troy's face in the last one

in ten years i’ll tell you i love you (but not now) [Yoongi]

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader
Genre: Angst ; Fluff 
Word Count: 4237
Description: if there are any words that could travel through space and time to reach the person they have to reach, ‘i love you’ would be those words.
Author’s Note: so basically…the fucking soulmate reincarnation au yoongi brithday fic NOBODY ASKED FOR!!!! praise i wrote this in one day in the span of like 4 hrs i ignored my work i am going to REGRET

It is forbidden. It is forbidden, and dangerous, and high-risk, and the utmost cliché. That you, the lowly servant girl, from a long line of ancestors of the same position, would fall in love with the son of the household you are serving.

The House of Min is a house your family has served for centuries, and most likely will serve for centuries more, and somehow you are the first (or perhaps you were not the first, but you had most certainly never heard of anyone else similar to you) to fall completely and utterly in love with the person you were supposed to be serving.

And yet — it is the utmost cliché is it not? That he, the heir to a fortune, one amongst the richest in the country, would fall in love with the servant girl who lives in the basement with the rest of the help, far, far away from the glittering chandeliers and marble staircases that lead to his room. Far enough so that, should he be like his parents, he would have forgotten the help existed even in the moments they were not serving them. Far enough so that, if it were not for you, he could have forgotten anyone but his family lived in the same house as he.

Keep reading

From Autumn To Autumn I Wait

December 1983 — Contemplation

The night is thick with a silence that seems to engulf. The sky, dark, splashed with glowing stars, glistens and winks. As far as the eye can see, there is a thick layer of white packed snow on the ground, which shimmers in the heavy-hung moonlight.

Mike sits alone, resting on a bench. The park is empty, aside from himself. His blue winter coat and hat are hardly enough to do the trick, but they keep him from getting frost bitten. His shoes scuff the white power below, his hands fiddle with a loose string in his pocket. He stares straight ahead, not really thinking. Just breathing little white puffs of air, and watching them drift away into nothing.

Just like her.

He can’t deal with it anymore. At least, not alone. It hurts to be alive. It hurts that no one quite understands. It hurts that everyone just expects him to go back to normal, even though he can’t remember what normal is.

Mike leans his head against the bench, wishing, suddenly and startlingly, that he had a cigarette. It’s an odd thought. One he isn’t quite prepared for. But the deeper, darker voice in the back of his mind knows just why; they’ll kill you slow, but they’ll still kill you, it whispers. Your lungs will rot and your face will sink and you won’t even be able to feel pain anymore.

He shivers. There is something wrong with him, he decides just then. Something wrong and twisted and sick. It’s as though poison ivy has gown along the walls of his heart and mind, sucking away all of the good.

He stares up at the stars, tears freezing to his cheeks, and conjures up the purity of missing her.

Keep reading

hi. hello. so this fic isn’t finished or even polished. this is really just kind of like a preview of a fic, i guess? but i’ve been working on it in the background for a while - it’s my “i’m frustrated with all of my WIPs so i’m going to work on this instead” fic, but i thought i would send the first couple thousand words out into the world and see if anyone likes them.

this fic’s working title is “kent parson’s imaginary cat (and other adventures)” and originally it was going to be a funny 5+1 thing about how kent’s cat is terrible and hates everyone, but then?? idek what happened. actually, i do know. what happened is that brevity is not my strong suit and also i started thinking too long and hard about what happened to the other friends that kent and jack had in the Q and what they thought about everything that went down. then i wanted to write about a former Q teammate being traded to the aces and re-uniting with kent. and also kit purrson being mean to said teammate.

okay, well anyway, please have this first chapter-ish of a troyson fic that i may or may not ever finish. (your encouragement would go a long way.) it’s really for @zimmermaenner :)

Keep reading

My Moon

There are a lot of negative vibes and depressing things going on in some of my friends’ life recently, and in the fandom, too. So I decided to write something sweet for all of you, especially for @prinxietys@prinxietyhell, @analogicality-sanders and @iloveshippingkitty. I hope this fanfic will light up at least a little bit of your day! 

Strongly suggest listening to “Youth” by Troy Sivan while reading this. 

All of the lyrics from the song “Youth” belongs to Troy Sivan.

