troye sivan fanfic

The Quiet

In which Dan falls into such a spiraling existential crisis he goes mute and Phil misses his voice. 

He can’t take it anymore. It’s 9pm and this has been going on since 1:00, when Dan finally stumbled out of bed.

At first, he passed it off as Dan just being tired, maybe a little grumpy after just getting up. No good morning - or good afternoon, in this case. Phil sat in the lounge hearing Dan rummage through the kitchen and that’s when he remembered he may have munched on a little too much of Dan’s cereal that morning. Great, first no good morning, now there’d be yelling. When 10 minutes went by and Phil didn’t hear a word from Dan, he got up and made his way to the kitchen to see it now empty with just a bowl in the sink. He heard Dan’s bedroom door close.

At 2:00, Dan had finally joined Phil in the lounge, sinking into the sofa crease while in browsing position. The two sat in silence, scrolling through their laptops until Phil audibly laughed at a new meme. “Dan, you’ve got to see this.” he said as he turned his laptop to face Dan. Dan simply looked at the screen before turning back to his own. “Hey, are you all right?” Dan didn’t respond. “You’re mad about the cereal, aren’t you?” Phil winced, but Dan shook his head. “Then what’s wrong?” Dan looked over at Phil and wanted to answer. He desperately wanted to answer, but just couldn’t bring himself to. He sighed and turned back to his laptop.

By 3:00, Phil finally knew what was wrong when he found Dan lying on the floor in the hallway. “Another existential crisis.” Phil realized. “Do you need anything? Want some chocolate?” Chocolate always made Dan feel better. Dan shook his head, his face rubbing against the carpet. “All right, well, let me know if you need anything.” Phil said before walking away and leaving Dan to it.

Dan spent from 3:00-5:00 lying on the floor and Phil figured he had to be hungry by now. “Hey, Dan, I thought we could order pizza for dinner. What kind would you like?” Dan didn’t respond; he didn’t even acknowledge Phil’s presence. “All right, well, one pizza topped with crickets, coming up!” Dan didn’t laugh. 

The pizzas arrived by 6:00 and they were now back in the lounge. Phil flipped through the channels on the TV. “What do you want to watch?” he asked, knowing he probably wasn’t going to get an answer. “Oh, look what’s on!” he then said as he settled on a channel. High School Musical 2 - this brought back memories. He remembered the Manchester days, when he and Dan would make fun of the Disney movie and pretend to cringe at it even though they both secretly enjoyed it. “Bet On It” was currently playing on TV and Phil knew it was coming. Any second, Dan was going to join in with Zac Efron and start singing it; he always did. Bet on it, Bet on it, Bet on it… The song ended and Dan didn’t sing a word; he didn’t even bob his head. 

By 7:00, High School Musical had ended, they’d finished their dinner and Dan was back to browsing while Phil cleaned up the flat a bit. He was worried about Dan, but he didn’t want to annoy him by hovering or asking him questions. The only thing he could do was try to distract Dan; try to get him to talk. “Hey, want to film a gaming video? I miss Dil.” Dan looked up at Phil, a glint of eagerness apparent in Dan’s eyes. Phil could tell Dan wanted to, but then it faded and Dan shook his head before turning back to his laptop. “Well, we don’t have to film. Want to play some Mario Kart?” Phil asked as he grabbed the controllers. Dan sighed and put out his hand, accepting Phil’s offer. Phil smiled as he handed Dan the controller and they played, their personal Dan vs. Phil. The only problem was, Phil managed to get ahead of Dan without even trying. Dan’s head wasn’t in the game and he’d yet to complain and curse about Phil beating him. This was the game Dan prided himself on, was he really that far gone that he didn’t care he was losing Mario Kart? Phil’s previous smile quickly turned into a frown. 

They were finished by 8:00 and Dan had retreated back to his spot on the floor in the hallway. And that brings us to 9:00. Dan was sat in silence in the hall and Phil was sat in silence in the lounge. He’d tried distracting himself, but he couldn’t help but worry. But more than that, he missed Dan. He missed Dan’s voice. The flat was usually filled with Dan’s loud banter, his off-the-wall cursing, his contagious laugh and his annoyingly wonderful singing. But not today. Phil didn’t realize how quiet their flat actually was. He felt lonely. Dan was there -he’d been there all day - but he wasn’t really there. It all reminded Phil of a Troye Sivan song.

Phil looked at the clock that read 9:15pm. He got up and made his way into the hallway where Dan lay face-up on the floor. Without saying a word, Phil got down and lay beside Dan. There was silence for a moment, both of them looking up at the ceiling, the old apartment filled with cracks and dents. “I see an elephant,” he sad as he pointed to some cracks on the ceiling. “What about you?” he asked as he looked over at Dan, who remained silent. Phil couldn’t take it anymore. “I’ve missed you today.” he blurted out. “I’ve missed your voice.” Dan looked at Phil. “Please, will you talk to me? Talk to me about stupid memes. Laugh at the dumb things I say. Sing cringy High School Musical songs at the top of your lungs. Hell, yell at me for stealing your cereal.” he rambled. “I know you’re having a crisis and I feel bad, but you know you can talk to me.” he continued. “Just tell me. Say anything.” 

