Day 5: what you think when you hear the words “be yourself”

When someone tells me to just “be yourself” I think of just being my natural self without concerns of other people’s thoughts and opinions. That requires being comfortable with strangers like you are comfortable with family and friends. It means being real, genuine & honest, cause when you start off like that, you save yourself so much trouble. Being myself means being happy.

An example: From like day one I was myself with this chick. Weirdness, Obnoxious & all. Aheeeeh! & Now she’s obsessed with me! LOL JK. were good friends now & were just ourselves with each other. no fakeness, all real. Thats the best friendship, when it’s real from the start. Theres no tension, no walls, none of that bs.



Day 3: Someone I trust

Someone I trust? That’s definitely my bestfriend Dana. Our friendship is peculiar & complicated. I knew her since we were young, but I hated her. It wasn’t until 2006 that we actually became friends. For me, right then & there, a rollercoaster started. The best ride I’ve ever been on… still on. lol.

We’ve been through a lot together, well before highschool. Once we hit highschool we didn’t go through stuff together. We just went through regular teenage stuff not together but simultaneously. 

Look. We don’t really talk a lot. But so what? We don’t always have to. Whenever we get back together it’s like we never left eachothers side.

We talk at parties though. & at our sleepovers (the few that we have). & whenever we talk we realized were going through the same things, at the same time. lol. go figure. Whenever we talk I always realize I need her in my life. There isn’t anyone like her. No one who makes me think like she does. No one who I can cry to right then & there, right in front of her face. Theres no one. I can tell her anything & everything & I believe I have. (Excluding the fact that I need to catch her up with things since we haven’t really gotten the chance to sit and talk).

She makes me want to be a better person. She’s someone I aspire to be. Even if she’s like what.. 1 or 2 years younger than me lol. I always think of that song “I look to you” by whitney houston. The song’s about looking to someone when all hope is gone, when all strength is gone. She’s my person. You know in Grey’s Anatomy how Christina Yang & Meredith Grey are each others person? & just how powerful a phrase that is in the show? Yea. Same concept here. She’s my person.

Even though we don’t talk a lot, I hope she knows that I’m still there. I’m still here, no judgments, no catches. I’ll just listen if she wants only that. I’m a phone call away, a text away, a fb i.m, email, tumble, tweet whatever. 

If there ever was a time that I’d have to run to the ends of the earth for her, I would. Cuase thats what a best friend does. I’d sacrifice everything for her, I’d drop everything & run to her side when she needed me. I hope she still knows that.

But let’s be honest. Our silence kills me everyday. I see all these bestfriends & all I think is that mine isn’t even here. I barely even talk to her. But I always try to remind myself that the moment i do see her, all that is worth it. It really is. Dana’s destined for such great things, she has so many more opportunities than I have. My time with her “close” to me is running out. I’m just appreciating all my time with her. I’m so paranoid that i’m gonna lose her.. i don’t want to.. but life can deal that card to me at any time.

I’d be lucky to get 5 minutes with her. But no matter where life takes us, how often we talk, how much we see each other. No matter what. I’d trust her with my life. my deepest darkest secrets. I’d always be there. I look to you Dana. My BETTER half. My best friend. my sister. iloveyou<3



Day 17: Meryl Streep

I love Meryl Streep! She really is something else. She is so elegant & very talented. I love how she just completely immerses herself into every role she plays. She’s so down to earth & even though she’s “old”, she’s still beautiful, she’s still classy. I admire that woman!



Day 163: Asian Mart

I went to Chang Li to look for green tea kit kat to rub it in Vicky’s face but that was obviously a fail.. lol Anyways, I saw Hi-Chews which reminded me of shiela & then guava candies. lol oh wesley. lol yeaa. dassit.



Day 29: Lincoln Center/ A Day In the City

Adventure Time!!

The day started with KC coming over to freshly baked macaroni & cheese with bread crumbs on top lol. Then we took the train the Lincoln Center & as we waited for Dana we started to camera whore. LOL yes, thats the verb I shall use for the day. We made GIFs & took a ridiculous amount of photos. Once Dana came we saw The Little Orchestra Company’s production of Cinderella & the Prince Who Slays the Dragon. It was like an hour long, which we didn’t expect lol. It was a cute show, it’s meant for little kids which made the show fun anyways. It was a silent play, well silent as in the actors didn’t speak, they just danced ballet and acted lol. The orchestra was the only thing that played lol. 

Of course after the show I was in a ballet dancing mood so we took pictures/made GIFs of us dancing LOL were ridiculous. We did it right in the middle of Lincoln Center Plaza. Obviously no shame lol.