Pairing: Analogical

Warnings: None. All cute and fluff. 

Keep reading


He finally had met her, but if she wasn’t the most deliciously frustrating, annoyingly aggravating and tempting creature he ever laid his eyes on he’d be lying. 

Perhaps Amores knew something after all, or perhaps his fellow primordial had paid enough attention to him to finally send him, his one. Either way, Namjoon was grateful and he cherished the time he had with her. 

Time had a way of doing what it wanted, he controlled it but it was also subject to it’s own rules. Namjoon being the essence of what it really was operated outside of it. He saw everything as it was, as it happened and as it would be. The thing was, it was subjective, like the future. They weaved together through the cosmos is a dance that he didn’t quite fully understand himself. 

Humans, they were all so…worried about everything. Time for this, time for that. Cursing time when it was too fast, and dreading when it was too slow. They wished it to hurry by when young, and grasped onto it’s coattails when they were old. 

He’d seen so many centuries, countless millennia, and there were those who understood his time but not many who just truly let it be. Then there was her, something about her, made everything stand still. 

He went to his favorite cafe, slowed everything down and just watched. A woman with a brown bag full of bread, slowly the bread started to crumble, it would be moldy soon. It just took time. 

A bird’s wings flapped in the air, the wing beats not up and down but half circle as the creature reached out it’s clawed feet to alight on the ground. 

A cup was spilling, the brown liquid seeping into the white tablecloth and spreading slowly. Then he made it go by fast, cars whizzing by, the sun went from noon to evening and the street lights came on. 

Then regular pace, the waiter seemingly unaware of everything that was going on brought him the check. He paid and left, another day, nothing new. 

He stepped out onto the sidewalk and someone crashed into him. It was her, full lips and slender jaw. Curly hair wisped around her face, frizzy from the humidity. She smiled at him, and for the first time in his life he was the one who moved in slow motion. It was him who had to pause and make sure he captured this moment. 

His arms captured hers, stopping her fall, gripping tight onto her white pullover. Her legs steadying themselves as he righted her. “What is your name?” 

She looked confused. “I’m sorry, I just ran into you and…uhh…” She gave it to him, smirking as she did so. “And you are?”

“Namjoon. Call me Namjoon, let me take you out.” He wasn’t about wasting opportunities, it was true that mortals lives were short and the sooner she was his, the longer hers would be. He would not wait another lifetime. 

Her hands were on his shoulders and she took a step back. “I don’t know Namjoon I’ve just met you.” 

“I’ll make it worth your while.” He smiled at her, his dimples deep in his cheeks. “I promise.” 

Holding out his phone he pushed it into her hands. “Number and name. I will call you tonight and we can set something up.” 

She laughed taking it, and doing exactly as he asked. “You don’t waste time do you?” 

“Every day you wait is another one you won’t get back.” He quoted, his fingers brushing against hers. 

“True enough.” She grinned at him and adjusted her bag. “Talk to you tonight, Namjoon.” 

He nodded watching her walk away, noticing how the muscles of her thighs  moved beneath the fabric of her sweats. She was a gorgeous woman, and he could spend an eternity looking at her. 

He was late to the first date, then the second. He didn’t do it on purpose he was so nervous about screwing something up that he just…lost track of his thoughts and drifted off. It was on the third that he kissed her, Seokjin suggested he do so. She was eager for his lips. He made every moment count, but the moment the words slipped from her lips he panicked. 

“I like you Namjoon, I do…a lot.” She fiddled with her keys. 

He wasn’t mortal but he knew these lines. He’d watched enough movies. “However?” 

“I should be truthful with you. I’m sick. I have a condition. I could die. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you-” He cut her off with a kiss. 

All the more reason to tell her who he was, wrapping her body in his arms he whisked her from this plain to his. The Void, an endless cosmos, taking her hand and showing her his clocks. 

“I can make it stop. I can make it stop for you. You are my one. No one else but you. Just stay with me and tell me you’re mine. Complete me. Please.” He begged her, pleaded with her, tried to explain to her. 

“Who am I? Who am I to deserve this? Namjoon take me back, please.” His eyes held a sadness. He looked at her, truly looked. 

