what does love feel like to you? how many times have you been in love? how is your love now different from past loves?
love feels like waking up to that gentle blue before the sunrise and feeling hazy, not totally knowing where you are or what is troubling you, and then falling back asleep. except with love you don’t fall back asleep and you just feel like that pretty much all of the time. even when life throws some stuff at you, when that person comes to you or calls you you dip a little back into that hazy feeling. it brings you a rose colored life. i was in love when i was 17 for a few years and now with somebody else. i’ve felt the beginnings of falling in love for people but i think i was just infatuated, it wasn’t love. it never grew to that. there are a lot of things that are different with this love than my past love. all loves will feel different. i don’t want to get into the differences because it’s personal but this is better. so much better. i feel like i am with the person i need to be with right now. it’s been five months since things started with us and i still find myself being amazed by how he treats me. i love him !!! i’m in love. he’s the warmest thing in my life. such a beautiful and kind and funny and talented person.
Leading a happier and healthier life makes everything seem more easy and rosey. Here are a few of my tips on leading a happier and healthier life.
TIP #1 - STAYING ORGANZIED. This is HUGE for me, that’s why I made it #1. Staying organized not only makes life easier but it also leads to you being happier. Keeping a planner on you and jotting down things to remember, like studying for that test, or when you work, or where you’ll fit in a workout, and when you need to clean your place makes you keep up to day to day things which prevents you from stressing. I love being organzied I feel like it has become a hobby for me, but I know when I’m organized I’m just making life easier for me also, and hey, who doesn’t want life to be easier? Keeping a agenda is just one part of staying organized but even with your clothes, I love to have my clothes folded and organized and steamed and my bag is packed and ready for the next day, I love to lay out my workout clothes for my morning workout the next day, prepping your food the night before, I know it sounds like a lot of work, but once you get into the habit.. it does make your life easier and leaves you more time to do the things you love without stressing about the things you forgot to do!
TIP #2 - TAKING CARE OF YOUR BODY. This tip sounds like it should be a given… but we sometimes forget to keep up with the maintance of our bodies and giving it what it needs. When you’re young it seems like you’re going to be young forever, but once you hit your 20’s things start to catch up and you can’t get away with what you could when you were younger, so making sure you take care of yourself is huge! So making sure you are giving your body the proper nutrients it needs everyday is so important, drinking lots of water, you’re body needs it and will rewards you with nice skin and hair! Stretch before you workout and after. Speaking of working out…. WORK OUT!!! Exercising is huge for you body and will help you maintain a good weight for yourself, keep you healthy and keep your heart healthy. Exercising also helps with stress, so if you have exams or just a bad patch in life, working out will make you forget all about it for a while. Don’t forget to shower, brush your teeth and use that deodorant, also make sure to moisturize with SPF. The sun is very damaging and so is TANNING BEDS… JUST DON’T DO IT!! Taking care of your body is self explanatory, you’re obviously going to feel great about yourself and feel happy that you take good care of it. Don’t forget to eat your veggies and fruits!
TIP #3 - SURROUNDING YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE.
No one likes to be around someone who is negative and just brings you down, but we are all guilty of keeping this person in our lives longer then we would like. It is so important to make sure you have good people in your life, I think that’s something we forget, that we are indeed in charge of who we surround outselves with. I am very picky with who I let in my life, and who I choose to spend my time with, because honestly? Life is way too short to be spending time on people who really don’t wish the best for you. If there was a bowl in front of you with 10 apples, would you pick the gross, bruised looking one? You would probably go for the one that looks shiny and fresh, so be the same with the people in your life. Surround yourself with people who genuinly care about you and wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, IT WILL make your life easier and make you happier.
TIP #4 - YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT.
I have learned this one first hand. When I was obese I would wake up every morning in the most miserable moods, eat… be miserable, eat more and be even more miserable. There was no such thing as a veggie or a fruit in my diet. I drank like a case of Diet Coke a day and I felt myself just breaking down. I would cry, I was so unhappy with the way I knew I was treating myself and how I was taking it out on the people around me. I ate like crap, I felt like crap. So when I saw my body change when I made my lifestyle change it amazed me more than anything I have ever experienced. I felt myself become happier, I felt myself love who I was and see a more beautiful world. I know it sounds cheesy but I have never spoke truer words.
