transfags

9

So I’ve been thinking a lot about mirror selfies lately and how I always feel ashamed about them even though I take a couple almost every day. Maybe it has to do with the fact that it’s sometimes considered superficial and maybe it is, but when I see others do the same thing I think it’s beautiful and if I hadn’t seen all those mirror selfies of trans people’s transition maybe I wouldn’t have felt the courage to do the same.

So here’s my past year in mirror selfies

anonymous asked:

How the heck do you come out as a trans mtf?? I'm so lost and hurt and I want people to take me seriously and Aw heck!!

How about a letter?

Making the decision to come out as trans/non-binary/genderqueer etc. to your parent(s), caregiver(s), guardian(s) or loved ones is an important first-step towards being who you are and living the life you deserve. The first thing we always recommend to youth coming out to family members is to write a letter. A letter has many advantages:

  • It allows you to completely say all that you need to say without interruption,
  • It allows you to sleep on and then revise your own words until you feel comfortable with them, and
  • It is courteous to the person you’re coming out to because it gives them the opportunity to read, reread, and have their own private reactions before having to respond to you.

Initial reactions to big news can come from a place of surprise and often, a natural resistance to change. Giving loved ones the time and space to react privately makes it more likely they will respond thoughtfully - coming from a place of love and respect, which is better overall for both of you and your relationship.

Additionally, the letter format gives you the opportunity to include attachments for further reading. Your coming out should be personal and about the details of your individual journey, but it’s natural for your loved ones to have questions about gender identity in general. We find that parents and caregivers are often more receptive to factual information coming from an outside source, separated from the personal emotion of your story. We’ve prepared a few resources you can pass on to your loved one; feel free to include them or others as you feel comfortable.

Wondering about what to write? Here are some suggestions to get you started:

Be Confident. You know who you are. You are sharing this aspect of your identity with your loved ones, not asking for their permission to be your authentic self. Tell them how long you’ve known you were different and how you came to realize that trans*/genderqueer/etc. is the term that best communicates your identity. This can help them understand this is not a phase, an impulsive decision, or “teenage rebellion.”

Be Respectful. You want your family members to treat you with respect and support, so show the same towards them. Remind them that you love them and want them to know the ‘real’ you. Respect that this might be new to them and they may have a lot to learn about gender identity before they fully understand.

Be Reassuring. Your family loves you and consequently, they worry about you. More often than not, parents’ negative reactions come from being worried about you, your future, and your safety. Reassure family and friends that you are and will always be the same person inside, with the same interests, sense of humor, etc. Tell them that you will be okay and know you can still have a happy life that includes college, a career, a family, travel - anything you wanted for your future previously is still possible!

Be Simple. Trans* identities can seem completely foreign to many people. Telling your parents “I’m a genderqueer femme transfag” is probably too much for them to swallow in one go. Let them get used to the idea of “transgender” before you hit them with the nuances. Think of it this way: If you were a gay man coming out, would your family also need to know the various gay sub-culture groups (bear, leather, etc) you belong to? Probably not - at least not right away.

Be Yourself. The most important thing is to relax and just tell your story! Keep it personal and about you.

End your letter with action steps:

  • What do you want or need from your family?
  • If you got this resource from the “In a Bind” website, you probably want them to buy you a binder.
  • You may also want them to start using a different name or pronouns for you. Let them know why these things are important to you.

It’s also important to include a message about who you do or do not want them sharing this information with.
Realize that your loved ones also need emotional support, so it’s unfair to ask them to not tell anyone at all. It is appropriate, however, to ask that they let you have your own conversation with a sibling, other parent or family member first. Try not to wait too long though, because withholding information about something important and emotional can be quite stressful.

Finally, remember that this is not a “one and done” conversation. While some find it useful to continue the conversation in writing, you will eventually want to discuss this in person. In your letter, ask when a good time would be. This gives them a chance to digest this new information before having an in-person conversation and shows that you know and respect this.

We realize this may be a difficult time. If you have any questions or need additional support, please contact the “In a Bind” staff at inabind@transactiveonline.org or TransActive in general at info@transactiveonline.org. If you are having thoughts of harming yourself or need to talk to someone immediately, please call the Trevor Project Lifeline-866-488-7386.

