I remember being told at a young age to put my shirt on at sleepovers, that I wasn’t one of the boys.
I remember trying to pee standing up at age 8 and making an absolute mess.
I remember the envy I felt and couldn’t explain over my guy friends’ Adam’s apples
And voices
And muscle tone.
While my body softened, though never became quite womanly, during puberty.
I remember my grandmother telling me to stop slouching
And never knowing why I wanted to hide my chest.
I remember starving myself to prevent any curves from staking claim on my body.
Looking back I remember these things, but it would be years until I came out.

I came out as queer (at the time, a lesbian) at 18 when I was out from under my parents roof.
I thought I had finally found my niche, my thing, my explanation to a lifelong unnamed unease.
I chopped my hair off, I loved women openly, and they loved me.
I was “happy” in my newfound confidence as a masculine of center person.
But I wasn’t.

Sometime around 20 I discovered that people could transition.
That gender wasn’t black and white
Or just what was assigned.
I came out as trans for the first time crying on my bathroom floor,
my girlfriend at the time tried to console me.
I never came out to my twin, she just knew
And though it took time, eventually she came around.
The first time I told my mother we were in Vegas
And I’d say it ruined the trip.
The first time I told a stranger my new name was at Starbucks
I was thrilled to hear someone call me Christopher
Even if they didn’t know any better.

It would take me the next two years to come out slowly
First to the my close friends
Then to strangers
And eventually a post on social media to address everyone else.
I had been going by Chris in private for about two years before the day I actually “came out” (again).
Some of us take time, and that’s alright.

Happy National Coming Out Day.

2 Months and 10 days on Estrogen! Sorry for the late update but I’m enjoying summer really hard this year!
I’m slowly starting to feel like home in my body and I can see changes! Still on 4 mg Estrofem and 50 mg Androcur (T-Blocker). My Doc said that we maybe lower the dosage of Androcur to 25 mg, don’t know how to feel about that.
•Breast growth!! Full A-cup!! Nipples hurt like hell!
•waist training is going more easily
• soft and clear skin, less hair growth, gosh I love my skin right now.
• low sex drive which feels like heaven.
• less alcohol tolerance, anyone experienced that?
That’s it for today guys, gonna enjoy the night with my best friend and tomorrow with my boyfriend ♡
Love y'all ☆
Spread love ☆


can we talk about youngmin’s handwriting for a sec?? the fact that he draws little boxes for his exclamation points and each one has two dashes on it ?? he pays attention to so little detail it’s so cute. his question marks and emoticons are cute too, especially the (^^;;?) like i’m actually crying that’s my favorite emoticon from now on. and the way he wrote IM ! YOUNG ! MIN ! is adorable not to mention the way he quoted and bolded the word “slightly” i just…….. the heart at the end is perfect he is so precious ;;;; he wrote that him and donghyun will work hard while woojin and daehwi are in wanna one, he’s telling us he’s going to stay with bnm so we don’t have to worry guys ;;; 

[TRANS] BTS☆Style Vol. 18 (Oricon Style)

Q: Where do you focus first when you look at girls? Rap Monster?

(T/N: They’re talking about everyone’s ideal.)

TAEHYUNG: Face (laughs).

NAMJOON: No way! I focus on her atmosphere.

JUNGKOOK: I focus on her body, whether she has healthy posture and muscles.

JIMIN: Are you a pervert (laughs)?

TAEHYUNG (to JK): Someone who has six pack abs?

JIMIN: Well then your ideal is just like me!

JUNGKOOK: (quickly) No.

JIMIN: Why not? Don’t I have amazing muscles?

JUNGKOOK: I like a person who somehow has an atmosphere that she takes care of her own body. Also someone who has beautiful tan skin.

JIMIN: Oh. Sad thing is I have pale skin.

JUNGKOOK: Not only those but I also focus on face and personality. You (Jimin) are all different from them (laughs).

JIMIN: At least I have perfect muscles (laughs)!

