Voyager was a show in which:

An alien from another galaxy died and became a rock.

“There’s coffee in that nebula.”

Harry Kim died twice in the first season alone; did not get a promotion.

Tom Paris avoided criminal punishment because of a dog.

The ship had to be submissive to a frustrated space fish-worm.

Torres literally had a split personality.

Kes ate dirt.

Kes happened at all.

Tuvok and Paris changed rank in the first season with no explanation.

Harry Kim traveled into an alternate time and space dimension; did not get promotion.

Neelix got into a food fight with Paris.

Q turned the ship into a Christmas tree ornament.

“Get the cheese to sickbay.”

The Doctor got beamed into space for five seconds.

Paris and Janeway turned into lizards.

Seven of Nine had nightmares about a bird.

Harry Kim built the Astrometrics Lab; did not get a promotion.

“You hit the wrong ship!” “It wasn’t my fault!” “Well then who’s fault was it, the torpedoe’s? You’re supposed to tell it what to do!”

Tuvok was stranded on a planet with small children.

The ship got transported back to 1996, and was not the weirdest thing around.

“Vulcans do not hydro-sail.”

Paris found a Hirogen head.

Harry Kim saved the ship from the future; did not get a promotion.

A dead crewmember changed species and briefly came back.

Seven had Borg multiple-personalities.

The Doctor had daydreams that threatened the ship.

Tuvok had a dream about walking naked around the ship.

“Alien bugs, or alien fisticuffs. Oooh that’s a tough one.”

“Very large germs” swarmed the ship.

The Doctor secretly impersonated half the crew.

Some kind of fantastic show!

Angels in the Bunker

Characters: Gabriel, Castiel, Balthazar, Lucifer x Reader (you’ll see *wink wonk*)

Word Count: 1,580

Warnings: Fluff!

A/N: This was requested by @averagegaykid! I loved writing this one, so I hope you all enjoy it! I hope you’ve all enjoyed Satan Sunday this week!! I love you all so much!!

You assembled the four angels, all of them standing together in front of you.  They all towered over you, which was one of the reasons you recruited their help.  While the Winchesters were gone, you were going to decorate the bunker for Christmas.  It was not an easy task to do by yourself.  

You had them each bring along different decorations.  Balthazar was to get the Christmas tree, and the ornaments for it.  Gabriel was supposed to get lights for the tree, along with stockings.  Castiel was sent to get candy for the stockings, along with candy canes for the tree.  You asked Lucifer to bring one thing, garland.  You knew Lucifer was not a fan of Christmas, but he could never say no to you.

“Alright my angels,” you smiled.  “We only have the rest of today and a little bit of tomorrow to decorate the bunker.  Dean and Sam don’t take long on hunts.  They’ll be even quicker when they realize this is just a ruse.”

Keep reading

Free Condoms With Purchase

Summary: Derek is an ace guy working at a sex shop, and he has a bit of a crush on one of the regulars (who he might have come out to, oops).

Notes: Written for the Aro/Ace Wolves Mini Bang! (On AO3)

I forgot to add that this fic now has some lovely art! Check it out!

Derek looks up from his calculus textbook when he hears the bell jingle, and he has to suppress a smile. This guy’s a regular. He usually comes in every couple of weeks, awkward and overly-enthusiastic. He gets in to animated conversations with other patrons, flails a lot, and almost always manages to knock something off a shelf.

And he’s cute.

Really cute.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

i breezed through all of your family lore stories and the fucking ornamental peach tree gave me an out of body experience which i still havent recovered from hOLY FU C K

I assume this was a good out-of-body experience, but thank you!

UPDATE:  When grandpa died and Grandma sold the house, dad and I dug the peach tree up out of the yard to take with us, and transplanted it first to another yard in CA, then again when we moved to CO.  We’ve had unnaturally hot weather this year, and as of 2/18, the damn thing has buds on it already, when it normally flowers in April.  

Mom is not pleased.  LAST time it decided to flower early (2015), the bees pollinated the fuck out of it because it was the only flower game around, and we ended up having to prop the damn thing up with 2x4′s and ladders to keep the branches from snapping under the weight of the fruit.  There was more fruit than we could give away in a timely manner and mom STILL has peach preserves in the pantry from that.

