(Super-fast idea, because I found this
picture and, after laughing at the Sheriff’s face for two minutes straight, the
idea hit me straight in the face)
Several years in the future, Derek and the
Sheriff are kind of buddies.
Derek is now a consultant for the Beacon Hills
police for any kind of supernatural crime or when they need his super
sniffer in critical emergencies (Derek found the lost little girl almost
immediately, while the K9 unit from the next town was still lost in the woods.
The Sheriff was so proud. They never talk about the fact that they had to circle
the town in John’s police car, Derek’s head hanging out of the window like
a poodle on a roadtrip).
So John and Derek sometimes hang out,
watch football match together, they have a beer, talk about Stiles’ news
from college. They enjoy each other’s company in a very quiet, simple way.
Then, Stiles comes back to Beacon Hills for
Christmas, and immediately comes out as bisexual to his dad.
The Sheriff blinks, then hugs him.
should be the end of it. John is genuinely glad that Stiles told him, and happy
that he seems to grow up happy in his own skin.
John honestly doesn’t mean to search stuffs
online, but he’s bored, and one innocent question about LGBT rights in California turn into a quick google search and quickly devolve into a spiral of links. John falls deep. Too
He manages to keeps his anxiety at bay all
the way to Derek’s home, and his knocks on the door are barely frantic. But Derek
opens the door as if he is expecting the Sheriff to be on fire, so John guesses
that he didn’t control his panic-stricken heartbeat as well as he thought.
After a few minutes of assuring Derek that
no, Stiles is fine, John is fine, everyone is fine, no Stiles isn’t hurt,
nobody’s kid got missing again, Melissa is fine, there is no monster eating
anyone, Stiles is totally ok, and
getting a glass of perfectly good whisky from Derek (who apparently keeps it
around just for John), John finally explains.
Because Derek? Derek is bisexual.
They have talked about it in passing
several times. Talked about Derek’s ex, Jeff, who used to be a cop in New Jersey until he got
shot on duty and became a teacher. Talked of the creep Derek had to call the police on one night while he was drinking at the Jungle
and despairing over the shitty techno music. Talked about the association for LGBT kids Derek gives money to, and that he goes help from times to times.
To the Sheriff, it never seemed like a
detail more important than knowing that Derek hates cheap beer or that he is a
sore loser when his sport team gets slaughtered.
But now, now it is important. Because the
Sheriff needs someone with answers,
precise answers, about things that he can’t ask directly to his kid.
About giant sex toys and trips to the ER and
drugs use and STDs and biphobia and bullying.
He kind of blurt it all. Derek’s eyes look
gigantic and his eyebrows almost fly off his forehead.
So that’s how Derek becomes the Sheriff’s mentor
in everything LGBT.
It’s not as weird as it could be.
Derek answers all the questions as best as
he can, tries to reassure him. When he doesn’t know (and he wonders where the Sheriff got these informations), they look for answers
together online, while staying far away from certain websites.
(All the while, Derek tries to ignore really, really hard, that Stiles is bisexual
and apparently single. He fails).
Then maybe the Sheriff brings Derek back home in
the hope that Derek will talk to Stiles about all these stuffs (because he’s
not sure he has mastered the details enough to give the bisexual version of the
Talk. Also, the image of the humongous dildo is still haunting him).
So they end up all around the kitchen table,
Stiles looking bewildered and a little bit lost, Derek resigned and awkward and the Sheriff looking
at them with crazy eyes (again, gigantic dildo. And ER trips. Melissa works there, this can never
happen to them) until they start talking.
Stiles knows all those things. Derek knows
that Stiles knows. They talk about it anyway because, well, the Sheriff is starting to turn grey in worry.
After a little while, Stiles finally understands that Derek
is talking from experience. That Derek is bisexual. And single.
And Derek knows that Stiles is bisexual. And single.
The awkwardness quickly turns to vague innuendos, then obvious flirting, then
eyefucking over mugs of coffee.
The Sheriff gets his colors back progressively.
He wonders for a second if he should protest this development (the whole, 7
years older and a werewolf thing could be a problem), but really, Derek is a
And he apparently knows how to use lube,
condoms, and would never be stupid enough to use a gigantic dildo then lose it
somewhere in his son.
All in all, he’s ok with the direction this whole thing is taking.
(You can find my other headcanons/not fic here and my fics on AO3. Please come say hi on tumblr when you want people :D)
The day you first smiled at me,
you were eleven and I was twelve
and she didn’t hit me back home.