Q: How about Suga’s ideal type?

YOONGI: I focus on personality and atmosphere. I don’t really have an “ideal type.” It’s not only about her that I’ll pay attention to. I also focus on first impressions and the feeling whether we have the same sense.

Q: How about V?

TAEHYUNG: Someone who spends money thriftily.


JIMIN: But how are you going to judge upon meeting for the first time (laughs)?

TAEHYUNG: I’ll give her money and say, “Use this money to buy all the stuff that you want.” Then I’m going to judge her based how much she spent.

JUNGKOOK: That’s so one-sided judgement!

ALL: (laughs)

Q: So V doesn’t judge base on their appearance but focuses on the inner side.


NAMJOON: V’s ideal type is always changing. About once a month.

Q: So, for this month you like girls who spends money wisely?

TAEHYUNG: Yes. (in loud voice) I like someone who’s stingy!

Q: How about Jimin?

JIMIN: I like cute and charming girls.

Q: Next to you, V is acting cute. How about someone like V?

JIMIN: Can I hit him?

ALL: (laughs)

Q: J-Hope?

HOSEOK: I like a girl who’s very hopeful, has bright personality and positive mind. Meeting someone like that would be very nice!

Q: So, what does Jin focuses on?

SEOKJIN: I focus on face. I like a girl that looks like a puppy.

TAEHYUNG: (imitating a puppy) Aw aw!

SEOKJIN: That’s gross (laughs).

JIMIN: I’ll bite you (laughs)~

trans. by maeli (@xingyoon)



내가 제일 사랑하는 사람들

아로하 너무 고마워요!!😁😁

my favourite people

thank you so much, aroha!!😁😁

trans-space-prince  asked:

Risky asks !! 1,3,10 and for REALLY Risky 1,5,9!!

Thank you for the ask! <3 Okay so haphap

1. ‘@’ the people you want to be friends with 

@thesilveralec @thetrashthatsmilesback @jackscrutchie @magnusrayne and @trans-space-prince​ cause ya’ll seem pretty hype but i’m also too nervous to message any of yall xD

3. The last text you sent to someone?

It was to my mum, and it says ‘Aitte’ (in response to her saying ‘be home soon’) 

10. If you draw or write, show some of your really old work

I do both, so heres my oldest digital artwork, back when I first got my tablet and didnt know to use orange instead of pink for skin and also had No Idea What I Was Doing xD And here’s the oldest writing I could find on my computer: Link 1 , Link 2 (yes, thats literally the Whole Thing.) Its from 15/10/2014 which means I wouldda been 14 when I was writing it, so thats pretty rad :D


1. If you had to hug anyone who would you hug?

@monsoon-blue cause shes hella cool and is kickass at puns, @dappermellow cause even though she never uses tumblr shes amazing and is really good at drawing (usetumblrmoreyoupigeon) and @thesilveralec cause he’s awesome and he’s the king of selfies like woah 
also the entire cast of newsies because cmon man who wouldnt wanna hug them

5. Do you like a warm bed or a cold bed?

Warm beds for life, like even in summer I’ll sleep with a blanket on and no fan because I can’t sleep with Fan Noise and its Too Cold otherwise

9. Do you like to use correct grammar when you type or just type all lowercase?

Kinda? Both? Like sometimes i’ll lowercase stuff for the Funsies and then other times i’ll be like Excuse me Miss, but I’m here to escort your daughter to the Yule Ball so like yeah both 

[Heres a link to the post these questions are from!]


Tom Hiddleston - All the Right moves | The Observer Magazine Jan 24, 2016 (via Torrilla)

From a suave spy in the latest John le Carré to an alcoholic country star in the new Hank Williams biopic, Tom Hiddleston is set to have the year of his life. Elizabeth Day finds him utterly charming – even in an argument. Photographs: Daniel Stier

Tom Hiddleston and I are having an argument. It is about who followed who on Twitter first. Hiddleston is insisting I followed him. I didn’t. And for some reason, this is important to clarify. What happened, I explain, is that I woke up this morning and checked my phone and there was a notification saying you had followed me. So I thought it only polite to return the favour. And then I got hounded by several thousand Tom Hiddleston fan accounts, all of which told me how lucky I was.

