traffic the band

exeunt-pursued-by-a-bear  asked:

Oh are we doing band names? I hav list. The Gay Intersection, Downlink Priority, Parasol Slingshot, Four Weeks of Deathwater, The Other Side of the Mermaid, Abnormal Vandalism, Ghost Hippie Commune, The Assumption of Titties

I mean, I guess we’re doing them now! I didn’t know that me making up gimmicks based on fake band names was a thing people wanted, but here we go.

The Gay Intersection: An all-bisexual, three-person indie group specializing in cutesy summer rock love songs about all genders. They wear red, yellow, and green outfits, respectively. Like a traffic light!

Downlink Priority: This band is going for a They Might Be Giants vibe, but because their only instruments are three keytars, a Theremin, and a melodica, they have a hard time. They’d have an easier time if they didn’t insist on playing in full space suits. You just can’t really get at that melodica through the helmet, you know?

Parasol Slingshot: An all-girl southern belle electric string quartet. Duh.

Four Weeks of Deathwater: The general subject matter of your average pop punk band, but through a horrendously grimdark country-goth lens. Imagine, if you can, Tom Waits covering a Front Bottoms song. That’s about what we’re dealing with here.

The Other Side of the Mermaid: Lesbian pirate rock. Next.

Abnormal Vandalism: It’s Scooby Doo for the modern era up in this bitch. By day, they play politically charged dance music. By night, they’re hunting cryptids.

Ghost Hippie Commune: I think this one’s probably just a Grateful Dead cover band that’s playing at the state fair.

The Assumption of Titties: Genderqueer nerd rock group that writes songs about Victorian literature.