I think of you as I walk down a side street two hours away, constantly looking over my shoulder searching for your familiar face. I wonder if you think about me when you are walking, reminded of me as you avoid potholes and the way I’d beg for you to fall into it but by now you have learned to step around me to avoid getting hurt. I think about you at 3:41am as I struggle to open the new door to my house, realizing my hands may be as shaky as you had noticed. I think about you as I kick my shoes off just like you did in my head, getting comfortable and knowing all of the corners of my brain that I got stuck in. I think about you as relief overcomes my aching body as I fall into bed, a similar feeling to the one I got when my brain would register the thought that you were in my reach. I think of you at 4:09am as I roll over to the other side of the cold bed when both sides of the pillow have gotten warm. You occupy so much space in my brain I don't have room for anything else. I think of you as I leave the house at 5:27am to go to the lake where I realize dedication is found in the waves that always come crashing back to the shore. but you are not coming back, you are not coming back. I briefly close my eyes, deciding its much easier to call it a night than call the person you really want to talk to.
i will look and look but you won’t be there, you wont be there /T.P.R/