Her skin slowly aging, but she would be as she was now in 10 years. Her eyes blinking slowly, full of life but hiding the dark secret therein. He held her hand and took her back. Inside her home, helping her sit down. 

He knelt before her. “I’ve seen this play out. It takes us so long to find our one, and we’ve played this game for millennia, just stay with me. Love me, do as I say and let me take you and I will be your slave.” 

“There are other people who are dying and deserve to live, why am I so special?” She whispered, her face in her hands. 

Kissing her exposed knees, he wished he could just posses her wholly. “You are the one that completes me, you are my lesson in humanity.” 

Her eyes were watery, a single tear sliding down her cheek as she smiled. “This is why the gods envy us. We are mortal, and any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we are doomed. Maybe this is your lesson, I will never be here again, so make time count.” 

Yea, I love that quote from Troy, I remixed it to fit my thing but I really like that movie!

Jungkook as Oceanus

Yoongi as Noctis

Seokjin as Amores

Namjoon as Tempus

Taehyung as Aether

Hoseok as Solis

Jimin as Terra

Biggest Regret

Originally posted by ruuuzek

Pairing: Past Lucifer x reader
Word count: 965
Warnings: Swearing, talk of violence
Request: @athrialuxegna Hello I absolutely love your writing mostly about Lucifer and by the way I was wondering if it was possible to have a part 2 of Pearls and Motorcycles it would be amazing, thanks :D

Part 1

After Luc had left, you were angry, and heartbroken. You also felt like an idiot for falling for that trap. He’d asked you to go with him, but you couldn’t. You had your mother and sister counting on you. So, you watched him drive off, taking your heart with him.

Over time, you moved on. You stopped hoping to see him walk through the door of the diner. You stopped hoping your phone would ring. Hoping got you know where. 

Keep reading

Then Socus who was running by now
Felt the rude punch of a spear in his back
Push through his heart and out the other side poor Socus
Trying to get away from his own ending
Ran out his last moments in fear of the next ones
But this is it now this is the mud of Troy
This is black wings coming down every evening
Bird’s feathers on your face
Unmaking you mouthful by mouthful
Eating your eyes your open eyes
Which your mother should have closed

Like when the wind comes ruffling at last to sailors adrift
Trying to manage the broken springs of their muscles
And lever and lift those well-rubbed oars
Making tiny dents in the ocean

excerpt from Memorial: An Excavation of the Iliad,  Alice Oswald.

Love, Fairy

Okay, so, @the-strangest-th11ngs and I discussed this literally ages ago, and I wrote it ages ago, but forgot to post it lmao! Anyway, here’s this! 


Troy Lockwell had always been a major douche in everyone’s eyes (except, perhaps, those of James Middle, who’d been his lackey ever since James proved he could take a punch and was stupid enough to encourage it). Those who feared him went out of their way to avoid him—something he prided himself on. Those who stood up to him stuck out like sore thumbs. Mike Wheeler had always been somewhere in the middle; just irritating enough to set Troy off, but not enough to really cause damage.

That hadn’t changed the fact that somewhere along the years Troy had formed a vendetta against him, ignited during that fateful November. Those careful beady eyes would follow Mike through the halls in school in the months after, lit with a fire that had not been stifled; kindled with a madness that would not let it die. But they hadn’t faced one another since, and Mike was fine with that. In those lonely months, the last thing he needed was a bully on his back.

Keep reading


At the end of time, a moment will come when just one man remains, then the moment will pass. Man will be gone. There will be nothing to show that we were ever here… but stardust.

precious undercover babies (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ♥


So I met Troy Baker last Saturday.

