trooper trek

Let’s say you wake up in Westeros, the magical, wondrous land of Game Of Thrones. Where do you go? If you’re not a bloodthirsty pervert, there’s precious few options. Since you’re on the internet reading about the ins and outs of fictional universes, we’re assuming you’re not the type who would want to sit on the Iron Throne – all those sharp swords are terrible for your posture.

In this universe, staying away from shitstorms of violence seems impossible. There’s the battle for the throne, the zombiecicles in the North, and generally people being murderous dicks everywhere, all the time, for no reason. (Plus, don’t forget about all the literal dicks you’ll be exposed to.) Is there anywhere that’s even relatively safe? Also, seeing as how the world is a never-ending gauntlet of pain and suffering, how about somewhere where you can have a goddamn drink and relax for a moment?

Which brings us to … the Arbor.

The Arbor is an island in the southwest corner of Westeros, known primarily for wine production. Think about it: In a world full of nonstop horrors, machinations, and calamities, these guys are famous for their booze. The Arbor’s so booze-filled, in fact, that the ruling house is literally called Redwyne. That definitely sounds like something someone came up with while in a compromised state of mind.

Just the fact that the Arbor is separate from the mainland alone should double everyone’s life expectancy there.

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Oh my god I’m crying!!!