SOURCE: https://www.transactiveonline.org/inabind/comingout.php

Kyle

anonymous asked:

Modern gay life is reading the term "transfag" used in a legitimate sentence in an actual college textbook about sexuality. "The New Sexuality Studies" includes a section where a trans man describes himself as "gay" and "only enters into intimacy with men who agree that it will be gay because "I am a man"" Honestly happy Pride Month yall, you stole it. Have fun being "uwu" mlm while I'm celebrating with my boyfriend and lamenting the reality of actually being a gay man. I'm disgusted

I remember quite vividly the class on transgender studies I took in college and how I had to see a lot of regressive terminology and ideas being put forward in academia. For instance, that “cis” people are comfortable with their gender roles (what woman is?) and that “transfeminism” was a superior form of feminism because it involved male people too. I took the class thinking I could learn more about how to address transphobia, but all I learned was that the trans movement is very keen to erases the differences of biological sex and to solidify gender roles, not break them.

What you’re describing sounds especially creepy, though. That this trans man only wanted sex with men who would tell him he was gay makes it seem he only saw his partners as validating experiences instead of human beings. Gay people know that being seen as gay can be painful and terrifying above all else. It’s not a prize we win or an identity we need others to validate. It’s just our reality.

-Mod Noel

tw: anxiety, suicide, transphobia

every year of my transition brings new lessons, new authenticities, new pleasures, new traumas. i was 22 years old, just a kid, when i started testosterone. today, 5 years later, i am 27 and sometimes i struggle to see a continuity between these two points. i am older now, queerer, a little hardened, more expansive, more compassionate, unlocked.

i think the lessons of this year have mirrored, to some extent, a larger truth among the transgender community which can be summed up pretty simply as follows: linear progress is a myth.

last year at this time, i had just begun taking a newer, kinder approach to my mental health. i have struggled with my anxiety for as long as i can remember, but it wasn’t until this past year that i began to realize the full breadth of my disorder. anxiety has often made it incredibly difficult for me to function, has fueled my dysphoria, has made it difficult for me to have good relationships with friends, family, and lovers. in the past i had always blamed myself for these failings, but i finally realized last year that so much of this was simply out of my control. i changed my habits, i got help.

after folding meditation, reiki, and other healing modalities into my daily self care practices, after moving into a healthier living situation, and after making the decision to embrace a plant-based diet, i experienced some of the most incredible peace, clarity, and joy i have ever felt. my mind was a little quieter. i started to smile for no real reason. i felt wholly and unabashedly good.

and, this calm went hand in hand with what i can only describe as a spiritual awakening.  for the first time in my life, i began really and sincerely doing the work of healing on a deep psychic and spiritual level, work which has been beautiful beyond measure. however, this same work also brought up some difficult truths for me, particularly truths around the myriad traumas i’ve encountered as a non-binary trans person. being gentler with myself has meant recognizing my own worth, which in turn has meant recognizing just how painful my adolescence was, has meant recognizing all of the times i have not been supported in my transition and realizing just how many of those difficult times have never been met with the making of amends. still, the locus of everything that came up was a sense that, at long last, i feel worthy of love, of dignity, of respect, of care.

but, all of this calm came crashing to a halt when, on christmas of all days, i experienced one of the worst transphobic attacks i’ve been through to date. my neighbors, apparently spying on me through the window, saw me naked and began loudly yelling hateful and transphobic things about me. it sent me into a spiral. i lost my grip on my anxiety, i dialed my femme back down for weeks. several weeks later, a trans woman in my community took her own life and i came face to face with all of the times i wasn’t sure if i would make it. and, the news keeps time with more and more trans deaths each week, each day while we are told that things have gotten better for trans folks because we’ve earned a little media representation.

all of this to say, again, the idea of linear progress is a myth. there is no moment where suddenly everything is better, where we’re “past the worst of it.” in fact, it is often in these moments when our guard is down that efforts to destroy us seem to be redoubled.  each new present is just a slightly new location in the tide. best not to make broad generalizations.

what i can say, however, is that pleasure attends both highs and lows. i love being queer. i love being trans. i love being non-binary and femme and weird. i love when little kids look at me and get sort of confused for a second but then just shrug their shoulders and move on to the next interesting thing. i love when old ladies glare at me on the train. i love when my neighbors tell me they like my earrings or my nail polish. i love my body. i love my scars. i love my androgynous aesthetic which mostly consists of wearing tight things and all black. i love my singing voice and the songs i make. i love my compassion. i love my resistance.

and i can safely say that in this moment, this 5th year anniversary of my transition, i feel happy and i feel grateful. i’m on the up.