trollskog

5

FLCL VHS tapes (first releases).

Some of my most prized possessions.

I never read about them from english websites, I always assumed they’re pretty rare outside of Japan. The packaging is really neat: the boxes completely enclose the tape, they have a nice finish, too. The carts are colorful, too. Each OVA comes with folded notes, bios, and character sketches.

10

“The Beyond (Italian: L'aldilà, also released as Seven Doors of Death) is a 1981 Italian horror film directed by Lucio Fulci. The second film in Fulci’s unofficial Gates of Hell trilogy (along with City of the Living Dead and The House by the Cemetery), The Beyond has gained a cult following over the decades, in part because of the film’s gore-filled murder sequences, which had been heavily censored when the film was originally released in the United States in 1983.”

Like all Fulci films, its plot is mostly forgettable and it has more than a few unintentionally funny moments. As usual for Fulci horror, it also contains copious amounts of gore and ocular attacks.  A few nods to H.P. Lovecraft are also included. But The Beyond is my personal favorite among Fulci’s filmography, mainly due to its dream-like quality. The film has a surreal atmosphere that permeates many of its scenes, and many of its most terrifying sequences happen under seemingly impossible or illogical instances, with little rhyme or reason. While it could be argued that City of the Living Dead creates a similar feel, in The Beyond, not only are the surreal atmosphere and the dream logic more successfully achieved, but they ARE the film.

In this scene, Lisa encounters Emily while driving on a bizarrely empty Lake Pontchartrain Causeway. Of all the scenes in the film, this is probably my favorite. A deserted location where you would expect traffic, the unexplained nature and suddenness of Emily’s appearance, as well as the eerie feel of the scene all help make this a memorable sequence.

trollskog asked:

Did you know about the french avant-garde metal band, The Great Old Ones? They have two albums so far, the first being called "Al Azif", and a second one called "Tekeli-Li". I have added my favorite track to my TUMBLR, with appropriate translation, if you're curious?

Hello! Thanks for the note and for mentioning the band. Prior to your message, I had only a cursory knowledge of them–mostly through Jeff Grimal’s artwork for their albums. Here’s a piece by Grimal that I posted a while ago:

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My gender identity; why I experience cognitive dissonance when identifying as male, and why I hate my body.

Since my mental breakdown at work nearly a year ago, I have been undergoing therapy to treat the disorders that have been clawing at my being for a large part of life, and the entirety of my adult years: mainly GAD, MDD, ADD, SAD (social anxiety disorder).

Throughout this ongoing process of recovery, I have been encouraged to study my personal history, and analyse my development. A suggestion was that I would take notes about events, recurring situations, feelings, and other things that could help me, as well as the professionals supporting me, to better understand myself, and to perhaps uncover additional clues that would lead to more effective solutions for psychotherapy and medical treatment.

To that end, I have been regularly noting down my thoughts on my computer or the notepad of my cellphone.

I’ve also been reflecting upon my own gender identity, because it’s something that has occupied my mind for the longest time, and which has caused me mental strain and dissonance throughout my life, but to which I had paid little attention and that I have tried to combat and deny, for reasons such as external pressures, the social expectations of conformity, and the consequences of expressing an identity that differs from heterosexuality, the male/female binary, and cisgenderism.

Thus, I have decided to try and record the evolution of my gender identity, from my earliest memories, until now. In doing so, I hope to be able to discover the true nature of what I am, and come to terms with that identity.

This is essentially a personal exercise, because I need to reconcile myself with my identity; not just the parts that I can express reasonably safely, not just the socially acceptable parts, but the rest of what makes me, me; what I feel like I am, how I feel that I should look. And perhaps, one day, I can be at peace with myself, and bring an end to the disconnect between my physical representation and my identity.

But I am also reaching out, because I feel that I cannot complete this journey alone.

For those who are interested, I am including a part of my journal below, in which I explore some of my earliest memories.

If you have any question or comment, if you want to offer suggestions, feel free to send them my way, but please be respectful. If you know people who could offer some guidance, I am open to you sharing this in whichever way you consider most appropriate.

Please keep in mind that while I do not yet know with certainty how to define what I am, I most definitely know (and am still learning to accept) which identity I am not : male.

Among other things, I have determined that:

- My identity is essentially feminine (tests I’ve done all describe me as either completely feminine, or overwhelmingly so);

- I almost never relate to male individuals, characters, and visual depictions;

- I relate (and identify with?) almost exclusively to female individuals, characters, and visual depictions, and also to some people outside of the gender binary;

- The concept of my true self is not male, masculine, or man;

- I hate my body because it is a constant reminder that I am not ‘externally’ what I am ‘internally’;

- For my body to match the person inhabiting it, it would need to be completely different, including its secondary sexual characteristics;

- If you were to put a description of my inner self next to a picture of me, it would be akin to putting the character description of someone like ‘Black Widow’ next to a picture of “The Incredible Hulk” - it wouldn’t feel right;

- My clothing is not an expression of my gender. I wear men’s clothes that are comfortable and practical, but I do not care for men’s fashion. I do not wear the type of clothes that I AM interested in and love, because when I imagine them on my body, I get depressed;

- Similarly, I would love to wear makeup, but not on the face I am living with;

- The disappearance of my long wavy dark brown hair (with its lovely curly locks) due to hair loss, felt like an assault from my body against my soul - the one physical feature of mine in which I could find some measure of comfort and which conformed to my inner self had been taken away from me. I am not kidding when I say that even now, I am still mourning over the loss of that beautiful head of hair;

- I am not sexually attracted to men;

- While I would not yet identify as 100% female because I do not know if the designation would apply to me (or maybe having a penis on an otherwise entirely female body would not make me less of one?), I know that I do not want to identify as male anymore because I know that I am definitely NOT so.

I am still trying to figure myself out, and for the time being, will simply identify as non-binary.

(Pictured above: Julie Newmar as Catwoman - who I wanted to be and look like when I’d grow up, back in my preschool days…)

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