trips 2012

Mental breakdown tag lol

do I use this script or not

also vedj - still going, but will probably miss some days and that’s OKAY
I’m worried for this video, because rather than generalising mental illness as important, and needs to be talked about, I go into detail about the specifics of what I’m feeling. And it’s not pretty. If you can’t relate, and I hope you don’t, I’m going to seem very very strange. But mental illness isn’t simple, it’s not all let’s blow on thumbs together to stop these darn panic attacks, or this cute cartoon girl crying in a corner. It’s so much bigger and uglier and more complex.
I haven’t been making videos because I didn’t know how to when my head has been consumed and overtaken by what I’m about to talk about. But I think I’ve figured it out.
so here’s the thing
you may have seen on twitter
i mentioned that i haven’t really felt like i’m here since i was 17 in a vid recently
and then within the last week that sort of upped as a problem by like, 80%
i went to wales for some shoots, felt crazy the whole weekend, then came back and got very panicky about the fact that I was going mad
I had slept fine, and I kept expecting to wake up better, but I just didn’t
I’ll explain what this all actually is and how it feels in a bit, plz hold
so I got back, and knew that I felt messed up, so tried registering to the doctors
walked there, in my weird dream state, took a proof of address cause I knew I needed that, handed it in, and then they said that I needed proof of address within the last two months
i was teetering on the edge of tears and also feeling really weird so I think they must have thought I was actually insane
I forgot how to say thanks and bye so I think I just left, dunno
walked home, in this strange, bright dream world
tried finding proof of address, forgot how to talk to my housemate, scared she was going to notice that I was drunk, except i wasn’t drunk
and then my mum called and said dodie
are you okay
and I just sort of
broke
i was sobbing, rummaging through bin bags to try to find some sort of proof of address, on the phone to mum, and I decided to visit home home for some sort of familiarity, cause I used to feel so normal and alive in that house, when I was younger
so I went home home, crying on the train, panicking about the fact that I was going mad and all my friends were like dodie wtf
that was when I tweeted saying I needed a break
then I saw mum and started crying about the fact that I left my old bedroom bed in dovan flat, cause I just wanted my normal bed in my normal room so I could feel normal
and I came home but of course I wasn’t magically cured because going to that house is not the same as time travel
i’m not taking a trip to 2012 when I go home, as much as I want to, i’m a broken dodie visiting a broken house and a broken ish family
I even visited my old primary school which shut down, like, years ago, and I wandered around with hedy
I don’t think that helped, cause it felt like it had just, grown leaves and aged in like 20 seconds
it just made me feel even weirder
so what am I feeling? Okay. let me explain. Or try to.
here are a bunch of messages I have sent to friends of mine, to try and explain wtf this is
“i’m so tired
I’m just so tired I feel like I’ve been awake for 4 days And I don’t feel like I’m here I feel like I’m drunk Like I’ve had three wines and shots and beer and I’m tired and ready to go home and I can’t talk to anyone because I’ve forgotten how I usually talk
I don’t even look like me
Everything is so wrong and weird and scary
I honestly think I’m going mad
I can’t stop crying
I’ve got such a bad headache” to lucy
And I’ve just constantly felt like Drunk and blind You know when you’re hammered
And everything’s really bright and you can’t remember how to talk properly and you’re not really taking anything in cause you feel really weird and you can touch things and see things and talk to people but you’re not really There
I genuinely genuinely think I’ve gone mad
And I don’t know if I’m ever going to see things like normal again” to sammy
“Here’s the thing
I’m alive
I can breathe
I can eat and talk and sleep and see and feel
So I should be okay
And objectively, I am fine
So why am I not
It’s one of those things that I keep thinking about over and over to the point where my head is like is this really happening and then I’m like is WHAT really happening
I used to not understand mental illnesses at all
I was like
Just think of cats and rainbows
But now I get it
It’s so much deeper in your brain than cats and rainbows
I used to say if I ever got dementia or something id fight it
But how can you fight it when the it is the thing you’re using to fight with
Dodie has gone full blown mad” to jon
now, thanks to the last vid, and to google, I’ve found out what this probably is
and I’m trying my best to register and see a doctor and get therapy and sort this out and also
I know what you’re thinking
if you have no idea what I’m talking about, if you’ve never had anything even close to this, if you are mentally dandy
you’re thinking dodie
you sound mental
just shut up,
turn it off
you’re fine
you’re obsessing over nothing, you’re attention seeking, just stop thinking about it
firstly, I am so happy and thankful that you feel normal and happy and go and enjoy your life because you can
and secondly, I would do anything to turn this off and feel normal again, literally anything. But I can’t. not right now. I don’t know how.
so. here’s my plan.
I’m going to act fucking normal.
I can still sing. I am still alive, on this planet, even though I don’t feel like it. I still find things funny, I still can taste food, I can make jokes, and write songs and hang out with friends, even though I literally feel like I’m hiding something from everyone and I keep looking at everyone as if I’m a robot.
but I’m going to sort this out, somehow. I’m going to sleep before midnight and wake up before 9, I’m going to give myself weekends, I’m going to do mindfullness meditation at 11am, and Im going to go running at least twice a week and eat healthy and drink water and not drink too much alcohol and treat myself when I’ve done well and not overwhelm myself. And I’m going to go to a doctor, and then therapy, and deal with this. But this will not consume me.
Yeah I feel fucking weird. Bring it. I’m so done with the constant buzz in my head - why do I feel like this why do i feel like this why do i feel like this
I just do. And I can’t change it right now. It’s not going to turn off. and I can’t just stop the world until I feel normal again, because I’ll get to my 70s and be like well shit, I missed it all.
So I’m going to do the best I can. I’m going to make the videos that make me happy. And I’m going to laugh about the fact that I’m a bit mental. Cause what else can you do.