After we ventured for food. At subway, pinkberry & Chicken and Rice lol. What a fatty day. Dana left for Queens as me & KC stay in the city to explore. We went to Times Square and it legit took us FOREVER to find a freaking bathroom! lol There was no way we were gonna use a freaking McDonald’s bathroom. Yuck. We went into several Starbucks before we finally found a Starbucks with a bathroom. But that wasn’t until after stopping into various shops like American Eagle & such. We then went into Forever 21 in Times Square & it was PACKED.

We went down to the 2nd Level & both of our eyes fell on the photo booth. We looked at each other at the same time and had the same reaction lol. We stood in line & waited. When it was finally our time, Just Our Freaking Luck. The Photobooth overheats & doesn’t work. -sigh- next time lol. We continued shopping but we didn’t buy anything LOL. There was no way in hell we were gonna wait in the long ass lines.

Anywhosers. We decided to head back to MP & go to my church. We take the 2 to Pelham Parkway & I realize its the wrong Pehlam Parkway!! We decided to walk all the way to church from Pehlam Parkway & White Plains Rd lol. We made it a half hour early for church & I introduce her to Mr & Mrs Smith. lol. It was funny cause I could hear KC really try to sing even though she didn’t know the songs. After church we walk to my house & meet up with my parents.

& so another adventure begins. KC directs us to her house to drop her off & we talk about superstitions/ridgehill lol. Well we get lost & it’s hilarious how embarassed KC was lol. We get to her house & make our way to Outback for my mom’s birthday (which was the next day).

But Outback is another story lol.



Day 27: Definition of Happiness

Happiness is not feeling the emotion of happy all the time. Happiness is looking at everything you’ve done, everything you’ve been through & accepting them for what they are. Realizing that everything that you’ve done & been through, has brought you up to know. It’s made you who you are today. It’s accepting things you cannot change, having the courage to change them, & having the wisdom to know the difference (lol I know you’re thinking of the “God grant me the serenity quote”). It’s living with content, with moments of the highest highs & with the lowest of lows. 

It’s normal to feel sad time to time. Just because you feel sadness doesn’t mean that you’re not happy. Happiness is not a destination, it’s a journey. The Pursuit of Happiness. It is something to always strive for. It’s a way of living. It’s an outlook, a perspective of life. Happiness is being happy with moments of sadness. It’s acceptance, it’s the past, present & future. It’s the motivation & inspiration to keep going.

It’s realizing that life is beautiful. That every moment is precious & so are the people in it.



Day 24: Broadway

I love Broadway & everything about it. I love the vibe I get when I’m walking in the theatre district. Everyone’s so happy, everyone’s singing, I’m in heaven. The sound quality of the music is amazing. It stimulates my senses. My heart beats with the drums. My hearts vibrates with the strings. My heart soars as the orchestra/pit flies through the music.

I love the feeling it gives me. I love how I always feel at home. I love the adrenaline rush. Everything about Broadway & its shows just amazes me. I’m in awe & I have nothing but respect & admiration for the performers/musicians/cast members/staff/technicians. All of them.

I’d love to dream that one day I’d be on the stage or even in the pit. But for now I’ll settle for my seat. I’ll wallow in all the joy it brings me. The inspiration it gives me. The motivation. <3



Day 332: Broadway

I’m forever and always obsessed with Broadway. NOTHING will ever change that. There’s such a magic on Broadway. I get such chills when I’m even near the theatre district. When I listen to such pure goodness of music. There’s a feeling I get when I listen to a play or the music or even sing/act it. It’s a feeling of belonging. A sense of completeness. I’m at home with Broadway & I can never really explain to anyone properly how much I love Broadway. But I guess it’s obvious that I love it LOL <3


Day 16: Dana 

Today I saw Dana, it totally made my day, my WEEK even. I miss her man. She’s my best friend & I don’t see her much. I spent as much time as I could today. It was really great. My mom actually let me have her in the car alone & drive her around. It was really funny becasue i drove my mom to work & Dana tagged along. On the way home a tree branch fell in front of us. I drove over a branch thinking that it would break as I drove over it. But it didn’t it was stuck under the car and it made scratching sounds on the ground. Idk why but Dana was hysterically laughing. I got out of the car and the door just flew open because the wind was cray. I pulled out the branch & it broke. It smacked me in the face and it got caught on my clothes.

Anywhosers we were driving around and she was like “I don’t want to go back yet.” So I offered to go to Starbucks & even Pathmark but we didn’t have any money on us. oh well lol. We went to my house, picked up my xbox & my games, we went to MJ & Steph’s house and we played just dance 3. lol.