Dan looked at Phil with wide eyes and took a deep breath. “That meme from this morning was so funny and High School Musical is so ridiculous but Zac Efron is really cute and thank you for not actually getting crickets on the pizza and I can’t believe you ate my fucking cereal again.” he rattled off, as if he’d been unwillingly holding it in all day. “And I’ve missed you too.”

Phil couldn’t help but laugh, relieved to finally be hearing Dan’s voice. 

“And don’t think I’ve forgotten you beat me at Mario Kart, you fucking spork.”

Anything hurts less than the quiet.


Summary: You’re a youtuber and Troye Sivan’s twin sister. Basically you went on a youtube event three months ago and you accidentally had a one night stand with Joe Sugg. You and Troye went to brighton and ended up seeing not only Zoe and Alfie but also Joe. 

A/N: I kinda just did this because I’m bored so expect the flow of the story to be ‘fast’. I don’t know how to explain it but yeah. Sorry for all the grammatical errors. Enjoy.

“Troye, I’m seriously gonna kill you.” I said to my twin brother in a slight angry tone. We are currently on the way to Zalfie’s house and here we are now in one of Troye’s secret van.

“Love you too, Y/N.” He responded blankly without taking his eyes off of his phone.

Troye just finished his UK tour and he decided to stay in Brighton for a while to hang out with Zoe, Alfie, and our other youtuber friends. I’m a youtuber myself but I admit, Troye’s more famous than me. I only have like a million subscribers. And Troye’s a famous artist now. I’m proud of him actually.

Mom said its better for me to come with Troye on his tour so that I can travel more. And I’m enjoying it because I get to hang out with my twin brother.

But right now he’s just being a dick.

“Troye you’re such an arsehole.” I almost shouted.

“I’m not an arsehole. Joe’s an arsehole for fucking you three months ago.” He looked at me with both concern and frustration. “And it’s not my fault if he’s in the zalfie’s household right now.” He looked at his phone again and I groaned.

Three months ago I attended a YouTube event in Orlando. It was my very first YouTube event without Troye so that’s kind of an important event for me. The other youtubers and I stayed at a hotel for a couple of days. And that’s where I met him. Joe Sugg. I was one of his biggest fans before I started YouTube. I watch his videos and I have to admit, his humor and good looking body and face attracts me.

I was outside my hotel room to go for a walk when suddenly…

“Hey uh…” A familiar voice called from behind. I turned around and saw Joe walking towards me. Then for a moment my heart isn’t functioning anymore.

“Uhm hi.” I greeted nervously.

“You look familiar.” He pointed whilst moving closer to me.


“You look like Troye Sivan.” Oh so clearly he doesn’t know who I am.

“Yeah I’m uh I’m related to him.”

“Yeah? How old are you?”

“How old is Troye?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Twenty?”

“Then I’m twenty.”

I laughed slightly when I saw his jaw dropped and his eyes widened. “You’re twins? You’re Troye’s twin?” He smiled. Oh dear God his smile is a gift from heaven.

“Yeah.” I responded.

“That’s really cool. Name’s Joe by the way.” He reached out his hand.

“I know. My name’s Y/N.” I shook his hand and smiled. I felt my face getting warm but I decided to just ignore it and enjoy the moment.

And that’s how we met. We basically hung out for days through the whole event. I also made a lot of youtuber friends because of him. We had a lot of fun.

I actually liked Joe. Like ‘like’ like him. I felt something for him. And I had the feeling that he felt the same way too. He’s acting really different whenever we’re together. Plus, whenever Caspar’s teasing us I always see him blush. I don’t want to assume or anything so I just let everything happen.

And letting everything happen is the worst mistake that I’ve ever did in my whole life. It was the last night of the event and Joe invited me to stay at his hotel room. He offered me some alcohol and I accepted it and well… We got a little drunk. I remember us talking about him going back to London and me going back to Perth. We didn’t want to go on our separate ways.

I remember myself kissing him after our small talk. And that’s when it happened.

I woke up the other day naked with him on the bed. In shock I quickly put on my clothes. I heard Joe getting up.

“What happened?” He said, scratching his head. He looked at me and his eyes widened. “Don’t tell me…”

“It happened, Joe.” I said in a low tone. I don’t know why but I felt tears pouring down my face.

He got up and put on his pants. He walked towards me and gave me a long hug. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered.

More tears fell down from my eyes as I felt his embrace.

After that I went back to my room and cried. Joe was my first time. That mistake was my first time. I can’t believe I had a one night stand as my first.