What a lovely guy! He’s honestly one of the sweetest, funniest, most interactive, and genuine stars I’ve ever met. I saw him perform an acoustic set and his singing was beautiful. He gave a really inspirational speech which really helped me. Then in my photo shoot he was so sweet and got really into the pose and I got to hug him afterwards (he makes me look so tiny!) Later when I met him again at the autograph desk I was still holding my self-made ‘No Pun Intended : Volume Too’  from The Last of Us for my Ellie cosplay when he signed the Joel print for me. He saw it and went “There it is!” as he remembered it from my photo shoot with him and he picked it up and looked through it. I pointed out how I put the jokes in and he was like “Wait you made this? You actually made this?!” and I said “Yeah! I made it from an old quiz book thing I had as a kid. I edited all the cover together and spent last night adding the puns in.” He pointed at the cover and was like “So…” so I explained “It took me forever to line up all the spine, I printed it so many times trying to get it right.” He was so impressed, I didn’t even think it was that wow myself! He was like flipping through it an examining it and then showed it to his wife Pamela who was sat next to him and he was like “Look at this! She made this!!!” and she smiled. I pointed out all the jokes and he quotes one of Joel’s responses to the jokes, I can’t remember which one I think it was either “I don’t know, what?” or “I don’t get it” in the Joel voice and it was amazing. I pointed out the “People are making apocalypse jokes like there’s no tomorrow” as my favourite one and he laughed, he liked it too. AND THEN, BOYS AND GIRLS, HE SIGNED MY JOKE BOOK. I was so stunned (especially since his autograph was £20 so I was getting a second autograph FOR FREE?!?!) and also I could believe how much he liked the joke book and how impressed he was with it!!

He drew the two dots first so I thought he was just gonna draw a smiley face or something but I think he wrote “sigh”, amazing. I love Troy, he’s such a brilliant person to meet. I prepared myself to talk about The Last of Us and how it’s my favourite game and everything but all that went out thewindow and we just geeked out over my book! Best day ever!

My Top 10 Feminist Star Trek: TNG Episodes

Inspired by a fabulous discussion on lady-centric episodes with the ussfeministkilljoy crew, here are my Top 10 Feminist TNG Episodes.

In order to help narrow it down I limited myself to episodes that pass the Bechdel Test (for full TNG Bechdel results click here). Other than that, I was looking for episodes where we see strong, complex and/or non-conformist female characters with an important role in the plot; strong relationships between female characters; feminist messages; and general lack of sexism/gender stereotyping. 

When episodes felt pretty close on these fronts, I ranked higher the episodes I would most want to rewatch.

10. “The Outcast” (5X17)

“The Outcast,” an episode that was intended to allegorically represent the struggles of lesbian and gay people for equality, but nonetheless fails to really commit to the issue. The facts that Soren is played by a woman, the TNG characters who talk to her don’t get into anything deeper than the most conventional and basic descriptions of sex and gender identity, and that Soren is shown as “cured” - even if it is portrayed as tragic - all prevent this episode from making it any higher on the list. But I had to include it because of the overall theme and the excellent, moving scene where Soren challenges her people’s bigotry and stands up for who she truly is:

And it was written by Jeri Taylor!

9. “Legacy” (4X06)

In “Legacy,” Beth Toussaint plays Tasha Yar’s sister, Ishara, who grew up with and is still involved in the gangs on their home planet of Turkana IV. The Enterprise crew are challenged by not completely trusting Ishara, but also wanting to both trust and like her because of her relation to Tasha. This episode succeeds because Toussaint is compelling and Ishara is a super-tough, complicated character with an arc. By talking with Data, Riker and Picard, Ishara helps them gain insight into themselves, and also comes to appreciate Tasha’s strength and the value of friendship, even if (believably) she can’t give up the way of life she’s always known.

8. “The Emissary” (2X20)

Another awesome female guest-star ep, “The Emissary” is our introduction to K'Ehleyr, a badass, sassy, complicated half-human, half-Klingon diplomat who gets romantically involved with Worf. Suzie Plakson makes K'Ehleyr memorable and manages to convey her self-doubts without making her appear weak or less capable. K'Ehleyr also gets a decent scene with Troi where they talk about the difficulties that come with being mixed-race. Although K'Ehleyr is “Worf’s love interest,” it’s clear she’s much more than that and that’s why this makes the list!

7. “Who Watches the Watchers” (3X4)

“Who Watches the Watchers” is an underappreciated episode about what happens when the Mintakans, a group of primitive, proto-Vulcan aliens, encounter the Federation anthropologists who have been observing them. It makes the list because A) Troi gets halfway decent stuff to do and B) the Mintakan matriarchal society is portrayed without falling into the kinds of stereotypes and ridiculousness we get in episodes like “Angel One." 

