Gender Dysphoria isn’t something you can just turn off and on,
it’s a feeling that happens naturally and rarely is within our control.
It isn’t an automatic and excessive self-loathing, but it can be the cause of it.
you are getting dressed for a formal event, and you’re unable to find
something you’re comfortable wearing. Either the sleeves are too short,
the dress is too long, the dress is too tight around your midriff, your
blazer pinches at your hips, your pants strangle your crotch, your
shoes are too small or too big. Imagine that feeling again, but this
time it being your body. This time it is something that was finalized
without your say in the matter and you are made to live with something
you never asked for. This discomfort can cause feelings of distaste and
dislike with one’s own skin, but it isn’t self hatred. Please stop telling trans people they ‘just hate their body’.Dysphoria is so much more than that.
I had the intention of using this post to ask for financial and/or emotional support for top surgery. I was going to start a petition that encouraged you to urge the NB government to cover gender affirming surgeries for trans people in the province. I will likely still do this, but I didn’t have the right words this week. And I’m not sure I will ever have the right words.
The “Right” Words:
What most people expect/want to hear in these sorts of videos is that I feel I was born in the wrong body. That I have always hated my breasts and that they have caused me irreversible stress. That’s a trans-narrative that society knows how to celebrate, the narrative that society understands how to digest. And that’s the story that gets hoisted up again and again, above all other stories, in popular culture. It becomes the stereotype. That’s not to say it isn’t a real or frequent experience. It most definitely is. But there are others of us who remain outside of that story.
I use ‘trans’ to represent my identity because I like how much movement seems to live inside the term. Also, I am taking medical steps to physically acquire features we associate with masculinity. So calling myself nonbinary feels a bit insincere- especially in a world where almost everything is coded by this binary. Nonbinary folks, in my opinion, find ways to challenge and mix up these codes or to create new assemblages. I’m not exactly doing this work because most of my comfort in gender expression has been coded male/tomboyish and the things that were deemed female/womanly/feminine were A LOT of work for me and something I no longer desire to labour over. And genderqueer (although incredibly badass and superhero-sounding) seems to fit everyone, in my mind. We’re all genderqueer- in that, as far as I can tell, there is NO ABSOLUTELY CORRECT WAY TO do GENDER. We all queer it up when and how we can (usually when it becomes personally meaningful for us to do so). So maybe I’m a gender spy. I’m loosely participating in the roles and norms that I find desirable, gaining intelligence, building perspective, negotiating decisions, despite my vested interests in gender never working out.
For me, trans represents what I’m calling a presenttension. This theory is still half-baked, but I’ve noticed that I live every day now with increased awareness that categories and labels are flung on me. They always were, but something about this feels different or more immediate. In an effort to escape being named, I realize that my gender identity matters as much (or more) to the people around me. Within this system, my gender identity has been made to determine whether the women I date are seen as heterosexual or queer. It makes it difficult for my aunt to list me as a family member on facebook. What should I call you? The present tension comes with how I negotiate throughout this process of being categorized/named. So far, it’s been in a state of arrest for me. I haven’t corrected “miss” or “mister,” “Babe” or “Bro.” I still lift my head when someone calls me “Amanda.”
I wasn’t born in the wrong body. I was born in a body that looked more like one of two bodies that we associate with a particular gender. For thirty years, I learned to love and honour that body, but I was never excited to wear that skin or shape. My breasts are beautiful, they just do not fit how I imagine myself physically moving through the world.
The reasons I want my breasts gone are pretty simple and narcissistic. That’s maybe not a popular thing to say when you’re looking for money. But it’s an honest thing. And narcissism, self-love, being content in one’s skin is…in some way… a necessary tool for survival:
-I want to have a flat chest in shirts
-I want to sleep topless without dysphoria
-I want increased sexual confidence because I see my body as more desirable
-I want to workout to my best potential
But here’s the deeper reason that every other reason returns to: I want to breathe. Metaphorically and literally, I want to breathe-really breathe, deep down into my belly. Wearing a binder cuts off breath, it steals oxygen every day. This has an effect on mental and physical functioning over time. I’m a writer and an academic, I can’t afford to lose any more brain cells.
If I were to make a video asking for your support, it would show me breathing. I’d probably play that song by Sia for extra effect (because who doesn’t cry when they hear that?!) My video would ask you to help give me breath, it would urge you to tell the New Brunswick government that I deserve a full life, not a constricted existence, not a world where the me is constantly choked out.
I don’t need to align with some pre-determined idea of masculinity in every aspect of my life (in fact, I’ll actively resist this), but removing my breasts is one alignment that I desire. It is a three hour surgery, a relatively easy step to take in order to help me feel more present. More alive without tension. And I shouldn’t have to rely on your generosity for this gift. My government should provide that freedom without incredulous psychological evaluations or unreasonable wait times.
On December 26, 2013, with my first semester of college behind me, I went to the hair salon I had been going to since I was 8. I was there to get my last relaxer. I was born with kinky, coil-y, curly hair, but never let it see the light of day as my mother and I would without fail try to find a way to straighten it. On July 26, which I won’t say is around the corner because I want to convince my self this summer is going by slowly, it will be 1 year and 7months since I’ve gotten a chemical relaxer in my hair. At first, my decision to go natural filled me with courage and fearlessness, but it didn’t fill me with the knowledge of knowing how to take care of my own hair because I’d always gone to a salon to get my hair relaxed and washed. The first month of transitioning to natural hair was a doozy, I subscribed to anyone who had a video titled “Natural Hair” on YouTube, and bought very expensive deep conditioners because I believed that if it cost more it would do more for my hair. Now for all of you girls out there who are transitioning, or maybe you’ve been natural for a bit but feel like it isn’t for you because everything you’re trying to do to bring life into your locks is failing like Bow Wow’s attempts to get us to call him Shad Moss, I dedicate this post is for you! (Disclaimer: Bow Wow, we still aren’t going to call you Shad Moss)
Welcome my naturalistas! Today I will be talking about deep conditioning. Before you can master the Wash and Go, Twistout, Bantu knots, straw sets, top knot, or the iconic Scary Spice two bun half up half down style, you must learn to properly wash and condition. When it comes to my washday I’ve been consistent with sticking to co-washing, aka Conditioner Only Washing. I incorporate this with my deep conditioning so that I have a no fuss routine and get this, it’s also very easy on your wallet!