So I guess grandpa intimidated the FUCK outta that tree.

One of my favourite Christmas tree decorations. I like the way their cheeks are touching because it reminds me of how nice it feels when I’m smooshed up like this against The Lovely Husband, cuddling him close 💕


$20 per picture

$25 for non pony

Payment is upfront


I do paypal invoices

Available until the end of december (December 31st)

will be lined and shaded

please have a character reference

Characters will be cutesy/chibi

unlimited slots

you get to choose the colour of the ornament and add a pattern if you would like (please have a reference if you want something very specific. A google image is fine)

I will do any species that is non human-like for an added $5 (Dragons, dogs, cats, closed species, rodents, etc.)

Purchasing these will also go towards my computer fundraiser. Please consider reblogging, I would really appreciate it!


Look Up

A street tree in my neighborhood.

New Jersey, April 20, 2017.

Photos by @mellowcat-artist All Rights Reserved.

Rebloggers please do not delete captions, credits, or links.  No reblogs to NSFW/18+.  Thanks.

The Distance Between Us

(A.N. HEY, GUYS! So this was SUPPOSE to be only a imagine with only one part to it BUT if I did that it would've been 1,000,000 words long soooo I think there might be Three parts… Is that okay? I will post part 2 tomorrow hopefully and part three next Saturday. This was a request! Thank you to whoever requested this! Anyways, Enjoy ~o~)

Chatter filled the mystical snowy atmosphere as students in different house robes with their trunks with other personal items and pets such as owls, toads, cats, and rats dragging behind them.

All of them standing on the platform waiting for the Hogwarts Express to take them away from the castle.

I have to admit Hogwarts did a hell of a job of decorating for the holidays to the 8-foot Christmas trees with sparkling ornaments and the giant Christmas feast held every year in the Great Hall.

It’s a shame I can’t spend it with my boyfriend, Draco, he has to go on holiday with his family to Switzerland. L u c k y  h i m.

I was quite upset when I heard the news. Every year I have to stay at the castle because my parents always have some “important” business to attend to.

When I told Draco this he started to spend Christmas at Hogwarts too so I wouldn’t be lonely during the holidays.

Those are my favorite memories of Draco and I. This year I have to figure out what I’m going to.

“Hey, Babe.” A voice from behind me spoke placing a firm kiss on my cheek.

Turning around I’m faced with a Draco who has his Slytherin scarf up to his chin and snowflakes in his hair and eyelashes.

He looked like a God.

Noticing my staring he gives me a cheeky smile and a wink.

I smile back at him. Of course, it wasn’t a real smile it was a smile you give your parents to assure them you’re okay when you’re not.

His smile turned into a frown, “Love, I won’t be away for long. Remember what I told you?”

Nodding my head I replied, “I know but sending an owl isn’t the same as seeing you in person, Dray.”

Reaching his hand towards my face he hooks his finger behind my ear and his thumb was rubbing small circles on my cheek bone.

“You know Y/N that the distance between us is only 1,640 km.”

I look at him in awe, “That’s a lot of distance that’s going to be in between us.”

“It is but just knows when you look up at the sky thinking of me I’m also looking at the same sky thinking of you, my love.”

Blushing at his statement Draco brings his lips to mine not kissing me they were just brushing over mine.

Putting my arms around his neck I close the remaining space that was between us.

While our lips moved in sync one of Draco’s found a way to my waist, he grip was firm.

Draco being the first to pull away because the train finally reached the platform.

He places his forehead against mine, “I would love if the distance between us was zero but I’m sorry Love I have to go. Expect my owl.”

With that, he grabbed his trunk and owl and got in line to board the train.

My eyes followed his every move to him walking in the train corridors through the windows until he took his seat with his fellow Slytherins.

As the train started to move against the tracks he waved his final Goodbye.

Watching the train until it’s out of my sight I think, “What am I going to do now.”

                                              END OF PART ONE

I’m on a thrifting diet so these are the only things I bought this weekend for a total of 50¢. Vintage Italian sailor Christmas tree ornament souvenir and two used vintage Helena Rubinstein lipsticks: Hot Red and Red Satin. I don’t know why I bought the lipsticks because I won’t use them—maybe I just wanted to have a tangible, intimate link to the ordinary past.