Whilst I type this I’m on the phone to my bank to get a statement sent to prove my address to go BACK to the doctors to prove I live here then get an appointment to get referred to therapists. The NHS may be free but it’s not bloomin easy lol.

gotta say making this video was super healthy for me. It was good to edit together and see that I can pass as a functioning human.

flickr

Spirit Bear Going for the Salmon by Ross Konigsburg
Via Flickr:
Spirit bear catching a salmon

anonymous asked:

Sistar is disbanding. Summer is officially cancelled.

I’M SAD!! Kpop will only consist of cold winter nights from now on, summer has left us, no more bops to dance in a sandy beach during summer, starship is robbing us of supportive feminist queens who protected female rookies and took pride in their own skin, and I’m sad I’m truly sad

lO viNNG uuUUUU UUuU na otTOkeE WHTA SHOULD I DO

The guilt trip: It’s all in how they’re raised.

For almost two years, I felt like I had failed as a dog owner because my Bully mix (Pitterstaff/AmBully, at best guess) turned out to be dog aggressive.

“It’s all in how they’re raised!” is a sentence that makes me cringe.  Anyone that owns a DA APBT or Bully breed probably knows what I’m talking about.  While it is a great sentiment on the ability of dogs to overcome horrible situations, it ignores essential facts about canine behavior while simultaneously putting the blame on dog owners.  

One of the first pictures I have of Zuni and I, on a camping trip in early 2012.

Zuni, my craigslist rescue, wasn’t even a year old when I got her.  Her history before being picked up off the streets by a friendly married couple is unknown.  But she was a fantastic dog and I took her absolutely everywhere with me - she even came to my high school once and assisted me with a theater presentation.  We went to the dog park weekly, ran agility, practiced obedience, and played disc anywhere there was enough space for her to run.  When I started working at the kennel, she would go to daycare during my shifts.  Zuni was so good with other dogs that she was used as a neutral dog to test newcomers for the daycare program.

I did everything right with her.  Knowing her breed, I felt an additional sense of responsibility.  I couldn’t raise a dog that would contribute to the “dangerous pitbull” idea.  But I can’t control genetics and breed tendencies.  My breed isn’t dangerous, but ignoring what my breed was meant for is absolutely dangerous.

Around two years of age, the dog aggression began.  We consulted with several trainers and tried so many methods that it makes my head spin thinking about it.  The best answer we could get from anyone was that she was fear aggressive.  I worked with that for nearly a year, but couldn’t ever agree with it.  I know fear aggressive dogs, I work with them frequently.  Zuni’s behavior and body language certainly wasn’t fearful - she would strain at the end of her leash, every muscle standing out, eyes locked onto another dog with an intensity that terrified most people.  It was the same way she looked at squirrels.  I’ve broken up two fights, and both times I knew she’d never quit until she couldn’t get to the other dog.

I didn’t make any progress with Zuni until I accepted the fact that dog aggression was a part of her temperament.  I stopped blaming myself for her behavior and I stopped seeing her dog aggression as the sign of a  “bad dog.”  I stopped trying to make her like every dog she met and instead taught her to ignore other dogs in public and focus on me.  I don’t allow people to bring their dogs near her and we certainly don’t go to the dog park anymore.  I took months introducing her to Maya and making sure that they had the space that they both needed.  She’s able to run agility without losing focus and has done narcotics detection drills off leash in a room with 30 other dogs.

Zuni’s happier now, I’m happier now. Life goes on.

anonymous asked:

why did aleks say that the cake was an old meme? i'm sorry if this is stupid I just didn't get it

It’s okay, it’s a really old joke. If you’re newer to the fandom, it wouldn’t really make sense for you to get it because it hasn’t been brought up in years

Gather round, friends. Let’s take a trip back to 2012. 

In 2012 when The Creatures rented out the house and first moved to Colorado, they had to stock the fridges. So, they bought a shit ton of food in this video on the hub from February 12, 2012. (I made sure the video started at the part with Red Velvet because it’s like a 3 minute long video and the cake is really only like one short part.) One of those items was red velvet cake, as you can see. 

Well, the problem is they didn’t eat the cake. Someone ate part of it, but the majority of it went uneaten. So, they kept it. It kinda became a thing in a few of their videos from February 12, 2012 - June 12, 2012. It would show up in the background in shorts, kind of as an easter egg. 

A notable appearance of red velvet cake is a video by Seamus about his birthday. 

Other than that the only real video about the cake is the one where they throw it away after keeping it for months. The video also showcases in the end a few cameos that red velvet made over the months that it resided in the Creature house. 

rip red velvet  

flickr

Brown Bear Yearling Closeup by David & Shiela Glatz
Via Flickr:
Curious Brown Bear (Ursus arctos) yearling, Cook Inlet, Alaska. Honestly didn’t think this was one of our better images from the June 2012 trip, but it’s been very popular. Adding to more groups - let us know what you think. This little female cub lost her sibling the year before. She stayed close to mom and played a lot with her. Gradually realized we weren’t a threat and showed some curiosity towards us as you see here.

Masterlist

I decided to update my masterlist, but since I made the post two years ago, the format didn’t cooperate with editing and I had to make a new post. All stories and series and AUs should be in alphabetical order, the pairings are not. Hope it’s all of them!

I’ve counted about 165 stories written where’s my medal .


Keep reading

8

Onces upon a time there was peasant boy Tsubasa who met the beautiful prince Takki. Tsubasa wanted to dance with Takki but that was impossible, Takki was only able to dance on ice while Tsubasa thought that’s too dangerous. But if Tsubasa would be able to make a spin, Takki said, they would be able to dance together on ice one day and do a pair spin. But it was a long and rocky road … (From TakiTsuba’s Disney on Ice)