He shakes his head politely.

“I just woke up and the first thing my phone told me was that you followed me,” Hiddleston says, leaning back in his chair. We are in Côte Brasserie in Hampstead, north London, just up the road from where he lives. He is wearing a grey T-shirt, the hem of each sleeve perfectly bisecting his biceps. The muscles are evident but not overwhelming. They are, like the rest of him, scrupulously amiable and unwilling to announce themselves with too much fanfare.

“This is a ridiculous conversation,” he says. “But it’s fine, by the way. I mean, you were doing your homework.”

And just like that, he wins the argument so effortlessly I almost don’t realise it’s happened. But perhaps that’s what Eton and a double first in classics from Cambridge does for you. It teaches you the ability to charm someone into submission without them noticing they’ve lost ground.

Perhaps it’s also why, in the BBC’s forthcoming six-part spy thriller The Night Manager, adapted from the eponymous John le Carré novel, Hiddleston puts in such an exceptional performance as the suave Jonathan Pine. Pine is a former soldier turned night manager of luxury hotels who goes undercover for the British intelligence services to infiltrate a criminal arms-dealing enterprise. Hiddleston stars opposite an impressive roster of British talent, including Hugh Laurie, Olivia Colman and Tom Hollander. To prepare for the role, he shadowed the night manager of the five-star Rosewood Hotel in London.

“I found the performance fascinating,” he says now. “The manager had impeccable courtesy. If somebody asks where the bar is, you say: ‘Allow me to escort you.’ It’s about making every guest feel looked after.”

I can’t imagine it was too much of a stretch. Over the next hour our conversation covers Platonic philosophy, Graham Greene and Bob Dylan. At one point I say he has a titanic brain.

“Which means it goes down,” he bats back. “There are no survivors.”

Hiddleston, 34, is solicitous company. He admits that, in preparation for this interview, he bought my first novel and is 100 pages in. But then he is known for due diligence. To prepare for his break-out film role as Loki in the 2011 Marvel Studios film Thor, he trained in the Brazilian martial art of capoeira. When he took on Coriolanus in a critically acclaimed production at the Donmar in 2014, he would listen to Holst’s The Planets to get himself in the right mood and run up and down the theatre’s fire escape before going onstage.

In I Saw the Light, which is released in March, Hiddleston stars as the American country singer Hank Williams, who died of heart failure at the age of 29. Before filming started Hiddleston embarked on a gruelling diet and exercise regime to lose the requisite weight, spent two hours a day with a dialect coach to master the Southern accent and learned to mimic Williams’s singing voice with such accuracy that he was able to perform “I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry” in front of 1,500 people at a Michigan country music festival.

Rodney Crowell, the Grammy award-winning country star who coached Hiddleston through it, commented afterwards: “I’m as respectful of the man’s work ethic as I’m mystified by his trans-formational skills.”

Hiddleston says he is “very” proud of the film. “I mean, that sounds arrogant. I’m just proud to be in such a…” He breaks off. “It was so far away from me; it was really not my life experience at all.” 

Performing onstage in Michigan was “absolutely terrifying” but you wouldn’t know it to look at the YouTube clip. He seems calm and confident: the essence of self-possession. What happens when he gets nervous?

Hiddleston smiles. “I think I may have played the song a little fast. My inner tempo accelerates.”

That tension between the frantic inner tempo beating hard underneath an unruffled exterior is, I think, what makes him such a compelling actor. Onscreen or onstage his smoothness hints at psychopathy, an elegance that masks villainous intent.

“I suppose I’m fascinated by the private vulnerability and the exterior of people,” he says. “I think that’s an essential truth. I sort of quite like trying to find what makes people tick behind the construction of their identity.”

