm stupid, so I'll say it anyways...YOU'RE STUPID!"
  • "Nothing good can come by rejecting yourself."
  • "It's over when you give up."
  • "If strength is justice, then is powerlessness a crime?"
  • "Don't give up! There's no shame in falling down! True shame is to not stand up again!"

anonymous asked:

What's your thoughts on the new banner that came out on Monday? Sorry, can't link it, but it's all over movie sites.

I am… underwhelmed. (Everything that follows is basically just my own opinion, so of course feel free to disagree, etc etc)

First of all, I think the “let’s shove seven different posters together and call it a ‘tapestry’” thing is hilariously symbolic of the almost painfully under-edited movies themselves. It’s not my favorite look. So, since it just makes more sense, I’ll be talking about the “tapestry” as if it were actually seven separate posters. Most of them are cool. You know, action movie posters, about what you’d expect. I especially liked the Smaug/Bard one. Very epic.

But a couple of them sort of stood out to me. And not in a good way. If you’ve been anywhere near Tumblr’s Hobbit fandom today, you probably already know what I’m getting at, but here are the posters in question:

Ah, yes, our leading ladies. On the left we have Galadriel, the most powerful woman in Middle Earth (and, depending on which books you’re citing, arguably the most powerful elf in history, and contender for the position of most powerful person in Middle Earth overall.) And on the right we have Tauriel, captain of the guard, whose bad-ass cred PJ spent half of the last movie establishing. And for some reason, neither of them seem to be capable of standing on their own two feet.

Now, if you’re feeling argumentative, you’ll probably point out that Gandalf too is feeling a little upright-challenged right now. But his “moment of weakness” is redeemed in the far right of the full “tapestry” (this site has a great close-up version of the whole image) standing fully upright and holding trusty Glamdring. So his image is balanced out. You might also argue that there’s no shame in falling down sometimes, and that the greatest heroes are in fact known for their ability to pick themselves up again. Also true. I’ve no problem with Tauriel and Galadriel having their more vulnerable moments in the film itself. But this tapestry isn’t a movie. It’s a split-second representation of the movie that not only reveals how the movie-makers feel about their characters, but also shapes the preconceptions of the viewers before they ever see the movie.

I’ll be honest, I was hoping for a lot more from Peter Jackson and company. Seeing them succumb to Hollywood’s tired and sexist tactic of emphasizing the vulnerability of female characters, while literally surrounding them with confident and strong males is… disappointing. A picture’s worth a thousand words, but today I only feel like giving this one 424.