Ian gave me some champagne and it was REALLY GOOD. lol the funny part was that I offered some to Dana and she was like “PEER PRESSURE!!!’ lol I gave her, her first cup of champagne. aheh. I think the best part was finally catching up. Idt anyone understands how much I’ve missed her. lol I’m happy (:



Day 65: Hair

I got to see my good friend/ex Tommie again. He’s gonna be a cosmotologist/beautician or whatever it’s called. He’s really good & everyone he’s done looks amazing! Well yea today was the first time I’ve seen him since I think the year we broke up. He’s really happy and well off now & I’m proud. All I wanted was his happiness! Anywhosers, we caught up & he colored my hair so its reflective red & cut it. My hair used to be triangled (angles) so instead of it being layered that way, its layered & squared off. wahoo!! 



Day 91: Samahan Picnic

I am so grateful to have a family like Samahan! OMG today was full of a lot of things.. LOL The first thing I did was .. bad i guess. well bad for me cause people didn’t raelly know I did. BUT!!! I don’t really!! Just like once in a blue moon! and Carissa totally talked me into it and plus I wanted to do it as a last hoorah kinda thing. When I got outta the car I felt like I couldn’t walk lol omg.

ANYWHOSERS. I’m so grateful that I have such great friends! The food was awesome! & I really enjoyed playing kickball, frisbee, & football with everyone lol. The water fight was crazy lol omg the boys pulled up in a van full of all thier amo! LOL #DEAD The water fight ended up in a soda fight so there really was nothing to drink halfway through the picnic lol. I blame Abby, Abby, & Celine. lol

We must do this again. I love my SAMAHA & Freshman family <3333

#blessed (:


Day 83: Realizations

i’ve came to a lot of realizations lately. How like in my previous quote I hug the people I wish I was close to, & how I don’t hug the people I’m afraid to lose. I’m finishing up my 1st year of college & it’s called for me to reflect a lot you know. I did a lot of stupid things and i probably am doing stupid things too. 

I know that i keep trying to find ways to run away from reality, cause let’s face it, reality ain’t so pretty, it ain’t so easy either. it’s rather hard & lonely. I’m trying to just suck it up and deal. I gotta do what I gotta do. I gotta do what I gotta do to get money, to reach my career, to get what i want. It’s freaking hard & everyday it gets harder to get out of bed, but here i am with a smile on, getting through the day just like everyone else.

It’s really hard keeping to my values and beliefs cause sometimes I just wanna quit being me, and just fall, like any human being. Fall from grace & be normal. I get this weird feeling that some people place me up there, up there with people worth being like. I’m not one of those people, I’m not good enough, I’m a bad person. but I can’t help but feel like I’m leting people down if i experience “hypocritical” moments. It’s really hard trying to be the person I am and the person people think I am.

Growing up I’ve walking into bad relationships/friendships and good. Some for the wrong reasons and some for all the right reasons. Idk what I get myself into but I find myself walking away from my relationships/friendships more often than usual. But for the sake of bettering me & reaching my goals. I’m still trying to figure out what’s good for me & what isn’t. But I really hope i’m getting it right this time. I mean, I’m in college, I can’t fuck up this time. It’s time to suck it up, get real, & go. i won’t allow myself to back down. I need to get t right. i’m gonna do this right.

I really hope I’m making the right decisions these days. I know i’m dropping people & walking away from things. I’m putting a lot of things on hold until i find out whats good for me, & what i’m doing. 

I really hope i’m doing this right.



Day 81: Dance Dares

Took some of the dormers to A&P and I seemed like the freak who couldn’t stop laughing in the store. & this is why lol



Day 51: KCA

I was watching the Kids Choice Awards & One Direction came on. Damn I love them! lol I also noticed that the Smith kids grew up SO FAST. I feel old lol.



Day 37: Getting Fit

Today after work, I went to get Catching Fire & Wreck this Journal from Barnes & Nobles. Once I got home I decided to go on a bike ride & to my surprise my parents just let me go. It was such a good ride, I was on the phone with Francesca the whole time. I made it to Orchard Beach in less than an hour, which is a new record for me. I just sat there at the beach thinking, & trying to clear my mind. It felt really good. To just release all my thoughts & relax. I felt free. But yeah. I realized that I’m never fit FOR summer, but I’m fit DURING summer cause I excercise & run more in the summer. I’m running around & scrambling doing 15 million things in the summer so I just get fit lol



Day 31: How I got my non-Filipino friends to understand me.. sorta