6. "Preemptive Strike” (7X24)

Ensign Ro is one of TNG’s greatest gifts to feminism. In this, her last episode, she faces conflicting loyalties when infiltrating a Maquis cell. Michelle Forbes owns the role of Ro and this episode gives us great insight into what drives her. We also get to meet Kalita, a human member of the Maquis, who makes a big impression in a short amount of screen time, being suspicious about Ro but eventually growing to trust her (she later returns in an episode of DS9). Bonus points for “Preemptive Strike” because it also includes Admiral Nechayev.

The only reason I didn’t put this higher on the list is that a big part of this episode is Ro’s need for paternal approval. She initially signs up for the mission to justify Picard’s faith in her, and later changes sides after seeing her Maquis father-figure, Maclas, die. At the end of “Rascals,” Ro draws her mother. It would’ve been cool to see that developed further, maybe by having Maclas’ character be female and a maternal figure.

5. “Suspicions” (6X22)

Doctor Crusher shows off her scientific chops, stares down a Klingon, and solves a murder mystery. ‘Nuff said.

4. “Dark Page” (7X07)

I love Lwaxana Troi, but her earlier “Auntie Mame” persona is problematic because it plays into stereotypes about irritating mothers and necessitates that the audience not see or appreciate her as a whole person. “Dark Page,” written by Hilary Bader,  brings them closer together than they ever have been, as Deanna has to help Lwaxana recover repressed memories of another daughter who died by drowning. It puts Deanna in an important position where she has to use her empathic and counselling abilities, and shows us an incredibly deep mother-daughter relationship.

3. “Ensign Ro” (5X03)

All the things I said about Ensign Ro above but in this, her first episode, we get less need for male approval and more Guinan awesomeness.

Also Ro gets to wear her earring, even though Riker has some nonsense objection to it. And in the last scene:

Picard: I think you’ve got a great deal to learn from Starfleet.
Ro: I always thought Starfleet had a lot to learn from me, Captain.

2. “Face of the Enemy” (6X14)

Hands-down the best Troi episode, as Deanna finds herself unwittingly undercover as a Tal Shiar agent on a Romulan warbird. Though put in a situation with limited options, she manages to take control, do things her way, and succeed. The ship’s Commander, Toreth, was originally written without any idea of what the character’s gender would be and maybe that’s why she ends up being as great as she is. Toreth is powerful but deeply principled and unafraid to verbally challenge the Tal Shiar for the injustices they have committed.

1. “Yesterday’s Enterprise” (3X15)

Last but not least, often ranked one of the top TNG episodes PERIOD, “Yesterday’s Enterprise” brings us the only female captain of the Enterprise, Rachel Garrett. Garrett is obviously heroic; her first concern being the welfare of her crew, but she ultimately is willing to sacrifice herself and her crew for the greater good.

Just as importantly, this episode gives Tasha Yar’s character a second-chance at an honourable ending after the ridiculousness that was “Skin of Evil.” And she gets there with Guinan’s help. 

What do you think? Are there other episodes that would go on your list?

Deanna Troi and Beverly Crusher find they have to defend Sickbay as an alien faction stages a hostile takeover of the USS Enterprise.

It probably won’t last long though; pretty sure most things would run away when faced with the Betazoid jaw. The two halves of the lower jaw are not connected, and though normally are kept folded and hidden away, can open to terrifying widths. The tongue is barbed, sticky, and perfect for swiftly ensnaring something and impaling it straight onto all of those incredibly pointed teeth.

It’s also perfect for feeding Deanna lots and lots of chocolate. 

The Most Beautiful and Kindest Hearts

Before I get to the concert and the meet & greet, I want to talk about a few things first so that hopefully readers and fellow fans know where I’m coming from (and possibly where the band members are coming from.) The actual concert will be the next text post to focus on the band meet.

I am a very humble person. I a m so grateful for what and who I have in my life.  I’m not rich or part of the one percent, but I have so much, things that people can only dream to have. I have a home, I have family and friends who love me. I even have decent health. I struggle with learning as well as with openness, and life and general, but I appreciate all that I have and gone through, especially this past year. Bearing that in mind, I am so thankful that I went to the Nightwish concert last night and that I got to meet the band. Waiting four hours before the doors opened, and in the cold and wind, was nothing. Everything was worth it.