The deep conditioning basics will only call for:
Conditioner/ deep conditioner of your choice
Hair ties (unnecessary if you want to use bantu knots or twists to separate hair)
Spray bottle of water (no need to run your head under a faucet sink)
About 30 minutes to spare before you shower
By the time you get used to this routine you can add oils to your routine if you’d like, or use a hooded dryer into the mix too, get creative!
To start you want to have your hair separated in parts, you can opt for tiny buns from bantu knots, tiny twists, or put mini ponytails through out with your hair ties. Take a hair tie down and spritz it with water, no need to get it soaking wet, just maybe a little damp. Then place about a dime size of your conditioner onto the section and make sure it is evenly spread and then twist back up. Repeat this for each section. Afterwards use plastic bag to tie around hair like a shower cap. You can actually use a plastic shower cap for this, but I stick to plastic bags because they’re so disposable that I don’t have to go to a CVS every time I need to wash my hair. Now use the 30 minutes to spare to let the water and conditioner heat up from the plastic bag to deep condition your follicles. You don’t need longer than 30 minutes because that’s actually the amount of time it takes for the ingredients to penetrate the hair shaft, any longer and you’d just be wasting time. When time is up just wash like you normally would. When leaving the shower, don’t towel dry, instead rub an oil of your choice in your hair and then wrap your hair with a cotton t-shirt, its not rough on your hair like towel fibers are. As your hair is air-drying you should notice how much softer your hair feels. Natural hair tends to texturize up to a brillo pad feel when not conditioned properly so deep conditioning is your chance to get moisture in.
I hope you guys enjoyed this post, and would love to hear about a time you tried to follow something you saw on a natural hair blog and it went awry, or you could just tell me what you’d like to see next here on rorytrillmore!
I’ve been trying all sorts of different methods and programs that most trans women go through to figure this out, but I have a shortcut that basically explains how to get the pitch and resonance built up with relative ease.
Hello everybody!! As a lot of you probably know, my Name is Ascher Lucas Hays, and I am a transgender(FtM) adult (19) from Atlanta, Georgia.
I know you guys probably see lots of these posts floating around, and you may or may not be tired of it, but hey, I figure I might as well make one too.
As you’re probably aware, transitioning is very expensive, and I don’t have a ghost of a chance without help raising it honestly. Even if I saved for a very long time, I owe the government over 30,000 dollars in student loans for my very expensive schooling. Id rather not put transitioning off any longer than absolutely necessary. My family is not at all supportive, and as soon as I begin hormone therapy, I may as well not have a family at all! SO they aren’t any help. Ill save you any other sob stories, because that’s fucking lame and everybody has their problems, but what I’m trying to say is that I would GREATLY appreciate if you could help donate to my cause, provided you are able to! If you aren’t, I’d be equally gracious if you reblogged this for me and spread the word!!
I want someone to actually rationally explain why identifying as a different gender is different from identifying as a different race. If a white person was to wear henna, bindis, saris, speak hindi, and call themselves brown, you would flip out. Why is it different if a man says he really likes wearing heels, dresses, makeup, ~feels really emotional~, and calls himself a woman? How do men know what it is to feel like a woman? Before you say they //ARE// women, stop and think for a second. Being a woman is not a state of mind. It’s an experience that comes from being born and raised female. Why are women so ready to dismiss their own lived experiences and feelings for the comfort of men who claim to be women, it’s not a //feeling//. Tell me, give a rational answer that actually makes sense. If you’re uncomfortable with your body, do you think it’s logical to identify as another species? Can I transition into a cat? Do I know what being a cat is really like just by looking at how it lives? Can you open your fucking minds and try to understand just how sexist it really is for a man to say he understands what BEING a woman is like when he is not one. When he has never experienced being treated like a woman and reaped all the privilege of being a boy or a man. How is it not sexist to reduce the lived experience of being a woman to a state of mind that men magically know. How do you just willingly believe them just because they insist they are women? Will you call me a cat because I insist I am one? Use your fucking brains.
Tiny 6x07 fix it!fic, because I couldn’t leave Klaine’s story on that evil cliffhanger for an entire week. Spoilers for 6x07 “Transitioning” and brief mentions of Kurt/Walter and Blaine/Dave. Title/musical inspiration comes from this. 1.3K [AO3]
“Hurry up, Rachel. We’re going to miss our reservation at Breadstix!” Kurt called across the parking lot as Rachel dashed out the front door of McKinley.
“I’m coming, I’m coming,” she
yelled, jogging over to Walter’s BMW as she struggled to button up
her coat against the brisk wind. “Geez, it’s freezing out,”
Rachel commented as she slid into the backseat next to Sam.
“I can keep you warm,” Sam offered,
sliding an arm around her shoulders. Rachel giggled, leaning
gratefully into his embrace.
“What did Blaine need, Rachel?”
Kurt asked, trying for casual.
“Oh, I have no idea, he said he forgot what he needed to tell me.”
ayo guys look how much i’ve changed. i’m so hot now!! but seriously i can’t believe it’s been over two years, i feel so grateful that i got to have the opportunity to finally be myself. lots of feels ya know <3