Sunday Ficnic

Theme- Gen

Characters- Lance, Shiro, Pidge, Hunk, Coran, Keith, Allura

Words- 1462

“I miss earth.”

Lance hugged his knees to his chest and rested his chin on top. It wasn’t a very comfortable position, but it almost felt like he was hugging someone. He could remember tucking his little sister under his chin as they watched the sunset on the beach.

“It’s completely normal to miss your home Lance. Nobody’s going to judge you for that,” Shiro’s voice was right behind Lance, but he didn’t bother to turn his head from the observation window. “And if you need to talk, we’re here for you.”

“It’s just…” Lance sighed and turned his head. There were tear tracks that ran down his face and his eyes were red, puffy, and stored an ocean full of sadness in them. “How long has it been since we left Shiro? Weeks? Months? It’s probably coming up on Christmas if it hasn’t passed already. I- I’ve already missed so much, and- and- and Christmas was- It was such a big thing for my family y’know? Everyone would get packed into our little house by the beach, and- and we would all help cook or watch- I would watch the kids. I don’t- what if there are new kids to watch this year, but I don’t know about them cause- cause I’m on the other side of the goddamned universe.”

Lance knew he was working himself into hysterics again, but he just couldn’t stop himself. He couldn’t stop thinking about how he could have a new niece or nephew he may never meet them. They may grow up without knowing who Lance even is.

A soothing hand rubbed up and down his back slowly until he stopped crying. He didn’t know how long they stayed there, quietly looking at the stars and taking comfort in another person, but eventually Lance’s eyelids drooped, and sleep overcame him.


Lance woke up to a quiet room. Which was weird because usually someone was sent to wake him up for a hearty breakfast of green space goo. Usually he would be glad that he didn’t get shaken awake by Hunk or jumped on by Pidge, but the rest of the team has been acting… odd recently. Pidge stole his headphones and claimed they didn’t, Hunk became all jittery and nervous whenever Lance came into the room, and Coran was asking strange questions. Lance even walked into a room once, and as soon as they saw him they all stopped talking.

It was beyond weird, and if Lance were being honest, it freaked him out a bit. They must have been talking to each other about him. What, did they decide that he wasn’t good enough to be a paladin of Voltron or something? He knows that he doesn’t really fit in with them, and he has an okay shot, but he really does need to work on hand-to-hand combat.

But that can’t be it, right? He talked with the team about his insecurities, and he knows that a lot of that is in his head, but the doubt’s still there. And it’s not like Hunk looked guilty when Lance saw him. He looked more… excited. Hunk would never look excited that he was talking about his best bud behind his back.

Then what was up with everybody? Lance had no idea, but he wanted to find out. Today, he thought. I’ll talk about it with them today.

He took off his face mask and left for the dining room. It was oddly quiet the entire way there, which was extremely odd given that you could at least hear Allura’s mice squeaks through the ventilation shafts. Opening up the door to the dining hall, the lights were off.

“Hello? Hunk? Are you in here? What’s going on?” Lance called, holding his hand out in front of him to avoid running into anything. Suddenly, he heard a small squeak on his right and the lights blinked on. Lance covered his eyes, momentarily blinded, when a chorus of voices shouted out “Merry Christmas Lance!”

Slowly opening his eyes, Lance looked up to see the entire Voltron team, Coran and Allura included, gathered around a tree with small paper ornaments  Of course the tree was blue and translucent, but it’s the thought that counts and the thought that made tears well up in his eyes.

Lance cleared his throat and when he thought he had the waterworks under control he said, “What’s going on?”

“Well,” Hunk stepped up. “We heard that you missed having a Christmas so we decided to have our own Christmas in space.” He rubbed the back of his neck and Lance glanced at Shiro, who looked equally sheepish.

“Now that everyone’s here we can light up the tree and everything!” Pidge exclaimed. She snuck under the tree to click on the lights, and Lance’s eyes widened as a smile stretched across his face. It was beautiful.

