tricia and all her goddamn feels

Way back in the day, when it first aired, Becoming was like, all about the angst and the Bangel-ness of it all. But now? I mean, sure, watching it with my biased glasses on and everything, but it's so much more than that. Becoming is really the beginning of the most important relationship of Buffy's entire existence -- the first time she ever works with the ONE MAN who never walks away from her. I think it's a big moment; in hindsight, it's as big a moment as the sending-Angel-to-Hell moment.
Angel was around and in Buffy's life on a regular basis like, half a second longer than RILEY was. Spike? Spike was there for EVERY MAJOR THING Buffy ever went through, with like, two exceptions. (And one of them doesn't count because he was off, ya know, GETTING HIS FUCKING SOUL BACK FOR HER).

Eventually my feels this evening will stop.




I understand when people don’t ‘ship Spuffy – everyone has a right to 'ship what they want, and that’s cool, that’s what makes fandom what it is.  What I absolutely do not understand, though, is when people say they don’t see why Spuffy is at OTP status for so many people.  I could go on a huge rant about this, but really, I don’t need to.  Because I can point to one episode.

Yeah, there are a lot of amazing episodes for Spuffy, and most of them, I love more than the one I’m talking about.  But when you get to brass tacks here, this is where it is.

When you seemingly only have hours left to live … when you’re facing the biggest battle of your life, one that you’re pretty goddamn sure that you have every chance of losing … do you waste your last minutes with people that you only have a passing interest in? Or do you seek out the people you love the most?

Angel was there,guys.  He was volunteering to fight at her side.  He would have been there … she could have spent what might be the last moments of her life with him.

But she didn’t.  She made a choice, and that choice was to send him back to LA.  Yeah, she gave him the speech we all know, but that was nothing more than a sendoff and it honestly baffles me that people don’t get it.  She told him to go, knowing full well that she might never “get done baking” if the battle went pear-shaped, which was a very real possibility at that point.

She sent Angel away.  And she went home … to Spike.  Spike is the person she chose to spend her last moments with.  They all knew they might die.  She didn’t choose to go home to Spike because he was there, or because he was convenient – nuh-uh.  Not any more.  Not this time.  She could have been with Angel.  That is really important to keep in mind. She absolutely could have spent those last hours with Angel.  But she didn’t want him.  What she wanted was her strength, her rock, the one person in the whole damn world who she knew was unflinchingly on her side.

The episode is called Chosen, and I’ve used the words “chose” and “choice” a lot here, because it’s important.  Buffy and Spike weren’t star-crossed, destined lovers or what have you.  But at the end of the goddamn world?  Buffy chose Spike.

And that’s really all that needs to be said.

Am I the only one who thinks Spike is totally projecting his own issues when he's watching Dawson's Creek and yelling at Pacey?

“Oh, Pacey, you blind idiot! Can’t you see she doesn’t love you?”


This post only makes sense if you watched Dawson’s Creek.  BUT TRUST ME IT’S RELEVANT.

In season 3, when Angel leaves, Buffy's really sad and distraught about it, but she doesn't really DO anything to make him stay, either. I mean, what is there to do, he's made up his mind that he's "doing it for her own good". He doesn't really WANT to try, and it's obvious. In season 7 - First Date - Spike says he's leaving and Buffy's like "Um, no you're not." Just her one little phrase "I'm not ready for you to not be here" -- and he stays. Spike obviously thought she was worth fighting for. AND YET PEOPLE WANT HER WITH ANGEL BECAUSE WHY?
Now I want to do a whole series of my personal Spuffy headcanons ... good idea, yes? Well, even if it's not, I'm gonna.


Headcanon #1:

Sixteen and half years prior to the events of School Hard, wherever Dru and Spike were living at the time – I fully, firmly believe that Dru had a vision and it massively freaked her out for days… a vision that something had come into the world that was going to take Spike away from her, away from the darkness, for good.