It seems to be working for well for him. After a childhood in London and Oxford, he was sent to boarding school at the age of seven and then went to Eton. A lot of actors these days seem to have gone to Eton, I say. Does he ever worry that…

“There are so many successful actors who didn’t go there,” he interrupts.
No, I say, they went to Harrow.

“Like Michael Fassbender and Daniel Craig and Domhnall Gleeson and Luke Evans and Gemma Arterton and Andrea Riseborough,” he continues, ignoring me. “There’s so many, the list goes on and on and on. Idris Elba.”

He says he finds the current debate about the number of middle-class actors in the profession divisive. “It’s socially divisive in a way it shouldn’t be, because I think wherever you are from you should be able to follow your passion. Wherever you went to school, if you have something authentic to contribute, you should be allowed to. There is an acknowledged problem of access and inequality of opportunity – I don’t know how to remedy that. But yeah, I’m on everyone’s side; I’m on the side of the actors. I’m not there to divide the world into pieces.”

From Eton he got a place at Pembroke College, Cambridge, before studying at Rada. He graduated in 2005 and went straight into his first film role in Unrelated, directed by Joanna Hogg, who later cast him in Archipelago. Numerous television credits followed before Thor came along. From there Hiddleston has starred in everything from Woody Allen’s Midnight in Paris to Steven Spielberg’s War Horse (he has a special affinity with soldiers and feels “a sense of responsibility and a duty to their bravery and courage”) and Guillermo del Toro’s gothic horror Crimson Peak. Later this year he takes the lead in Ben Wheatley’s hotly anticipated High-Rise, adapted from the novel by JG Ballard. Despite his stated curiosity for understanding what makes other people tick, Hiddleston is not particularly good at turning his attention inward.

What was he like as a child? He looks down, shifts in his seat. “I think intermittently quiet and playful.”

Did that change when you went to boarding school?

“It must have done. I mean, this is not exceptional. I was very vulnerable when I first went. I went to boarding school when I was seven and then I sort of learned how to deal with it. So I must have somehow got more independent through that experience. I don’t think it was… I’ve never sort of had analysis about this or anything, so I have no idea, but… You just kind of move on. It wasn’t damaging, but I’m sure it made me independent. It must have had some…” he drifts off.

Later he’ll apologise for vagueness over the matter. He wants to be truthful, he says, but it’s “difficult, isn’t it? Sometimes it’s so hard to unpack.”

He looks up plaintively. “Am I making any sense? Am I being extremely worthy and self-regarding? I hope not.”

His parents, Diana, a former arts administrator, and James, a physical chemist, divorced when Hiddleston was a teenager. The experience was clearly painful but, he says, made him “more compassionate”. He is the middle child, with a sister either side. His younger sibling, Emma, is also an actor. The eldest, Sarah, is a journalist. Sensible woman, I say. He grins: “The most sensible.”

He has a four-year-old niece, and when he talks about her the tone lightens and he seems less anxious that I might be trying to psychoanalyse him.

“I’m called ‘Uncle Yay Monster’ because when we run, she basically wants to run as fast as me but she can’t, so after a while I just pick her up and she screams: ‘Yay!’ It’s exhausting, but enormous fun.”

And there is a lighter side to Hiddleston. I know this because if you search for “Tom Hiddleston dancing” on Google, a plethora of videos will pop up showing him busting his moves on various chat shows around the world. Watching him, it strikes me that Hiddleston approaches his dancing with the same intense commitment he approaches his acting. There is a total immersion in the moment, even if that moment consists of doing the running man in front of a Korean chat-show host for no reason other than having been asked to do so and being too polite to say no.

“God, it’s so embarrassing,” he says. It all started a few years ago in Korea. “It was a big public Q&A, there were 7,000 people there, and I was taking questions from the audience. Somebody asked: ‘Of what body part are you most proud?’ That’s just a wrong question, to which there are only wrong answers. So I said: ‘My feet’ and they said: ‘Why?’ and I said: ‘Without my feet, I couldn’t run and I couldn’t dance.’ And they said: ‘Well, now we have to see you dance.’ So I danced… And I created a monster. There we go.”