I met some interesting people, as a person often does with fellow metal and rock fans, got some video and pictures, and even got a few story ideas for my own fiction. Overall it was a good Tuesday night. So when the meet & greet began; I was excited. The only nerves I felt were from the fans that did not get VIP passes. As fans we met Nightwish in groups of 3—4. Of the group I was in I was the last to meet them, perfectly fine though. And for months I knew I’d give Tuomas a thank you note/doodle and it went well. I shook hands with Tuomas, Troy, Floor, Kai, Emppu, and Marco. (I told Tuomas that I was really thankful for this, his music, and how I listen to his music when writing my own stories. At floor I also thanked were for Wild Card and that it helped with my own depressive episode. And at Marco I said I love his growls.)

My impression was that every member is sweet and humble and their kind hearts make them all the more beautiful. None were “racist”, “sexist,” or an “arrogant bitch.”  It just that with Tuomas and Floor there’s a certain reserve to them. Tuomas a shyness tendency and Floor an almost protective aura about her.

I say this because anyone who’s gone through this sees it in others more easily. I used to be incredibly shy, and at this point it’s merged into a sort of introversion instead, my shyness still pops up at times. Tuomas was amicable but even as a man there was a lowness to his voice; a voice that said, “Meeting people is great but take it slow. You can do this.”

Most shy, former shy, anxious-ridden people know how shyness affects them and how it makes them look to others. If you fall into that category you’re typically seen as conceited and distant when it’s just your quietness taking over. So most go into creative fields where they can easily be open and their nerves don’t get the best of them. Though it does excuse it, the open letter makes sense now, sense being shy you don’t want your words, your feelings to be a burden on others; beloved ones or strangers.

As for the fans’ perception of Floor, shyness appears to have nothing to do with this. Like Tuomas was open with the depression he had in his early years; Floor was just as open with her burnout. (Since burnout and depression intertwine so much I won’t go much into that aspect.) Most people who have gone through a mood, mental, or physical illness, tend to be cautious, even after several years of recovery. Floor, like most, will take precautions to make sure she won’t end up in that state again. That could be taking introduction slower more leisurely than someone who hasn’t gone through this kind of rough patch.

These are just some of the reasons I defend these members. The band DOES NOT owe us a meet & greet, a photo, an autograph, a hug, etc. The most they owe fans is a performance. Just like they know that fans DON’T HAVE TO pay for merch, for albums, tickets or anything. It’s our choice, just like it’s theirs. Since they have done pre-show meetings, the least both sides can do is offer a handshake, smile, and kind word. That’s all.

Although I think was helped me was my sweet, silly side of my humor when it comes to meeting any new person. When it came to handing my phone over for a photo I’m saying, “Dude who do I hand my phone to? This man? This staff member? I’m confused.” They all look the same. Photo went well and I said a last word that, “I bet you’ll kick ass.” “Thanks we try,” from Floor. (Got a chuckle from Marco and Floor too.)

I do realize that this won’t change anything. Everyone has the right to their opinion. I want to leave my readers with the fact that you shouldn’t take experiences at face value. Don’t base your impressions on cultural difference or one-time memories.

I love you all and wish you the world of understanding and beauty, as well as happiness.



Ever since the night of Rass and Lillian’s dinner party I have been staying in a hotel. I didn’t want to stay in our house in the city because I knew Jayhirad would definitely come looking for me there and I needed sometime alone. As I sat on the bench I let out a deep sigh. I knew it was time for me to go home and have the talk that I have been dreading. I looked at the time on my phone and headed back to my car.

As I started the engine I prayed that I would get through this visit with my mother without losing my mind.

                                                                                       *** At Naomi’s***

You’re still alive I see.

She said as I made my way to where she was sitting.

So that’s the way you greet me now?

I haven’t heard from you in a month so yes, that is the way I greet you now.

I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly.

Look Ma i’m sorry okay i’ve been busy getting my studio set up.

Um hum whatever you say.

For real Ma what’s with the attitude? You’re the one who texted me and told me to come over today.

She didn’t respond as she kept reading her Ipad.

Well since you obviously don’t want to be bothered right now I will catch you on another day.

I started making my way back to my car.

“Brooklyyn LaShontae Howard” you better pick a seat and glue your ass to it.