TIP #5 - SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP ZZZZZ.
We’re young, we like to stay up late, I get that. But we truly don’t know how much sleep means to our bodies. We need to be aiming to sleep about 8 hours a night. I struggle with this myself, but it’s something I’m really trying to work on. Not only does it make you feel happier when you get your proper sleep, but it also makes your skin glow and you can conquer your days better!!!
TIP #6 - Being a positive person yourself.
Somedays when you are just having a bad day, it’s hard to stay postive and the world just seems to suck. BUT you need to keep a postive mindset the best of your abilities. Sometimes when I’m going to work and there is bad traffic, I will honestly let it ruin my whole day, but I think to myself “you have so much to be grateful for and your going to complain about something like this” and I seem to knock it off pretty fast. Reminding yourself of what you have and how blessed you are is a great way to stay positive and not let the little let downs in your day get you to be a negative person.
A/N: Listen to Heartbreak Girl while reading this! It goes really good because the plot was literally based off of the song. Either version works, but Troye’s matches a bit more, his song is short compared to the imagine reading.
I can’t believe it happened again. I can’t believe I was so stupid. There I was walking out of Zach’s place in tears. We just had a fight and he was a real jerk about and brushed me off. Last night he was at a club with his friends and apparently one his friends gave a girl his number. Lies, as always what else did I expect with Zach? The girl had been texting and calling him all day and to make things worse, I saw a photo them making out on his friend’s post online. Zach said he was drunk and things happen. I left after that, with my mascara running down my face. I went home to cry on my bed and got some stupid amount of sleep.
My phone is ringing, it’s y/n’s ringtone so I got up to answer it.
“Hello?” I say sitting up from my bed with my laptop on my lap.
“Dan?” y/n spoke quietly I could hear her voice breaking. It sounded like she’d been crying.
“What’s up?” I asked trying to sound casual, but I was pretty worried.
“Are– are you at your house?” She said stuttering.
“Yes, do you want to come over?” I offered instantly wondering why she sounded so shaken.
“Yeah. That’d be great.” She responds distantly almost a faint whisper, as if she’s gone. I’m getting quite worried. I nodded my head even though she wasn’t in the room with me, I don’t why.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
Silence. No response, other than shaky sigh. That’s it, something was wrong and I had to know what was wrong with her.
“y/n.” I say sternly. “Tell me what’s wrong please.” I begged, perhaps sounding too desperate as my voice softened.
“I’ll tell you when I get over to your house. Be there in 20.” She said abruptly and hung up before I got the chance to say anything else. I couldn’t even revolt, I am a complete sucker for that girl.
I began to get ready and clean up my apartment. I’ve been in bed having a lazy Saturday and didn’t having meetings or work, so I didn’t bother fixing my hair.
I tried to straighten it as best as I could and put on some skinny jeans and a grey tee shirt. I wondered what was wrong, she sounded so sad on the phone. Well Dan, you’re going to find out so put some clothes on and get ready for y/n.
I walked shakily out of the car. I usually wear eyeliner, foundation, the whole works basically, but I figured I’d be crying today. I opted for some lip stain, minimal eye makeup and blush to put the life back into my cheeks. I knocked on the door.
Dan opened it and waved, instinctively guiding me in, “Hey. Come in.”
As we were going to walk to the lounge, Dan was about to take my coat and put it on the couch. But before he could, I turned around and ran into his arms. He didn’t decline and wrapped his arms around me giving me a much needed warm hug. He held me tight, running over the top of my hair with his hand as his grip on me was protective.
“I broke up with Zach yesterday.” I mumbled into his chest.
Tears began to run down my face once again, and I could feel my eyes becoming red.
“What?” Dan paused pulling me away to look at my face, then said, “Again?”
I cried even harder, “Yes. I know I’m stupid for keep on going back to him and should’ve stopped. But I thought it would work this time and I just— I don’t know h/n.”
“It’s okay.” Dan sadly uttered, obviously empathic for my stupid self.
“I just wanted to make it work you know?” I shook my head.
“y/n, of course you did you’re a good person. You wanted to kept trying, you’re good like that.” He told me with the most hopeful eyes, I guess never really noticed how good he was at cheering me up. But even he couldn’t make me feel better for how incredibly idiotic my actions were.
