tree fruits

“CERBERUS NEEDS A BATH, I HAVE TO WASH THE SHEETS, I DON’T REMEMBER WHERE THE VACUUM IS. I’VE LEFT MY ROCK COLLECTION ALL OVER THE DINING ROOM TABLE. SHE’S GONNA HAVE MY GUTS FOR GARTERS”

That feeling when the wife comes home from her mother’s and you kept saying “Just one more episode of Breaking Bad and then I’ll clean”

Also featuring, Hades’s Reading Glasses 

anonymous asked:

i breezed through all of your family lore stories and the fucking ornamental peach tree gave me an out of body experience which i still havent recovered from hOLY FU C K

I assume this was a good out-of-body experience, but thank you!

UPDATE:  When grandpa died and Grandma sold the house, dad and I dug the peach tree up out of the yard to take with us, and transplanted it first to another yard in CA, then again when we moved to CO.  We’ve had unnaturally hot weather this year, and as of 2/18, the damn thing has buds on it already, when it normally flowers in April.  

Mom is not pleased.  LAST time it decided to flower early (2015), the bees pollinated the fuck out of it because it was the only flower game around, and we ended up having to prop the damn thing up with 2x4′s and ladders to keep the branches from snapping under the weight of the fruit.  There was more fruit than we could give away in a timely manner and mom STILL has peach preserves in the pantry from that.

So I guess grandpa intimidated the FUCK outta that tree.