treated me badly

2017 will be the year where i detach myself emotionally from everything - you did something that was supposed to make me sad? whatever. you got more likes than i did on a post? good for you. you got a better grade than i did? nice, go get that education. my boyfriend cheated? the trash took itself out! family being rude to me and treating me badly? their words don’t define my worth

Just because …

1. Just because I laugh a lot … it doesn’t mean I don’t take life seriously.

2. Just because I act as if I’m happy … it doesn’t mean that everything is OK.

3. Just because I’m willing to forgive … doesn’t mean that you can use me, or treat me badly.

4. Just because I’m not in touch with you … doesn’t mean that I’ve forgotten, or don’t care about, you.

5. Just because I am trusting and am sometimes gullible… doesn’t mean that you can lie, or take advantage of me.

6. Just because I hold back and don’t always show my feelings … doesn’t mean that I don’t feel, or can’t be hurt by you and others.

7. Just because I find it hard to say the words “I love you” … doesn’t mean that I don’t love you, or care about you.

i truly feel bad for all the people who have ever hurt me/treated me badly. i will recover and i will move on but the people who have not treated me the way i deserve to be treated, well, they won’t hear from me again. and i don’t mean to sound conceited or arrogant, but i am a lot to lose. i am only human and i make mistakes but i am good. i am good and i swear i have a soft heart. it has caused me a lot of pain over the years, but i have a heart so big it can’t help but love in big amounts. you will never meet a person like me. i have battled my own heart for years, trying to get it to stop loving people the way that it does. but the people i have loved haven’t left without my love engraved into their minds. they will always search for the kind of love i gave to them in everything and everyone else, and they will not be able to find it. i don’t love like a normal person. i never have. and that is my advantage. you can call it my weakness or you can call it my strength. either way, there is no forgetting my love. you will always remember how it felt, sort of like a warm sweater on a chilly day and you will be freezing without it. and i, well, i will always be okay. i have a big heart and it warms up my entire body. it always has. you will miss the warmth of my heart. you will always miss my warmth. 

let’s play a game, it’s called: remember when I made a master post about how trashy and disrespectful Calcium hambag was to Taylor and it got 400+ notes of swifties just trashing and dragging me over it, and still trying to defend him?

cool me too, now let’s play a game called: the other side of the fandom is fake af for now trashing Calvin and saying how nasty he is, calling him names, and saying he treated Taylor badly. when 6+ months ago y'all were ready to have an instant orgasm over an olive tree no one has ever seen.

good times guys, taylor must be proud.

Ok folks, UPDATES!

I know I’ve been relatively quiet for MONTHS, but hopefully that changes now.

So, as most know I moved to Portland Oregon a little over a year ago from Asheville North Carolina.  Since then I have traveled to Thailand for surgery, been featured on a news blurb thing through barcroft media, and…. that’s about it.  I picked up a full-time job as a meat wrapper at Fred meyer immediately after returning from Thailand.  I did my best to stick it out, but to be perfectly honest my PTSD and depression got the best of me.  I ended up quitting during the Christmas rush because I couldn’t handle the number of people treating me badly every day.  I know that sounds silly, but I’ve also never worked in retail before, and working in the meat department of the busiest Kroger store in the country during the Independence day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas rush was not good for my mental health.

Since then I have managed to get enrolled in vocational rehabilitation through the VA and now that the snow is finally cleared I’m starting classes for an AAS degree in website development and design (because my Art degree hasn’t exactly been getting me work in my field).  I’m not entirely confident that this will do the trick either, but it will give me some breathing room to get my feet back under me and figure out my next steps as the VA will be paying my bills until the program completes.

In October, myself and my roommates/friends were forced to move from the house we were renting, so now instead of a basement in Sullivan’s Gulch, I’m in a subsidized apartment in Old Town.  It’s beautiful, but there are literally hundreds of homeless folks in my neighborhood and crime is high.  My car was stolen twice in a three day stretch from a lot that I had to pay 150 dollars a month for a spot in.  Of course my car died for good last week and had to be scrapped, so now I’m dependent on figuring out public transportation to get to classes on three different PCC campuses in the greater Portland area.  I still have my motorcycle, but it’s parked half an hour away in McMinnville because I don’t have anywhere safe to park it here, and it’s already had a gas cap stolen and a fender vandalized.

In spite of all this, I haven’t been completely useless.  I’ve been trying to do some organizing with local folks to resist the coming Trump presidency and the republican regime backing it.  Both @vortexsophia and I have been trying to teach self-defense classes to varying demographics (her to queer people and femmes, me to homeless women and sex workers) with varying levels of success.  We’re short on equipment and facilities, but we’re trying.  We’ve also been supplying folks that need it with pepper spray (we actually need to start reblogging the funding page again now that I think of it).

So.  TLDR:  It’s been an emotional, stressful, and hectic year.  I’ve had some amazing experiences and some miserable ones.  I just want to keep my followers updated (and perhaps offer some excuse for my long absences).  Soon I’m planning to set up a patreon and will get back into making original artwork.  I don’t currently have access to a forge, so I’m going to have to re-focus on two-dimensional art like drawings, paintings, watercolor, prints, etc. and maybe get into digital art.  I also will be getting back into working on my book.  I hope you’re all staying safe and warm and fed.  Keep your chins up and your eyes open in the difficult days ahead.  I’m rooting for you all and I’m going to try to be there for whoever I can, however I can.

