au where the trojan war is a party menelaus throws to win back his girlfriend who left him for some douchebag and he ropes all his friends into helping him and wacky shenanigans happen and a running gag is that odysseus doesn’t even want to be there he’s got shit to do and at the end he gets stuck in traffic on the way home
I’ll just never get this “Achilles is straight“ thing like ??? the heck man, Homer himself wrote it both in The Iliad and Odyssey that Patroclus and Achilles were lovers BUT modern critics say “they were like brothers Achilles loved Briseis“ first of all you dumbos, Briseis (I love her, nothing againist Bri) was Achilles’s war prize and Patroclus - his companion, not vice versa. Second, when Briseis is taken from Achilles, he’s just angry at Agadamnon and cries, refusing to rejoin the war, but then he loses Patrolus, joins the war again for Patroclus and he becomes a fcking terminator.
So Patrochilles is /was/ canon and Alexander the Great was Patrochilles trash *squeals* doN’T JUDGE ME I’M STILL NOT OVER THIS
A scene from the Trojan War: as two hoplites clash, Paris (left), in Trojan dress, flees the battlefield. Detail of an Attic black-figure amphora, attributed to the Hattatt Painter; ca. 540-520 BCE. Now in the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston.
patrochilles high school au headcanons because who doesnt want these in their lives (✿◠‿◠)
achilles was the super hot popular track star and patroclus was the shy cutie who was always in the stands to cheer on his bf
and when achilles would win a race (aka every day) he’d run over to where patroclus was sitting and kiss him in front of everyone
briseis was patroclus and achilles’ third member of their little circle and basically they always hung out and patroclus would braid little flowers into hers and achilles’ hair and akjsgfasjf
and agamemnon was the douchey jock that was rude to everyone and made immature jokes so him and achilles kind of always had a rivalry
agamemnon would ask achilles to do his homework and when achilles refused agamemnon would make him “pay” by filling his or briseis’ or patroclus’ locker with soda balloons and peanut butter and ugh no one likes agamemnon ok
THETIS IS ACHILLES’ SUPER OVERPROTECTIVE (AND SLIGHTLY HOMOPHOBIC) MOTHER AND SHE HATES PATROCLUS SO WHEN ACHILLES WANTS TO HAVE HIM OVER THEY GO TO HIS DAD’S HOUSE INSTEAD AND PELEUS IS SUPER COOL WITH IT HE EVEN ASKS IF THEY WANT CONDOMS
one day (well, multiple days) achilles makes patroclus wear these shirts that odysseus made for them as a joke. achilles’ says “im aristos achaion” and patroclus’ says “im with aristos achaion”
also, briseis has one that she very reluctantly wears, and it says “im with these losers”
agamemnon is the quarterback of the football team and one day they play against a team where the quarterback is hector and hector accidentally throws the ball and it hits patroclus’ face while hes sitting in the stands. achilles gets SO mad and runs onto the field at halftime (“Achilles, sit down, it didn’t even hurt.” “I MUST AVENGE YOU PATROCLUS!”) and tackles hector
odysseus is that kid thats super nice to everyone and kind of the class clown but he also has like, all the goods. a pack of gum? odysseus has it. pencils? sure. spiked punch at prom? yes
achilles is super affectionate in school like if he sees patroclus in the hallway he’ll shout, “everyone look, its my BOYFRIEND” and patroclus loves it but he gets so embarrassed he’s like achilles stop
patroclus. wearing. a beanie.
ACHILLES ALWAYS BRINGS FIG NEWTONS FOR LUNCH
when they get detention together the teacher makes them sit on opposite sides of the room but achilles makes little paper planes with notes in them and frickin whips them toward patroclus when shes not looking
MAKING OUT BY LOCKERS. SO MUCH. EVERY DAY. ALWAYS.
basically tsoa high school au would be amazing and everyone is happy and cute and no one dies yay okay
Alexander The Great in front of the tomb of Achilles.
This painting in the Louvre Museum is a work of Hubert Robert (1733 -1808) done around 1754.
The subject taken from the Greek rhetorician Claudius Aelianius or Aelian (Varia Historia, XII, 7), writing in the second century CE, and shows the Macedonian king having the tomb of Achilles opened in order to pay a homage to the Greek hero of the Trojan War.
Achilles’ relationship with Patroclus is a key aspect of his myth. Its
exact nature has been a subject of dispute in both the classical period
and modern times. Thus in 5th-century BCE Athens, the relationship was
commonly interpreted as pederastic. Nowadays some see it as a love
relationship of an egalitarian homosexual couple. It is the same case as
the relationship between Alexander the Great and Hephaestion. The
relationship between the Macedonian king and his dearest and closest
friend and confidant, lasted their whole lives, and was compared, by
others as well as themselves, to that of Achilles and Patroclus.
Hephaestion and Alexander grew up in a time and place where homosexual
affairs were seen as perfectly normal. Roman and later writers, taking
the Athenian pattern as their example, have tended to assume either,
that their sexual relationship belonged to their adolescence, after
which they left it behind, or that one of them was older, the lover
(erastes) and the other was the beloved (eromenos). Claudius Aelianus
takes the latter view when he uses just such an expression when
describing the visit to Troy: “Alexander laid a garland on Achilles’
tomb and Hephaestion on Patroclus’, indicating that he was Alexander’s
eromenos, as Patroclus was of Achilles.” No other circumstance shows
better the nature and length of their relationship than Alexander’s
overwhelming grief at Hephaestion’s death. The many and varied ways,
both spontaneous and planned, by which Alexander poured out his grief
are overwhelming. In the context of the nature of their relationship
however, one stands out as remarkable. Lucius Flavius Arrianus
“Xenophon” (Arrian of Nicomedia, ca. 86 – 160), in his work Ἀλεξάνδρου
ἀνάβασις says that Alexander “… flung himself on the body of his friend
and lay there nearly all day long in tears, and refused to be parted
from him until he was dragged away by force by his Companions.
This painting by Robert (known as Robert des Ruines) is close to Panini,
who was his teacher during his long stay of 11 years in Rome, and it is
considered to be one of the first productions of the French artist in
that city. In the painting by the French vedutista, an architectural
fantasy, we see a pyramid similar to that of Caius Cestius in Rome, the
ruins of a temple with Ionic columns inspired by the temple of Saturn in
the Roman Forum and a round temple, after the Roman temple of Vesta, or
the temple of the Sybile in Tivoli. The statue standing at the
left-hand side of the canvas is the so-called Antinous of the Belvedere,
or Antinous Admirandus, the famous statue in the Pio-Clementino Museum
of the Vatican. This statue, correctly identified as a Hermes in the
19th century, was long taken to be a depiction of the beautiful
Bythinian lover of Emperor Hadrian, one of the great “eromenos-erastes”
relationship of the antiquity.