Bloody hell.

[Image shows a grey and white abstract design with the watermark ‘the-unpopular-opinions’ in grey in the bottom right. Text is fuschia and reads 'I can’t stand how the trans* people of the lgbt community act like they’ve had it worse than everyone else in the community. i hate how everyone is supposed to make time in their day to walk on eggshells around each and every trans* person there is. some are really difficult to judge male or female, so if i slip up and use the wrong pronoun it’s not my fault. gender DOES matter. i’m a lesbian because i like girls. gender matters. gender defines us whether you believe it does or not. transgendered is real, but genderqueer is bullshit. it’s a stupid adolescent phase all of tumblr needs to hurry up and grow the fuck out of.]

TW for discussion of transhating violence, suicide

Hey, is this my charming anon from ages back? Welcome back, you slimy doucherocket of shit. Or welcome, if you’re a first timer - your bigotry has won you a place on a blog telling you to STFU. And EYDS. So get to it!

I think it’s rather obvious that you are a cis woman. And, in that case - why the fuck are you invalidating our experiences? Who the fuck do you think you are, a cis lesbian, to tell us that our identities are bullshit? We all know this kind of hatred can often come out of the cis LGB community - but it’s utterly ridiculous. You’ve been told your identities were bullshit and you’re fighting back - and now you’re treading on us to keep us from doing the same? Shame on you. Shame. on. you. It’s bigotry. Naked fucking bigotry.

And as for 'having it worse than the rest of the community’ - let’s not play Oppression Olympics here, yeah? We’re all oppressed and we all need to band together in solidarity against the kyriarchy, because it’s the kyriarchy oppressing us all. It’s a different oppression to the one faced by the cis queer community, although the two often intersect due to the close ties between transhatred and misohomy and the overlap between the communities - and many members of the non-het/non-cis experience other oppressions as well.

Shall I describe the oppression we face? Transhatred, cissexism, binarism? Yeah, I think I will. This paragraph is harrowing and may be triggering. Recently, a woman was beaten up on film for going into the correct toilets for her gender. She was called a man, and the consequences for her attackers were relatively light. Every year, on the Transgender Day of Remembrance, we commemorate our murdered peers; this year, there were nearly 180 to mourn and remember. One study found a 41% rate of attempted suicide among the trans community, and we don’t even know about the successful suicide rate. Non-binary people are not held to exist in the eyes of the world. Personally, I put myself through hell and back trying to find a binary gender that fit before I found out that it was possible to be non-binary, and since then I have had very few positive interactions offline that feature my lack of gender as a prominent part. We have to lie on forms to get our basic needs met. We have to deny our selves, we have to hide - or we stick our heads above the parapet and often we get shot down in flames.

You’re saying 'gender matters’ - yeah, it does. WHY DO YOU THINK WE’RE FIGHTING THIS BATTLE TO BE RECOGNISED IF NOT BECAUSE OUR GENDER/S/NON-GENDER/S MATTER AND SHOULD BE ACKNOWLEDGED, EMBRACED AND RESPECTED? No-one is attacking your lesbian identity. We’re cool with that. We’re just, you know, other people. We’d kind of like you to afford our selves the same respect we afford your self.

And 'it’s difficult to tell male or female’? Fuck you. Fuck. you. As an excuse for using the wrong pronoun, that’s really pathetic. Pronouns are often made obvious in introductions. Non-binary pronouns will generally come up very quickly. AND ONCE YOU KNOW, IT IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT. IF YOU CAN’T REMEMBER, YOU GO UP TO THE PERSON DISCREETLY AND SAY, 'I know this is really awful, and I’m sorry, but I’ve forgotten your pronouns and I’d rather not get them wrong.’ You don’t make fucking EXCUSES for denying people their self-knowledge and attacking their humanity, their right to have their pronouns respected.

It’s not called 'walking on eggshells.’ It’s called 'basic human decency.’ By respecting us, you’re not walking on eggshells. You’re showing that you’re not a douchebag. However, since you are, I appreciate that might be a LITTLE BIT DIFFICULT for you.

And now - 'genderqueer is bullshit…adolescent phase.’ NO. NO. NO FUCKING NO. You don’t know our experience. You’ve never had to look at a form and know you’ll have to misgender yourself. You’ve never had to deny your self, heard your deepest self denied to your face in every single interaction. It’s not fucking bullshit. We’re not making this shit up. This is real. If you want to tell me I don’t exist, you’ll have to tell me who does in my place - and if that person is a man or a woman, I’ll laugh in your face because there is no man or woman typing this now.

Also, can we quit with the ageism? We’re a range of ages, but knowing who you are at a young age is no bad thing. I wish I’d known earlier - I knew fairly young, but old enough that I’d tortured myself trying to hammer myself into one of the binary holes. Besides this - GENDERQUEER IS NOT A TUMBLR PHENOMENON. Just because here we’re actually standing up and going WE EXIST, doesn’t mean it’s a bullshit phenomenon. We existed before tumblr. We existed before the fucking internet. We existed before computers. We existed before industrialisation. How do I know? If we exist now, we existed then, even if we didn’t have the words for it. Just because we were denied the chance to be our truest selves and our contributions have been binary-washed throughout history doesn’t mean we’re a new group. And even if we were, so fucking what?

Submitted by fierystage. Thank you!

anonymous asked:

For people who say "wow, why get so nitpicky with pronouns?", just think how you feel if you were a woman who might get called "Sir" in passing in a store, or something. Think how calling a boy a girl is an insult, and vice versa. Avoiding being misgendered is not nitpicky and it does affect everyone, even the binary peeps.

Being misgendered is incredibly painful. As far as I’m concerned, it goes beyond insults and into denial of humanity and self-knowledge. Binary trans folks have this problem as well, and the whole issue is complicated by the fact that sexism and rigid binarist gender roles are at the root of much gender-based problems. The example Anon gives of someone calling a boy a girl being an insult is often a function of misogyny. It is still misgendering, but it’s coming from a primarily misogynist place rather than a primarily transhating place. Obviously the two can be very much interconnected, and trans women and CAMAB non-binary folks whose expression of self seems ‘feminine’ get hit with transmisogyny, which is pretty awful.

Unfortunately, sometimes the 'woman being called 'sir’’ analogy doesn’t work with cis folks, since most (especially those who on the whole express themselves in a gender-normative manner) haven’t had misgendering used as a way to deny them their humanity and self-hood, but only as a way to mildly insult - or even in some cases backhandedly compliment.

I don’t think being called any gender/s/non-gender/s is inherently insulting, even if you’re not that gender, since no gender/s/non-gender/s is wrong or bad. The insult is in the suggestion that we do not know our own gender/s/non-gender/s.