trojan war

au where the trojan war is a party menelaus throws to win back his girlfriend who left him for some douchebag and he ropes all his friends into helping him and wacky shenanigans happen and a running gag is that odysseus doesn’t even want to be there he’s got shit to do and at the end he gets stuck in traffic on the way home

This interesting interpretation is by the British painter John Collier (1850–1934), and its called “After the murder” (1882). It depicts Clytemnestra bloody and with a heavy axe like a butcher, but she is looking proud and content.

Clytemnestra was the wife of Agamemnon, the king of Mycenae and leader of the Greek forces in the Trojan War. When the winds prevented the Greek ships from sailing. Agamemnon was told that the winds would return if he sacrificed his daughter Iphigeneia. Knowing that Clytemnestra never would permit this, he asked her to send Iphigeneia because he wanted to marry her to Achilles. When Iphigeneia arrived, she was sacrificed, which caused a lot of grief to her mother.

During the siege of Trojan, the horny Agamemnon quarrelled with Achilles for the possession of the female booty they made in the war and nearly ruined the Greek cause by his greed. After the war, he returned with Cassandra princess of Troy as his concubine.

In the meantime, Clytemnestra had begun a love affair with Aegisthus, her husband’s cousin. When Agamemnon arrived in Mycenae she waited until he was taking a bath and then she slaughtered him. Liberating herself and Greece of an egoistic horny old king.

I’ll just never get this “Achilles is straight“ thing like ??? the heck man, Homer himself wrote it both in The Iliad and Odyssey that Patroclus and Achilles were lovers BUT modern critics say “they were like brothers Achilles loved Briseis“ first of all you dumbos, Briseis (I love her, nothing againist Bri) was Achilles’s war prize and Patroclus - his companion, not vice versa. Second, when Briseis is taken from Achilles, he’s just angry at Agadamnon and cries, refusing to rejoin the war, but then he loses Patrolus, joins the war again for Patroclus and he becomes a fcking terminator.

So Patrochilles is /was/ canon and Alexander the Great was Patrochilles trash *squeals*

You gave me peace in a lifetime of war.
—  Achilles
patrochilles high school au headcanons because who doesnt want these in their lives (✿◠‿◠)
  • achilles was the super hot popular track star and patroclus was the shy cutie who was always in the stands to cheer on his bf
  • and when achilles would win a race (aka every day) he’d run over to where patroclus was sitting and kiss him in front of everyone
  • briseis was patroclus and achilles’ third member of their little circle and basically they always hung out and patroclus would braid little flowers into hers and achilles’ hair and akjsgfasjf
  • and agamemnon was the douchey jock that was rude to everyone and made immature jokes so him and achilles kind of always had a rivalry
  • agamemnon would ask achilles to do his homework and when achilles refused agamemnon would make him “pay” by filling his or briseis’ or patroclus’ locker with soda balloons and peanut butter and ugh no one likes agamemnon ok
  • one day (well, multiple days) achilles makes patroclus wear these shirts that odysseus made for them as a joke. achilles’ says “im aristos achaion” and patroclus’ says “im with aristos achaion”
  • also, briseis has one that she very reluctantly wears, and it says “im with these losers”
  • agamemnon is the quarterback of the football team and one day they play against a team where the quarterback is hector and hector accidentally throws the ball and it hits patroclus’ face while hes sitting in the stands. achilles gets SO mad and runs onto the field at halftime (“Achilles, sit down, it didn’t even hurt.” “I MUST AVENGE YOU PATROCLUS!”) and tackles hector
  • odysseus is that kid thats super nice to everyone and kind of the class clown but he also has like, all the goods. a pack of gum? odysseus has it. pencils? sure. spiked punch at prom? yes
  • achilles is super affectionate in school like if he sees patroclus in the hallway he’ll shout, “everyone look, its my BOYFRIEND” and patroclus loves it but he gets so embarrassed he’s like achilles stop 
  • patroclus. wearing. a beanie.
  • when they get detention together the teacher makes them sit on opposite sides of the room but achilles makes little paper planes with notes in them and frickin whips them toward patroclus when shes not looking
  • basically tsoa high school au would be amazing and everyone is happy and cute and no one dies yay okay

Alexander The Great in front of the tomb of Achilles.

This painting in the Louvre Museum is a work of Hubert Robert (1733 -1808) done around 1754.

The subject taken from the Greek rhetorician Claudius Aelianius or Aelian (Varia Historia, XII, 7), writing in the second century CE, and shows the Macedonian king having the tomb of Achilles opened in order to pay a homage to the Greek hero of the Trojan War.

Achilles’ relationship with Patroclus is a key aspect of his myth. Its exact nature has been a subject of dispute in both the classical period and modern times. Thus in 5th-century BCE Athens, the relationship was commonly interpreted as pederastic. Nowadays some see it as a love relationship of an egalitarian homosexual couple. It is the same case as the relationship between Alexander the Great and Hephaestion. The relationship between the Macedonian king and his dearest and closest friend and confidant, lasted their whole lives, and was compared, by others as well as themselves, to that of Achilles and Patroclus. Hephaestion and Alexander grew up in a time and place where homosexual affairs were seen as perfectly normal. Roman and later writers, taking the Athenian pattern as their example, have tended to assume either, that their sexual relationship belonged to their adolescence, after which they left it behind, or that one of them was older, the lover (erastes) and the other was the beloved (eromenos). Claudius Aelianus takes the latter view when he uses just such an expression when describing the visit to Troy: “Alexander laid a garland on Achilles’ tomb and Hephaestion on Patroclus’, indicating that he was Alexander’s eromenos, as Patroclus was of Achilles.” No other circumstance shows better the nature and length of their relationship than Alexander’s overwhelming grief at Hephaestion’s death. The many and varied ways, both spontaneous and planned, by which Alexander poured out his grief are overwhelming. In the context of the nature of their relationship however, one stands out as remarkable. Lucius Flavius Arrianus “Xenophon” (Arrian of Nicomedia, ca. 86 – 160), in his work Ἀλεξάνδρου ἀνάβασις says that Alexander “… flung himself on the body of his friend and lay there nearly all day long in tears, and refused to be parted from him until he was dragged away by force by his Companions.

This painting by Robert (known as Robert des Ruines) is close to Panini, who was his teacher during his long stay of 11 years in Rome, and it is considered to be one of the first productions of the French artist in that city. In the painting by the French vedutista, an architectural fantasy, we see a pyramid similar to that of Caius Cestius in Rome, the ruins of a temple with Ionic columns inspired by the temple of Saturn in the Roman Forum and a round temple, after the Roman temple of Vesta, or the temple of the Sybile in Tivoli. The statue standing at the left-hand side of the canvas is the so-called Antinous of the Belvedere, or Antinous Admirandus, the famous statue in the Pio-Clementino Museum of the Vatican. This statue, correctly identified as a Hermes in the 19th century, was long taken to be a depiction of the beautiful Bythinian lover of Emperor Hadrian, one of the great “eromenos-erastes” relationship of the antiquity.

And then I realized how it all fit so perfectly: my hands in his; his lips against mine.