Mike: What’s wrong with you? What is wrong with you?

Eleven: well, for starters. I was kept in a lab underground for the entirety of my life. Taken from my mother straight out of the womb and experimented on by a government run military laboratory that develops weapons to fight these communists- I don’t even know whom they are. I escaped last Sunday and I’ve killed a couple of men in between. The first ever person to show me genuine kindness was shot in the head by agents hired by my captor. You took me in and fed me, which is great but you kind of treated me badly when you thought j mislead you and your friends but I didn’t. Now I’m here protecting you with the utmost loyalty and you’re going off on me again and honestly I feel really attached rn.

my favorite revelations of my 20s thus far

1. i can literally wake up one day and choose to be someone totally different from who i was yesterday and it’s okay if i believe in that new person wholly.

2. i’m never going to escape being in pain, one way or another. i just have to deal the best i can, not pine for a day when i won’t have any. 

3. being self-reliant is only best in terms of my happiness. otherwise, it’s okay to ask for help and support. 

4. people treating me badly is not inherently indicative of my worth, just indicative of who other people can be and my willingness to put up with it.

5. sometimes i’m just gonna have to fucking wait. and it’s OKAY as long as i’ve done my due diligence. waiting isn’t bad, just difficult.

6. pushing down negative emotions is seriously toxic. i have to let myself feel things fully, then follow up with good thoughts and reminders once i have let myself feel bad.

7. honesty is the best policy, but only if it’s delivered in love. 

8. following my heart is cool, but hearts are greedy. 

9. i should never give more thought than necessary to people who hurt or devalue me. i have to focus and pour into the good people in my life instead of complaining about the ones who treat me wrong. 

10. love over everything. 

im so proud of ross barton for dumping rebecca white with so much sass and self-respect. i adore you, go look after your baby moses, and protect yourself from the bitches in your life that screw you over.

anonymous asked:

1/2 I find it curious that 6/7 seasons in now, and the two ladies & their beards still have not had TLK. The show even set it up to happen - & it failed every time. Why put it off, if its so locked & confirmed? And those relationships? Regina was clearly only with RH because the universe told her it was her only chance (a woman of course only able to be happy hitched to a man). Her desperation was nauseating. She was never happy, & the whole thing reeked of her staying with him out of hope.

2/2 And Emma? Putting aside the abusive roots of their relationship, and the fact he treats her like garbage & takes her love for granted, Emma always looks miserable. Its not happiness, or lust, or arousal. Its relief almost. Relief that this person, even though they treat me badly, says they love me and won’t leave me. Like thats the best she deserves or can hope for. I was abandoned all my life, but this person wants me, so thats good enough. Its passionless. 

Well…

Why was it okay for you to hurt me, okay for you to lie to me, okay for you to hide things from me and decieve me. Why was it okay for you to go out and do whatever you wanted without seeing if I was okay with it or not. Why was it okay for you to treat me so badly but expect me to forgive you and pretend like nothing happened. Why was it okay for you leave me and break my heart into a thousand pieces whenever you pleased. Well to tell you the truth it was not okay to do what you did, to hurt me the way you did. I am not okay with the way you treated me and pretended to love me.
—  t.i // It was not okay.

How I got involved in “the discourse”:

Someone: “aces+aros aren’t inherently LGBT+”

Me: reads some of the discussions, goes back to other things

Someone: “aces are so shitty and embarassing”

Me: ???

Someone: “aces r terrible, ace tumblr™ is the worst”

Me: ??? (tries to move on)

Someone, much later: “aro men attracted to women r misogynic and treat women badly”

Me: gets highly highly uncomfortable, thinks about saying something, finally moves on and just unfollows bc too freaked out

Someone: “aces+aros aren’t inherently LGBT+”

Me: still not involved in ‘discourse’

Someone: “demisexuality does not exist it’s a shitty label ppl need to not use it” (wrong definition of demisexuality gets used throughout entire post, it has a good deal of notes)

Me: “um I think that’s not good to say please don’t, it’s also not the actual definition?” (gets blocked, moves on)

A lot of people: “aros r misogynic”

A lot of people, many of them white: “aces+aros are all so white and racist”

Me: “heyy stop maybe, a lot of this stuff harms aces and aros of color and I’m VERY uncomfortable here, stop stop?”

Some ppl: immediately assume I’m white

A ton of other “exclusionists”: don’t take note at all, keep shitting on aces and aros including those belonging to additional marginalized group, I see worse and worse, anons come to me telling me most aces+aros are “cis, het and white”. Ace+aro PoC upset about all this outright get called ‘tokens’

Me: … … okay u know what I’m DONE

(Of course, the worst was yet to come)

anonymous asked:

I am quite new to witchcraft and some other practitioners have been treating me quite badly, like I am inferior and I know that they know more than me but it makes me really doubt myself. What should I Do?

Carry on.

Block anyone who thinks themselves an elitist snob; We don’t let ANYONE treat our baby Witches like that. So carry on, show them that you are just as valid a Witch as anyone else, regardless of experience. We will take care of you c: 

It’s 4 am, and I was gonna post some long, Redbull fueled rant about how people should treat you but tbh I’m tired and it would do nothing.
I’m sick of people treating others badly, including me. Like bruh I’m tired. I’m fuckn exhausted. I’m sick of people and yet the lack thereof. I need rest that I can’t seem to get no matter how much I sleep. This has been an unnecessary post from ur neighborhood sleepy girl. Good night erryone