Did my second injection yesterday because I want my shot days to be Mondays and it felt so good!
I’m used to taking my psychiatric meds everyday and I know that isn’t really the case but it makes me feel like I’m being more proactive about my mental health so being able to take that shot gives me a burst of excited energy because it feels like I’m really taking part in my transition.
One of the changes you experience on T is altered body odor and I’m already noticing a difference it’s fucking weird lol.
[Start ID: three photos of a white trans man with short black hair, glasses, and a black sweatshirt. The second has him sticking out his toungue and grinning with a little boy with white skin and a silly grin in his lap. The other two have his hand up by his face and just him in the frame. /end ID]
“All goths wear black sweats if they arent going out tonight” ft my little brother who tells me I’m his favorite (which means a lot when there are 7 of us)
Things I learned about being Female-to-male transgender
(That I wish I had known before that first shot..for good measure).
1. It is a possibility that the testosterone will affect your eyesight. I had absolutely no fuckin clue & about 6 months in I went to Walmart and couldn’t find the person I went with or read the signs in the aisles and I had always had perfect vision. Now I’ve had two prescription changes and have to yet again get a new pair of glasses.
2. Your clit will get large. It will look like a small penis. Not all ftm dicks look the same so don’t assume yours will be as big or as small as what you’re googling or searching on tumblr. Mine was a lot bigger than I expected or really wanted and now here we are. Me and the random trans boner that reminds me no time or place is safe from it 😂
3. Sex drive. Sometimes it’ll be SO BAD you cannot even sit still you wanna have sex. When I first started hormones my ex girlfriend and I did it in pretty much every room imaginable in a house in one day lol. Other days you won’t have one at all. Don’t be surprised if at some points you can’t get off or get sensation down there either. It happens, I have absolutely no idea why… but it’ll come back eventually.
4. Things will happen on your body’s terms. Not yours. Not always as fast or slow as other trans men. Don’t get discouraged, don’t make assumptions either. As long as your testosterone levels are in healthy range you just have to learn the patience and understanding that things will happen and to be appreciative to be on the journey at all. Your beard will grow in patchy and frustrate you for instance, but it will fill in. Once things start happening, it’s so worth it. It’s normal to have that “jealousy” of other trans men who are where you wanna be in your transition. Really try to be happy for them instead, and know they waited too.
5. There will be days of insecurity. Where you don’t feel tall enough, muscular enough, your voice isn’t deep enough, just man enough. Stop comparing yourself to other men. We aren’t made to all look the same. I’m a short skinny trans guy and it took a long time to accept it. We have a harder time accepting our “flaws” than others do, that’s a promise.
6. Love is possible. Don’t weigh yourself down thinking “No one will love me because I’m trans.” My ex had only been with cis men and would rub my scars until I fell asleep and bitch at my doctors who didn’t understand the transition I was going through. Even now as single, straight females don’t have a problem with what I do or don’t have for the most part. Because your MIND and your HEART outweigh your body. Always.
7. It’s not always fun. Blood clots are a heightened risk on testosterone. So are UTIs, vaginal infections, reproductive issues where you end up needing a hysterectomy… it can also affect your heart. So you need to have an educated doctor who monitors you well.
8. Testosterone can affect your mental health. And it inevitably will. You’ll have ups, downs and all overs. It is your responsibility to adjust hormones for comfort ability with your doctor but also to control yourself. “I’m on testosterone and can’t help it” is no excuse for violent or aggressive behavior. Ever.
9. Top surgery isn’t always “perfect.” The scars can be big, the recovery sucks (it did for me and many others, some have an easier time). I woke up screaming for pain meds and had just gotten fentanyl lol so needless to say it wasn’t enjoyable. Sometimes the nipple grafts fail and fall off, or they don’t turn out looking as we’d expect. My left one I lost the center of during healing. But luckily the scarring makes it look completely normal from afar. I mean at first I really hated that it didn’t all come out “perfect” but you come to love what you got and appreciate you even had it at all. So don’t have unrealistic expectations or you may be let down. Just remember not having tits was the ultimate goal.
10. Befriend.other.trans.men. It can get very lonely being in an experience that only you understand or know personally… and the people around you don’t. The best support you will get is from other trans men who can give advice, support, and know exactly what you’re going through physically and mentally. Even if it’s just here on tumblr. I’m telling you, you need them in your life. We are a family and sometimes all someone really has.