“No I’m pretty dumb.” I sighed.
He hugged me harder and I felt the warmth of his hand rubbing my back up and down, sighing. It felt so nice to have him hold me.
“Go sit on the couch, I’ll make you something to drink.” Dan whispered in my ear and then seating me gently down on his dark blue couch.
When I first saw y/n walk through the door, she looked awful. She was still beautiful but she looked like the life had been taken out of her. I knew it was Zach. That freaking jerk. I cannot believe he messed up again. Jeez what was wrong with the guy. I gritted my teeth. Ok Dan, don’t get distracted. y/n is all alone in the living room, and you need to be there for her. I decide to make her some tea, black earl, her favorite.
I walked back in, much calmer to put the tea on the table and I’m ready to listen to her.
“Thanks.” y/n murmmered wiping away a tear. I hated seeing her like this, what did that jerk do to her?
“So what happened?” I asked with pure sympathy.
She looked up at me with those beautiful eyes of hers and proceeded to speak.
I explained to him what had happened. He looked annoyed, then angry and solemn.
“He went out with his friends rather than with you?”
I shook my head, “He does that a lot.”
“Wow. Prick.” Dan spat out rolling his eyes and I laughed a little, it’s been awhile.
“You told him you were upset over him kissing another girl drunk and giving her his number? So he brushed you off.”
I nodded as he put his hand on my leg to comfort me.
“I’m sorry, y/n.” His round deep brown eyes looked furious but he was still he kind self. I just nodded and leaned onto his shoulder, wanting the comfort of my friend.
Gradually mine and y/n’s embrace tuned into her in my arms, which I really didn’t mind. In fact I quite liked it, but I didn’t like the circumstances that caused this. Her crying and being all sad, all of it because of that stupid guy. I kinda wanted to punch Zach’s face, actually no, I totally wanted to punch that stupid face of his off hurting y/n. But I obviously couldn’t, so I went back to the most perfect girl in my arms. That girl Zach’s with was probably nothing compared to y/n.
y/n put her hand out to drink her tea. She too looked adorable, but she was heartbroken. I wanted to scream out that I loved her with all my heart and that she could be with me, but I didn’t. There we were sat in my living room both at heart conflicts.
“I just don’t know how I’m meant to get over him. I mean I checked my phone and he’s out tonight with the same girl. He obviously didn’t care about me, but I cared so much about him. How will I ever get over him?” She literally meant every word, as she groaned over him.
“What?” I asked her, surprised. Why would the most perfect girl worry about getting over nor care about a piece of trash?
“I’m just heartbroken.” Was all she could say. Her voice was weak and tired, something she’s grown far too accustomed to and it pissed me off. How could y/n not see how incredible she was?
I tried to bite my tongue and held her tightly. But that was it, I couldn’t freaking lie to her anymore and hide my feelings.
“Y/N, How are you heartbroken over a guy who treats you like crap and is that himself?!” I was angry at y/n for not knowing how she deserves to be treated.
I saw Dan light up with fire. I’ve never heard him raise his voice like that.
“Why are you like this?” I frantically said confused at the boy with brown hair.
“I thought you were my friend?”
Dan puffed out a big breath of air. “Of course, I am you’re friend, y/n!” He said getting defensive. “What the heck, sometimes I wish I was more than just your bloody friend y/n!”
“What?” I’m dumbfounded. Did Dan Howell just confess his feelings to me? I had no idea, I mean he’s always been a great friend of mine but I’ve never seen him like that, especially when I was with Zach.
“Why can’t you just let me love you?” He proclaimed, distressed and upset with watery eyes.
“I didn’t know. Dan, I’m sorry. I just never…” My voice strayed away just my train of rational thoughts.
“What, you never realized?! I love you y/n!” He frustratedly shouted to them become quiet.
I was in shock. Did that just happen? Dan was in love with me. Or is in love with me.
After a couple of seconds pass, all I could say was my true thought, “Why didn’t you tell me?” I quietly ask.
“When you were with your boyfriend or heartbroken?” Dan sarcastic words sharply cut through me. I felt awful and cornered, but I didn’t know how I should’ve felt, my best friend just admitted to having feelings for me. But I didn’t necessarily not mind.
“You put your feelings aside to spare mine?”
Dan’s eye advanced looking down at the ground, “I guess I did.”