I stopped walking and once again took a deep breath in and slowly exhaled it before turning back around. I didn’t have the time nor was I in the mood for her shit today. I looked at her and sat down.

Make sure that’s the last time you try me. Coming here after I haven’t seen or heard from you in a month and your ass got the nerve to try to try me.

I started grinding my teeth together which was a habit I did when I was trying to hold my tongue.

I just don’t understand where I went wrong with you.

I started to rub my temples, I knew where she was going with this conversation.

Ma can we please not talk about this today.

I will talk about whatever the hell I want to talk about at my house.

I knew coming here was a bad idea, I should have followed my first mind and told her I couldn’t make it.

Why can’t you be like your sister, she did everything I asked of her. She went to college, got her degree, and married a lawyer.

Oh so you want me to be like Nina and marry somebody who beats my ass right?

My mother sat silent for a couple of minutes.

That’s not what I’m saying.

Than what are you saying?

That husband of yours is no good for you.

I had to laugh a little to keep me from flipping this damn table over.

Why because he’s not a doctor or a lawyer or anything that has a fancy ass name to it?

You’re exactly right! He’s a damn thug and you better watch your mouth before I slap you in it!

Jayhirad is not a thug!

Is your ass blind, stupid, or naive? Better yet how about all three. Where do you think his money is coming from?

I’m not blind, stupid, or naive! I know exactly where his money is coming from which is all that matters.

Jayhirad’s father owned millions and was knee deep into a lot of shit. When Mr. Santiago died when Jayhirad was 17 everything that he owned went to him. When Jayhirad turned 18 he inherited his father’s money along with 15 hotels across the U.S and U.K and some other small businesses. Once Jayhirad graduated college he took the money, invested it, and flipped everything else to triple the money that the businesses were bringing in. Before Mr. Santiago was killed he made Jayhirad promise to never get involved with drugs and to this day he has kept that promise. I oversee everything so like I said, I knew exactly where the money was coming from. As for my mother, she thought every man that looked like Jayhirad was a thug.

Alright keep acting like you’re slow, it’s gonna get your ass killed one day.

You know what Mama, the words you speak don’t even hurt me anymore. You’re mad because I won’t let you control my life like Nina so you try to tear it down and rip me apart. I understand you don’t like Jayhirad for whatever your reasons maybe and that’s fine but I will not let you disrespect him. Jayhirad completes me in every way possible and it’s not about the money. I have my own and can definitely make it without him. You sitting here telling me my husband ain’t no good because he’s not a doctor or a lawyer which is real funny because your daughter is getting her shit split open by a lawyer every night so you tell me who the hell is no good. You always quick to bash somebody when they don’t fit in to your idea of a perfect world but have you forgotten who you are. You’re the wife of a kingpin. The same men you despise is one of the same men who hand that feeds you. Daddy might be locked away but he still makes sure you’re living comfortable and want for nothing. You talk all that shit but I see you still helping yourself to that hefty bank account he left you and guess what, every last penny in it is drug money. You can go around town and fake with your little rich girl friends but I know you, I know the real you. Tell me one thing though, if you know and see Nina be getting beat on why don’t you help her?

Again she sat silent.

Oh that’s right, if she leaves Troy you won’t be able to brag about how your daughter is married to one of the most biggest lawyers in New York to your girl friends. Some type of mother you are.

And with that I got up to leave. I was sick of her and done with the conversation.

As I made my way down to the driveway I saw Nina closing her car door. When she turned my way I saw her face full of bruises, the sight brought tears to my eyes.

The last time I saw her was a year and a half ago lying in a hospital bed because Troy had beat her so badly. I remember trying to get her to come stay with me after she was released, she spazzed out on me and told me to mind my fucking business. After that I left her alone. We stood there just staring at each other for what seemed like forever but it really was only a couple of seconds. She came closer to me and pulled me into a tight hug.

We stayed that way for almost three minutes before she pulled away and took a step back.

Omg look at you! You look good sissy!

Thank you!

I really wished I could say the same about her. Although her outfit was on point she still looked broken. An awkward silence had fallen upon us.

What’s your number?

I gave her my number and she called my phone.

Lock me in okay, i’m going to call you later. I need to talk to mom really quick before I head home.


