tree-yucca

7

made it to the retreat center. had wonderful conversation with the driver. she’s never been on a retreat, yet has been working with spirit rock for a minute.

while checking in, recognized some peoples from ny insight, which was lovely!

my room is a little far from the check-in spot, so got a ride with someone who drove from wisconsin!

got to my room, which i’m sharing with only one other person (thought i would be in dorms. i realize it’s my first time sharing a room with someone on retreat. all other retreats have been single rooms, luckily. took some time to figure out the best spot to be in. going with intuition on this one. then realized all that mental formation was from past difficulties with roommates/being in small spaces with one other person. good noticing, practice! ) and yay, roommate just came in. person of color weeeeeeeeeeeeeee

put my stuff down at the meditation hall & finally sat for like 20 minutes. lots of thoughts swirling about - work, new friendships, sadness, songs (of course - 🎼 nah pop nah style - all strictly roots 🎶), etc.

it’s been a really difficult couple of months emotionally. i find myself getting angry pretty easily at white supremacy, anti-blackness, feeling like people are dominating me & being oppressive. underneath that anger is a lot of sadness.

i made some promises to myself. this job i work will be the last job in which someone supervises me. i really can’t deal anymore. and it’s not because i am incapable. i am not cut out to work for people and play the moving-up-the-job-ladder game.

and that’s okay! i am an artist. my life is filled with so much creativity. i realized one night, while hanging out with dearest bilal, that i can really put my mind to just about anything & do it well. like for instance, i’ve had a hard time with writing. but if i just start anywhere, rather than looking for the greatest sentence/anything, then i’ll get to my destination. i’m also really good at editing.

anyway, i say that to say i’m swimming in new waters. feeling into my power as a human being. and there’s many places i can go - offering workshops, feeding people, making medicine, grantwriting, writing for radical/leftist publications, etc. tons of ideas waiting for the inertia to decrease and awareness to take over.

and i can feel my feet on the ground, feel my neck, and dance all the frustrations out. and write about them too, which i’ve used this space for.

big shout out to crushcore for helping to make this trip happen. thanks so much friend!

this is where i’ll be for seven nights. silence starts at 8pm. see you on the otherside of r{evolution}

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