I tried as hard as I could to not tell y/n. I thought I’d just live with her being with Zach, but see the way he hurt her, I couldn’t let that happen again without telling her how I really felt. He treated so bad and I could treat her so good, it wasn’t fair. Anyways they’ve broken up, so I told myself it was fine. I confessed my feelings, a bit loud, but I did it and honestly I didn’t regret it. y/n deserves to know that someone loves her and can treat her the way she deserves.
It wasn’t until he said those words, I never really realized it but Dan was an insanely amazing guy. He was caring, witty and smart. He pushed his feelings aside for me, for goodness sake’s. Dan was always there for me from the ups and downs of my relationship to when I had a bad day. Zach didn’t even do such a thing, nor did he care the way Dan does for me. He never left my side and he was the one person I could truly talk to about anything. How could’ve I’ve been so stupid? Why did I not notice that the best person, was right in front of me?
“Dan, I’m so sorry.”
“No, no it’s alright, I’m sorry.” Dan was awfully too polite for his own good. “I shouldn’t have shouted at you.”
I just shake my head in dismissal of his earlier voice volume, and mutter another sorry.
“Just forget about it, y/n.” Dan said trying to brush it of, in a harsh yet disappointed tone.
I saw how broken he was, from his eyes to his voice, to his entire aura.
I placed my hand on his, but he pulled away.
“It’s fine that you don’t feel the same way, I just needed to tell you.” Dan focused on his hands fidgeting.
“Who said I didn’t feel the same way?” I looked at him, bringing his face to see mine.
He hacked, “Don’t pity me, y/n.”
“No, you don’t pity me Dan.”
He looked confused as I continued, “Please don’t pity me for not seeing the best thing that’s ever happened to me. For not seeing that the guy, who I can talk to anytime and cares about me so much, was here the whole time. Please don’t pity me because I was too concerned in other stuff, to realize that you love me.”
Dan opened his mouth and was about to speak, but I cut him off, I needed to tell him. My eyes began to water and he cracked a small smile.
“And Dan Howell please forgive me, when I tell you that I truly love you, as you do me. That I was just too stupid to realize that you’d always be there for me because you love me. I’m now ready to do the same for you, because I love you.”
I felt tears trickle down my face. But these were different tears, they were happy tears. I looked grinningly at Dan and saw his watery eyes. He was smiling like a little kid and then went to wipe a tear from my face.
“So will you forgive me?” I smiled, grabbing his hand and he held it tight.
“There’s nothing for me to forgive you for.” Dan leaned into my lips. He pulled my lips over into his softly and sweetly. I didn’t decline and let him instantly, insanely satisfied that I did allow myself in his soft lips and mouth. Dan then pulled away slightly to whisper,
“y/n, I love you so much. Always have, always will.”
I blushed and my heart melted at that, pulling him back into our embrace.
“I love you too, Dan,” I tell him with slight tears in my eyes.
“Thank you for waiting, for all those times I was just a heartbroken girl over dumb guys.” I say bittersweetly, brutally honest at myself.
Dan scoffs before pulling my head close to kiss me on the forehead.
“I promise I’ll never break your heart.”
sorry this is so late and long i’ve been working my brain all day to fully remember the full extent of our conversation because i could barely remember it when i first got out!!! i also wanted to write out a little memoir for myself to look back on
[FYI: post contains excess use of the word ‘gelato’]
Those of you who follow me on Instagram will have seen my post about this beautiful tub of gelato I got from Aromi.I recommend anyone who is in Cambridge to try this place, it’s amazing (!). But one thing I didn’t reveal on my Instagram post was the week long wait I had to get it…
The streets of Cambridge are usually pretty quiet during term time, apart from weekends, where locals and tourists flock in almost equal numbers to the city, running errands or enjoying a mini break. These numbers do slowly rise as summer approaches, but I have to admit that I usually only see this in passing when on the way to the library, so I have never truly realised just how popular Cambridge is.
