Yesterday was one for the books. I drove to Idaho with a friend to go to a hot spring. The hike to the spring was pretty sketchy from all of the snow but it was so worth it. The hot spring was super warm and the perfect spot to enjoy a bottle of wine 🍷 which made the hike back 10x easier 😅 I can’t wait to go back!
There comes a time in the life of every traveller when you need to pack light. This may be for many reasons: for example, that you are going to a dark place, that you have a need for public visibility, or simply because you have been vouchsafed an excessive quantity of light and need to take it to an appropriate disposal venue. Although there are some common factors, the strategies required to pack light differ by the type of light that you are packing. We therefore present our five-part guide to packing light below.
1. Since fire was first stolen from the dogs, mankind has cogitated about the best way to transport firelight. Taking it with you on a long journey can certainly increase your warmth and/or comfort. Perhaps the easiest way to transport firelight is to be literally on fire. However, this method has certain disadvantages in terms of personal safety. As an alternative measure, try being metaphorically on fire. Your fellow travellers will probably thank you for choosing this method. They may even clap.
2. The best type of light for taking into dark places is that derived from the torches of rescue parties. You can mix in a little light from a calm dawn if you desire a greater sense of solitude. This light may be held in a closed hand, sealed in a bottle, or carried on the back of a co-operative firefly. Although it is much more easily obtained, try not to adulterate the mix with the light of oncoming trains.
3. There are certain precious lights that stay in the memory, and that you may wish to preserve. You will likely encounter these in the field, and so a portable storage mechanism here is a must. For example, you may wish to hold on to the light of the Arctic’s white nights, or of that sunset that one time over Venice’s lagoon. Interestingly, these lights are already stored at the back of the brain, where they are recycled into the idea-light that shines over the heads of people who are thinking new thunks for the first time. If you can find a way of accessing this facility, you may not even need to pack extra equipment. We have had considerable success with this method by utilising an idea-o-tron, which gently jiggles humans with a caffeine solution until new thunks come out.
4. As consumers of light who are familiar with cartoons will be aware, treasurers are obliged by the law of the high seas to fill in any spaces in chests, caskets and coffers with concentrated light. This light is usually obtained by careful squeezing of the afternoon sun in a suitable juicing apparatus. The process produces a high-stability light which may have a lifetime of many centuries, allowing the light from ancient hoards to shine as brightly as that from the bathroom suites of the nouveau-riche. We do not, however, recommend that you travel with this light unless you absolutely have to. Treasure-light is a Class I dragon risk. It is not permitted on scheduled flights, even as hold baggage, and most shipping companies will also refuse to carry it. Perhaps the safest way is to travel unobtrusively on foot with the light in a cardboard box and plenty of anti-dragon spray.
5. Finally, you may wish to shine a light upon that which prefers to remain hidden. In this case, we recommend purchasing a small torch, some batteries, and a map giving the location of that which prefers to remain hidden. Always remember to state beforehand that you are not playing hide-and-seek. Otherwise you may find that you will have to hide once you have exposed that which prefers to remain hidden, whilst that which prefers to remain hidden shambles off to shit in your car and eat songbirds. That which prefers to remain hidden is unable to count to ten, so you will be hiding very, very a long time in this eventuality.