New girl in my Sunday school class: Are you a girl?

Me: No, but people used to think I was a girl.

Girl: Oh. Is that why the other teacher called you (deadname)?

Me: Yes, that’s my old name I used before I told people I’m not a girl. But I haven’t used my new name forever so sometimes (other teacher) forgets.

Girl: Okay. I’ll remember to use your new name! *bounces over to the toy cars*

…….

Me: I want you to start calling me Mx instead of Miss. Okay?

Little boy: Okay. *violently stabs crayon into paper* Mx Roman, I broked the crayon.

Me: That’s probably because you stabbed the paper with it, buddy.

…….

3 y/o : Are you a boy or a girl?

Me: Sometimes I’m a boy. Sometimes I’m not a boy or a girl.

3 y/o: *proudly puffs out chest* I’m a girl all the time.

Me: Good for you, kiddo.

3 y/o: I know.

…….

Preschoolers understand better than any adult I’ve ever met.

Sometimes I like trans headcanons better than 90% of canonical trans characters, because with a character who’s only headcanoned to be trans, you don’t have to deal with the way the story deals with them being trans.

There’s no flashbacks to their “old self,” no Trans 101 for the audience, no depictions of the misery of dysphoria, no worrying that they’re going to be confronted with transphobia inside or outside the story.  There’s no moment where the storyteller feels the need to (delicately and tastefully, of course!) address the matter of their anatomy.

You just get to see trans people being awesome and having adventures.

So for the question of “why headcanon X as trans when it doesn’t change the story at all?”, that’s why.  Because sometimes it’s nice to think of people like yourself having stories that aren’t about your gender.

remember trans women
remember trans men
remember nonbinary people
remember trans people of colour
remember disabled trans people
remember mentally ill trans people
remember every trans person who has lost their life due to transphobia

today is transgender day of remembrance and we remember

also I’m convinced every trans person has at least one very niche hobby. I talked to a trans woman today who did custom Lego builds (she made sure to tell me about the scarcity of certain colors). I met a trans guy the other day who did metal smithing and liked to make incredibly delicate rings. the list really does go on

Trans guys are allowed to and desire to be strictly masculine in their presentation.
Yes gender norms are total horse manure but I’m a guy who wants to present entirely masculine. Not just androgynous.
Stop telling trans people that ‘you of all people should understand that boys should wear dresses or makeup, too!’ I wanted to die when I wore dresses and I don’t think that’s changed. I don’t mind makeup but even still I don’t wear it in a way that society sees as typically feminine so leave me and other masculine trans guys alone!!!
If you’re a trans guy who doesn’t feel comfortable presenting typically feminine in any way this post is for you. I totally understand. You aren’t a bad person and you aren’t reinforcing negative gender stereotypes.

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Oh, HAY, it me, nearly 40 vs me at 14 or so. I’m Cuban-American and neuroatypical. Didn’t start transition til I was 33, and wow was being closeted rough.

So. It’s Transgender Day of Visibility and a lot of folks are going to be sharing their transition pics. Please, please, please resist the urge to tell them they were attractive before.

Speaking from experience: for transmasculine folks, “but you’re such a pretty girl” is constantly trotted out to discourage us from transitioning. As if our only value is in how attractive we look. (And as if there isn’t a shit-ton of misogyny behind valuing women and perceived women only for their looks and treating their appearance as an issue of public consumption rather than personal expression/fulfillment.)

I found only trauma in being told how pretty my girl costume was, because pretending to be cis only brought me pain. Every fight over clothes, makeup, hair, etc. was a night I cried myself to sleep. And I cried a LOT in those days, even if people didn’t see it.

We trans folk have an uncomfortable relationship with being told we’re attractive by cis people. Because “attractive” is almost always code for “cis-passing”. Because, for trans women, their attractiveness is overwhelmingly tied to being objectified as a sexual fetish. Because, for non-binary and non-transitioning people, they still aren’t being told they are valuable and loved.

Here’s the thing, cis friends: transition photos really aren’t for *you*. We share the documentation of our transition as a way to give ourselves and other trans people hope. “Passing” is overwhelmingly an issue of safety, and any joy at putting some of our dysphoric demons to rest is clouded by all these messages that we’re finally “acceptable” to a cis audience.

Transition photos are photos of SURVIVAL. Transition photos document RECOVERY FROM TRAUMA. Just… just think about that.

By all means, tell trans people they are attractive (we do need to hear it from time to time, same as everyone else), but go beyond the obsession with what we used to look like. If you want to know more about transition, Google it, the same way we all had to. Engage with trans folks on their other strengths and talents. That will go much further to signify your allyship.

I love how many trucking companies abbreviate “transport” to “trans,” because it means I drive down the highway and see signs like:

Action Trans, High-Performance Trans, Quality Trans, Super Trans

and I’m like hell yeah, you know it

fun fact:

most trans men - not all of them, but most that I know - hate being short. we know you mean well by saying, “that’s okay! plenty of short men out there are adorable and precious!” but

the thing is

we p r o b a b l y hate being short because we don’t want to be adorable. seriously. i know i fucking hate it because i want to be like the action heroes i look up to and admire, all of whom are intimidating and - you guessed it - tall.

if you can’t figure out how to make us feel better about our height without calling us things like ‘adorable’ and ‘cute’ and ‘fun sized’, please don’t say anything at all and just give us encouragement in other ways.

thank you.