tracksuit draculas

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I listen to this and all I can think is how:

A stupid argument stemming from Clint’s obvious incompetence in relationships inconveniently takes place before a holiday where Darcy visits her family. Clint doesn’t know much about Darcy’s family. She doesn’t like to talk about them and he respects that, given his own origins. He just hopes she gives him a chance to make up for being an idiot because she’s seriously the best thing that’s happened to him in a long time. Hell, he hadn’t realized at what level of hot mess he was until Darcy forced him to use his dishwasher as a dishwasher instead of bow storage and eat three square meals. With green things. Seriously, he’s already running his apology speech by Lucky and Kate.  

What he doesn’t expect is about three days later when his head is roughly stuffed into a hood. He’s bludgeoned until he passes out. When he wakes up, it’s to a punch in the stomach and he’s tied up to a chair.

Okay…this looks bad but it’s probably just the Tracksuit Draculas that won’t seem to disappear no matter how hard he tries. Or maybe those drug dealers he busted last week near the apartment. All things he can handle, even if he doesn’t have his bow ready. 

Except when the hood is removed, he is definitely not faced with the European mobsters or a couple of thugs. In his bones, he knows these guys are bad news. Something just radiates off of them. An air only earned through decades of crime, bred into the family like an heirloom passed down the generations. These are the guys that bust your kneecaps for having the audacity to think you can take them down. The kind that cut off your finger as a gentle reminder to pay your dues on time. Sure, Clint’s dealt with guys like these but never unarmed and he often ends up with a cast or two after. 

So, Clint smiles sheepishly and asks how their day’s going in a jovial tone. Not even a crack from the younger ones. Never a good sign. It’s too dark (in what he assumes is a warehouse) for him to discern any exits. What’s even worse is a middle-aged man carrying a bloodstained crowbar and looking like it would make his day to have a go at Clint. 

Clint ends up rambling about how he’s just a simple landlord who wants to make his apartment safe for the families just trying to get by. How he didn’t take kindly to the drug dealers trying to recruit the kids as runners and if that impeded on family business, then so be it. Except, all the men suddenly look confused, if a little amused. 

The man with the crowbar raises an eyebrow before grinning. It’s an ugly grin and sends a shiver down Clint’s spine, even if he fights it. 

“This ain’t about drugs, kid. This is about what you did to my favorite niece,” the man says. Although Clint’s confused and on the verge of denying such outlandish claims, his stomach drops nonetheless. 

“She’s your only niece, Uncle Rocco,” one of the younger men point out in good humor. ‘Uncle Rocco’ shrugs. 

“Is this about Penny? Is she back?” Clint ventures. Penny was involved with the Tracksuits. Maybe she was family to some other mob before that. Though it’s made obvious rather quickly at Rocco’s angry sneer that’s not the answer they want. 

“No. It’s about Darcy. But you messin’ round with tramps would explain why she was almost in tears, this Thanksgiving.” 

Okay. This really is bad. At least, now, Clint knows why Darcy never mentioned her family. Though, he doubts that will sooth him when he’s fitted with cement shoes and dropped into the East River. 

who you should fight: hawkeyes edition

clint: his quiver is full of trick arrows but he’s a strong experienced fighter, catch him on an off day though and he’ll probably just let you beat him up because he’s too tired to care, fight him because he can be a real ass and needs a good slap every once in awhile

kate: will literally shoot you in the face with real freakin arrows and blow you up, if she doesn’t leave you half dead she’ll give you a verbal lashing so harsh you’ll wish she had just killed you, do not fight

barney: he’ll pretend to lose and then rob you when your back is turned, not worth the trouble, avoid fighting him

the neighborhood watch: they took on a heavily armed supervillain mafia and won, they’re fighting to save their neighborhood from evil gentrification plots, why fight them when you could join them?

tracksuit dracula: no more dangerous than your average lowlife henchman but watch out for his tracksuit bros, fight him because it’s the right thing to do

madame masque: if her robot servants aren’t around you could probably take her but she’ll develop a weird obsession and try to date you while planning how best to torture and kill you, unless you’re into that avoid her

mockingbird: lmao do you want to die today?? honestly you won’t even get a chance to fight her, it’ll be over before it even starts

lucky: who fights a dog? whats wrong with you???? just get a pizza to share and cuddle while you watch reality tv

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Tracksuit Dracula #1: Bro.
Tracksuit Dracula #2: Bro. Seriously. Seriously, bro.
Tracksuit Dracula #1: Bro. Brobrobrobro. Seeeriously.
Kate: Stay down bro.


Tracksuit Dracula #2: Bro.
Tracksuit Dracula #1: Bro bro bro–!
Tracksuit Dracula #2: –Another crazy broad, bro–
Tracksuit Dracula #1: Seriously, bro?
Bobbi: Can I help you?
Tracksuit Dracula #1: Bro, all you broads is cray, bro–
Bobbi [next page]: So who are those guys?

– From Hawkeye #9 by Matt Fraction and David Aja, color by Matt Hollingsworth

I love all the parallels between these two scenes.