We hugged each other again and said our goodbyes. The whole drive home all I could think about was Nina’s face.

I said a silent prayer asking the lord to give her the strength that she needed to leave Troy before it was to late. 

                                                                                             ***At home***

Before I pulled into my driveway I saw Jayhirad’s car so I knew he was home. 

I killed the engine and took a deep breath before I got out. When I walked inside it was quiet.

I made my way up the steps and to our bedroom where I found Jayhirad knocked out sleep.

I noticed the beer bottles and empty shot glass that now occupied the nightstand. I also noticed that he had lost some weight which made me wonder when was the last time he had eaten in the two weeks I had been gone. Two tears started to fall down my face, I never wanted things to end up this way. 

For the first time since I had been standing here I noticed the gun lying in his hand which made me break down even more.

He use to always sleep this way after somebody broke into our home and caused me to lose our baby. I could tell he was slipping into that dark place again, the person that lie before me was not my Jayhirad. I put my bag down and slipped out of my heels then started collecting the trash. After I headed down to the kitchen to throw it away.

I headed back to our room and went to remove the gun in his hand. I made sure to be gentle and not wake him because I knew if I did he would definitely reflex and shoot my ass not knowing it was me.

After I got it completely free I put the safety back on and put it back in the wall safe where it belonged. I went to change my clothes, after I was done I grabbed a blanket and placed it over him.

As much as I wanted to join him and curl up in his arms the hurt that I still felt just wouldn’t let me. He had a lot of explaining to do before he would be able to hold me in his arms again.  I gave him one last look and headed out of our bedroom.


anonymous asked:

What are your favorite lines you've written?

“I carry the battle in me.” (x)

“This town – bleeding jaw, split belly. Town like childhood, town like funeral bells. Town like angels dying.” (5 Reasons I Lock the Doors)

“I don’t smoke, 
except after sex or
getting my heart broken, or all the time, 
for that matter.” (Conversations by a Hospital Bed)

“You keep galaxies in your veins, do not shed them for anyone” (x)

“I love you so much, it makes a birds’ nest of my heart.” (Ode to Your Mouth)

“I fall asleep on the bathroom floor and I’m sorry and I thought the white flush of porcelain would make me pretty and I’m sorry and I wanted to kiss something but it ended with teeth and I’m sorry and I want to die and I’m sorry and I’m sorry and I’m sorry.” (Love Song of a Sad Girl)

“You were not good for me. You were California burning, and my lungs couldn’t take it. You were not good for me. You were a broken spine I couldn’t set; I was a scab you always picked. You were not good for me.” (Burn Victim)

“Yesterday, I was a shipwreck. 
Today, I smoke a cigarette, 
and I do not feel a thing.” (Traveller’s Shanty)

“I am volatile for you, all fingernails and bent knees. Nothing about it would be tender, I’d be a gut wound and you wouldn’t even mind.” (This is a Dirty Poem)

“I’m so tired of your late-night, high-volume escapades, so sick of all this one-sided fighting that you aren’t a part of anymore. The least you could do is show up at my door again so I could slam it in your face. The least you could do is pretend you miss me too.” (Last Night’s Poem)

“Here I stand, 
in some foreign battlefield, 
and I am so far from home” (Calles Con Caras)

“Like the poets, we are dust & bones buried under the words we have but cannot say.” (Pas de Trois)

“I love you so much that the sky burns with it. We woke together in New York today and the dawn was on fire. When you made me breakfast, all the cirrus clouds were scattering and stumbling over themselves, borne blue from smoke. I kissed your shoulder blade, and the sun made love to the horizon. You taste like burning to the ground.” (Ode to Your Mouth)

“You took my lungs, and every morning I am here again, 
screaming to the ash urn, 
relearning how to wake up without you.” (Deathsong)

“There is no casual way to mention you are a blazing forest on the inside.” (Poet)

“I keep breaking bones just to get back up. The band aids on my knuckles are from punching walls and slashing tires. They never have the chance to heal. I do not know what I look like without violence on my palms.” (5 Reasons I Lock the Doors)

“This poem is rotten, apocalyptic dirty.
This poem is stolen.
This poem is sin.” (God’s Gift)

“I was not Saturn-eyed and moon-mouthed before you.” (A Letter to my Depression)