I mean, she REALLY didn’t want to be in Sunnydale when the time came, even though Spike was insisting that it was to cure her and all that.  Girl was NOT happy to be there, and she was real adamant about killing the Slayer, which yeah, as vampires, should be a given, but stillllllllll …

It all plays into my headcanon okay.  Dru saw Buffy coming.  And she didn’t like it. (And it isn’t inconceivable, it’s not the only time Dru had insight about Buffy and Spike that even they weren’t aware of yet.)

(Also, this plays into the headcanon I have that Buffy dreamed about Spike before he showed up in Sunnydale the first time – one of her Slayer dreams.  When they meet in the alley for the first time, she legitimately looks CONFUSED, like … “do I know you?”, not SCARED.  ~Just saying~)


Like, look, I get it.  I looooooooooooooooooove Spike, guys.  I would be all over that so fucking fast, you don’t even know

But Buffy, fictional character that she is, is still a person with actual feelings, and just because they don’t match up to yours, or she doesn’t do what you would do in any given situation?  Does not make her a “dumb bitch” (charming, by the way).  Just because someone’s in love with you doesn’t obligate you to be in love with them back.  She doesn’t owe anybody anything in that regard.

Seriously, when Buffy loves, she loves hard, and there’s no one you’d rather have on your side when the chips are down.  Her love is enough to change people and make them all they are supposed to be.

But that doesn’t mean she must be nothing but sunshine and roses and puppies and love for everyone ever.

Stop degrading her because she doesn’t react the way you would in any given situation.  It’s not cool.


Thinky Thoughts of the Day

So I decided it was wayyyyy past time for me to do a rewatch of Angel– I rewatch Buffy like, once a month, not even kidding, but Angel gets rewatched far less.  And I don’t even have a reason for that.  I love Angel, Buffy just tends to be what I always go back to.

So anyway.  Rewatching Angel.  And being hit with all my ‘shipper feels for that show all over again, which is always fun.  Especially when it comes to what is probably my second biggest 'ship for the Buffyverse (Angel counts as the “Buffyverse”, right? It’s not like, the “Angelverse” or something?  LOL no that sounds dumb) – which is Fresley.  Yeah, I 'ship Cangel too, but … ugh I have so many Fresley feels and they are right up there with Spuffy for me.

And that’s the point of this little (lol little, yeah right) meta post – I realized, during this rewatch, that there are some pretty strong similarities between Spuffy and Fresley.  No, they aren’t the same, not even close, there are just some similar veins running through both these 'ships which is why I think I’m drawn to them both so much.

Obviously, there are the differences – Spuffy is a vampire and Slayer, Fresley is two humans, and that obviously makes the dynamics a lot different in both 'ships … but again, I say, THERE ARE SIMILARITIES.  Putting the list behind a Read More, because, it’s me, and we all know that I talk too much.  XD

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In "Passion", I always find it funny that Dru named the little dog she tries to give to Spike "Sunshine". IDK GUYS I JUST FIND IT REALLY KIND OF ~INTERESTING~ CONSIDERING WHO AND WHAT HE ENDS UP LOVING MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD.

/has too many feels

/overthinks everything

/thinks everything has a deeper meaning than it does

/doesn’t care

/will never care

I'm just spamming the fuck out of everyone tonight. I am having all of the Spuffy feels because I'm re-reading "West of the Moon, East of the Sun" by KnifeEdge -- which is basically the greatest Spuffy fanfic ever written. Seriously. Just let me die.

If you’ve never read it … DO IT NOW. It’s forever long, but oh my goddddddd it’s gorgeous.  It’s basically a re-telling of season 5, so there’s a lot of canon stuff in there, but there’s no Glory, no Dawn, no any of that … just … beautiful, wonderful Spuffy.

West of the Moon, East of the Sun

I actually really love the episode Superstar. It's funny, for one, but for another ... Spuffy. Shush, I know there's no ~love~ there yet, but Spike oh-so-very-definitely WANTS HER. And not to kill, no matter what he might say. And she is very very affected by him too. UST SO MUCH UST. Oh! And the hair touch! Is this the first one? I think it might be? The first time he sort of lovingly runs his hand over her hair -- he does it a LOT in later seasons, but I'm pretty damn sure Superstar is the first time he does it at all.