Little fairy, you have always fulfilled
my deepest wishes.
When you called me your friend,
you were dressed in purple
and my stomach didn’t hurt as we danced.
I wondered if I should have kissed you then,
but you were happy with him
and that was enough.
I dried your tears because I cared.
I tried to protect you from him after
I noticed I didn’t liked seeing you hurt.
If I could, I’d go back and tell you the truth
since the begining,
I’d do it in a heartbeat.
My jacket suits you better than his arms,
and your lips will always be my favorite flavour.
It hurt me, too.
But I will never touch you unless you want me too,
I will always be whatever you need me to.
As long as you are okay, I’ll be that.
I did saw you.
You looked so beautiful when I made that joke,
and your touch stayed with me for months,
just like your birthday kiss
and the sensation of your palm touching mine.
I also know I looked bad,
know that I felt bad and couldn’t care less.
But when the summer came,
and you were here,
That was me, being better for me,
because of you
for the first time.
Kissing you that day was a stellar moment in my life,
following you around and beyond a first.
It felt like the last, too.
And the only one.
For me, it still feels that way.
I would call you mine everyday,
I would call you my sun,
my stars and my moon,
everything and anything, you.
You have no idea how many times I did it when you weren’t there,
just to make it clear to them,
I wasn’t letting you go anywhere anytime soon.
There’s times when I laugh
remembering my fear and reaction to your words.
Sometimes I forget we were both kids
and that you have never shied away from love.
But you loved me,
not him or someone else,
everyting else didn’t matter.
Having you in my arms
will always be my favorite position to sleep.
Your heart beating against my touch,
your breathing matching mine,
your dreams becoming ours.
Best moment of my day.
What I did still matters to me,
everything felt like changing after
and you never looked at me the same way.
I mean it, and I still do:
I love you,
I will always love you,
and I will always be sorry about that.
It’s okay that you didn’t take note of red flags. My abuser once straight up bragged to me about how great she was at manipulation and showed me text conversations of her guilt tripping and emotionally toying with a guys who were interested in her, and it didn’t worry me at all. When you’re starry eyed for someone, you let things go and laugh things off. It’s not your fault for not leaving after warning signs. You shouldn’t “have known better.” It was still them who abused you, and that’s never on you.
Bruce is the only one allowed to
drive and control the radio. This decreases the death threats by 50%
Shotgun is on a rotating
Seating rules for the Wayne mom
van: Damian and Tim will not sit together. Cass and Steph will not
sit apart. Babs will ignore you unless your aura is orange, there is
nothing you can do to make your aura more orange. Dick must on no
account be given alcohol; Jason must at all times be given alcohol,
and will need an hour to violently protest the whole trip before
leaving. And, most importantly, Damian will be working under the
presumption that you are trying to kill him unless proved otherwise,
so avoid giving him blunt instruments, sharp knives, or hot liquids
Once arrived, everyone must stay
together. Last time resulted in damages, broken bones, and being
banned from an entire restaurant chain
Do not let Babs in a tech store
too long, she will either buy out the store or start a Costco style
demonstration of why these products are crap
If there is a fitness center,
Cass is not allowed in. She will leave with 560 phone numbers, 15
boys crying because she put them to shame, 10 with injuries trying
to keep up/beat/impress her, and a job offer
Tim is not allowed to buy his
own lunch, it will contain very little actual food and too much
Do not get between Jay and Dick
at the arcade air hockey table. Let them duke it out between them.
This feud has been going since Jason’s voice squeaked and isn’t
going to end soon
Jason must be kept on a timer in
all bookstores. Also a tracker so he doesn’t decide to just move
into their stockroom and never leave. Tim is almost as bad but can
be bribed away with the promise of Starbucks
If there is a bouncy place,
Bruce is required to rent the whole place for the day in advance. No
young child should be subjected to his family in the bounce house.
Steph is to be under supervision
inside the Icing, and never allowed in with Damian. Last time the
two were in the Claire’s, he almost ended up with a pierced ear, and
took a week to stop sulking over it. Steph will try to buy all the
nesting makeup kits and anything purple
Dick is never again allowed to
take Damian to the furniture to test mattresses again
Damian is to be under heavy
supervision at any pet shop, and must subject himself to a minimum
of three (3) pat downs when leaving
Any Batkids attempting the dance
game demo must be reminded that it is 1) a game and 2) not worth
using full acrobatic abilities to show each other up with
Cass and Tim will destroy any and all challengers at DDR, do not
challenge them or we will be here all day. Damian is especially not
allowed to challenge them, because he will be a close third, refuse
to quit, and hurt himself trying to beat Tim.
