Script Thirty-Two: Something Worth Waiting For?
  • Elaine:*Sitting on Ban's lap* Um... Ban...?
  • Ban:(Leaning his back against a tree they're sitting under) Yeahhhh?
  • Elaine:I know this is going to be...a-a silly random question but...
  • Ban:...?
  • Elaine:Why am I the only one who always kisses you first?
  • Ban:(Genuinely confused) Ahhhnn?
  • Elaine:*Is getting real embarrassed* J-Just answer it!
  • Ban:(Scratches his head) I dunno~~♪
  • Elaine:..... *Looks at him all upset after getting off his lap, but decides to wait for that 'something'*
  • Ban:???
  • Elaine:..... *Explodes with anger* BAN YOU MEANIE!! *Flies away mad*
  • Ban:Huh? What did I do~?♫

Today was one of those days that would normally see me sat on my floor, curled up, so caught-up in the arguments flying round my mind that I wouldn’t be able to do anything else. I wouldn’t be able to process any other thoughts, any activities. Today caught me by surprise, I’ve been doing well lately that it was out of the blue to find myself having to fight that hard. Today I couldn’t curl up in a ball and not move because I’m on holiday with family and we were going out on the walk. So instead I walked along unable to admire the views, look out for whales in the ocean, because it was taking everything I had to persuade myself that my life is worth more than what I weigh. To the point where I was stumbling over the tree roots and even fell down a small slope. I was so trapped in my own mind. I wanted to give in. I really, really wanted to, and for a while I didn’t think I would be able to resist. You know what though? I did. I ate lunch, I kept walking, kept reminding myself of the life I have now and of what my life could be. Eventually my mind cleared again, on the way back I did take in the views, I watched the whales and I explored one of the beaches (including building a dam over a stream that was running into the ocean because I refuse to grow out of that activity). I looked forward to getting back and drinking a G&T and eating dinner. This was a big achievement for me, I have never been able to win against thoughts that strong before, but today I did it and I’m starting to hope that maybe, just maybe, I won’t lose again.