We’d never actually talked after that accident until now. I only told Troye about what happened and at first he was furious. Troye can be a dick sometimes but he’s very protective.

“Zoe wants to see you, Y/N. Just stay close to me when the arsehole is near.” Said Troye. And by arsehole he meant Joe.


“Troye! Y/N!” We are now outside Zalfie’s house and Zoe welcomed us with a hug.

“Hey Zoe, I missed you.” Troye said.

“Oh. My. God. Me too.” Zoe responded. “Y/N, its so nice to see you again.” She said excitedly. I’ve also met Zoe at 3 months ago’s YouTube event in Orlando. I hope she doesn’t know about what happened between me and her brother.

We entered their house and Alfie greeted us with a smile. “Hey Sivan twins.”

“Hey Alfie.” Troye and I said in chorus.

We were about to sit on their sofa when I suddenly heard a very familiar voice. “Zoe! Have you seen my-” There he is. Joe Sugg appeared from the kitchen, holding his phone. He stared at me for a moment, his face a bit shocked. I felt my heart beating faster and faster as I stared back at him.

Troye stood in front of me and hid me behind his back. “Hello Joseph.” Troye greeted with a forced smile.

“Uh hi, Troye.” Joe smiled back.

“Troye!” Zoe shouted from the a room. “Come here quick! You need to see this.”

“Okay! Just uhm..” Troye looked at me with a slight panic. “Just stay here, little sister.”

“We’re the same age.”

“I’m 10 minutes older than you so stay here and stay away from the arsehole.”

“Fine.” I finally sat on the sofa.

Troye looked at Joe before walking towards the room where Zoe’s in. Maybe Alfie’s their too.

I just sat their nervously. I know that Joe’s still standing there. For a moment the room was filled with nothing but awkward silence.

“Y/N…” I heard him spoke. I ignored him. I felt him slowly sitting beside me on the sofa.

I automatically stood up but he caught my arm. “Hey.” Said Joe.

I slowly turned to face him as I remove my arm from his grip “What?” I asked blankly.

“Are you still mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you, Joe.” I almost whispered. “I’m just…”

“Just what?”

I sighed. “I don’t wanna talk about what happened okay? Let’s just forget it.”

“What if I don’t want to forget it, Y/N? What if I can’t?” He moved closer to me and stared deeply into my eyes.

“I thought that one night stands aren’t a big deal for you guys? You just bang and go and that’s what-”

“But that was just not a one night stand for me, Y/N. I don’t want it to be just like that. I took something from you. Something that is very important for every single girl.”

“So you’re just guilty? That’s it?” I felt tears forming in my eyes. “Oh you have the rights to be guilty. And I have too because what happened was fifty percent my fault. But Joe you’re still a hundred percent dick for playing with my feelings. You know that I liked you. You know that I felt something for you. And until now I still do.” And that is when my tears started to fall. “Joe you’re such an arsehole.”

“Yes, I know. I’m such an arsehole for letting that happen. I’m such an arsehole for not telling you what I feel. Three months, Y/N and in that 3 months all I can think about is you. I’m sorry for what happened. I admit yes, I knew that you liked me. And if you’re thinking that I used your feelings to take advantage of you then you’re bloody wrong.” He held my hand as more tears fell from my eyes. “Isn’t it obvious yet, Y/N? I know it’s stupid but I think… I think I fell in love with you. I wanted to spend that night with you and only you. I didn’t know that ‘it’ was going to happen. I’m really sorry.” He looked down and I saw tears pouring down his face.

“Joe…” I whispered.

“To be honest Y/N, I want you to be my girlfriend.” He wiped his tears with his hand and smiled as he stared again into my eyes. “But if you’ll forgive me, let’s just restart everything as friends. I want to get to know you better. I want us to have a proper date as well.” I couldn’t help but smile. “So please… forgive me?”

I stared at him for a second. “I forgive you.” I said.

His smile widened and I giggled. “Thanks, Y/N.” Said Joe. “Oh and uhm I need to do something before you fully forgive me.”

“What is that?”

“Y/N?” Troye appeared out of nowhere, his face worried and surprised. “What is happening here? No offense Joe but Y/N I told you to stay away from him.” He started walking towards us.

“I-I uh…”

“I’m sorry, Troye.” Joe said in a serious tone.

“What?” Troye and I asked in chorus.

“Troye, I’m sorry for hurting your sister. I didn’t mean to hurt her and I’ll do anything to make it up to both of you.” Said Joe.

Troye stared intimidatingly at Joe for a moment before he spoke again. “You hurt her again? I’ll kick you in the ballbag. I forgive you, Joseph.”

Joe half smiled as he held both of my hands. “Now we’re okay.”

I smiled back. “Where’s Zoe and Alfie?” I looked around and saw Alfie holding a camera with Zoe beside him.

“Are you filming?” Joe asked with a laugh.

“What? This is special moment you guys!” Alfie responded and we all laughed. I guess that mistake was a blessing after all.