The Lego store will be a 4 hour
trip in itself, with everyone leaving with their own personalized
minifigures, the new kit they’ve been wanting, and Babs having
neatly sorted those bins in the back of loose pieces
Jason must never be allowed in the Hot Topic alone, and Dick must
never be allowed in with anyone
Shotgun on the way home is
awarded to who can find the weirdest decoration or collectible.
Every single one, whether it won or not, is kept in a China cabinet
in the manor that Alfred loves to dust and is quite the conversation
piece at parties
Steph will grab whoever is
closest and make them get their makeup and nails done with her. Even
Bruce is not immune.
No one is allowed more Harry
Potter merch. Not because Bruce has anything against it, but because
he already has four different rooms in the manor dedicated to it,
one per house and decorated as closely to the common rooms as
possible/theorized. They do not need anymore. No. (They all leave
with some anyways. Every time. He should know better)
Additionally, no playing
Quidditch in the parking lot. They don’t have enough people anyway
Shopping cart races in the
parking lot are also banned, because the Batfam motto might as well
be “go big or go home”, and it’s hard to have a reasonable
patrol schedule when most of the family is in some type of cast or
Likewise, no surfing down the
Randomly yelling “ice
bucket challenge!!!” And upending your drink over your sibling’s head is not allowed
Planking was banned when Bruce
continually had to come retrieve his children from the top of
Before that, Dick was banned
from planking because balancing perpendicular to the guardrail with
sheer ab strength is 1) cheating because he’s already an acrobat,
and 2) going to attract security when you do it on the third story
of the mall
Adding to that, he is further
forbidden from, while balancing on the rail, flinging out his arms
and shouting “I’m flying, Jack” across the food court
Damian is not allowed near any
pet food aisles. Not because of his affinity for animals, but
because he will try to feed it to Tim, arguing that it’s better than
he feeds himself sometimes anyways (he’s not wrong, hence Damian
trying to make the point and save his brother from himself).
Further, should Damian slip away and manage to procure said dog
food, Tim is not allowed to grab a fork from the food court and eat
it while staring Damian down
Jason is not allowed near hand
soaps and shaving creams since he turned an aisle into a giant slip
‘n slide (all the kids and overworked Millennials had a blast, the
adults overseeing them did not)
Dick is banned from figure
skating down any slip 'n slide aisles Jason is responsible for
Dick is banned from figure
skating in general when there’s a skating rink at the mall in the
All children are banned from
skating together because they get competitive. Shouting out scores
to siblings as they skate is frowned upon but not prohibited until
it starts to get out of hand
If there is a fitness center
that offers yoga, Dick is also banned. He will end up teaching the
class, leave with even more numbers than Cass, 7 people with pulled
muscles from trying to match his bendiness, and at least 18 women
all convinced they’re his girlfriend or that he was hitting on them
If there’s a Brookstone or
similar store, no one is allowed to start battles with any of the
gadgets, or else try to modify “improve” any of the
gadgets, and should be strictly supervised
Unless they’re in one of the
massage chairs, in which case they’re not to be disturbed until it’s
time to leave the mall
If there is a massage place at
the mall, Bruce basically has to reserve at least one masseuse for
the entire day and alternate children. He goes last and always gets
one that’s geared toward headache treatment
Tim is not allowed near a
display laptop. Neither is Babs.*
*exception: if the mall’s radio
station is terrible, Bruce will “lose track” of them so
they can hack and fix it
Dick isn’t allowed to pick the
music anymore, even if he could have hacked it from his gauntlet
computer when he was their age
Babs is not allowed near copies
of Fifty Shades of Grey or the subsequent books, because they have a
tendency to “spontaneously combust” when she’s around.
Other, more… unfortunate…things have happened to them
after Cass walked past the display.
There is a running tradition of
buying siblings weird, fun socks they’ll like. It’s like a secret
Santa exchange, with everyone drawing random names before they leave
for the mall. There is also a game of trying to buy the person’s
socks without them noticing while they’re in line with you. Bruce
has more Superman and Wonder Woman knee highs than he will ever wear
in one lifetime (including the ones that have little capes). Steph
gets ones with baked goods on them. Damians are all animals. Tim’s
are all nerdy pop culture ones from like Hot Topic. Dicks are all
brightly colored. Babs likes anything odd, and Cass likes pastels,
which confuses everyone. Jay likes food ones, but Tim won brother of
the year when he got Jason tombstone ones during Halloween because
of how many death jokes he could wear on his feet, he was so
excited. No one knows who found
the zombie socks for Jason.