I arrived last week, and on Sunday morning I went to Aromi to get my usual coffee and read. Its something I like to do early in the morning, and last Sunday was the same as any other I had experienced here - fairly quiet. I spent a good couple of hours there reading Middlemarch, and had decided to go to and browse around the Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology. It felt so good to make a decision like this, knowing I didn’t have an essay to read for or a supervision to attend - I’m not used to having time to myself in this city, no timetable, so many possibilities (!). Anyway, I was just about to leave when I realised that in all of my years here, I had never tried the famous gelato from Aromi, and the weather was so lovely that day. But it was only 11:00am, so I thought I’d go to the museum and then return later that afternoon to ‘treat myself’. So I leisurely browsed around Cambridge.
The museum was amazing. I ended up looking round for hours, just because I could. It was so interesting, and I learned a lot that afternoon - I can’t believe I had never been before! Afterwards, heading back to Aromi to get gelato, I was quite stunned by the sheer number of people walking the streets.
I felt quite overwhelmed, and hadn’t really seen anything like this before. I come from a busy city myself (Birmingham), and I’ve also visited London a fair few times, so I’m no stranger to a crowd, but I think the narrow streets of Cambridge mean the number of people seems double. Turning the corner to Aromi, I can honestly say I was stopped in my tracks. The queue for gelato was down the street, easily a 40 minute + wait, and this time was only increasing.
I decided to leave and head back home, navigating my way through the overflowing streets of tourists, swerving constantly to avoid walking into those who stopped suddenly to take pictures (…sometimes failing to avoid this). It sounds funny now, but honestly at the time it was so stressful, almost as stressful as exam term haha!
So, after a week at my new internship (which I enjoy so much, by the way), yesterday morning I went into Cambridge city centre to run some errands, and I walked past Aromi once more. It was 11:30am, I was about to head to the university library before going home, but I noticed that there was no queue. The tourists hadn’t hit yet. So, I tossed the thought that it was ‘too early’ from my mind, and I got gelato. It was, as others had told me, lovely, and I also noticed that as soon as I had bought some, a queue started forming, so it was just in time! I FINALLY GOT GELATO. Its insane how happy I felt, like I had won a race, met a deadline. I had literally… just bought gelato.
…I’m not quite sure why I’m writing a post based around my gelato-buying story, perhaps this means I’m going insane (maybe its the heat), but I think I’m writing because this week has made me realise just how different Cambridge is over summer.
I can definitely see why the city is so popular, it’s a beautiful place to be. It’s just taking some getting used to. As a student here, I’m used to peaceful streets, and currently the hoards of tourists blocking King’s Parade (it took my friend 30 minutes to walk down it), queueing for punting (…and gelato) is a bit of a shock to the system. But having said that, I’m adapting, and I’m beginning to enjoy the more urbane vibe to Cambridge. I can’t say that I would enjoy Cambridge like this 365 days a year, but I think for the summer period - I can deal. I myself love Cambridge, so why shouldn’t others have the opportunity to make their own memories here?
I just felt like making a post to note that, although many pictures of Cambridge showcase the buildings, alone with near-empty surroundings, this is not always the case. Cities are lived in, roamed around, bustling. And a city’s use changes depending on the person. I think I forget that Cambridge is actually sometimes a tourist-attraction, not just my university, not just my home.
TIP: if you’re in Cambridge: get your gelato early.
so i turn 19 on the 28th November (which is an hour away) and some of you may know i’m dreading getting older but i want to end being 18 on a positive note so here are 19 good things that happened to me in 2016:
I finished my first year at college.
I got accepted into my second year at college.
I am currently doing said second year and although it’s difficult, I’m managing.
My second niece was born and I’m proud to be her godmother.
My mum got the all clear and although she went through a hellish year of chemo and radiotherapy and lost her hair, she’s okay and I will always be thankful for that.
I wrote a lot more this year, although writing has slowed down again for me with college being so busy but the motivation to write is still here.
I cut and donated 17 inches of my hair off and I’ve never felt better.
I became a lot more confident in myself and the way I look.
I put myself out there a lot more.
I started to become independent. Own money, own plans for the future.
I made people happy.
I was kinder to not only people around me but I was kinder to myself.
I’m a lot more open with the people I hold dear and that’s really strengthened a lot of my close relationships that I have with people.
I met some really amazing people.
I let go of a lot of grudges I was holding.
I started treating myself, buying myself new clothes and new underwear, so that I would feel good and confident and let me shine through.
I continue to help people with this blog and make people smile with some of the things I post.
I changed a lot this year, and as far as I can see, it was all for the best.