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A comiXologist Recommends:
Scott McGovern recommends

Hawkeye

Hawkeye is the one of the best super-hero comics in recentmemory. Bold words, but true. As the critically-acclaimed and award-winning series comes to it’s conclusion, we’re pleased to offer the first 11 issues as part of this weekend’s Marvel sale for only $0.99 each until 3/22/15.

It’s a steal at twice the price. The general premise of the series is simple: What does Hawkeye do when he’s not avenging? Answer: he’s getting himself into trouble like fighting the Tracksuit Draculas, arguing with the other Hawkeye Kate Bishop, trying to convince his neighbors he’s not really Hawkeye (Is that a S.H.I.E.L.D. carrier hovering over the building? Oh, Clint.) or taking care of the world’s greatest super-pet - Pizza Dog.

This series isn’t the first time Matt Fraction (mattfractionblog) , David Aja, and Matt Hollingsworth have collaborated. Their underappreciated run (in collaboration with Ed Brubaker) on Immortal Iron First showed that these creators work very well together. On Hawkeye, they’ve taken it to a whole new level.

If you’ve never read Hawkeye and you love comics and love great comics, grab the first issue. It’s one of the best comics you’ve never read. And if you HAVE read it, then you know what’s waiting for you. Treat yourself all over again.

In addition to Hawkeye, Marvel has also put the first 6 issues of Black Widow and a whole smattering of Secret Avengers comics on sale. Yes, you read that right - it’s a smattering.

[Read Hawkeye on comiXology]

Scott McGovern is a member of the Launch team, works on the Pull List, and loved the finale of LOST. Yes, really.

HAWKGUY FLOW

For my own benefit (if I write it out, I’ll learn it) and maybe for yours, here’s what the future of HAWKGUY looks like. It’s changed some and I keep confusing matters by referring to outdated numbering.

Your next seven issues, their correct cover numbering and sequence, and little thumbnails are as follows:

#15“Fun and Games” David Aja. A Clint issue. A wacky swap in sequence serves as Steve Wacker’s parting gift to Hawkguy fandom as Clint and Barney hunker down and kill a little time as they figure out just what exactly they’re fighting against. At press. Should be out… i dunno, a week from tomorrow, maybe two weeks. It’s been at the press a bit. #17“Winter Friends” A…nother dog issue, kind of. A little bit of Aja, and a whole lot of Mr. Chris Eliopoulos, our amazing letterer and an extraordinary cartoonist in his own right, finally reveal the details of just WHAT holiday special Simone’s kids wanted to watch so badly in HAWKEYE #6. Might be a metaphor. Going to press this week I think. Mayyyybe next. #18“Friendly Ghost” A Kate issue. Kate and friends dig into the mysterious life and times of the mysterious man in her mysterious grocery. How does he tie into Madame Masque? How does Madame Masque come after Kate? Sister Annie Fabulous once again arts it up all over the dang place. Underway now. #19“All The Stuff What Goes Unspoke” Clint issue. David A-HA! on art. Clint and Barney and the world of hearing impairment. The “sign language issue” I’ve spoken about here before. I’ve been working with ASL educators, talking to doctors, VERY EXCITING. Underway now. #20“L.A. Woman” In which we say goodbye to the Reverend Mother Annie Wu and Kate says goodbye to California.  #21“The F-Word, Part 1: Rio Bravo” David. Clint. Barney. The Building. The Tracksuit Draculas. The Clown. Ever seen “Rio Bravo”? Check it out, it’s pretty good. #22“The F-Word, Part 2: El Dorado” David. I wonder if they’ll actually let me call it “The F Word.” We’ll see. And while I know everything that happens here and in 21, I am telling you very little.  TRADE 3 will be called L.A. WOMAN. It will collect Kate’s Summer Fun Adventure: THE ANNUAL, #14, #16, #18, and #20. TRADE 4 will be called RIO BRAVO. It will collect Clint’s slow-motion nervous breakdown in the lead-up to his darkest hour #17, #12, #13, #15, #19, #21, #22 I would imagine those trades will be out just as rapidly as the second trade followed the publication of #11, that is to say, as fast as the printing process will allow. I might be wrong; I have no idea about these things.The shipping guesstimates offered above are just that, guesstimates. That said, none of that is within my realm of understanding or control I don’t know when anything happens or why. Sometimes I think I understand how long a book takes to go from printer to stands and then something like, say, the holidays happen and it takes 7 weeks. Sometimes giant books happen and everything gets knocked off-schedule at the printer. So the answer is always I don’t know. I just write ‘em. That said: here we are. I promise, everyone at marvel, I’ll start writing the correct numbers on the scripts now.
Pensive

Clint had been happy, and tactile, that first day when he’d come clean to Phil about the double meaning to the eternity bracelet he’d given to him.  When Phil had accepted it, accepted him.  Didn’t mind that they were married, more or less - at least in heart.

But the following morning was different.  And each afterward.  It’d been four days now, and Clint had gotten more and more quiet as each passed. 

He sat near Phil’s window, just looking outside at the street, passing pedestrians, thinking Too Much and almost hoping for a tracksuit dracula he could pummel to get rid of this non-emotion he was experiencing. Something dangerously teetering between running, and nothing.