Dick will insist on riding the
little animals you can rent for the day. He will try to get Dami to
join him. All sharp objects must be kept out of range when this
happens. Dami will eventually yield, but not without a fight to
maintain his reputation, and it turns out they charge more when they
have to clean out blood stains
Damian is not allowed to fill
out mall surveys, ever
Damian is also not allowed to
fill out entries for new cars, and his siblings are not allowed to
help rig the drawings in his favor. He’s 10, he doesn’t need a car
yet, I don’t care if you drive better than Steph (no, Steph, don’t
hit your brother), you don’t get a car till you can legally drive.
Being able to reach the pedals isn’t enough.
Dick is not allowed near crying
children in a toy section because he will buy every child what they
want every time, and while Bruce doesn’t mind so much, they really
don’t have time to buy every child in the mall a toy when they hear
he’s playing Santa. (If given warning, Bruce will absolutely sponsor
a buy children toys trip (he’s even played mall Santa himself a few
times), but do not drop it on him on the day of)
Anyone riding the carousel must
be seated properly. Climbing to hang around the front of the animals
head or perch on its neck or anything else is not allowed. Certain
circus boys aren’t allowed on any animal more exotic than a horse
due to the whining and begging for a Bat Elephant that always follow
Theater hopping is absolutely
not a “stealth exercise ”
Jason and Damian are both, for entirely separate incidents, banned
from those super powerful vending machine bouncy balls.
Damian isn’t allowed to buy ice
cream from one of those hi-tech kiosks that uses liquid nitrogen to
freeze the ice cream
Photo booth sessions are only
allowed 2 siblings at a time, and nothing more silly than facial
expressions are allowed
Any concealed gadgets must stay
hidden, even inside the photo booth
Tim, Dick, and Babs are not
allowed to change the wifi passwords of stores with rude employees.
(An exception is granted to stores who are clearly mistreating
employees. The distraction gives Bruce time to lead a revolution)
Bruce is only allowed to try to
buy up one business per mall trip
If there is a nice stationery
store, Babs will stop to test out the fine pens. You are not to
interrupt her or she will try to use your blood as the ink of the
next fountain pen she tests
If a new handheld game comes out
that more than one sibling wants, everyone gets their own copy to
prevent save data from being erased. This has prevented wars
Jason only gets to stop at one
sunglasses kiosk to try on pairs. Dick must be allowed to stop at
every kiosk due to how many pairs he goes through.
Stephanie is the best haggler at
the outrageously overpriced kiosks, especially perfume ones. She
also has a good idea of how things should be priced so that
retailers still make money without gouging customers, so just let
her do her thing and everyone will be happy. maybe take notes
Bonus: Bruce has, on more than
one occasion, been in the process of dressing to go golfing or
yachting or something that requires shorts with WE members, only to
discover that the kids have ganged up and stolen all his socks. All
of them. Except the JL ones. He has to wear caped socks golfing. He
just sighs and says sometimes his 10 year old is the most mature of
the lot, and they all nod in sympathy. He will ironically wear
the Batman knee highs, because there’s no way anyone who knows Bruce
Wayne would suspect him of being Batman if he’s wearing ridiculous
Summary: When Dan met Phil, she never thought an eighteen-year-old boy could change his son’s life in that way and how he could become family to her. Or, a reflexion of Dan and Phil’s relationship through the years in Phil’s mum point of view. Too floof.
Summary: dan and phil share a hotel bed in hong kong as all the other rooms are booked up. despite their unmentioned habit/tendency to wake up finding themselves curled up to one another, they’re both slightly more than comfortable with the sleeping arrangements.
Summary: The bench overlooking the lake in Central Park was the place Dan would go to lose himself in his thoughts and be alone. That is, until Phil Lester joins him one day, and suddenly Dan is no longer going to the bench to be alone. Suddenly the bench is where he gains a best friend, and where he falls in love.
Summary: A simple trip to the toy store sparks some nostalgic feelings–and plants an idea in Dan’s mind. Is Phil ready for his proposition? Or, the one where seeing a bunch of kids’ toys makes Dan really, really want a child.
Summary: dan being a ghost doesn’t once hinder the friendship between him and phil. the two are constantly there for each other, despite their various differences in problems, and they never let the concepts of what’s ‘real’ and what isn’t define them and the relationship they have.