He created a monster. But, as with everything, he did so with charm. Later I go to the loo and when I return I find he has paid the bill for our drinks and dinner without my knowing. Still, he definitely followed me first on Twitter.  

The Night Manager starts on BBC1 in February.

(eta: article on the Guardian website)


I never make posts on here, but if I did make them often, this is the kind of thing I’d be posting.

I do speech and debate at the college level, out in Pensacola. Our team is small and humble, but in the grand scheme of things, I think there’s something untapped about us that you can’t find at the much larger schools we compete against, namely the University of Alabama and the University of Florida.

There’s an event called rhetorical criticism, or communication analysis (depending on your methodology), which I participate in. This was my first year competing in the event, after taking a class on the actual research field. The abridged version you find in forensics (speech and debate) allows you too choose any “artifact”, be it a commercial, social media campaign, music video, movie, book, etc.

I chose the music video for “California Roll” by Snoop Dogg (with Pharrell and Stevie Wonder), which, if you haven’t seen the video or anything pertaining to it, caught a lot of flack due to ignorant people who thought this was another work of the Illuminati. Think of a video along the lines of Katy Perry and Juicy J’s “Dark Horse”, full of pyramids, the Sphinx, and the eye of Horus.

When you go back and look at what conspiracy theorists have to say about the music industry and videos like “California Roll”, “Dark Horse”, or just about anything Drake, Nicki Minaj, Lil Wayne, Jay-Z, Kanye West…you get it… put out, you begin to notice just to what degree black rappers and singers are being demonized. Sure, Taylor Swift’s “Bad Blood” caught flack, too, but only the Kendrick Lamar version…

The point of my rhetorical criticism is that these conspiracy theorists have a deeper underlying prejudice towards black culture. These Egyptian symbols, which originated in African society and empires, are now being treated as if they are mind-control devices seeking to bring about an apocalypse through twerking and dank kush. Conspiracy theorists have deduced that these artists are puppets of Satan and desire a New World Order. But if that were true, why do they have more about to say than the “puppets” than the “puppet masters”?  If you really wanted to point fingers, why assassinate the character of the artists and not the producers and industry heads?

I conclude that “California Roll” is really an attempt to reappropriate African culture from conspiracy theorists, and a Pan-African rallying call (I can post my speech if y’all are really interested, it’s a good read). Not only does it make the Illuminati theorists look corny and petty as hell, it’s a kick in the nuts to anyone who thinks black people are evil because of the color of their skin. Or like those who think the earthquake in Haiti is God’s punishment for voodoo practitioners. Yeah, that’s a real theory.

And speaking of looking corny, all of this theorizing surrounding this speech was just reaffirmed by watching Beyonce’s surprise music video for “Formation”. I’m sure, being social media moguls, you know that this song and video are now in existence for your audiovisual pleasure.

What I’d like to do now is a mini rhetorical criticism of what this video speaks to me. I’d also like to know your thoughts on it as well, and if you get what I’m saying.

I know many of you following me aren’t from the United States, and you may not know about regional culture here, aside from the very large distinction in “Northern” yankee culture and “Southern” redneck/cowboy culture. New Orleans, the setting for the video, is classified as part of the South (Louisiana is between Texas and Mississippi). Beyonce is from Houston, Texas, and I’m going to school in Pensacola, Florida. Both cities are pretty equally distant from New Orleans (that’s usually the halfway point for me driving to Houston).

And even though it is part of the South, black, white, and creole people in New Orleans all have distinct cultures. You have racism, black pride, and mixed people falling somewhere in between there. You have a Cajun culture much different than the whitbread, biscuits-and-gravy culture you’re surrounded by. 

