traumatic!!!!

Saying I love you to your fp and they dont say it back is like the worst pain ever bc I immediately start tearing up if not crying or bawling my fucking eyes out thinking theyre leaving when in all reality its usually smth like they typed their response out and they forgot to press send or they fell asleep or smth SIMPLE but no my shit brain immediately jumps to “they hate you and they’re leaving you and never coming back” and honestly its exhausting

it’s time to shut down the lie that children who don’t grow up being hit, humiliated, and scared into obedience will grow up into spoiled, entitled, selfish monsters. there is zero truth to that. children grown in a healthy and nurturing environment will get a chance to grow up healthy. children who are raised by monsters who try to pretend that abuse is for the child’s sake and that the child would become a monster if not abused will be stripped of their health and will be denied an actual start in life and will be forced to fight for survival. I’ve had enough of abusers pretending they’re helping the child while they’re just taking and taking more and more away from them and leaving them permanently traumatized and emotionally injured. Don’t let them get away with it.

Person: why are you so bitter?
Me, a mess of trauma and childhood abuse: haha I dunno man

There’s a difference between parents who want you to be happy, and parents who want you to look happy.

 If your parents want you to be happy, they will be there for you when you need them, and help you with your struggles. They’ll take your pain seriously. They wont make fun of your problems when that hurts you. They’ll point out your good sides. They’ll let you know they hold you valuable and important no matter what the rest of the world says about you. They’ll make sure you know they’re on your side, here to protect and get you out of trouble, that if something happens you have backup, you have a safety to fall back on. They’ll make sure you have a place you belong to, place where you’re welcome and wanted. They’ll be a source of comfort, warmth and support.

If your parents want you to look happy, they’ll demand that you stuff down your emotions and play an act of a child who doesn’t need anything or anyone, who is just fine the way things are, no matter how bad things are for you. They’ll dictate what you’re allowed to think of them and how you’re supposed to react on anything and everything they do. They’ll demand you hide your pain, your symptoms, your anger, your fear, anything that makes them look like less than perfect parents has to go. They’ll let you know that they are important, you aren’t. Their emotions and needs and desires are important, yours aren’t. Their pain has to be paid back, yours has to be ignored and forgotten. Your life falls back on what is and isn’t convenient to them, every part of you is judged only by how much use they can have of it. And of course, they’ll tell you they did it all for your sake, because if they didn’t, who knows how awful you would turn out. 

If they say they want you to be happy, but their actions tell you that you need to look happy “or else”, they’re abusive parents, and they do not care about your happiness.

keeping a child in condition where they don’t know if they’ll be safe today is torture.

keeping a child not knowing if they’re going to face a normal day or a day of screaming, tantrums and abuse you throw at them is torture.

keeping a child aware you can and intend to humiliate, hit, insult and scream at the moment they don’t do as they’re told to is torture.

keeping a child aware you’re building up their hatred towards them and waiting for a perfect moment to take it all out on them is torture.

threatening your child and keeping them terrified of how badly you could hurt them is torture, the longer it goes on, the bigger the psychological toll on the child.

letting your child know that their shelter, food, and permission to live is hanging by a thin thread and it can break any time, with any mistake they make, is torture.

keeping a child in condition where their every action, word, face expression or emotion could cause an avalanche of hatred and pain, accusations and blame on them, where their anxiety rises with every time they express, is torture.

having your child feel like they don’t deserve to be loved or comforted or paid attention to is torture.

having your child feel like they have to exhaust every last bit of their energy just to deserve to be alive is torture.

having your child feel like wanting for anything but the mere minimum they need for survival is selfish and makes them a burden is torture

having your child feel like their every need and want is a burden is torture.

having your child feel like they’ll never be good enough is torture.

stop torturing your children for convenience. your children are human beings. they do not exist for you, and they’re not your property. they’re not to be controlled by fear and guilt. no child has deserved this. damage you’re causing can never be paid back. you will always be guilty of torturing a child. you will always be a monster.