“C’mon Lance, let’s go eat the Christmas meal me an Coran made,” Hunk grabbed his arm and led him to the table. Lance let him because he was still in awe at all of this. His awe only increased when Hunk brought out the feast that was Christmas breakfast.

“Wow this looks amazing guys,” Lance said. He took a bite out of what looked to be a pancake. “And it tastes amazing too!”

“Lance don’t speak with your mouth full,” Allura scolded, but there was no real malice behind the words.

Lance looked over to see Keith stuffing food into his mouth nonstop, and he almost spat out his own food because of how ridiculous Keith looked. He tried to steal some food off the mullet’s plate only for his hand to be slapped away. Lance laughed, and everyone joined in.

After breakfast was presents apparently. When Lance guiltily brought up that he didn’t have anything to give to anyone, everyone said it was okay.

“Besides dude, you didn’t even know we were going to do this,” Hunk added. Still, Lance made a mental note to make gifts for everyone. It’s better late than never.

Pidge gave Lance his gift first. It was the headphones she stole.

“I gave them some upgrades,” she explained. “Now they can play more songs as well as the sound of the ocean if you want. I couldn’t get the actual ocean sound, but it’s pretty close.”

“Thank you so much Pidge. This means so much to me,” Lance replied.

Hunk gave him a batch of cookies. According to Hunk they should taste similar to snickerdoodles, and Lance would try one if he wasn’t already so full from breakfast.

Coran was next. He gave Lance an Altean device that took a single memory and stored it to play if you shake it. It reminded Lance of a snow globe.

Allura and Shiro teamed up on their gift. They had created more face-mask formulas for Lance to use as well as found a blue lion hat for Lance to wear if he wanted to. It was a bit gaudy, which was perfect.

Keith was last. He refused to meet Lance’s eyes as he held out his gift. It was wrapped in Altean paper, and looked as if someone had rewrapped it ten times before it being satisfactory.

“What’s this? A gift from Mullet?” Lance joked.

“Shut up. Just open it Lance,” Keith was getting redder by the minute.

Lance opened the wrapping carefully and took out the gift. It was a simple stone, smooth and round and small enough to fit into his palm. Lance couldn’t take his eyes off it, and he listened to Keith as he tried to explain the gift.

“It’s nothing much really. I had grabbed it from my shack before I left. Just as a weird hunch you know? It’s a worry stone. I see that you, uh, get a little fidgety from pent up energy sometimes, and I thought that if you had something to do with your hands, you might- I don’t know- be able to focus more? Not like you can’t focus now, it’s just-” Keith’s rambling was cut off by a pair of arms encircling him and a face buried in his shoulder.

“It’s perfect,” Lance whispered. Everything was finally sinking in. They did this, put all of this on just for him. There was no way to stop the tears.

Lance looked up at everyone else and gave them a watery smile, “Thank you guys. It’s perfect. Really.”

Hunk was the first one to join in on the hug, but soon everybody was surrounding Lance with warmth.

Lance’s favorite holiday is Christmas. He knows Christmas isn’t about trees, or food, or gifts; it was about spending time with your family. And being surrounded by all of this love proves that he was doing just that.


Prompt: 12. Visiting Dallas Winston’s family for the first time during Christmas and they absolutely adore you.

For: @susansixx

You had been dating Dally for a few months now, he’d been with you longer than any of his previous girlfriends and he really thought you were the one for him, something he had never felt for anyone else before.

“Y/N?” He says walking into his room at Buck’s place; you were waiting for him on his bed.

“Yeah Dal?”

“Tomorrow is Christmas, it’s tradition for…um… for my girlfriend to meet my family on Christmas…” He pauses to nervously run his hands through his hair.

“You want me to meet your father? I thought you two didn-”

“No! I want you to meet the gang!” You face went red, you’d heard so much about the gang, but you had never actually met any of them, and frankly you were kind of scared. What if they don’t like me? Dally looks at you for a moment and his face falls, “What’s wrong doll? You don’t have to meet them if you don’t want to, it’s alright.”

“No Dal, I’d love to meet them, I’m just a bit nervous.”

A small smile finds its way to his face.

Dally opens the door to the Curtis house, “Aren’t you gonna knock?”