Beyonce showed you many of the sides of Southern heritage, through lyrics and imagery. You see dancing like that you would do to New Orleans bounce, a regional music genre. She talks about middle-class luxuries like Red Lobster… sometimes people joke about those who find chain restaurants like that and Olive Garden fancy.

Beyonce always keeps it real. No matter how rich she gets, she can be as classy as rocking Givenchy and as ratchet as carrying hot sauce. She is as black as her heritage, as Cajun, as white, as indigenous, as everything that makes her HER. She loves her husband’s big nose and her daughter’s big hair. She is not ashamed of the things that the media, and society, mocks about “blackness”.

She is a mixed-race beauty and proud of everything within her. She knows her roots but she is also always looking forward to the future.

New Orleans is the setting to comment on African heritage and the black community. We see, 11 years later, damage still done by Katrina. February is Black History Month in the United States, and the 9th is the official day for Mardi Gras, before Lent kicks off leading up to Easter. This all perfect timing to drop a new song, especially before the Super Bowl when you’re performing.

#BlackLivesMatter has not been getting much press lately, neither good nor bad. It’s as if people have stopped talking about black issues to focus on other pursuits. “Formation” is Beyonce grabbing us all by the chin and pulling our faces to her, so that we are making proper eye contact and listening to what she has to say.

Messy Mya and Big Freedia have voiceover parts, reminding us about gun violence and trans* violence in America today. There are many problems within the black community, and many forces working against the black community.

It’s like American Horror Story: Coven - the witches were feuding internally between sisters, and as a civil war about race, but then there were the witch hunters working against them to eradicate their entire race. Black men and women, too, must stop feuding with each other first and heal internally before they can begin to fight the forces trying to stop all of them.

Essentially, “Formation” allows Beyonce to say she is not ashamed of the blackness in her. Back in 2013 or 2014, maybe, she was criticized for skin lightening in magazine photos. Now, she is saying that nothing is wrong with how she, Hov, or Blue Ivy look, and that she is not ashamed to be the daughter of an African-American man.

She is not in the Illuminati. Black people don’t need to consort with the devil to become famous. They work as hard as everyone else to get where they are. She started humbly in Houston, working her way to stardom, and no one can say she took the easy way out to get there.

This video, hopefully, like “California Roll”, is a middle finger to conspiracy theorists and those who are working the forces against the black community - shady cops, politicians, gang members who destroy their own communities, violence against LGBT black citizens.

This is a call to get in formation - to slay or get slayed.

in Hegel’s philosophy, the fundamental stance of the subject towards objective reality is not that of practical engagement, of confrontation with the inertia of objectivity, but that of letting-it-be: purified of its pathological particularity, the universal subject is certain of itself, it knows that its thought already is the form of reality, so it can renounce enforcing its projects upon reality, it can let reality be the way it is. This is why my labor gets all the more close to its truth the less I work to satisfy my need, that is, to produce objects I will consume. This is why industry which produces for the market is spiritually “higher” than production for one’s own needs: in market-production, I manufacture objects with no relation to my needs. The highest form of social production is therefore that of a merchant : “the merchant is the only one who relates to the Good as a perfect universal subject, since the object in no way interests him on behalf of its aesthetic presence or its use value, but only insofar as it contains a desire of an other.”12 And this is also why, in order to arrive at the “truth” of labor, one should gradually abstract from the (external) goal it strives to realize. The parallel with war is appropriate here: in the same way that the “truth” of the military struggle is not the destruction of the enemy, but the sacrifice of the “pathological” content of the warrior’s particular Self, its purification into the universal Self, the “truth” of labor as the struggle with nature is also not victory over nature, compelling it to serve human goals, but the self-purification of the laborer itself. Labor is simultaneously the (trans)formation of external objects and the disciplinary self-formation/education ( Bildung ) of the subject itself. Hegel here celebrates precisely the alienated and alienating character of labor: far from being a direct expression of my creativity, labor forces me to submit to artificial discipline, to renounce my innermost immediate tendencies, to alienate myself from my natural Self