He chuckles, “They keep their door open, and we normally just walk in whenever we want.”  

Your heart raced through your chest as you walked in, Dally sensed it and he placed his hand on the small of your back, you instantly felt comforted. You walk into a small living room with a tree in the corner, the tree has a few ornaments on it, but there’s a ton of presents underneath.

“Hey Dal!” An attractive boy in a flannel shirt calls out, everyone turns their attention towards you, “And you must be Y/N!”

“Y/N, this is Sodapop,” Dally points to the boy in the flannel, “That’s his older brother Darry, and his younger brother Ponyboy. That’s Steve, Johnny, and Two-Bit.”

They all greet you kindly, and Darry gets up to make room for you on the couch, saying something about getting dinner ready.

You sit in silence for a few painfully awkward moments. Sodapop suddenly turns to you and smiles, “We’ve heard a lot about you Y/N.”

“All good things I hope,” You smile back.

“Of course!” Two-Bit pipes in, “From the way Dally talks about you, we can’t help but think that he’s going soft.”

“Fuck off!” Dally says, chucking a pillow at Two-Bit, a slight blush appearing on his cheeks.

“You’re a writer, right Y/N?” Ponyboy asks.

“Yeah, I am!” Pony’s eyes light up at your response, he and Johnny turn to you, and the three of you get lost in conversation about books.

“Dinner is ready, hurry up!” Darry call from the dining room. You all gather around the table that is stocked with food. Dally sits down next to you and grabs you hand under the table.

“Darry, this all looks amazing,” You gesture towards the table.

“Thanks Y/N!” He gives you a genuine smile; it seems as if he doesn’t get complements on his food often.

You’ve all exchanged presents and you’re joking around with Steve, Sodapop, and Two-Bit, when Dally comes up to you announces that you two should get going, the boys let out a few “Aww’s” and “Don’t go’s”.

“You should come back and visit more often Y/N,” Darry says as you get up.

“Definitely!” Sodapop adds.

“I will,” You smile at them.

As you and Dally leave the house, Johnny quickly comes after you two, “Y/N! Can I talk to you for a minute?”

You give Dally a confused look, before going towards Johnny, he leads you out of earshot of Dally, “I just wanted to thank you Y/N.”

“For what Johnny?”

“We never thought Dally would find someone like you, but ever since he’s met you, we’ve all noticed that he seems so much happier. Thank you,” He gives a shy hug before walking back into the house, leaving you speechless.

I guess I was worried about meeting the gang for nothing!   

Masterlist // Rules List // To-Do List

Clichés: Chapter 2

Someone asked me to tag them in this so they could know when it was updated…but i’m a moron and didn’t write their url down. So if you wanna be tagged/mentioned when there’s an update, send me an IM or an ask. I’ve added a button on my blog that will allow you to read Clichés in chronological order.

Once your blush faded away and you were composed enough to not look like an idiot that was in love with their boss, you went to go talk to your other boss, the one that you weren’t majorly crushing on. Not that Jack Morrison wasn’t attractive with those stunning blue eyes and sexy blonde hair and fit, muscular body with arms that probably felt like heaven lying in… what was the point again?

You walked up to him just as that bitchy reporter was leaving. You could see the frown on her pretty face as she huffed and turned away, walking towards the elevator with purpose. Jack groaned once she was out of sight, those blue eyes you had just been thinking about rolling in annoyance.

“Didn’t think she was ever gonna leave.” He huffed, turning around and sitting on top of your desk. You moved to stand beside him, offering a comforting smile.

“How’d it go?” You asked him, eyes darting to the mug of coffee resting dangerously close to the corner of your desk. The coffee you made that morning was no doubt cold and gross by now, but if it spilled, you’d have to clean it up. Or the janitor, Jamison, would and he could be a little intense. Luckily Jack seemed to notice the mug on the brink of suicide and picked it up before he accidentally knocked it over.

“She didn’t take it well, but she’ll be out of our hair for now,” He informed her, “‘World’s Okayest Secretary’?” He read the text on the mug, deep chuckle escaping his lips.

“Yes, it was a Christmas present from Mister Reyes.” You recalled the memory fondly.

Keep reading